Tag: funny

Y&R Best Lines Thursday, 3/5/26

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Audra (Zuleyka Silver) and Sally (Courtney Hope) on Young and The Restless - CBS/Paramoujt+ (pic from screencaps)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Sally: I know you’re not a fan of Billy’s.
Audra: I mean, it’s not about him. I mean, yes, he’s insensitive, impulsive, self-centered…
Sally: Okay. But it’s not about him?
Audra: You could say that about almost any man, Sally. It’s the nature of the species.
Audra: Okay, I’m sorry, but sure does seem like one night of great sex has turned a big corner for you.
Sally: Hey, it was a lot more than that.
Audra: Sorry. I didn’t mean to presume. I was just being a little bitchy. But I’m not wrong about how he hurt you. Or everything you had to give up to be his partner. Marchetti was a pretty good gig.
Sally: I do not regret any of my decisions.

Audra: Even before last night?

Sally: Even before.
Audra: Okay, like I said, it’s your life, your choices. It’s none of my business. But I’d still run for the hills if it were me.
Sally: Even if it were Nate?
Audra: Unfair.
Sally: Why?
Audra: Because I was the one who screwed that up, not him.
Sally: I have never been one to play it safe. So why do I do that with my relationships? I believe in Billy and me. And … for the first time in my life, I am choosing love … over fear.
Billy: Hey. Where’s Jack?
Kyle: Hey. He flew to Chicago on some Jabot business. What’s going on?
Billy: You know that for sure?
Kyle: Know what?
Billy: That he’s in Chicago.
Kyle: Yeah. It was a last-minute thing. He texted my mom and me last night.
Billy: Okay. Where’s he staying?
Kyle: Okay, just slow down, Billy.
Billy: Kyle, what hotel is he at?
Kyle: No. First you’re gonna tell me why you’re flying around here like a bat out of hell. What’s wrong?
Billy: Look, I hope that it’s nothing, but I don’t think it is.
Kyle: Just tell me.
Billy: Is Diane here? She needs to hear this.
Diane: I – I’m right here. Billy, what’s going on?
Billy: Victor kidnapped Jack.
Sally: You’re probably so bored of this by now – “The amazing adventures of Billy and Sally.”
Audra: Are you kidding? I am a sucker for dysfunctional relationships. That’s my jam, girl.
Sally: Well, I am really glad we could be so entertaining for you.
Audra: Oh, it’s better than television.
Sally: Uh, let’s not forget that I came into this relationship with a lot of baggage of my own.
Audra: Sally, you brought a purse. Billy had a whole set of luggage.
Audra: I get the attraction between you and Billy. You know, he’s got that smile, he’s got those charms. And when he looks at you … man … I want that look one of these days. I want someone to see me and just, uh … light up the way Billy does when he sees you.
Sally: You will.
Audra: Yeah, maybe in like 20 years or so.
Sally: Audra, you will. You just haven’t found the right guy yet.
Claire: Is there any update? Has Grandpa figured out a way to save the company?
Victoria: No, nothing so far. However, he says he has a new plan in the works, but as usual, he won’t tell any of us about it.
Claire: Mm. Sounds like Grandpa.
Victoria: Yeah. It’s very frustrating for all of us. We’re smart people. We have ideas. But when things get critical, he always insists on taking care of everything himself.
Claire (snickering): Mm-hmm.
Victoria: Why is that funny?
Claire: It’s kind of funny,
Victoria: Is it? Why?
Claire: Okay. Well, I think it’s kind of ironic to hear you complaining about Grandpa, wanting to handle things all on his own when I think secretly you would like to be doing the same thing yourself.
Adam: What do you think you’re doing?
Kyle: Calling the cops.
Victor: I wouldn’t do that if I were you
Kyle: I don’t give a damn what you think.
Victor: You don’t call the cops without reporting a crime.
Diane: Well, kidnapping is a crime, Victor.
Victor: How do you know he didn’t just decide to take a vacation?
Victor: Listen, if you wanna know more, just contact your idiot Uncle Billy Boy, okay?
Kyle: If you do anything to hurt my father, I will make it my mission in life to destroy you, Victor.
Victor: Listen to me, boy. Instead of threatening me … why don’t you contact your idiot Uncle Billy Boy? I want my company back. He has the means to do it. See to it that he does!
Sally: So what are you gonna do?
Billy: If this is about getting a signature on a piece of paper, then I call my attorneys and I get it done.
Sally: But I thought you said that you thought Phyllis was stalling.
Billy: Yeah, I mean it’s either that or it’s Phyllis, you know, making me sweat just for old times’ sake.
Sally: Do you really think Victor would do something like that? You really think he’s gonna hurt Jack?
Billy: I think it would be a very big mistake to underestimate Victor’s hatred for my brother. I mean, we’re talking a decades-long rivalry, and that match is very quick to light.
Kyle: God! I wanna hit him!
Diane (scoffs): Well, you would have had to have stood in line behind me.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Wednesday, 3/4/26

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Victoria (Amelia Heinle) and Nikki (Melody Thomas Scott) on "The Young and the Restless" on CBS/Paramount+ (photo from screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Nikki: Well, I”m glad you couldn’t track him down. I would have worried that you wouldn’t have been able to stop yourself from doing something we would all regret.
Nick: Anything that gets that psycho out of our lives for good would not be regrettable.
Nikki: It would be if it landed you in jail.
Victoria; You know, Nick, Matt could have killed you. You’re lucky that only one leg was shattered. I’m with Mom. I’m glad that you weren’t able to track him down.
Victor: I don’t like not knowing where he is. It gives him the upper hand.
Nick: Agreed. Feels like the calm before the storm. The problem is, we don’t know what direction that storm is coming from or when it’s gonna hit.
Cane: I truly believe that the only reason she’s continuing down this path and refuses to give it up is because she has nothing left. She’s clinging to this new role as CEO, not because she’s enjoying it, but because she feels abandoned by the people that matter to her most.
Daniel: Abandoned? She abandoned us!. She’s operating with a blatant disregard for the people that you claim that she loves. You know why? Because all she cares about is being one of Genoa City’s power elite. Everything else, that just – it falls by the wayside now.
Cane: Look, I’m just telling you what I observed the last time I spoke with her, and it’s not someone who’s reveling in being on top. Okay? She’s suddenly aware of what it cost her to get what she always wanted.
Daniel: That’s good. ‘Cause if losing us gets my mother to wake up to the mistakes that she’s made, I’m willing to be that sacrificial lamb.
Phyllis: This is a multinational company. You think I’m just gonna hand you Chancellor, what, and jot something down on a cocktail napkin or write some scribble on your hand or something? Come on!
Billy: I”m gonna need reassurances apart from a reworded contract.
Phyllis: You know what I’m gonna need? I’m gonna need you to be less paranoid. No one’s trying to attack you. No one’s trying to stab you in the back. You and your attorneys will thank me after this is done, okay?
Billy: I’m gonna hold you to that, Phyllis.
Phyllis: Great. Do that. In the meantime, while you’re waiting for the sweetheart of a deal, why don’t you spend time with your sweetheart? In your robes and your little socks. Your coffee mugs. While you … while you enjoy your nonprofessional life.
Billy: It’s happening, Victor. Chancellor Industries is now in the hands of its rightful leader. I know it’s a shock to hear it said out loud, but it feels pretty good to me, especially saying it to you.
Victor: I’ve got news for you. Chancellor Industries will be back in my hands before the end of the business day.
Billy (chuckles): That’s funny. You working on your stand-up routine now that you have so much time on your hands?
Victor: I’ll be very busy once the company belongs to me again.
Billy: I think all of this is making you a little delusional because there is not a chance in hell that I will be handing Chancellor Industries back to you.
Victor: If you don’t … neither you nor anyone in your family … will ever see Jack Abbott again.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Tuesday, 3/3/26

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Audra (Zuleyka Silver), Kyle (Michael Maelor) and Claire (Hayley Erin) on Y&R on CBS/Paramount+ (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Audra: Something wrong?
Claire: Oh, I’m just in a state of shock that you would hold a door open for me.
Audra: You thought I’d let it hit you in the face?
Claire: I thought you’d slam it.
Audra: I’m curious. Why were you with Holden in the first place? Was it a one-night stand you couldn’t quit? Something more?
Claire: Why do you care?
Audra: Well, he just doesn’t seem like your type. But maybe that’s what you were going for – the opposite of Kyle.
Kyle: Sorry, am I late?
Claire: You are right on time.
Kyle: Well, thanks for agreeing to have breakfast with me.
Claire: You’re welcome.
Audra: You know, maybe there’s another reason why you and Holden are done. Rebound over. Pivot back to ex.
Claire: Have a lovely day, Audra.
Audra: You too, Claire.
Tessa: Oh, Daniel, this is Sienna. I know her from LA. We were in the music scene together.
Daniel: Oh, cool. Uh, nice to meet you.
Sienna: Yeah, likewise.
Daniel: So … what brings you to town?
Sienna: Oh, um, well, it’s kind of a long story, but I live here now and uh, I’m with Noah Newman.
Daniel: Oh! With Noah. Noah and I actually share a half-sister, Summer.
Sienna: Wow. It seems like everybody in this town is related to a Newman.
Daniel: Yeah, it’s the truth.
Kyle: She’s not worth anyone’s energy. Especially yours. You’re too good of a person.
Claire: I’m not perfect.
Kyle: Eh, from where I’m sitting, you’re pretty flawless.
Claire: Flatterer.
Kyle. Besides, the less time spent on Audra opens up more time to …
Claire: To do literally, anything else? Because that would be preferable.
Kyle: Not to push, but I wouldn’t mind having breakfast more often with you.
Claire: Just breakfast?
Kyle: I’m open to lunch. And coffee. Grocery shopping.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Kyle: I mean, I’ll pretty much take any opportunity I can get to spend more time with you.
Claire: Grocery shopping? It’s a date.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Monday, 3/2/26

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Kyle (Michael Maelor) and Claire (Hayley Erin) on Y&R on CBS/Paramount+ (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Kyle (to Claire as she’s walking toward the bar at Society, looking down at a book she’s holding): Is that book so people won’t try talking to you? And here I am talking to you. We can just pretend that I didn’t see you.
Claire: It was one of my dad’s. The plan was to have an empanada and read some of the same words as my dad, and remember that there are good people in the world.
Kyle: Woof.
Audra: Oh, look who’s back from Los Angeles. Guess it didn’t go well if you’re back so soon. You couldn’t recapture some of that LA magic.
Holden: Seems like a bad idea for you to joke about LA, given the current circumstances.
Sally: Very nice.
Billy: Well, you set the bar pretty high. You did something like this for me not too long ago. You know, when you lived here and had a key and all that?
Sally: I think your snacks might be a little better.
Billy: Yes. Score one for me.
Sally: Half a point.
Audra: You wanted to just recapture whatever magic you had in LA, but Claire had other plans. She just wanted to find dirt on me.
Holden: Claire isn’t as obsessed with you as you are with her.
Audra (scoffs): Obsessed. She left Genoa City while her family is at war. You think that was to cuddle with you?
Holden: Ha. No.
Audra: That whole trip was about finding more dirt on me. She never would have left otherwise. And you know I’m right.
Holden: Everything happening with the Newmans, it’s … it’s intense. You hear about AI this and AI that, but this is … this is atom bomb level stuff.
Audra: Yeah, it’s insane. Wish I’d thought of it. Meanwhile, your little girlfriend runs off to California, leaving her grandpa’s side because she can’t quit me.
Holden: It’s hard to work up much sympathy for Victor since he did the same thing to Cane … among other things.
Audra: Careful. Claire’s Grandpa’s biggest fan.
Holden: Well, then she doesn’t see the big picture.
Audra: It almost sounds like you think she’s making a big mistake, but I thought she was perfect.
Holden: She’s too close to the issue. I can see things clearly. And that man doesn’t give a damn about anyone who doesn’t share his last name.
Audra: Is there something you know, Holden? Something we can use to distract Claire – or better yet, shut her up entirely?
Holden: Taking on Claire isn’t enough for you? You want to go poking around in Victor’s business? How – how have you survived this long with instincts like that?
Audra: It’s not surviving. It’s called thriving.

Audra: So, she listened to you?

Holden: I think so, yes.

Audra: But, you don’t know?

Holden: I said … I think so.
Audra: And I can guarantee you – you don’t know how to think.
Kyle: Audra is the kind of person who’s always looking for someone she can use. If she can’t exploit them now, maybe there will come a time. So she uses her humor and her confidence …
Claire: To lure men into her bed.
Kyle (laughs): It’s nothing personal. It’s just … how she functions.
Claire: I can read Audra. I think that’s probably one of the reasons why she hates me. And, uh, she’s not gonna give up on you anytime soon.
Kyle: Yeah, out of spite or because she hates losing. But as far as an actual relationship, she misses Nate and it makes sense ’cause he’s the only one who ever cared about her. God knows why, but it was real, and she blew it up.
Audra: Look, at the Shadow Room, no matter who you went home with, it was never the same woman twice. Everyone knew that’s just how you rolled. Have a little fun and move on.

Holden: And?

Audra: Except not this time. It’s like that player is gone. The man I see right now … I think he’s falling for Claire.
Holden: She’s done with me.
Audra: Wait – this whole conversation, and you’re just now telling me that?
Holden: You already called me out. You said LA didn’t go the way I wanted, and … you were right.
Audra: Well, I mean, I thought separate hotel rooms, not her sending you on your way. And why now?
Holden: She knew I was holding out on her. Which I am, and so … so she’s done. Which means that I no longer have to spend all my energy lying to her, and she doesn’t have to dig into my past or yours.

Audra: Wow. Well, she’s an idiot. Where’s she gonna find a guy like you?

Holden: Oh, now you want us back together?

Audra. God, no. You should have walked away from her months ago. Wasting your time on that psycho. She never deserved you in the first place. She never gave you the benefit of the doubt, never trusted you, and she was never willing to accept what you were willing to give. So … good riddance. For both of us. Who needs that kind of misery? Anyone who doesn’t believe in you can go straight to hell.
Audra: What’s so special about her anyway? You and Kyle, just falling for those dimples. You can find other dimples without risking jail time

 

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Y&R Best Lines Friday, 2/27/26

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Billy (Jason Thompson), Lauren (Tracey E. Bregman) and Phyllis (Michelle Stafford) of "Young and The Restless" on CBS/Paramount+ (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Lauren: Wow. I’m not sure I’m ever going to get used to the sight of you behind Victor Newman’s desk.
Phyllis: Well, this is my desk now. It’s mine. And if you’ve come to, uh, read me the riot act, really, you can leave.
Lauren: Now, what on earth would I do that for?
Phyllis: I don’t know. Because you’re empty handed. You don’t have flowers or champagne or anything. Et tu, Brute?
Lauren: Oh, we’re quoting The Bard, now?
Phyllis: Well, yeah. I mean, Victor quoted Shakespeare, so I figure I can do whatever I want. But really, I – I’m so tired of character assassinations by people who are triggered by my success. So …
Lauren: Well, then … let me rewrite Julius Caesar for you. I have not come to bury you. I have come to praise you.
Phyllis (sitting with Lauren in the GCAC dining room, shouting): Breakfast for everyone! Breakfast on me. (Lowers voice) They can eat their hearts out.
Lauren: (laughs)
Billy: That sounds great. I’ll take a side of bacon.
Lauren: Oh. Hello, Billy.
Phyllis: You look happy, Billy.
Billy: Well, I’m just happy to see you two beautiful women here together, although I am surprised that you’re here together.
Lauren: Why? We’ve been friends forever.
Billy: Yeah, I know, but you’re also married to Michael Baldwin, so the fact that you are here together could mean one of two things. You’re either in the process of chastising her for the coup that she just pulled off, or maybe you’re actually happy that she was the one that screwed Victor over because of the amount of times that he screwed Michael over in the past. She’s the one to make it happen. Maybe you’re okay with that.
Phyllis: Lauren is the only one who’s not passing judgment on me.
Billy: Hey, now, I was on board from the get-go.
Lauren: Well, of course you were all for it. Everybody knows you hate Victor Newman and probably jumped at the chance to be part of his demise.
Billy: Honestly, I had nothing to do with it. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time.
Billy: So this is just the two of you being gal pals? I’m supposed to believe you’re not using your decades-long friendship to try and convince Phyllis that she made a mistake?
Lauren: Oh. That’s a page out of your playbook, Billy, not mine. I’m not that devious. Especially with my friends. And Phyllis is a very important friend to me, whether you believe it or not.
Phyllis: Phyllis is right here.
Billy: I’m very much aware of that. I would say proceed with caution where your friends and enemies are concerned because I’m sure they’re coming at you at all angles. Don’t cave under the pressure. Don’t let anyone convince you you don’t deserve this. You’ve come way too far to have someone talk you out of your success now. Good to see you.
Audra: Sharing so much as a stick of gum with him is a huge mistake and something you should avoid at all costs.
Sally: Okay, you make it sound like I lose all sense of myself when I’m around him.
Audra: This so-called dinner can only go one of two ways. Either he convinces you to get back with him, and you’ll end up back on that roller coaster you swore you were done riding. Or you’ll stand your ground, in which case he won’t take no for an answer. And if that happens, you two adults could end up being anything but civil.
Sally: There’s no way I’m letting Billy talk me into getting back together with him, okay? I made it very clear to him, and now to you, I am moving forward.
Phyllis: This is the way I see it. This is my last chance, Lauren. This is quite possibly my only chance to change my life. For the better. Do you understand what I’m saying? Maybe do something good in the world. It’s incredible to me that I am the villain and the Newmans are the victims in my dastardly deeds. That’s how people see it. The Newman family, no matter what crisis befalls them, they come out on top. I mean, I can’t believe doing what I did has affected my friends and family the way it has, that they wanna alienate me. These are the same people who chastised me for going toe to toe with Victor Newman and winning, and I won – I won, Lauren. Nobody has been able to do that. And I did it. But somehow I’m alone because of it. I’m the town pariah? I am? Really? Listen, if that means I have to go solo, fine. If that’s my only option, so be it – I don’t care.
Lauren: I’m – I’m so sorry, and if there’s anything … that I can do to help you, just you say the word, okay?
Phyllis: Maybe there is.
Lauren: Name it.
Phyllis: Come work for me.
Lauren: I’m so flattered and, uh, touched by the offer. I – You know, I think I’m content where I am right now.
Phyllis: Mm. Is that really contentment that you feel?
Lauren: Well, as opposed to what?
Phyllis: As opposed to complacency, maybe? You know, to be honest, you’re due for an adventure, you know, something besides picking out wedding dresses for the Bug, you know, while beautiful, but still, putting together bachelorette parties. You’re better than that. Come work for me. Just think about it just a bit. But don’t let Michael talk you out of this, please. But imagine us together. We could take over the world.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Thursday, 2/26/26

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Victor (Eric Braeden) on "The Young and The Restless" on CBS/Paramount+ (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Victoria (to her father/Victor): Can I ask you exactly what is it that you object to? Do you think it’s not gonna work, or are you upset that I’m willingly not gonna sit and watch you fix everything?
Phyllis: You know what? I’m done. I’m done. I’m going to the door. Press your little button thingy, and tell Shrek to get out of the way.
Cane: You are not going anywhere until I get what I want.
Phyllis: It’s about love. It was all about love. Profound.
Cane: I can’t give up on – on three people that I love most in my life. I just can’t. All that time I didn’t know where Lily and my kids were … and I was fearing for their safety … I realized that … the only time I’ve ever felt whole was when we were together. As a family. When we were happy. I felt like the richest, smartest, most powerful man in the world when my kids would come to me and ask for advice. Or support. I miss hugging them. I miss hearing them tell me they love me.
Phyllis: I get it. It’s about love, right?
Cane: Family is everything. Love is everything. And there’s no amount of … power or wealth or even vindication that’s worth losing all of that. Is there, Phyllis?
Victor (to Victoria): Sweetheart, I can assure you, if Matt Clark shows his damn face again, he’ll sign his own death warrant.
Sharon: The problem is, thinking that Matt would want to avoid another confrontation – that’s rational. But Matt is not rational. Nick and I know. He thrives on hand-to-hand combat.
Nick: Sharon’s right. It might take years. It might take decades. This guy always comes back.
Sharon: And if his actions so far are any indication, this go-round, he’s not wasting any time.
Sienna: Look, I really wanna believe that Matt is gonna play it safe, and he’s gonna go back to hiding under that rock that he slithered out from under, but … I think that Sharon’s right. And honestly, I don’t think I’ve got the stomach to handle another showdown with that despicable man.
Sharon: Take that feeling and multiply it tenfold, and that’s about scratching the surface of how Nick and I feel.
Detective Burrow: I don’t know. Matt got extremely lucky getting his case thrown out. You really think he’s stupid enough to return to the scene of the crime, do something to get himself locked up again?
Noah: I’ve gotta think that he’d think twice before taking that risk.
Nick: You all need to stop assuming that this guy is going to make the smart move. He’s not gonna do that. It’s not who he is. He’s a relentless psycho. He will be back. It’s just a matter of when.
Cane: Don’t you agree, Phyllis, that … all the power and wealth in the world isn’t worth it if you lose the only people you love in this life?
Phyllis: Yeah. Love and family are the only things that matter, right? You sound like Victor Newman. Ohh. Except he’s full of hot air and, um, look at how unhinged he is by – by losing all the power and money he could ever want.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Tuesday, 2/24/26

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Nate (Sean Dominic) and Victoria (Amelia Heinle) on "Young and the Restless" on CBS/Paramount+ (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Victoria: I’m the lucky one. My favorite drink waiting for me.
Nate: You know, I was seriously considering peppermint hot chocolate, but you sounded like you needed some fortification.
Victoria (takes a sip from a glass of red wine): You’re a wise man.
Jack: Victor! How’s that short game coming along these days?
Victor (chuckling): I don’t have time for this.
Jack: I haven’t seen you in awhile – not that I’ve missed you. I just assumed you’d flown south with the rest of the snowbirds to enjoy the links, you know, the fresh air, the ocean breezes.
Victor (chuckling): Let me ask you something, Jack. Have you lost your mind? I mean … you seem to be more of a blithering idiot than before.
Jack: Oh, golf’s not your game? Maybe you should try pickleball. I mean you got a lotta time on your hands now that you’ve lost Newman Enterprises. Tell me … how’s it feel to be retired?
Victor: I’ll leave the game playing to you and that punk brother of yours.
Jack: Good luck filling your day. Uh … shuffleboard may be more your game. (leaves)

Nikki: What was that all about?

Victor: Jack Abbott blowing smoke.
Jack: I live to make you happy.
Diane: Hmm. Well, then, can you make Victor and Nikki disappear?
Jack: Well I, for one, am very happy that Victor has crawled out from whatever rock he climbed under. That way I can rub salt in his self-inflicted wounds and, to tell the truth, I really like doing it.
Diane: I know you’re not one to take pleasure in other people’s misfortunes.
Jack: But in Victor’s case, I’m willing to make an exception. No, I enjoy watching him toppled from his self-made throne, especially since that fall happened through the same means he intended to use to destroy me.
Diane: Well, as long as he stays down this time. That man has more lives than a cat.
Jack: That is the rub, isn’t it?
Diane: Yeah.
Jack: Every time he’s down, no matter how hopeless, he seems to get back up, and I don’t know… better positioned than when it all started.
Diane: Well, it’s beyond infuriating.
Jack: Yeah. I would admire that quality in anyone else. In Victor, I find it nauseating.
Diane: It’s just seeing Victor and Nikki out and about in a public place looking so satisfied. I can’t — I can’t help but be suspicious.
Jack: It’s a weak attempt to maintain appearances. Victor is never going to admit defeat. In fact, we’ll probably bury that bastard with that “never say die” look on his face.
Nikki (standing in front of the long mirror in the GCAC ladies’ room, next to Diane, as the two women freshen their make-up): You followed me in here for a reason, so why don’t you just say what you wanna say?
Diane: Fine. I want you to stop using the tragedy your husband brought on you and your family as a way to score sympathy points with mine. Now, Jack might offer you some compassion because he’s kind and decent and obviously patient, but you really need to find another shoulder to cry on.

Nikki: Mm. Why are you so threatened?

Diane: Oh. I’m not threatened. I’m just tired of constantly finding poor, sniveling Nikki every time I turn around.
Nikki: Of course you feel threatened, Diane. Jack and I have been very close for a very long time, and I haven’t put him through a fraction of the agony you have over the years, which makes me think maybe you have serious doubts that you are capable of holding onto a man that you don’t deserve.
Nikki: I’m not the one who’s so insecure I need to accost someone in the ladies’ room.
Diane: Oh, I’m just freshening up. But it wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to stay away from my husband.
Nikki: Ah, well, that will never happen because Jack and I share a very special bond, something that you don’t understand or ever could.
Diane: No, it could happen if you would stop playing “damsel in distress” at every turn.
Nikki: I don’t go looking for sympathy from my dear friend. He just gives it to me.
Diane: (scoffs)
Nikki: That’s what friends do, but you wouldn’t know anything about that because you don’t have any. Oh. And that lip color? Not one of Jabot’s best. (exits)
Nate: I’m just trying to minimize that pain by encouraging you to think of other ventures that might give you equal satisfaction.
Victoria (laughs): Such as?
Nate: I don’t know, um … maybe you have an idea of starting your own company? Or maybe you wanna go in a completely different direction. Have you … seen yourself as a professor? Taking after Cole?
Victoria: What? In a classroom full of students teaching (laughs) Business 101? No. No, thank you.
Nate: Okay, uh, maybe, I don’t know, what did you wanna be when you were a kid?
Victoria: A CEO.
Nate: Oh. What?
Victoria: Yeah.

Nate: Uh, say, what about a dancer?

Victoria: Mm. Two left feet.
Nate: A singer?
Victoria: Tone deaf. Don’t say cook, either, because you know I can’t cook. I can bake chocolate chip cookies, but that’s baking.
Nate: You win for now. I’m just trying to open your mind to other possibilities.
Victoria: Understood. And I appreciate that. But right now, I’m focusing all of my energy on succeeding. I want Newman Enterprises back, and I’m gonna get it.
Jack: Oh, would you look at that. The façade has already crumbled. I guess Victor got some bad news. (chuckling) Couldn’t happen to a more deserving son of a bitch.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Monday, 2/23/26

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Noah (Lucas and Adams) and Audra (Zuleyka Silver) on "Young and The Restless" on CBS/Paramount+ (from screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Audra: So, are you back in Genoa City for good?
Noah: Ooh, that is a question I don’t have an answer for. My family’s going through a lot. I’m here to support them. And once everything gets back to our version of normal, I’ll figure it out then.
Audra: You and umbrellas. How many did you lose? Like a dozen? More? Every single time it rained, you’d start with an umbrella in hand, but somehow, by the end of the day, you just managed to lose it.
Noah: Yeah. I guess I always thought of them as a single use kind of thing, you know? Once the sun came out, what was the point?
Victoria: I’m going to use Summer’s unhappiness against Phyllis.
Nick: Well, you’re gonna have a lot to work with.
Victoria: That’s it? That’s all you got?
Nick: Yeah.
Victoria. Okay, um, who are you … and what did you do with my brother?
Audra: Maybe I just like Champagne.
Noah: Well, that would be new for you. At least from what I remember, and when we were together in London, you only drank vodka, and it had to be ice cold.
Audra: Oh, good memory.
Noah: Yeah, hard to forget. You took me to a bar that the walls were literally frozen so we could enjoy our shots in sub-zero temps. Yeah, I nearly froze everything off that night.
Audra: Yeah, well, I don’t remember you complaining at the time.
Noah: I was having too much fun.
Audra: You know, I think you liked it a little because you ended up moving to a place that gets even colder than that.
Audra: Now, the only toasts I believe in are the ones I make to myself. (Takes a sip of champagne) To me.
Kyle (to Noah): I heard you were back. It’s good to see you. And the accident – I was actually in LA when it happened.
Noah: Oh, you were? What brought you to LA?
Audra: He was stalking his ex.
Kyle: Business.
Kyle: How’s Nick doing? How are you doing? You look great considering.
Noah: I’m back to 100%. My dad’s, you know, on the mend, getting better every day.
Kyle: Hey, hey, cheers to that. (Looks over at Audra) You gonna sit this one out?
Audra: Feel free to enjoy your drink somewhere else.
Noah: So you have no problem with my family being destroyed?
Kyle: Well, what’s happening to Victor is exactly what he swore he was gonna do to my family. And it’s not like he hasn’t threatened or hurt half this town, so … yeah, I’m good.
Noah: Yeah. This isn’t just Victor being affected.
Kyle: Oh, you mean his little attack dog Adam? Again, no tears.
Noah: Look, I know my grandfather has stepped on more than a few toes.
Audra: You think?
Kyle: That’s the understatement of the century.
Audra: It’s so quaint-sounding, like a bad dance partner.
Audra: The only crime here was that it took so long for karma to kick in. Victor and Adam have gotten exactly what they deserve.
Kyle: Yeah, those two being knocked down to size has been a long time coming. The number of people in this town that would celebrate … there might even be a parade.
Kyle: Just saying that Victor and Adam had it coming, and it’s poetic that Billy helped light the torch.
Noah: So no big deal that the entire family’s been gutted, my grandfather’s lost his life’s work, my family’s lost their legacy?
Kyle: Eh, Nikki can sell some jewelry. The Newmans will be dandy.
Audra: (in a hushed tone, talking to Kyle, quoting Kyle’s words back to him): “Nikki can sell some jewelry”?!
Kyle (laughs): Too far?
Audra: Classic.
Audra: Weird.
Kyle: What?
Audra: It’s almost like we’re on the same side.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Thursday, 2/19/26

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Cane (Billy Flynn) on the phone 2/20/26 on Y&R on CBS (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Cane (on the phone talking to Phyllis): So, why the radio silence? Hmm? I expected you to be in my face doing a victory dance. Phyllis Summers pulls off the coup that no one saw coming. Including me. Ha. Well, you made your play. You got what you wanted. You pissed off a lot of people in the process. But I’m sure that makes you happy to hear. You always loved getting under people’s skin, which is why, uh, I don’t understand the disappearing act. It’s not like you to pass up a chance to gloat when you’re winning, and you win big, Phyllis.
Nate: Okay, that is about enough, Billy.
Billy: Yeah, Nate, you’re trying to be the knight in shining armor? Well, don’t, okay? ‘Cause this is not your fight, so stay the hell out of it.
Victoria: I could always call the school and explain why I’m taking this action. I can imagine the sympathy and understanding that I’ll get from the board when they find out that you’re being criminally investigated for participation in the theft of my father’s company.
Billy: You would sink that low, huh?
Victoria: I would do whatever it takes to protect my kids. And when I’m through with you, you’ll be lucky if they let you chaperone a field trip to the zoo.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Wednesday, 2/18/26

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Nikki (Melody Thomas Scott) on Y&R (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Billy: You know, Jack, if you wanted to wish me well, I’d have preferred a fruit basket instead of you making a personal appearance.
Jack: This is a big day for you, I hear. I wouldn’t wanna miss it.
Billy: Let me ask you a question. Are you concerned about me? Or are you just pissed off that I’m the Abbott that bested Victor Newman?
Nikki: I didn’t realize you would be here already. I had hoped to have a last few moments in my office alone.
Billy: Well, no rest for the wicked.
Nikki: Oh, I couldn’t have put it better:
Billy (talking about Jack): Oh, Nikki. I think he likes you better than me.
Nikki: Well, who could blame him? At this moment, I would prefer anybody other than you.
Noah (to his father): We want you back to your old self. Emphasis on “old.”

 

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Y&R Best Lines Tuesday, 2/17/26

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Billy (Jason Thompson) and Nick (Joshua Morrow) on Y&R 2/17/26 (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Billy (after Nick barges into his home): Jeez, Nick. Where are your manners? Don’t you know you’re supposed to knock before you get invited into someone’s house?

Nick: I don’t need an invitation, you son of a bitch. All rules went out the window when you decided to mess with my family.

Adam: I shouldn’t be surprised that Billy would want to add Newman Media to his list of treasures. Makes sense that he would take the easy win.

Adam: When Phyllis double-crossed Cane and kept Newman Enterprises for herself, she screwed over four generations of Newmans, including her own daughter. I mean, you almost gotta admire the sheer audacity of it.

Sally: I don’t admire it at all.

Adam: Yes, well you have a soul and conscience. Something that is in short supply at the top of the new masthead.

Billy: You don’t look so good. Your leg still bothering you?

Nick: Go to hell.

Billy: Well, your father could tell me how to get there, huh? If he could afford a map.

Nick: You keep talking and you’re gonna be spitting a bunch of teeth out of your mouth.

Billy: Sorry. Is that supposed to be frightening to me?

Nick: We’ll see. Just keep talkin’.

Billy: Don’t embarrass yourself, Nick. The only blows in this fight have already landed, and they knocked you and the rest of the Newmans on your ass, which as far as I’m concerned – long overdue.

Nick: Wait – you think you’ve won?

Billy: I think it appears that way, yeah.

Nick: It’s not even round one, you idiot. You’re not gonna have time to print up new business cards by the time we’re done with you.

Nick: Your mother sold Chancellor to my father and now you won’t rest until you get it back, and it doesn’t matter how you do it or who you hurt to get there.

Billy: You’re damn right. And let me tell you something, it feels good.

Nick: You know, I actually like this Billy – you being honest. I mean, look at you  You’re hurt. So you’re lashing out like a little three-year-old.

Nick: You going after Chancellor isn’t a business move, all right? It’s a temper tantrum from a spoiled brat.

Billy: Oh, are we sinking to name-calling now, Nick? Are we about to fight?

Nick: Say when.

Billy (to Nick, who is recovering from a broken leg and hobbling with a cane and leaning on his good leg): Oh yeah? You want me to hop around on one leg to make it fair?

Nick: You think that’s funny?

Billy: No, I think it’s sad. And it’s embarrassing.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Thursday, 2/12/26

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Adam (Mark Grossman) and Cane (Billy Flynn) on Y&R Feb. 12, 2026 (from screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Billy: How much chloroform did you actually use on Cane, Phyllis?

Phyllis: Uh, I used the recommended dosage that said when you wanna take out one of your enemies.

Billy: Oh, that’s very funny, smart ass.
Phyllis: I’m not gonna screw you over. I’m not gonna do that. You know why? Because accomplishing something like this, this kind of triumph, it’s way more fun with a partner in crime.
Billy: Happy to be included. Chancellor’s always been a dream, and Newman Media’s a … chef’s kiss.
Jack: It sucks the air right out of my lungs when I stop to think about what could have happened when Jordan had Harrison.
Jack: Is there news on the Victor/Cane war front?
Nikki: There’s been movement. I don’t know if you’ve heard.
Jack: Catch me up, uh, and and we’ll see.
Nikki: As a countermeasure, Victor decided to find something that Cane valued so much that he would be willing to bargain for it.
Jack: So he had Cane’s train hijacked?
Jack: Oh my God. Cane could have held onto his company, he could have won his ex-wife back. But no, he had to out-Mustache Victor.
Jack: This damn AI! All the scheming and backstabbing! Let me be very clear. Victor made all this happen. All of it! And if he’s about to pay, that will bring me unbridled joy.
Phyllis (to Victoria) I have sole ownership of Newman Enterprises. [giggles] And I’m not letting my precious go.
Victoria (talking to Billy in what’s now Phyllis’s office, with her sitting at the desk): And somehow – somehow you think this doesn’t involve you?

Billy: Me? You’re talking to me now? I was just in the neighborhood and popped in to say hello.

Nikki: Can you just please set your anger aside for a moment?
Jack: Oh, I would love to set my anger aside for good. I’ve spent half my life with this! But when I see what his actions have done to you, it makes my blood boil. And all he’s ever had to do is stop! Stop playing king! Stop playing conqueror! Stop making everyone bend a knee! Just be a human being, for God’s sake!
Adam (to Victor about Phyllis): Wow, zero loyalty to Cane or anybody else. I’m … almost impressed.
Billy: I am freeing our children from being a cog in the Newman Enterprises machine, okay? They are gonna thank me one day.
Jack (to Nikki about Victor): Why not sit back and enjoy the rest of life instead of digging up trouble and trying to burn down the world and making your kids and you worry?
Billy: Victoria wants my kids to stay away from me. And it sounds like she meant all that, all because I went after Victor, the man who says he’s gonna put you in a grave and you’re left to wonder if that’s a metaphor or not. She thinks that psychotic man is a good parent, but she wants me to stay away from my kids?
Phyllis: Eh … Listen, Victoria is a self-righteous hypocrite. That doesn’t mean she’s gonna go through with it.
Phyllis: If my kids can forgive me for being quasi-dead, they can forgive me for anything.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Tuesday, 2/10/26

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Cane (Billy Flynn) on Y&R on CBS/Paramount+ (photo from screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Billy: Well, well. Gang’s all here.
Victor: What are you doing here?
Billy: Nice to see you, too.
Nick: I don’t like this. Cane’s offer sounded genuine until Billy showed up for his little visit.
Adam: Yeah, I agree. Something about his story made me very uneasy.
Nick: Think I’ll track down Phyllis. I’ll shake the truth out of her if I have to.
Phyllis: Don’t worry, Billy. You’re gonna get what you want, okay? Everything you want. And Sally, wow, what a Valentine’s gift she gets, right?
Billy: Yeah.
Phyllis: Why give her flowers? She gets a whole company, doesn’t she?
Billy: Okay, good, just checking.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Monday, 2/9/26

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Billy (Jason Thompson) and Phyllis (Michelle Stafford)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Phyllis (pondering to herself in Victor’s old office): I thought this place needed a woman’s touch, but it looks like it just really needs a bulldozer.

Billy: Oh, wow. Look at you. Hard at work, huh? You know, when you said you were gonna leave your mark at Newman, I didn’t think you meant interior design.

Phyllis: I’ve been here since dawn meeting with the staff, giving them their marching orders, all right? Anything else you wanna know?

Billy: Not from you, no. Where’s Cane?

Victor (to Nikki): Cane Ashby, it seems, truly loves his family. He’s very concerned about them. If I didn’t despise that son of a bitch as much as I do, I’d almost give him credit for having his priorities straight.

Victoria (to Victor): What have you always taught me? The deal isn’t done until the ink is dry on the contract. And it’s still not done until the money is in the bank.

Phyllis (to Billy): Why are you here? Why don’t you go back to being some business tycoon with your girlfriend? Nobody wants you here. Take the hint.

Phyllis (turning to look at Cane, but still talking to Billy): This is something I’ve known from the beginning, that he would be a problem, and it looks like Cane is kinda coming around to my way of thinking, right?

Billy: Here’s the problem, Phyllis. You actually think you have power. You don’t. You’re delusional. You’re simply riding his coattails, okay?

Nick: I just don’t think Dad would go that far

Adam: And I think he might.

Nick: Well, of course you would, Adam, because it’s something that you would do.

Adam: Not anymore.

Nick: Oh, why? ‘Cause the reform is complete, now?

Victoria (exasperated): Guys.

 

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Y&R Best Lines Friday, 2/6/26

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Jack Abbott, played by Peter Bergman on Y&R on CBS (screencap)

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Holden (to Cane): “I even like to think I’m a little like you. Although unlike you, I have yet to make and lose my first billion.”
________________________________________________

Sharon: “Are you sure she didn’t just go for a walk on the grounds?”

Noah: “Her suitcase is gone, and I doubt she took that for a walk around the ranch.”
_________________________________________________

Victoria: “And here’s Dad, faking an abduction when his own grandson has been kidnapped. A shrink would have a field day with that, you know.”

Nikki: “I’m sure the irony isn’t lost on him, either.”
____________________________________________________

Victoria (to Nikki about Victor): “It’s like there’s a symphony playing in his head, and he’s the only one who’s allowed to hear it.”
_____________________________________________________

Jack: “You look tired, Victor.”

Victor (laughs): “Are you concerned, or what?”
_____________________________________________________

Jack: “You’re a little hard to root for.”

Victor (laughs): “I assure you, I can live without your good wishes, Jack.”
______________________________________________________

Jack (to Victor): “You really overplayed your hand, and now you’ve lost everything. It was a long time coming, but it was worth the wait.”
_______________________________________________________

Jack: “So then you’re the winner in all of this. That’s the story you’re peddling now?”

Victor: “Not a story, Jack. You just wait.”

Jack: “You want people to believe that. You’ve not only lost your company, you’ve lost your mind.”
______________________________________________________

Adam: “And hopefully, this is gonna be over soon, and we can get back to what passes for normal around here.”

Chelsea: “You think that’s ever gonna happen?”

 

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The Young and The Restless Best Lines 2024

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Our Favorite Funny Y&R Quotes!

 

Adam, Connor and Chelsea

Watch full daily episodes of Y&R at CBS.com & Global TV (for Canadian viewers only). View day-ahead videos at the Canadian Facebook Page or AbbyG413.

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Y&R Best Lines Monday, 1/12/26

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Matt Clark and Victor Newman on Y&R Jan. 12, 2026

 

Best Lines provided by Barbara

Matt to Jack: “Can you take me with you, please. It’s much cozier at your place.”

Matt to Jack: “Dude, looks like you totally wasted a trip”

Adam to Matt: “What’s it going to take to shut you up?”

Matt: “A snack”

 

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Y&R Best Lines Friday, May 17, 2024

Posted on by Eva Diaz

Y&R logo

 

Best Lines provided by Eva

Esther: Hi there, what can I get you?

Claire: Um, I’m actually not sure. What would you recommend?

Esther: Well, the double mocha latte is very popular and so is the butter pecan swirl. Oh, and the caramel macchiato. And you give it some zhuzh, extra whipped cream, rainbow sprinkles, and you’re good to go.

Claire: Rainbow sprinkles?

Esther: Yeah, you only live once, right?

Kyle: Hey, Esther. I’ll have what she’s having.

**********************************

Esther: Two drip coffees, no whipped cream, no foam, no chocolate sprinkles and no… fun.

[ Kyle and Claire chuckle ]

Claire: I promise you, I will order something extra decadent next time.

Esther: Okay. I’ll hold you to that.

Claire: Thank you. So much for living large. You could have ordered something a little bit more interesting, though.

Kyle: This is exactly what I needed. You care to join me?

Claire: I don’t know.

Kyle: Well, if you’re worried about summer showing up, we could sit at two different tables and just sort of yell a conversation back and forth. Sound good?

Claire: It sounds loud.

Kyle: Yeah, one table it is then, if you have time.

Claire: I do. But do you? I mean, shouldn’t you be at the office?

 

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Y&R Best Lines Wednesday, July 10, 2024

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Best Lines provided by Eva

Audra: So, uh, what did you think about the article?

Nate: You’re officially an A-list mover and shaker, Audra. I’m impressed.

Audra: As you should be.

Nate: I also read the press release. You know, for a woman who’s so focused on every detail, it’s funny. You failed to mention that you’d be partnering up with another ex-lover. Fascinating.

*********************************************

Heather: Wh– why? Why would I want to leave the man of my dreams and our wonderful daughter and our beautiful, if slightly underfunded at the moment, life? Come on. We’ve worked too hard to get here. There’s absolutely nowhere else I’d rather be than sitting next to you in a park, drinking coffee on a work day.

Daniel: Well, it is pretty perfect. Minus the no jobs part.

Heather: Yeah. Minus that. But otherwise…

Daniel: You know, we could take these coffees and go back to the apartment. There are certain perks to being unemployed

 

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Y&R Best Lines Tuesday, July 9, 2024

Posted on by Eva Diaz

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Best Lines provided by Eva

Diane: Do you really think Victor’s behind this?

Jack: It would explain his sudden interest in Kyle’s future.

Diane: But this seems extreme, even for Victor.

Jack: No, this is classic Victor. The powerful puppet master pulling all the strings.

Diane: True, but Newman hasn’t been in the cosmetics business for years. I mean, would he really go out and buy a company, just to give Kyle a job and stick it to you?

Jack: Now, keep in mind, he’s sticking it to Tucker as well by bringing Audra on board. No, this is classic Victor. He’s taking care of both of his enemies with one grand gesture.

Diane: And he’s using our son as a weapon.

Jack: Because he knows it would drive me crazy. God, we’ve been here before, luring Kyle away from his family. I should have seen this coming.

Diane: And you know what set happened

************************************************

Jack: Victor?

Victor: What are you doing in here?

Jack: I warned you. My family is off limits!

 

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Y&R Best Lines Monday, July 8, 2024

Posted on by Eva Diaz

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Best Lines provided by Eva

Phyllis: At what point is another espresso a bad idea?

Nick: At the point when you get so wound up about Summer, I can start to see you twitch.

Phyllis: Oh, I’m not– I’m not wound up. I’m not stressed. I’m not. I’m just, I’m thinking methodically. Thinking methodically about all the things we put on the table as to what could really be going on with our daughter.

Nick: Have you got a winner yet?

Phyllis: I do. The last thing we came up with. I think that she is really going for custody for Harrison, or– or thinking about it, rather, because it’s a knee-jerk reaction. Because she’s angry, and maybe a little jealous.

Nick: Okay. Putting yourself in her shoes. Total stretch.

Phyllis: Yeah, but I’m not 100 percent sure. Because also, Nick, she knows Kyle. She knows when he’s distracted. And she knows when he’s reckless. And she knows if he’s going to be a bad influence on their son.

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Claire: Grandpa, are you following me around tonight?

Victor: No.

Claire: Because I told you I was fine.

Victor: I came here for a croissant. Now, look at these eclairs. You know, those were your mother’s favorite when she was a child.

Claire: They’re my favorite, too.

Victor: Really?

Claire: Yeah.

Victor: Okay. Well, why don’t we sit over there? There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.

Victor: Mmm. Mm-hmm. Good.

Claire: Do you want to hear something kind of funny?

Victor: What?

Claire: When I was a kid, I thought eclairs were named after me.

Victor: Oh, yeah?

Claire: Mm-hmm.

Victor: Perfect.

Claire: Note to self, don’t eat an eclair on a date.

 

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Interview with Patton Oswalt

Posted on by TvMegasite Admin

TV Interview!

 

Patton Oswalt, host of "The 1% Club" on Amazon Prime Video and FOX

Interview with Patton Oswalt, host of “The 1% Club” on Amazon Prime Video and FOX by Suzanne 4/30/24

This was a wonderful interview! I’ve enjoyed Patton’s work ever since I saw him in “Justified” (one of the best shows on TV), where he played Constable Bob. He’s done so many wonderful shows and movies, as well as his great standup act.   I don’t watch many game shows, but this new one is smart and funny. It’s very challenging. If you love “Jeopardy,” you should love this one, too. It airs tomorrow, May 23, on Prime Video, and then airs again on FOX, starting Monday, June 3.

They only gave me 6 minutes with him, so I was talking pretty fast. I hope you can understand me!  Enjoy!

MORE INFO: Official Site  Trailer

Patton Oswalt, host of "The 1% Club" on Amazon Prime Video and FOX

The 1% Club

Coming to Prime Video On May 23, 2024* *All new episodes of The 1% Club will be available for Prime Video customers weekly starting May 23, and will also air on FOX, on Mondays beginning June 3. *US, CAN ONLY

‘The 1% Club’, where the questions have nothing to do with remembering little known facts, endless reams of dates or obscure quiz trivia, as instead they are all about applying logic, reasoning skills and common sense. The show begins with 100 contestants, who are then whittled down as they compete to make it to the end and answer a question only 1% of the country can get right, in hopes of winning up to 100,000 dollars.

 

Patton Oswalt, host of "The 1% Club" on Amazon Prime Video and FOXPatton Oswalt continues to leave his distinctive imprint across all areas of entertainment, from his award-winning comedy specials to his many guest roles on television. His most recent comedy special We All Scream (which also marked his directorial debut) launched on Netflix in late 2022 and Oswalt was nominated for a Grammy for his comedy album. Last year, he also starred in the Magnolia Pictures comedy I Love My Dad, winner of the Grand Jury and Audience awards at the 2022 SXSW Film Festival.  
 
Oswalt was nominated for a Critics Choice Award for his performance in Jason Reitman’s film Young Adult, starring opposite Charlize Theron. In 2009, he also received critical acclaim for his performance in Robert Siegel’s Big Fan; the film was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award and Oswalt earned a Gotham Award nomination for his performance. 
 
Oswalt has appeared in many films, including The Circle, alongside Tom Hanks, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and Zoolander, both directed by Ben Stiller, Steven Soderbergh’s The Informant with Matt Damon, and alongside Seth Rogen in Jody Hill’s Observe and Report, as well as Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia and Todd Phillips’ Starsky and Hutch.
 
Oswalt’s past television work includes memorable roles on Parks and Recreation, which brought him a TV Critics Choice Award, A.P. Bio, Veep, United States of Tara, Seinfeld (his TV acting debut), and many more. He is also very well known for playing ‘Spence’ on The King of Queens for nine seasons.  Oswalt is also the narrator on ABC’s hit comedy The Goldbergs.  He provided the voice for ‘Remy’ the rat in Pixar’s Oscar® winner Ratatouille, and his other voice credits include ‘Max’ in The Secret Life of Pets 2, Sorry To Bother You, the SYFY series Happy!, Rick and Morty, Archer, and BoJack Horseman. 
 
In 2020, Oswalt’s Emmy nominated Netflix special I Love Everything was widely applauded upon release, and he received a Grammy nomination for his comedy album of the same name. In 2017, he received Grammy and Emmy nominations for his album and Netflix special Annihilation, which addresses his own devastating loss and dealing with the unexplainable, while making it all painfully funny.  In 2016, he won the Emmy for ‘Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special’ for his sixth comedy special Talking for Clapping and a Grammy Award in 2017 for his comedy album. He has been nominated for a total of six Grammys and four Emmys.  Oswalt has shot eight TV specials and released seven critically acclaimed albums — in 2009, Patton received his first Grammy nomination for his album My Weakness Is Strong. 

Credits

Executive Producers
Wes Kauble
Ryan O’Dowd
Krystal Whitney
Dean Nabarro
Andy Auerbach
Patton Oswalt
Craig Brooks
Ronnie Hysten

Directors
Carrie Havel

Proofread and Edited by Brenda

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