Days of Our Lives Transcript

Transcript provided by Suzanne and Thane
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
Ugh, they never warn you how much of a hassle it is keeping someone captive, do they? Holding Rafe in the tunnels is becoming a full-time job. Not that I need to tell you that. Of course, I don’t have a job, thanks to Jada Hunter. But I’ll get my revenge. The woman will rue the day she crossed a DiMera.
What woman would that be, Dad?
[laughs] You caught me. I was just complaining to your nonno about Commissioner Hunter.
What’d she do?
Well, besides going behind my back to Mayor Price and getting me fired.
Right, that. Well, look, I’d be happy to put in a good word for you with my mother-in-law, except I’m not exactly high up on Paulina’s list after what I did to her daughter.
[tense music]
Well, hello, hello. Hey! [chuckles] Well? How do I look?
You look good, Mama. Yeah, where are you going?
Oh, to an event for my police commissioner.
Mm. A fundraiser?
Hell, no. It’s Jada’s bachelorette party. So put down that popcorn. Get dressed. You are coming with me.
[music playing]
Well, tonight is Jada’s last hurrah as a single woman.
Ah. It’s our job to make sure it’s a night she never forgets.
I brought just the thing to help with that.
Ah.
All right.
[whimsical music]
Classy.
Oh, you know it, girl. All right. Here.
Party doesn’t start for an hour.
Well, don’t tell me Patch Johnson’s daughter is scared of a little pre-game. Yes! OK, now we’re talking. On three?
Sure. One, two–
Mmm. [laughing]
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Shawn, what are you still doing here?
Well, I just finished the report on Rachel Black. Apparently, Child Protective Services are getting involved.
Oh. Let’s hope nothing comes of that. Rachel was upset and ran away because her parents aren’t together. It’s unfortunate, but it’s– it’s nobody’s fault.
Yeah, I agree. And now that I’m done with that, I’m about to head over to your groom-to-be’s bachelor party.
Hmm. You boys better not get too wild.
Oh, come on. This is Rafe we’re talking about here. How wild do you think it’s going to get?
Ah. Well, let’s see. What are we in the mood for? Wild, Wild Cheerleaders or MILFs Gone Wild?
Oh, what’s up, primo? Why are you so jumpy?
Ah. I don’t know. I guess because I’m anxious about getting married tomorrow.
Which is why you need to relax. So I’m throwing you a bachelor party tonight.
You said bachelor party? As in booze and strippers bachelor party?
Yeah, you down with that?
Hell, yeah, I am.
Wow, I thought you might have been resistant to it.
Are you kidding me? Just don’t hog all the lap dances, OK? Groom gets first pick.
Oh, you don’t worry about that. You know tonight’s entertainment’s not my flavor.
Yeah, right. What kind of hot-blooded man doesn’t want a lap dance from a beautiful woman?
A hot-blooded man that likes other hot-blooded men.
[soft orchestration]
Announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so arethe “Days of Our Lives.”
Come on, you. Get a move on. Get dressed. We’ve got a party to attend.
Mama!
Don’t you Mama me. Now, I’ve been watching you moping around here for days, crying over that trifling ass Johnny DiMera.
Who happens to be my husband.
Well, look, I know– I know you’re still hurting. But just sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to change anything. So chop, chop. Get a move on. Get dressed. Get cute. Come on. Get up. Get up! Come on. I am going to get that man, that Johnny DiMera off your mind if it’s the last thing I do.
Oh. Ooh!
I take it there hasn’t been any improvement in your marital situation.
No, Chanel wants nothing to do with me.
Well, don’t give up hope. I can’t tell you the amount of times your mother and I forgave each other.
Till you didn’t. What’s with the tray?
Oh, I– I just got Harold to prepare me a light meal, light dinner, in fact, to have in my quarters.
You’re eating in your room? [chuckles]
Just trying to mix things up.
OK, well, I’d better– I’d better get going.
OK. Where are you off to?
Rafe’s cousin is throwing him a bachelor party down at the Pub.
A bachelor party?
Mm-hmm.
I didn’t know about this.
Well, why would you? You can’t stand Rafe.
Well, of course, the man is insufferable. But as you well know, I recently hired him to help me on a case. And he should be focused on the task at hand, not sowing the last of his wild oats.
Don’t you think Rafe deserves one night to let loose?
How loose are we talking?
I don’t know. I don’t have all the details. And it’s not like Rafe is known as a party animal.
Of course, you’re right. Well, please go have fun.
Thanks. I’ll see you later.
[chuckles] Bye. [sighs] The last thing I need is for Arnold to let loose in front of Rafe’s friends and family. One drunken slip of the tongue, and he could ruin everything.
Primo, did you forget that I’m gay?
No. No, I– of course I didn’t forget. I just figured that maybe tonight– tonight you go with the flow.
The flow? Well, yeah, stranger things have happened.
I guess. All right, well, I’m going to go get showered and get ready for the big night. Can’t wait to get some quality lap time with a hot little number and get hammered. Hammer time. [laughs]
Weird.
Sorry, my fiancé is so straight-laced.
Why are you apologizing to me?
Well, considering you’re a newly single guy, I’m sure you’d be up for a real party.
Hey, this is Rafe’s big night, so we go at his speed.
Well, I am glad to hear that. And, hey, I don’t want you to think that I’m complaining. Rafe is the most loving and loyal guy that I could ever want. I can’t tell you how good it feels to know exactly where I stand at all times, especially after some of my past relationships. Madame DA.
Hi there, Bridey. Hi, Shawn.
Hey, Belle.
Please tell me we don’t have an appointment that I forgot about.
Well, kind of. I was sent here to escort you to your bachelorette party.
[laughter]
Stephanie thought I needed an escort?
Well, she knew you had to work late and didn’t want you to weasel out of having a good time the night before your wedding.
But I’m not even dressed.
Oh, well. Tada! [laughs] Here, go change in your office. Go!
All right.
I was going to say, you look a little overdressed for police work.
Oh. [laughs]
I mean, come on. You look great.
Aw. Thank you. What are you doing tonight?
Well, as a matter of fact, I’m about to go to a bachelor party.
Oh, I wasn’t sure there was going to be one.
Yep, there’s one. And I think it should be fun.
Yeah. I’m really happy for Jada and Rafe.
Yeah, me too. So I guess I’m going to see you at the wedding tomorrow, then?
Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there. Ah, I should probably go and see if Jada needs any help.
Yeah.
[knocking]
Ha! Ha! Someone told me there’s a party.
Come on in, boss.
Oh, no, I am not your boss tonight. I’m just here for the fun. And I brought a friend.
Hi. I hope you don’t mind me crashing.
Are you kidding? The more the merrier.
Oh, Chanel, she needs some cheering up. She and Johnny, they’re going through a rough patch.
Dang, Mama. Why do you have to put my business all out in the street?
We’re among friends. Besides, I am sure that Stephanie and Gabi both know what it feels like to have a man cheat on you and break your heart.
Oh, you bet I do.
Your mom is right, Chanel. We’ve got your back.
Yeah, well, thank you. I really do appreciate that. Too bad my husband isn’t as loyal as my friends.
There you go, buddy.
Thanks. Where’s– where’s everybody else?
They should be here soon. Javi said that Rafe is still getting ready.
Is my– is my Grandpa Roman in the back?
Oh, no. No. Roman is in Chicago visiting with your Uncle Rex. He left me in charge of the joint, which is a decision he might live to regret. That was supposed to be a joke.
Ah. Right. Yeah. I’m sorry.
What’s going on? You OK, buddy?
Yeah. No, I’m fine. I just– I was– I was kind of hoping to talk to my Grandpa Roman about some stuff. I could use some advice.
OK, well, I’m not your grandpa, but I’m a good listener. And, you know, Kayla and I were over at Abe and Paulina’s the other night for dinner. We saw Chanel.
So then you– you know how badly I messed up.
I got the gist.
I think I really blew it, Uncle Steve. I– I don’t know if Chanel’s ever going to be able to forgive me.
Come on, Johnny. Listen, we all make mistakes, OK? A mistake doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. Just ask your Aunt Kayla about how many times I screwed up.
So then how’d you come out on the other side?
I’ll tell you how we did it. By trusting in the power of our love no matter how stupid I was to take it for granted.
Whoo!
[laughter]
That a girl.
OK, chica.
Maybe– maybe we should try to pace ourselves, baby.
I’m good, Mama. I know my limits.
[knocking]
[screaming]
Oh, the bride has arrived.
I told you I’d get her here looking fabulous.
I’m not overdressed?
Va va voom!
Oh, my god, are you kidding? You look amazing.
Come on in. The water’s fine.
It looks like you started without us.
Well, then you better catch up.
Are you ready?
Oh, yeah.
You know what? I am ready to turn all the way up tonight. Let’s put those boys to shame!
[cheering]
There you go.
Thanks. You know I got to admit, I was expecting something a little more rowdy.
We’ll get there. The night’s still young.
Yeah! So how awesome is this? Party for me with all my bros to celebrate.
Yeah. You deserve it, pal. There you go. Yeah.
So this party is anything goes, right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, whoa, whoa. It’s a bachelor party, OK? You can say or do anything, and no one is going to tell you to stop, all right?
Good evening, gentlemen.
So much for that.
Dad, the Pub is closed for Rafe’s bachelor party.
I know.
Then what are you doing here?
Why wouldn’t I want to raise a toast to the lucky groom?
Well, maybe because you hate the guy’s guts.
And vice versa.
Well, I won’t deny that Rafe and I have had our clashes. I think we’re trying to turn a corner. Right, Rafe?
Uh-huh.
It’s hardly a ringing endorsement.
Well, Shawn, if you really must know, I’ve hired Rafe to investigate on my behalf, and I’ve come for a progress report.
Is that true, Rafe?
Yeah. Yeah, he did. It’s a– he just– he hired me to track down that Sloan Petersen chick. Is there a problem?
Yeah, there’s a problem. You can’t just take on new cases without running it by me first.
OK. I don’t see what the big deal is, man. I mean, we’re PIs. And he hired me, paid me a bunch of cash to do PI stuff.
The big deal is it’s my name and John’s name on that door, not yours. And it’s never a good idea to get involved with the DiMeras.
OK, buddy. You need to chill out.
Hey, hey, hey, Rafe, tell me you understand what I’m saying or we’ve got ourselves a real problem here.
Chug, chug, chug!
[laughter]
[dance music playing]
What are you looking at, hmm? Thinking you’re all cool with your little sunglasses and your little six-pack abs. I bet you cheat on your little inflatable wife all the time, too, don’t you?
Well, OK.
What did you put in these, because you’re not supposed to taste the alcohol.
Well, I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.
No, you– you can’t threaten me. I am the commissioner. OK, honey? I’m–
Yeah, Jada’s right. That’s actually a prosecutable offense, and I would know because I’m the DA.
[laughter]
OK, I’m the mayor, and I don’t give a damn what’s in them.
[laughter]
It tastes good.
Wow, you think the guys are having as much fun as we are?
To hell with the guys, OK? Death to all straight cisgender men.
You’re trying to start something with me, Patchy?
Hey, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys. This is supposed to be a party. You can talk about who’s hiring who next week.
Yeah, you know what? Javi’s right. Let’s go– let’s go check on the food, you guys. And Johnny, maybe you could see if your dad has someplace else to be, so that’d be great.
Yeah, Dad–
Ah, Shawn, I’ll take a veggie and hummus tray if you have any back there. Just trying to cut back on the fried foods, you know?
Rafe, you see he’s just trying to cause trouble, and you’re playing right into it.
Come on, Uncle Steve. Come on. Let’s go see how those wings are doing. Let’s go. Come on.
It’s OK.
Dad, maybe– maybe it’d be a good idea if you found someplace else to go.
Nonsense. Rafe’s more than happy to have me here, aren’t you?
Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m fine if he stays.
Mm-hmm.
Well, it’s your night. I’m gonna go see if they need help bringing the food out of the kitchen.
I’m going to check on the entertainment, see if they’re on their way.
OK. Yeah, yeah, see, now you’re talking. This guy. You’re ruining my night.
This party isn’t for you, you pathetic slug. It’s for Rafe Hernandez!
Oh, yeah. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have his stupid face.
These are some of his closest friends. And Steve Johnson is a professional snoop. If anyone can spot that you’re a fake, it’s him.
Oh, yeah. You know what? He didn’t see nothing. That’s why he was tweaking out, this guy. Besides, you’re the one who’s screwing things up. You didn’t have to tell Cyclops that I’m working for you, did you?
I needed to come up with a reason why I would attend a party of someone that I detest.
OK, whatever. I’m just waiting for the strippers.
You need to keep your eye on the prize. I am not paying you to get lap dances. You have one mission and one mission alone– to help me get back at Jada Hunter.
Easy now.
What? I’m just blowing off a little steam.
Oh, well, breathe, breathe, baby. That nice lifeguard didn’t do anything to you.
OK. OK. You know what, everyone? How about a game? Huh? Huh?
OK. What kind of game? Because I am at the point where I can’t remember any trivia.
[laughter]
No trivia. No trivia. Each of these cards has a personal question on it. So you pick one and you answer honestly or you take a shot. [laughter]
Oh! Hey!
Perfect. OK, first card. Oh! Name a hookup you regret. I’ll go first. Jeremy Horton, world class dirtbag.
[laughter]
And I’m going to take a shot anyway, to wash his name out of my mouth.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Aha.
[laughter]
Paulina?
Oh! That’s easy. 50 Cent.
What?
You hooked up with 50 Cent?
It’s pronounced Fitty Cent.
[laughter]
Oh, yeah, we ran in the same circles, back in my Miami days.
Ooh!
OK, I don’t think I would regret that one because that man is fine.
Oh, no, no. I don’t regret anything. We had a fabulous time.
[laughing]
Ooh, I just regret what happened afterwards.
What happened afterwards?
Ooh, brotha wouldn’t stop blowing up my pager.
[laughter]
Oh, I said “Curtis, boo, enough. I know I’m hard to get over, but please try.”
[laughter]
That is an incredible flex.
Yes, you– you are a legend.
Wow. We should use that story during your campaign.
No.
Oh my god. Wow. OK, well, who’s next? Belle?
Oh, god, no, I’m not following that. I’ll take a shot.
[laughter]
All right, then, what about our bride? Yeah. Commissioner Jada Hunter, soon-to-be Hernandez. Give us a hookup you regret.
OK, well, it was actually my first time.
Aww.
This is good.
Yeah, I was in high school, and we went to band camp.
[laughter]
Like in “American Pie”?
No, no, no. It was not like that in the movie. It was– it was actually like– it was pretty sweet.
Aww.
Yeah, until the gorgeous saxophone player that I hooked up with went around and told every single person at the camp that we slept together.
Oh, no.
What a tool.
I know.
Typical.
Did you find him and shove his sax down his throat?
[laughter]
No, I was too embarrassed. I was too embarrassed. But even– even after all this time, if I ever catch him out, it is a one trip ticket to taser-town.
[laughter]
OK, OK. Hey, no one heard me say that.
No, no, please, please, please. We’ll help you do it. What’s this loser’s name?
No, no, no, no. Forget about it. Gabi, you’re next. What hookup do you regret?
That’s easy. EJ DiMera.
Wait, you hooked up with EJ?
Uhh. I wanted to pay Stefan back for sleeping with Ava while I was in prison.
You see, every damn DiMera! Cheaters!
Chanel.
It was a huge mistake, and it completely destroyed my marriage.
Screw EJ!
Screw EJ!
Oh my god. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here’s another one. All right, all right. You know what? Belle, quit keeping us in suspense. Spill.
Well, Gabi here already stole my thunder because my most regrettable hookup was also EJ.
[tense music]
You hooked up with EJ?
OK, listen, this was when Shawn and I were separated. And, you know, I actually thought that we had something. And then my sister showed up, a.k.a. EJ’s ex-wife, and she completely freaked out. So–
So Sami scared you away?
No, Sami scared EJ away. And he was, like, tripping all over himself, telling her how much I didn’t mean anything to him.
Oh.
I know, I probably deserved for breaking girl code, so–
No, no, to hell with them. EJ went after his ex’s sister. That man has no conscience.
Mm-mm.
I can attest to that.
Is there anyone in the room who has not slept with my father-in-law? Praise the Lord. Some of y’all got taste.
Chanel, your turn. Tell us the hookup that you regret.
Oh, that’s easy. My husband, Johnny. He is every bit as nasty as that father of his.
Are you listening to me?
You’re as bad as one-eyed Willie. I know what to do, OK?
You better, because I’m starting to lose my patience.
Dinner is served. All the deep fried goodness you could ever want, and some rabbit food for Lord Fauntleroy over there.
So I couldn’t get in touch with the entertainment. But would anyone like to play darts while we wait?
I’m afraid playtime is over, boys. At least for one of you.
You don’t mean that about Johnny.
The hell I don’t. You know what? I thought that Johnny was the love of my life. But all he did was shatter my heart into a million little pieces when he cheated with that skank, Joy Wesley.
Ooh, boy.
And, you know what? I should have known– I should have known when he was possessed by the devil that he was not right for me.
Say what now?
You know, the devil, he only preys on the weak-minded.
Oh, well, we know that’s not true from experience.
OK, what is going on here?
You know what this party needs?
An exorcism.
[laughter]
A change of scenery. What say we hit the road?
Can we help you with something, officer?
I’m the one asking the questions here, Pirate Pete.
[laughter]
What’d she just call me?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t– I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Detective Shawn Brady. OK, look, my family owns the place, and we’re having a private bachelor party for a good friend of ours who just happens to be the ex-commissioner.
Good for you.
I’m sorry, officer. What’s going on here?
You’re the groom?
Yeah. Is there a problem?
Oh, you better believe it. I’m here to arrest you for identity theft.
[dramatic music]
Identity theft?
You heard me. You’re going around Salem claiming you’re someone you’re not.
Yeah, I don’t know–
A married man. When you’re still very much single.
What?
At least for one more night. Woo!
I told you there’d be entertainment.
That’s what I’m talking about.
Let’s go.
[upbeat music]
OK, guys, our car is here, and we should all be able to squeeze in.
OK, OK, where are we going? Are we going clubbing?
Yeah! You’ll see. You’ll see.
[laughter]
You know what? Why don’t you girls, you go on ahead. I think I’m going to get Chanel home.
Are you sure?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She wasn’t really up for this, and I just– I didn’t listen to her, so let me– come on, let me get you to bed.
No, I don’t want to go home.
Well, I think you do.
No, I don’t. I’m just starting to have fun.
Now, baby, you’re still hurting.
No, I feel great, OK? Look, the night is young and free and so am I. So where are we going?
[music playing]
Oh. I’ve been a bad boy. Want to arrest me?
Uh-uh-uh. You can look, but you can’t touch.
Oh, come on, baby. Just one little touch. I’m a good tipper.
Your bride is a lucky lady.
Yeah.
Oh!
Hmm. Having a good time?
Jada? Jada, I was–
Oh, don’t let us interrupt you, big brother.
No, no, no, I– we were just doing–
Calm down, Rafe. You know what happens at bachelor parties. Go ahead. Finish your lap dance.
[laughs] No, no, no. Because I would rather have a lap dance from you.
What the hell are you doing here?
I could ask you the same thing.
OK, well, you better not ruin this night for my brother. I’m going to go get a drink.
OK, nice talking to you, Ms. Hernandez. [gags]
Hey. What happened to the bachelorette party?
Well, someone needed to make sure that your boys are behaving. [laughs]
Yeah. Well, let’s just hope that these two behave.
Hey, I– I didn’t know you were going to Jada’s party.
Yeah? Well, that’s because I don’t have to tell you my plans anymore.
It’s not what I meant.
No. No, because you never say what you actually mean, like when you said that you promised to– what was it? Love, honor, and be faithful to me?
Chanel.
No, no. Save it. Or matter of fact, you know what, tell it to Joy Wesley, OK? Because you are her problem now.
Oh! Chanel!
I’m on it.
No, no, no. Let me go. Let me go. I’m the only one that’s completely sober. And plus, I know a little bit about letting alcohol and anger get the better of you.
Thank you.
All right.
[laughs] Well, as much fun as tonight has been for the both of us, I think we should be heading out.
What? Now?
Yeah. We don’t want to be hung over for our wedding day tomorrow. I’ll get us a car.
Yeah, well, actually, I already got a room at the Inn.
You do? Why?
No, no, no. Well, because it’s– I mean, you’re not supposed to be together before your wedding, right? It’s bad luck. Besides, it’s going to make our wedding night all the more special, right?
Wow, you really are old-fashioned.
Is that a bad thing?
Well, I’m not thrilled that we’re going to spend the night away from each other, but I’ll allow it, if it means that it will make tomorrow as special as we both want it.
Oh, I know it. Yeah.
Oh, well, looks like you ladies had a good time, huh?
I will be paying for it tomorrow.
No, you won’t.
Oh, boy.
No, no, no. Come on. No, no, no. We’ll clean up later. Come here. Yes, you come over here with your Papa. Have a seat.
It’s such a mess, though.
The mess can keep. Come on. Sit down.
OK. What’s up?
Well, why don’t you tell me? I know that you and your mom had an ice cream and rom-com night so you could process your break up with Phillip. I just want to make sure you’re OK. Because she said you sounded kind of defeatist.
Maybe that’s because I’ve been defeated.
Come on, baby girl. You can’t let one bad experience cause you to give up on love.
One bad experience? Are we forgetting that this is my second time at bat with Philip, not to mention Chad and Everett and all the other failed relationships.
Come on. Forget about those guys. Listen to me. There is somebody out there who’s just as perfect for you as your mom is for me.
I don’t know about that.
Oh, I do. And one of these days, you’re going to find him. And you’re going to be having your own bachelorette party.
[laughs]
Yeah. And after that, I’m going to walk my little sweetness down the aisle.
Thanks, Dad. I needed to hear that.
Come here. Oh, my baby girl.
You know you did not need to drive me home, and you certainly did not need to walk me to my door.
You seem to have had an awful lot to drink tonight.
Oh, please, I barely had anything to drink. I had, like, six Jell-O shots. Maybe seven. I don’t know.
Oh, was that all?
I know how to call a rideshare.
My driver was already sitting outside the Pub.
Oh, well, you’re nothing if not a gentleman.
Well, you know, I have my moments.
Oh, well, do you have your moments where you recognize sarcasm? Because I was being sarcastic. I don’t think you’re a gentleman at all.
[sighs] What is your problem with me, Belle?
My problem?
I mean, if there was any reason to be upset, it’d be me.
[scoffs] You?
Yes, yes. You stole my job.
Well, you ghosted me after Sami found out about us.
Is that what this is about? Did you go after the DA position because you hadn’t gotten over me yet?
Oh, please, the only person here who hasn’t gotten over you is you. Now get the hell out of my house.
Ooh, I seem to have struck a nerve. In vino veritas and all that.
Oh, my god. You are so smug. I don’t know what I ever saw in you.
I don’t know. You tell me.
[soft music]
[dance music]
Oh, there you are.
Finally, a friendly face.
It’s good to see you, too.
Wait, wait, did Mama send you?
No, no, she didn’t send me. I volunteered. I’m here to make sure you get home safe.
I don’t want to go home. I want to dance. Come on. Come on. Dance with me, Shawn.
Chanel, you are drunk.
Yeah, I know. And I plan on getting even drunker. And then who knows where the night will take us.
[laughter]
You guys are so sweet to make sure that I got home OK.
Well, we live here too.
I have the bestest future in-laws ever.
[laughter]
Well, I’m just glad that you had fun tonight and that you weren’t too upset walking in on that stripper.
Oh. Why would I be upset? That stripper might have had one dance with my man Rafe. But I– I get to spend my whole life with him.
Hell, yeah, you do.
Yeah. How lucky am I? Well, I better get to my room because I got to get some sleep so I can be fresh for my wedding day tomorrow with your brother. Oh. You know, just think, in a few short hours, I am going to be Mrs. Rafe Hernandez. [giggles]
[knocking]
Oh, you came.
Why else would I have taken your number?
Oh. All right, then. Let’s get this party started, shall we?
[music playing]
[groans]
Oh!
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