March 2022 – Page 7

Interview with Mike Cabellon and Bobby Moynihan

Posted on March 14, 2022March 26, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

TV Interview!

Mike Cabellon and Bobby Moynihan of "Mr. Mayor" on NBC

Interview with Mike Cabellon and Bobby Moynihan of “Mr. Mayor” on NBC by Suzanne 3/8/22

These NBC panels are always fun. We had 3 interviews with the top 6 cast members of this funny show. You may know Moynihan from “Saturday NIght Live.” These guys are both really funny, as you’ll see in the video. It was just great fun to chat with them. It was like having our own personal SNL comedians to perform for us.

Enjoy the video! Here’s the transcript:

Ross: Hi guys, I’m Ross Crystal from Showbiz Express, and thank you for taking time out to do this. Really appreciate it. Let me start with Bobby. Describe — as we move into the new season — describe your character and how it changes because you’re the Comms guy.

Bobby: I’m the comms director, that is correct. Jayden grows up a little bit this season. He’s got to make some hard decisions; no more living in Mom’s basement. He gets his own apartment. He starts to become a little more independent, and he’s got to do his job, and he’s got to make some real decisions at work, and we see how that affects him and how insane it makes him. [Chuckles]

Ross: I’ll keep to the one and come back, If I may, do a follow-up.

Suzanne Hi, my name is Suzanne, and I run TVMEG.COM. Let’s see… Mike, if you had to do Tommy’s job in real life, could you do it well?

Mike: Oh, God. No, not in the slightest. [Laughs] The Strategist, as I found in my research before season one, I found is primarily a campaign role, and you kinda just go from campaign to campaign. So in that sense, I was like, oh, yeah, it’s kind of like acting, or going from gig to gig. But then when you look at the actual job of, like, trying to advise a politician on what to do next…? I’m the most indecisive person in the world. If I sit at a diner.. you know how, like, a diner is like a menu, it’s like a book? I’m like, I’ll be there for an hour before I can decide. So I would be absolute trash at this job. [Everyone laughs]

Suzanne: All right. And, Bobby, how are you and Jayden the same, and how are you different?

Bobby: Just clothes. Just clothing choices. [Laughs] No, I think we are similar in some ways and very different in many others. There’s an innocence to both of us that I wish I didn’t have as much as Jayden does. Jayden, dollar-heart, nickel-brain on Jayden. But I think Jayden’s a little smarter than he thinks he is. For me in real life, the jury’s still out. We’ll see.

Suzanne: Thank you.

Karen: Hi, I’m Karen Moul from Scifivision.com. We have some new characters in the office this year with the I team showing up, and I was hoping you guys could talk a little bit about how that affects the dynamic in the office and your characters, I guess, without spoiling too much. And maybe Mike could speak first for a sec?

Mike: Sure. this is sort of, I think, one of the big character arcs for Tommy this season… In season one, I feel like Tommy is not expressly antagonistic or whatever in the office, but he thinks he’s better than everyone. So as soon as the I Team is introduced, he sort of sides with everyone else because now they’re like new outsiders to hate on, and I think that it’s this really interesting dynamic because, like, all the interoffice dynamics that exist in season one kind of shift, in light of these new people coming in. And that’s been such an exciting dynamic play this season because, it’s all new and it feels fresh from last season.

Karen: Thank you.

Bobby: Yeah. Towards the end of the season we get — I don’t want to spoil anything — but we get some, some awesome, really wonderful new characters, like, wonderful television characters. I can’t spoil anything, but it gets better and better.

Mike: Yeah.

Karen: Great. Thank you.

Dano: Hi, Dano from The Nocturnal. So, sitcoms are kind of built off chemistry, but your characters have this sort of, anti- chemistry. You’re at loggerheads with one another, and I was wondering, now that you’re on season two, how that, you know, off-screen chemistry between you two and comedic, you know, rapport between you, how does that change in this new season?

Bobby: I always feel like Tommy is my older brother, even though he’s younger than me. We’ll show, like, Jayden — and I feel like there’s a lot, like, they get closer, but also, like, brothers…We have a “Succession” relationship this season, and I can’t wait for people to see it. It’s so much fun!

Mike: No matter how close we get, we’re never more than a step away from like giving each other a noogie, you know what I mean?

Dano: Is that in real life, too? Or just with the characters?

Mike: In real life, it’s constant noogies. That’s how we greet each other in the morning in the makeup trailer. It’s like, “Hey, I know you have to do his hair, but one second… let me just mess it up a little.”

Bobby: He’s a bully. Mike bullies me constantly. No, I love Mike. It’s the best. I think we’re two sweet gentlemen who plays two sweet gentlemen, also, who don’t get along, but they try to. Jayden’s a lot. I don’t know if I would get along with Jayden. [Laughter]

Ross: Mike, if I can ask you… well, actually both of you, but Mike, you’ve got a background in sketch comedy. How does sketch comedy really aid you, or in some ways, perhaps not, in this show?

Mike: First of all, thank you for acknowledging that I am the foremost authority on sketch comedy on this cast.

Bobby: [Laughs]

Mike: I will say one thing that sketch comedy prepares you to do is get off-book really quickly because you’re getting rewrites and scripts day of, and the amount of material that Tina Fey and Robert Carlock churn through is… you could make a whole ‘nother show just with, like, the reject pile that they write. And so frequently, we’ll get these new sides. And, I’m grateful that I have years of experience of just like looking at a page and going, “Okay, got it” and being able to go in, and fully inhabit a character like on the spot without thinking too deeply about it, which, you know, is why I’ll never win an academy award like Holly Hunter, because she really gets deep into character, and I’m very shallow, very surface level there. But I think that that is, like a hard skill that I think is underrated for a lot of actors.

Ross: And Bobby, I mean, for you, how much does SNL come into play here? How much does that experience there come in here? How much latitude do you have?

Bobby: It’s a similar experience in the sense of, I think, Tina and Robert are people who went through the SNL machine and, two of the best, easily, to do it. And I think that they have now created a couple different universes in television, a couple of different TV shows where it’s their thing, and this is how they do it. And it’s very SNL-inspired, which means everyone is expected to be great and do great. And they do. But it doesn’t have the complete terror and anxiety that SNL does. And we get to go home and sleep at normal hours because Ted Danson’s contract is great. [Chuckles] Tt’s wonderful. It’s the best. I’m very familiar with that world of, like, “let’s create this wonderful thing and do it with all these very, very talented people.” And they’ve amassed an insanely talented crew and cast and makes it very easy and fun.

Dano: Does anything change or evolve with that — your collaborative relationship with the Tina Fey over the years?

Bobby: Yeah, I’m less terrified. In the beginning, I mean… I think she’s the most influential person that ever walked through those doors at SNL. She’s brilliant, and she has created so much from it, and I was in awe of her. My first episode of SNL was the first time she did Sarah Palin, and it was my first time doing the show, and I just stopped everything to watch her do it, and was just, like, “Look at this! Look at her and Amy!” It was nuts. But now… I text her now. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel comfortable texting her and not like a child when I do that. [Laughs]

Suzanne: For both of you– do you get to do any kind of improvisation or ad-libbing, or is only what’s on the page?

Mike: We do get to improvise a lot. I think, regardless of the show, Bobby and I probably would, anyway, because we can’t help ourselves. But the funny thing is, maybe 2% of the ad-libs make it into the final cut because Tina and Robert make such perfect scripts right off the bat that they don’t need improvement. They don’t need to be supplemented or augmented by whatever stupid thoughts we’re having on the day. But we do get to play around a lot. Usually we’ll do a few takes as scripted, and then we’ll do a couple of… we play around, and then the editor just throws it right in the garbage.

Bobby: All these improvs are few and far between, but they are assassin precise and he often gets them in.

Suzanne: Wow.

Bobby: I would say, he’s the most successful.

Suzanne: Well, I hope they show up in the DVD as extras or something. That would be cool.

Mike: I hope we get DVDs. That physical object would be great.

Suzanne: Thank you.

Karen: One of the great things about the show, is the way it takes on some very real political issues in LA. In the first five episodes, there seems to be a little bit of a through line with the very real homeless issue. I wonder if you could maybe just tease or preview for our readers, some of the topics, both serious and absurd that the show might take on this season.

Bobby: I think this season is about the mayor trying to do his job better and really trying to make a difference… And what he thinks that is best for LA and kind of the rest of the people dealing with that, and deciding if those choices are the right choices, or if he’s doing it to be, you know, for himself, or is he doing it really for the city? I think that’s a lot… what this season is about.

Mike: I think our writers do a really good job of not trying to make any statements about how the world should be run in real life. Although, this season, Jayden does have one idea that sort of unifies LA with the rest of the world; but it is a good idea, but I don’t think our writers are ever, you know, prescriptive of thinking they could do a better job in politics. I think we’re kind of towing the line of, okay, this show takes place in the political realm, but we’re not here to say that we’re experts on the matter, in any sense.

Bobby: Although I would love president Tina Fey. I think I would take that.

Mike: Heh, heh.

Ross: And then doing your research, do you ever take a trip down to City Hhall?

Mike: We did, in season one, before we shot the pilot, a few of us went down to City Hall and got the real pins that we wear on our lapels in the show, which is cool. I don’t think we go back too frequently, though.

Bobby: I’m there now. I’m there every day. [Laughter]

Ross: Do you find the humor right there?

Mike: There is a certain kind of humor that you can observe just by walking around the halls. We sat in on, like, a public hearing, and I think that that is well-worn territory, thanks to “Parks and Rec,” so I don’t know how much of that we’ll be doing… but there are given characters in any great American city, and Los Angeles certainly has, some of the bigger characters I’ve ever seen.

Suzanne: Do you ever get any feedback from people in LA about how your show handles Los Angeles and the people in it?

Mike: Yeah, actually, yeah. I’ve heard from a lot of people who either worked in LA City Hall or other local politics and are pleasantly surprised at how… it’s funny because they say that we nailed the minutiae of being in an office really well. And I think that speaks to the universality of, like, it doesn’t matter what industry we’re in, because we’re not aiming to specifically try and be like, “This is what it’s like to work in City Hall.” It’s more, just an office comedy. I think that’s what makes every office comedy sort of relatable.

Bobby: No one brings it up to me cause I haven’t– I don’t leave the house. [Laughter]

Mike: “Notorious recluse Bobby Moynihan.”

Check out our other “Mr. Mayor” interviews with Ted Danson and Holly Hunter and Vella Lovell and Kyla Kenedy

MORE INFO:

Trailer

Season Premiere: March 15

“Mr. Mayor” follows a retired businessman (Ted Danson) who runs for mayor of Los Angeles to prove he’s “still got it.” Once he wins, he has to figure out what he stands for, gain the respect of his biggest critic (Holly Hunter) and connect with his teenage daughter, all while trying to get anything right for America’s second weirdest city.
The series stars Ted Danson, Holly Hunter, Vella Lovell, Mike Cabellon, Kyla Kenedy and Bobby Moynihan.
“Mr. Mayor” is produced by Universal Television, a division of Universal Studio Group, Little Stranger, Bevel Gears and 3 Arts Entertainment. Robert Carlock, Tina Fey, Jeff Richmond and David Miner will executive produce. Eric Gurian will serve as a co-executive producer.

Mike Cabellon

Tommy Tomás, “Mr. Mayor”

Mike Cabellon stars as Chief Strategist Tommy Tomás on NBC’s new comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Mike Cabellon is a Los Angeles-based Filipino-American actor (“Orange Is the New Black,” “Crashing”) and writer (Comedy Central). He was trained at UCB and is currently an active performer, director, producer and head writer for Webby Award-winning “Story Pirates” podcast.

Cabellon and his sketch team GEIL have created countless sketches and two acclaimed web series: “Early to Rise” (2020) and “Night Crew” (2018). “Early to Rise” won the Audience Award at the 2020 SeriesFest. “Night Crew” premiered on Comedy Central’s digital channels after becoming an official selection for the New York Television Festival, where they landed a development deal with Comedy Central. Together, GEIL has appeared on FunnyOrDie and Adult Swim, as well as screened sketches at Quickie Fest and Red Hot Video Fun Time.

Cabellon’s time in New York included five straight seasons with the BoogieManja sketch program, putting up a new sketch show every single month at the PIT Theater, as well as five straight years of hosting a bar quiz every week with Geeks Who Drink.

He has performed on stages all over the country, including the Del Close Marathon, Comedy Hack Day, Austin Sketch Fest, Frigid Fest (part of the U.S. Association of Fringe Festivals), UCB’s 3×3 Tournament, NYC Improv Festival, SHRTWV Short Theater Festival, Penn Station Area Sketch Fest and a paid corporate improv show on the Las Vegas strip when he was 16. Notable live shows include “Mike Cabellon Is: The Bachelor – LIVE!” a small role in “Hockey Cops,” and hosting “Witching Hour” featuring Jo Firestone and Aparna Nancherla.

His last name rhymes with babylon, grab a swan, crab ’n’ prawn, slab of flan, drab chiffon or lab/salon.

Cabellon is a member of SAG-AFTRA and is represented by Authentic Talent & Literary Management, CAA, and Frankfurt Kurnit.

Bobby Moynihan

Jayden Kwapis, “Mr. Mayor”

Bobby Moynihan stars as Jayden Kwapis in the NBC comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Moynihan was a cast member on “Saturday Night Live” for nine seasons where he originated beloved characters such as Drunk Uncle and co-wrote and appeared in the popular David S. Pumpkins sketch starring Tom Hanks, which spawned a Halloween animated special for NBC and is now streaming on Hulu.

Moynihan’s other television credits include “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” “Documentary Now!,” “Drunk History,” “The Simpsons,” “Miracle Workers,” “Girls,” “Portlandia” and “Me, Myself & I.” His voiceover credits range from Cartoon Network’s “We Bare Bears,” “DuckTales” and “Stars Wars Resistance,” both for DisneyXD.

On the film side, Moynihan’s voice talents can be heard on Pixar’s “Inside Out” and “Monsters University,” as well as other features.

His all-improvised podcast on Stitcher, “Celebrity Sighting! with Jonathan Biting!” features Moynihan as the always candid and always hammered Jonathan Biting talking to guests about their celebrity encounters.

Proofread and Edited by Brenda

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Mr. Mayor - Season 2 Cast

Interview with Vella Lovell and Kyle Kenedy

Posted on March 14, 2022March 18, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

TV Interview!

Kyla Kenedy and Vella Lovell of "Mr. Mayor" on NBC

Interview with Kyla Kenedy and Vella Lovell of “Mr. Mayor” on NBC by Suzanne 3/8/22

This was a fun panel day that we had with the 6 main actors from the show. These two women were paired together. We had a lot of fun, as you can see in the video. It was great to ask them about the show, which is very funny and returns 3/15 on NBC.

Kyla: Hello! How is everyone?

Ross: Doing well And thank you. Thank you for joining us and doing this. And, let me begin with Kyla, you’ve got an interesting role, and first step out, you’re at the DMV.

Kyla: Right.

Ross: First of all, was that the real DMV, a phony DMV? What’d you guys do there?

Kyla: It was actually an old police station, but it felt just like a real DMV. I had just gotten my license pretty close to where we shot that, and I felt like I was going back in time a little bit. I mean, down to the lines you, ’cause you know, you do so much waiting around on set that I truly, around hour five, was like, “I am in a real DMV right now.”

Ross: And for both of you, what is new for you this season? Different direction, different way you were approaching the role? Vella?

Vella: Well, my character gets a love interest this season. So that was a totally new dynamic, to get to work with someone new, Yedoye Travis, who’s amazing, and to kind of see that different side of your character. You know, you audition for these shows, and you have two scenes, and you can’t possibly get to every color of a character in that audition. So it’s really fun to, you know, two years in, discover new colors. And how does Mikayla fall in love, and how does Mikayla ask someone out? And all of those different things.

Vella: Yeah, I think this season Orly gets to spend a lot more time in the office with her dad, which was just really fun – a side of her that we really didn’t dive into that much in season one. And she kind of gets to interact with everyone else in the office more, which leads to some pretty fun storylines and some interesting situations. But that, that was so much funding to do this season.

Ross: Very cool.

Suzanne: Vella, you got to sing a lot in “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Will there be any singing on the show this season?

Vella: Well, unfortunately, I think we established that Mikayla is a terrible singer. So…I actually think there is a little bit of singing. I’m not sure if they’ve cut it or not, but it’s not great. I’m going to go ahead and say that,

Kyla: We got blessed a little [laughs].

Vella: Yeah. It’s not, it’s off very off key. So apologies…

Suzanne: I liked the Christmas song that you all did, even though most of you weren’t doing anything but humming or whatever.

Kyla: Yeah, it was hard.

Vella: Yeah. That was fun.

Dano: Dano from The Nocturnal. So I’m a Los Angeles native myself, and a lot of stuff with the show really hits very close to home. So I was wondering what (for both of you)– Kyla, you have the relationship with the very embarrassing father and, Vella, you’re a young professional navigating life in LA… if there’s any moments where like, you’re reading the script and you’re like, “Oh man, this is just way too real.”

Kyla: Yeah, I think that happens all the time. Like, our writing is so, so good that I think there’s a little bit of truth behind every joke, which is what makes the show so special and fun to watch. But, no, I definitely have so many moments, even when we’re filming a scene where I’m like, “This could absolutely happen tomorrow in a Whole Foods.”

Vella: Yeah, I think there was one script that ended up getting… this part, got cut, but McKayla was in a long distance relationship with someone who lived in Venice. And that is a real thing in LA, when you live on the east side and someone lives on the west side, it truly feels long distance. So there’s a lot of things that just creep up and are very… they’re very… they’re so real that they’re hilarious.

Karen: I was going to ask a similar question. There are ways in which the show feels a little bit like “Seinfeld” did about New York city. That if, you know… if you’re from New York, there was this extra layer of humor there. I actually really wanted to ask Kyla, however, in particular, you are the one…maybe you are the youngest, and Orly spends a lot of time, like, schooling her father. “You can’t say that, you can’t do that. That’s not how you use Tik Tok.” And I wonder how much of that you’re drawing from your real life? And I, you know, Ted’s the same age as this character, right? And you’re working with a lot of older people, and is this happening on set?

Kyla: I mean, a little bit. I do think there have been moments, like, Ted and I did a fun little video where I told him like, slang that me and my peers were using, and he would try and guess the meaning of it. But there are definitely so many funny moments, but we’ll do a table reading, and Ted would kind of fidget, [and say], “So, what does this mean exactly?” But I think that, you know, that’s the fun of it, and that’s what makes the show so special because it is like real life. There are times when my mom will call me and go, “What does this mean? Somebody just texted me this and I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond.” But yeah, no, there’s definitely a lot of truth behind it.

Vella: I mean, I have to ask Kyla how she knows what to post on Tik ToK. ‘Cause I don’t, and how to work it, or how you know what to post. And she’s just…

Kyla: Right? I know, we like, just kind of.. right when the season ended, all started talking about potentially next season, maybe making a (???) video together, figuring it out myself if I’m being honest.

Vella: You’re gonna have to spearhead that.

Kyla: Yeah, right? I go in with a lot of false confidence and that’s really how I get through it.

Ross: On camera, you guys have become a very reverent family, and listening to you right now, you’ve got those qualities. Was there a bonding that came very quickly? Did it take awhile, Vella? What was that like for the cast – and Kyla, too – what was that like for you guys?

Vella: Yeah. I mean, we had only shot, I think, a month or two when we got shut down for COVID. So a lot of our bonding, I think, came during COVID in that time. We would just zoom a lot, and check in on each other, and we have our text chain, and I think we kind of skipped a few steps in terms of working together for months and slowly getting to know each other.
We just went straight to “How are you doing? Are you okay? What’s going on? How’s your family?”

Kyla: I think most of the time when you start a new series, you know, you’re kind of interacting with everyone in between breaks on set. And then when you rehearse, you’re doing your lines and whatnot, and then you all go home for the day. So with us being in zoom within the first month, you guys knew what my bedroom looked like, my cat, my family situation… I think we all just kind of had nothing but time. So it was like a hundred lunch breaks, all put into, like, how many months? So we did definitely come back to it, filming, like we were going into season five of our show – relationship-wise, just because we bonded so much.

Suzanne: Kyla, you were on CSI about 10 years ago when Ted Danson was starring in it. Did you have scenes with him then? And did he remember you when you started this show?

Kyla: Okay. So I did do CSI, but to preface it, I was a corpse.

(Laughter)

Kyla: So Ted and I did have a scene, but it was me lying in a bed, no longer living. So it wasn’t anything too memorable, but I think it was one of those things where we had talked about it, he kind of remembered…? Yes, no, but I was like eight and I didn’t say anything. I just kind of got to go to craft services, eat a lot of food and sleep for 20 minutes. It was a pretty sweet deal. But I think, I think I definitely do probably remember it a little bit more.

Vella: I did not know that.

Suzanne: So, bow that they’ve brought the show back, Vella, that’s your chance. You’ve got to go play a dead body on the new CSI.

Kyla: Yeah, everybody’s doing it.

Vella: I would love to. It sounds — it sounds very relaxing.

Suzanne: You can’t move, though. That’s the only thing.

Dano: One of my favorite Super Bowl commercials last month was the NBC one with Ted Danson. I was wondering if you guys, you know, how you reacted to that, if you’re roasted a bit for that, or… yeah. What were your thoughts on that?

Vella: I think I just texted, like, “Ted!” or something… It was the one where he’s the king of NBC, right?

Dano: Right, And then every other NBC person’s getting annoyed, you know, that Ted, or Keenan, “why not me?” You know?

Vella: Well, it’s the 40th anniversary of “Cheers,” so, I mean, it’s hard to (???)

Kyla: Right, he earned it.

Vella: He earned it. 40 years on a network. I mean, that’s… that’s pretty impressive. I don’t think we roasted him at all. Maybe we should!

Kyla: We can designate somebody to come through.

Vella: “Hey, man…”

Karen: I wanted to ask you guys: I think all of us have seen the first five episodes and, we’ve seen some really fun guest stars on, mostly with Ted. Do you guys get any like good guest star time this year? Do you want to tease anything about who you got to work with, or are you not allowed to say?

Vella: I don’t know. I know there’s some great people that come through. I don’t think, oh, there’s an amazing person that we got to work with, but yeah. I don’t know if we’re supposed to, I don’t know if we can talk about them, I guess.

Host: Not at this point, but excited for you guys to see all the many surprises coming up for this season.

Vella: Yeah. There’s some really great people– some really great comedy people.

Kyla: I guess we think, everyone, because of who’s behind the show. I feel really lucky. I’ve noticed everyone that comes in – even if they have one line – they are so on point, and are so amazing and really do the best job that they possibly can, which I think makes every scene so special. So I do always look forward to, you know, when we read the script to seeing who’s going to come in and who’s gonna play this crazy role. But we have, we have a lot of funny, funny characters that pop in this season for sure.

Vella: Yeah, definitely.

Check out our other “Mr. Mayor” interviews with Ted Danson and Holly Hunter and Mike Cabellon and Bobby Moynihan

MORE INFO:

Trailer

Season Premiere: March 15

Kyla Kenedy

Orly Bremer, “Mr. Mayor”

Kyla Kenedy stars as mayor Neil Bremer’s (Ted Danson) daughter Orly Bremer on NBC’s new comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Kenedy has spent nearly a decade building an impressive resume for an actress her age. She has worked steadily in film and television and across multiple genres. She is most recognizable from her roles on the ABC sitcom “Speechless” and for her recurring role on the international hit show “The Walking Dead.”

For the younger set, Kenedy is known for her role as a regular on the Amazon series “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” On the big screen, she was last seen opposite Jeremy Sisto in the independent feature “Love Is All You Need?” for which she won the Best Actress Award at the Napa Valley Film Festival.

Kenedy began her career at 8 in Charleston, S.C., booking print and local jobs. She moved to Atlanta and quickly expanded to commercials and films, where she landed a small role in the Farrelly brothers feature film “The Three Stooges.” Shortly thereafter, Kenedy was cast in her first lead role as the title character in the award-winning made-for-TV movie “Raising Izzie,” for which she won the Grace Award at the 21st Movieguide Awards, and a Young Artist Award for Best Actress.

Kenedy relocated to Los Angeles and has gone on to appear in a steady stream of dramatic and comedic projects, including heavily recurring roles on “Night Shift” and “The New Normal” “for which she was again nominated for a Young Artist Award for Best Actress in a Guest Starring Role.

Kenedy currently lives in Los Angeles, and loves reading, traveling, and all outdoor activities.

Vella Lovell

Mikaela Shaw, “Mr. Mayor”

Vella Lovell stars as Chief of Staff Mikaela Shaw on the NBC comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Lovell is best known for her standout series regular role as Heather Davis on all four seasons of CW’s “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” She is currently recurring in the new Amazon Prime coming-of-age series “As We See It.” Lovell is also the voice of Mermista in the animated Netflix series “She-Ra and the Princesses of Power” (2020 Critics’ Choice Nominee – Best Animated Series).

On the film side, she is best known for her role in the indie hit “The Big Sick” and recently starred in the Comedy Central holiday parody movie “A Clüsterfünke Christmas,” which was written and produced by “Saturday Night Live” alums Rachel Dratch and Ana Gasteyer.

A graduate from the Juilliard School, Lovell has a bachelor’s degree from New York University. While at Julliard, she played Anna Mae in Pulitzer Prize winner Lynn Nottages’ “By the Way, Meet Vera Stark,” and Lady Macbeth in an adaptation of “Macbeth.” She has also performed in “The Bacchae,” directed by JoAnne Akalaitis at Shakespeare in the Park, and “The Great Recession” as well as “Kaspar Hauser” at the Flea Theater.

At Williamstown Theatre Festival, she was seen in “A Streetcar Named Desire,” directed by David Cromer, “When You’re Here” by Samuel Hunter and “Camp Monster.”

Proofread and Edited by Brenda

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Vella Lovell and Kyla Kennedy of "Mr. Mayor" on NBC

Interview with Ted Danson and Holly Hunter

Posted on March 14, 2022March 16, 2023 by TvMegasite Admin

TV Interview!

Holly Hunter and Ted Danson on Zoom interview for "Mr. Mayor" on NBC 3/8/22

Interview with Ted Danson and Holly Hunter of “Mr. Mayor” on NBC by Suzanne 3/8/22

It was so great to speak with these two legendary actors. Holly is an Oscar winner and of course, Ted Danson has been on TV for a very long time and is still bringing the laughs on this NBC show. They’re clearing having a great time. This was a press panel, so I was only able to ask one question. The other questions are from other journalists. I would have loved to have asked many more questions. Maybe someday I will! Don’t miss the show, which returns tomorrow, Tuesday night on NBC! It’s even funnier this season.

Ross: Hi guys. Ross Crystal from Showbiz Express. Ted, Holly, thank you so much for doing this and congratulations on the new season. Let me begin with you, Ted. How do we move into the new season? How does the mayor approach this new term, f I may?

Ted: Well, I think he probably has come to the realization that, just because he wanted to prove to himself and his daughter that life wasn’t over, and he ran to be mayor does not necessarily qualify him to be the mayor. [Chuckles] So this year he decides to right away hire somebody he calls the innovation team. You know, the brightest, youngest brains in California, to start shaping his administration and it creates a huge amount of friction in the office. It does provide a love affair for one of the characters, but it really just messes things up even more.

Ross: And Holly, Arpi is as annoying this time around as she’s ever been. What is it about this character that you love?

Holly: I’m just kind of gobsmacked by that. I hardly know how to proceed.

Ross: Hee, hee.

Ted: He’s an older white gentleman, Holly, you know, like the mayor…

Holly: Oh, right. It’s so interesting to think about the I team… the Innovation guys coming in… because Arpi works from…she’s like, old school. She is analog. And in a way, that’s the way city halls all across the United States operate. You know, they’re grassroots, from the ground up. “Can somebody please, tighten the manhole cover that is clattering every time a car goes over it?” I mean, you’ve got those kinds of issues that are coming into city hall. People screaming about whatever…the curbs not being at level on their street. I mean, it’s from the ground up that council members are dealing with issues in their city. From that, all the way to homelessness and traffic in Los Angeles. So the challenge for Arpi in this season, dealing with these Silicon Valley guys who come in with virtual reality approaches to problems is like…it’s so beyond annoying.

Ted: Yeah, I love that we’re in the age of man discovering the real meaning of mansplaining and beginning to realize that “Dear Lord, I never opened my mouth without actually starting to mansplain something.” And I think, you know, to have Neil Bremmer who has taken a sweet (he’s a good guy, but) a very shallow cut on life and is now explaining to Arpi how the city should be run. It has to be the most maddening thing in the world for her character. Because she does desperately care the old fashioned way — really care — about what they’re doing.

Ted: Hey Ross. Did I throw you under the bus? I’m sorry, buddy. Forgive me.

Ross: Oh, no, not at all. I was just wondering, as Mayor Garcetti leaves office and goes to be an ambassador, has he ever called you? Has he ever said, “Hey Ted… seriously?”

Ted: I think he has… I just didn’t want to take his calls.

Ross: [Laughs]

Suzanne: Ted, your character is a rich, entitled, clueless, self-involved guy. Was there anyone in real life that you think about when you’re portraying him?

Ted: I just…shave, look in the mirror, and go, “I got it. I got it. Thank you, Ted.” And off I go.

[Laughter]

Ted: You know, we’re all discovering things about ourselves, gratefully, slightly painfully, during the last couple of years. How entitled! I can just look at myself — how unknowingly entitled I am. I’m a thoughtful, sweet, liberal enlightened man. And I’m not, you know, I’m not. I thought I was. So, truly, I do feel like I was made for this part. And, I think, like the mayor… I, Ted am willing to change, but it’s very hard for me to see myself accurately… how silly I am, you know?

Suzanne: And Holly, you were just talking about the innovations and everything. In real life, on sets…you’ve been around for awhile. Does it ever bother you? Do you ever have that same sort of reaction when younger people come in, onset or anything like that? Do they make you feel like they want to reinvent everything [whereas] you’ve been doing it awhile, [but] they’re like, no…

Holly: Yeah, no, no, that doesn’t happen because you know, what’s so wild is… in a way, I could, I might be able to speak for most actors, but I think most actors, in some ways, are kind of childlike. So many actors that I love, the actors that I love, and adore working with, they’re kind of childlike… they’re children, in a way. Actors are… you spend your entire career changing, adapting….You’re doing things you’ve never done before. So many sets that I come on to… almost every set that I ever go onto. There’s no one that I know. I am meeting everyone for the first time on that set, ever. And I am used to that, and I’m sure Ted can say the same thing.

So actors have this liquidity… they’ve got a fluidity about change that I admire, and I love, and I’ve chosen to do movies, and chosen to work with people who often are breaking through to the other side in terms of form, how movies are made… [For instance], Terrence Malick. When I worked with him on a movie. I wanted to work with Terry to see how he made them and wow. He blew my mind! And working with Catherine Hardwood on “Thirteen,” she was making “Thirteen” in a way that I’d never seen– I’d never experienced before. This also is– it’s just a completely new form for me. So it keeps me changing. I gotta be up for it, and I love that challenge.

Suzanne: Right. Thanks!

Karen: Hi, I’m Karen Moul from SciFiVision. Ah, that’s actually, Suzanne, a great lead-in to my question, which is: What’s it like, now, settling into the second season behind the scenes with a cast that’s in place. I don’t know if COVID protocols are loostening, but maybe Holly first could talk about, what the climate is like, with your second season starting?

Holly: Well, joyful because we have this fantastic DP, David Miller, and he’s a wonderful touchstone because all sets are a little different and how everything is set up is a little bit different. And he provides us with this beautiful kind of structure that we can then go crazy in. We learned the structure from David, and then we all just go wild. We know what the perimeters are of our playing field. And for me to get more acquainted with that… you know, and Ted always, already was very acquainted with working with him. That that’s been very delightful, and I guess there’s just a little more confidence and intimacy with our characters. There had been an automatic kind of chemistry that existed between this cast that we’re all – I think – grateful for because you know, that doesn’t have to happen. And it did with us. There’s a kismet there.

Karen: And Ted, you’re a veteran of the sitcom format and have done many years. This is not your first, I guess, renewal second season. Do you have anything to add to all these comments?

Ted: Yeah, I mean, Holly said the word joyful. (clears his throat) Pardon me… It was joyful. COVID, as you suggested, had relaxed a little…we were still tested and did all of that. But when we got in front of the cameras, we could rehearse without masks, and there was a freedom that didn’t exist the first season. And there was also… we had taken a three- or four-month break, like the world did. And during that time, as a cast, we Zoomed a lot. We stayed in touch. We shared (like everybody did), because it was so intensely real, that the world was locked down, that we shared at a level that we probably wouldn’t have been able to, if we’d had a normal, season after season after season. We really got to know each other and appreciate each other. So when we got back together, not only was that a joy, a freedom of being able to be happily, joyfully, creative… But also, the writers and the actors were discovering who they were. You know, there’s always a process in the beginning where writers will say, “Have your character do this, do that.” And then you’re like, “No, that didn’t work. That didn’t work. That worked.” You know? So there’s a process of discovering who you are as a group, as a show, and, I think we kind of jelled last season, and it was joyful for all of us to appreciate the other characters, appreciate the other actors, and bounce off of such amazing players. It was very exciting.

Karen: Thank you.

Dano: Hi there, Dano from Nocturnal. So, for both Holly and Ted…You guys have both, worked with a lot of different comedic styles and, Tina Fey has her own cadence and brand. Is there a difference in approach or learning curve, versus like a “Bored to Death” and “Cheers” to this, or with Holly, a Coen brothers script to this… I guess, Ted, you also had a Coen-inspired script with “Fargo.” What’s the difference in approaching it?

Ted: Well, Robert and Tina are very fast. It’s much more of a… I grew up in a, “Here comes a joke. Pretty good joke, right?” You know, and the audience would laugh and you’d go on. There was a pause, there was a, you know, a kind of one thing at a time. And, this is very, very, very fast. You’re doing shots, you’re pointing out something political, but you’re kind of firing over your shoulder as you go galloping by. So the speed, the elevated quality of the writing, the words…It’s a challenge. I mean, your job as an actor is to ground whatever you’re doing in some kind of reality. And Tina and Robert are pulling you the other way going, “Nah, let’s shoot for the moon.” But your job remains the same. So that tension of making whatever it is they’re asking you to do, real, is I think the joy, the challenge and the excitement of what we’re doing.

And let me just add one thing about Holly hunter. You know, I can be a nice actor, meaning, I know what you want, so I’ll give it to you. You know, here it comes, you know, and that can be slightly boring sometimes. I watch Holly insist on grounding what it is she’s doing. It couldn’t be as far-fetched as you can imagine, but it’s still grounded and you never let go of that, Holly, and it’s a real inspiration for the rest of…for me, I’ll speak for myself.

Check out our other “Mr. Mayor” interviews with Vella Lovell and Kyla Kenedy and Mike Cabellon and Bobby Moynihan

MORE INFO:

Trailer

Season Premiere: March 15

Ted Danson

Mayor Neil Bremer, “Mr. Mayor”

Ted Danson stars as Mayor Neil Bremer on the NBC comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Danson is a Golden Globe- and Emmy Award-winning actor known for an array of exceptional performances, most memorably for his portrayal of Boston bartender Sam Malone on NBC’s multi-award winning and iconic comedy “Cheers,” which ran for 11 seasons and won three Emmys as best comedy series. He recently starred in creator Michael Schur’s acclaimed NBC comedy series “The Good Place” for which he was nominated for his 14^th Emmy Award for outstanding lead actor and received a Critics Choice Award for his role as Michael.

Other recent credits include the 10th season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” FX’s critically acclaimed second season of “Fargo,” CBS’ long-running “CSI” and “CSI: Cyber,” FX’s “Damages,” as well as Golden Globe nominated role on CBS’ “Becker.”

In film, Danson was seen in 2018 in “Hearts Beat Loud,” a drama music film that premiered at Sundance. He has also appeared in several other high-profile projects, including the 1987 blockbuster hit “Three Men and a Baby” and its sequel, “Three Men and a Little Lady.” He also had a co-starring role in Steven Spielberg’s World War II masterpiece “Saving Private Ryan.”

Raised outside Flagstaff, Ariz., Danson attended Stanford University where he became interested in drama during his second year in school. He then transferred to Carnegie Mellon University and graduated in 1972 with his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in drama. After graduation, he was hired as an understudy in Tom Stoppard’s Off Broadway production “The Real Inspector Hound.” Danson relocated to Los Angeles in 1978 to help manage the Actor’s Institute for a year-and-a-half while he taught there. Six months after his arrival, Danson earned a role in “The Onion Field” and co-starred in the TV movie “The Women’s Room.”

In addition to acting and producing, Danson is an environmental activist, co-founding the American Oceans Campaign (AOC) in 1987 to alert Americans to the life-threatening hazards created by oil spills, off-shore development, toxic wastes, sewage pollution and other ocean abuses. The AOC merged with Oceana in 2001. Oceana works to teach citizens how they can participate in protecting and restoring marine resources, and to show Congress that Americans are concerned with these issues.

Danson resides in Los Angeles with his wife, actress Mary Steenburgen.

Holly Hunter

Arpi Meskimen, “Mr. Mayor

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Holly Hunter stars as Deputy Mayor Arpi Meskimen on the NBC comedy “Mr. Mayor.”

Hunter has been nominated for four Academy Awards for the films “Broadcast News,” “The Firm,” “The Piano” and “Thirteen.” In 1993, she won the Academy Award and Best Actress at the Cannes Film Festival for her performance in “The Piano.” In 2008, Hunter received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In 2009, she was awarded the Women in Film Lucy Award.

Most recently Hunter was seen as rival CEO Rhea Jarrell in HBO’s hit drama “Succession” and Showtime’s highly anticipated miniseries “The Comey Rule.”

Hunter reprised her iconic voice role as Elastigirl in the highly anticipated sequel to the animated hit films “The Incredibles,” alongside Craig T. Nelson and Samuel L. Jackson.

Hunter co-starred in “The Big Sick,” which won the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Comedy as well as be Oscar nominated for Best Original Screenplay. For her supporting role, Hunter was nominated for a Screen Actors Guild and Independent Spirit Award, and was honored with a Career Achievement Award at the 2018 Palm Springs International Film Festival.

Hunter was nominated for an Academy Award for her role as a mother dealing with her daughter’s wild and rebellious behavior in the film “Thirteen,” directed by Catherine Hardwicke. Hunter was also honored with nominations from the Hollywood Foreign Press, SAG, BAFTA and the Broadcast Film Critics Assn. for this role.

Hunter received the Academy Award for her performance as a mute Scottish widow in Jane Campion’s “The Piano.” For this role, she received the Cannes Film Festival Award, British Academy Film Award, New York Film Critics Circle Award, Los Angeles Film Critics Association Award, National Board of Review Award and a Golden Globe Award, all for best actress. That same year, Hunter garnered an Academy Award nomination for her performance as the investigative secretary in “The Firm,” based on the John Grisham novel.

MR. MAYOR -- Season: 2 -- Pictured: (l-r) Holly Hunter as Arpi Meskimen, Ted Danson as Neil Bremer -- (Photo by: Robert Trachtenberg/NBC) Hunter was nominated for another Academy Award for her portrayal of a driven career-woman producer in “Broadcast News.” For this role, she received the New York Film Critics Circle Award, Los Angeles Film Critics Award, National Board of Review Award and Berlin Film Festival Award, all for best actress.

Hunter made her television series debut in TNT’s drama “Saving Grace,” which earned her nominations for two Emmy Awards, two Screen Actors Guild Awards and a Golden Globe Award for Best Lead Actress in a Drama Series. “Saving Grace” ended after four seasons in 2010.

Hunter starred in ABC’s “When Billie Beat Bobby” where she portrayed tennis legend Billie Jean King in the 1973 “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match between King and Wimbledon champion Bobby Riggs. The role garnered her an Emmy nomination for Best Actress in a Television Miniseries or Movie.

Hunter was nominated for an Emmy for her role in Showtime’s “Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her.” The film tells stories about love and loss in the lives of five women. The film won an award in Un Certain Regard at the Cannes Film Festival and also screened at the 2000 Sundance Film Festival. Hunter also starred in Showtime’s original movie “Harlan County War,” for which she garnered both an Emmy and Golden Globe nomination for Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie.

Hunter was seen in the Sundance Channel series “Top of the Lake,” co-starring Elisabeth Moss, written and directed by Oscar winner Jane Campion. Hunter’s performance garnered her a Screen Actor’s Guild nomination for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries.

She also starred in “The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom,” for which she won the Emmy for Best Actress. This role also garnered her a Golden Globe nomination. She starred as Jane Roe in NBC’s “Roe vs. Wade” and was awarded the Emmy for her performance.

In 1982, Hunter made her Broadway debut in Beth Henley’s “Crimes of the Heart” followed by “The Wake of Jamey Foster.” She was most recently seen on stage in the revival of David Rabe’s Tony Award-winning play “Sticks and Bones,” opposite Richard Chamberlain, Nadia Gan, Morocco Omari, Bill Pullman, Ben Schnetzer and Raviv Ullman. Hunter starred in Marina Carr’s “By the Bog of Cats,” directed by Dominic Cooke at Wyndham’s Theater in London.

Hunter co-produced and starred in Beth Henley’s “Control Freaks” and produced Ray Barry’s “Mother’ Son” at the Met Theatre in Los Angeles.

Other New York stage appearances include “The Miss Firecracker Contest,” “Battery,” The Person I Once Was,” “A Weekend Near Madison” and “Impossible Marriage.”

Hunter resides in New York.

Proofread and Edited by Brenda

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Holly Hunter and Ted Danson of "Mr. Mayor" on NBC

Y&R Transcript Thursday, March 10, 2022

Posted on March 13, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

Young & The Restless Transcript

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Transcript provided by Suzanne

Nikki: I already ordered for you.

Victoria: If I want something, I’ll order it for myself.

Nikki: Okay. I’m not the enemy.

Victoria: No, but you are half of the reason why I’m so furious right now — because you and my father refuse to admit that I am an adult who has a right to live my own life without any interference.

Nikki: I know you’re looking for someone to blame.

Victoria: Are you telling me that you knew nothing about dad poking around in ashland’s medical records? And now he’s claiming that my husband has been lying about his illness.

Nikki: I found out shortly before you did.

Victoria: And yet you didn’t warn me?

Nikki: [ Scoffs ] I was in shock. I-I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to think it was a mistake.

Victoria: [ Sighs ] It shouldn’t even be in question, mother. I’m sure that dad told you what I said when I confronted him yesterday, so now I need to know. I need to know where you stand. And please tell me you don’t believe these hateful and disgusting insinuations about ashland.

Ashland: Yeah, everything seems to be under control finally. Well, yes, you’re damn right I’m upset. Things should have never gotten this far. No more surprises. You hear me? No, no, no, no. You disappoint me again, it’ll be your last time.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Sighs ]

Nate: Got a minute?

Ashland: You’ve spoken to victor.

Nate: Tell me he’s wrong. Tell me you haven’t been lying to me and the entire newman family this whole time.

Lauren: When was the last time you heard from your brother?

Kevin: Uh, good morning to you, too.

Lauren: I’m sorry. I just haven’t been in contact with michael for a while.

Kevin: Yeah, chloe mentioned you were a little concerned. Isn’t he doing some kind of work for victor?

Lauren: Yeah. That’s precisely why I’m worried. He hasn’t called or texted in almost two days.

Kevin: You know, I’ve done my share of work for victor, mostly off the books. He keeps his employees very busy.

Lauren: Which is why I had my reservations about this job in the first place. But victor persuaded him, “oh, it’s only going to be part-time,” only to ship him out of the country. I mean, who knows what kind of shady business victor has him involved in?

Victor: Ashland locke called my bluff. Told victoria everything and proclaimed his innocence.

Adam: And she believed him?

Victor: Every word of it. Now she’s furious with me.

Adam: [ Inhales deeply ] Well, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised he would make a move like this, considering how much time and effort he put into setting up this con, convincing everyone that he was dying of cancer.

Victor: I gave him a way out. I said continue lying and get the hell out of town.

Adam: So, what is your next step?

Victor: [ Breathes deeply ] I’m amber, I’ve lost 128 pounds with golo,

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Victor: I’ve been forced into the untenable position of telling my beloved daughter that she’s married to a fraud.

Adam: Well, we were aware of his reputation before he even proposed.

Victor: Yeah, but what pisses me off is that I allowed him to come into our family, into our circle. I allowed him to spin his web of lies and deception right under my nose.

Adam: Alright. It’s not your fault.

Victor: It will be if we allow him to sign the contract that makes him co-ceo of newman/locke.

Adam: Okay, so, how do we stop him?

Victor: I don’t know yet.

Adam: Well, he must be awfully confident that you can’t produce anything to convince victoria that he’s lying. You think he’s got someone helping him?

Victor: Oh, yeah. No doubt. As soon as he found out that i was onto him, he began to cover his behind.

Adam: Have you talked to michael?

Victor: To be frank with you, that’s another thing that bothers me terribly. I have not hear from michael ever since he left that hotel in lima. Hopefully he’s gone into hiding and is protecting himself.

Adam: Okay, then we need to seriously consider the possibility that ashland countered our move and he had his people stop michael from doing his investigation. So, either he has ice in his veins, or he knows something that we don’t, which would explain why he felt so confident in calling your bluff.

Victor: Well, whatever the case, the burden of proof is on my shoulders, you know? In order to convince my daughter to listen to me and not to her husband, I need irrefutable proof. And I ain’t got any right now. Which makes ashland locke be in the driver’s seat. And I don’t like that.

Ashland: Look, I swear to you, this is the work of someone who is out for revenge. It’s payback by some enemy i must have made along the way.

Nate: Do you really think someone would do something so awful to you? Who hates you that much?

Ashland: Well, it would certainly be a lot easier for me to name the number of people who don’t want to see my head on a platter. Look, they — you were with me during the worst parts of my illness. You stood beside me when i married the woman who’s changed my life. It’s surreal to me that we’re even having this conversation. You really believe that I would create this ruse, that I’ve been lying to victoria this entire time, the woman I love? I mean, I — [ Sighs ] I can understand why victor might think this way. He’s protecting his daughter. I get that. I mean, assuming that’s all it is.

Nate: Meaning what?

Ashland: Meaning it was one thing when I was getting involved in his company and he thought I was on death’s doorstep, but now it’s a whole other thing. Look, I-I-I — I can’t make sense of this. I just can’T. What I need from you now is to know that you believe me.

Nate: Why?

Ashland: Because I value our friendship. It’s one of the reasons that i offered you the job. I just hate to think that you’re buying into this.

Nate: [ Sighs ] Of course I want to believe that you’re telling me the truth… because you would have to be a pretty awful person to lie about having a fatal illness just to get what you wanted.

Ashland: I couldn’t agree with you more.

Nikki: [ Sighs ] To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what to believe. I mean, I keep asking myself if — if ashland is capable of doing something so repugnant.

Victoria: And your answer?

Nikki: I don’t know. I mean, I can’t ignore his past. And he did lie about his history, and it seems like the lies keep coming. After he swore to you that he would never keep anything from you again, then he pretended that he just happened upon this clinic in peru. Then we find out that he’s been funding it for years.

Victoria: Well, perhaps i find it easier to forgive his transgressions because I’ve had to do the same thing for dad so many times.

Nikki: Darling, all your father has done his entire life is try to protect you. Now, his methods may not have been perfect, but the only thing that’s important to him is your happiness, and that’s why he’s doing this. Even if he is wrong, he is just trying to protect you.

Victoria: By going after my husband, he’s already lost me. Goal!

Kevin: There are a million logical reasons to explain why michael’s been out of touch.

Lauren: I’m all ears.

Kevin: His phone died. Or it’s — he dropped it and it’s broken. Or he’s off the grid and there’s no cell service. Or maybe he got on a plane, turned it off, forget to turn it back on.

Lauren: Yeah, I’ve thought about all those excuses, too, and chloe tried to convince me that any one of them could be true.

Kevin: So, what’s stopping you from believing?

Lauren: Two days? My husband, who knows me better than anyone, who knows how I’m gonna react in any given situation, would know how scared I would be not to hear from him. He would find a way to let me know that he is okay. Something’s not right.

Kevin: What did michael tell you about his plans?

Lauren: Not much. He’s been playing it pretty close to the vest. Just that it was going to be a very short trip. But [Sighs ] I can’t shake this feeling that victor has gotten him involved in something bad.

Kevin: Well, he’s victor’s lawyer. Maybe this is something victor wants kept quiet.

Lauren: Right. This is precisely why he hired michael. You don’t need a keen legal mind to do estate planning or to set up a charity. He needed him on retainer. He needed someone he could trust with his secret dealings and then he could absolutely claim attorney-client privilege.

Kevin: Victor is a complicated man.

Lauren: And michael loved the idea of handling his special projects. It invigorated him. He was inspired by it. He was hungry for it. And now I’m worried he’s paying the price for it.

Nikki: Victoria, it breaks my heart to hear you talk about your situation with your father as irreparable.

Victoria: I just don’t see how we move past this.

Nikki: Do you really think that victor could make something like this up?

Victoria: My father has been known to use underhanded maneuvers in the name of business. Perhaps you recall how he got ashland to close the deal on what is now newman media. My husband was having a heart attack, and he refused to call for medical help until he signed the contract. Or was my husband supposed to be faking that, as well? Is dad claiming that that was part of this elaborate plan?

Nikki: I don’t know. But what if these accusations are true?

Victoria: How dare you, mother? How dare you? Of course I don’t think they’re true. Has ashland been a ruthless businessman his entire career? Absolutely. Just like my father has. But this, what you’re suggesting — it’s a different level of deception. It means he would have had to have been lying to me since the minute he met me.

Nikki: All I’m saying is —

Victoria: You’re saying that the man that I adore doesn’t love me. You’re saying that he’s evil and conniving and that I have been a fool all along. That’s what you’re saying.

Nikki: Darling, nobody wants to see you hurt. But what if this was a plan that ashland set in motion before he ever met you? I mean, he could have had this charade all set up before he came to genoa city. All I am asking is for you to please talk to michael and listen to what he says because he is the one who found the evidence of ashland’s guilt.

Victoria: I’ve heard enough. I’ve heard enough! I thought that you of all people would be on our side.

Nikki: I am on your side, as your mother, your coo, and your friend.

Ashland: I’m not gonna spend any more time trying to figure out victor’s motives. You are my primary concern right now. You came in here. You asked me about a story you’ve heard. You — you — you’re asking me if I’ve been playing you.

Nate: And I’m still waiting for an answer.

Ashland: Oh, come on. Nate, I… I have very few friends in this world. The more money I’ve made, the more power I’ve gained, the more isolated I’ve become. There are very few people i trust. You — aside from victoria, you have become one of my most trusted friends. You are someone I can confide in and be honest with, and i haven’t had that kind of friendship in a very long time. It’s also part of the reason that I made the impulsive decision to ask you to be my best man, even though we had not known each other for a very long time. Look, I’m — I’m — I’m not gonna try to convince you of anything, okay? I just want to know if you truly believe that I could be as cunning and calculating, so much so that I would make up some kind of a story like this one.

Nate: It’s, uh — it’s difficult to imagine.

Ashland: People have been coming after me my entire life in a hundred different ways. It comes with the territory.

Nate: This seems a bit extreme.

Ashland: I agree. This is a carefully calculated plot that victor has bought into, I think because he has never really trusted me in the first place.

Nate: [ Sighs ] I’ve known victor for a long time. And while he’s done some things that I’ve hated, that I’ve questioned, he’s a smart and careful man, thorough.

Ashland: I agree.

Nate: And he would never make an accusation like this if he didn’t have proof to back it up.

Ashland: And that’s exactly what my enemies expected. This trap has been carefully laid. But I am not going to stand idly by and allow these people to dismantle all the accomplishments I have made with the newmans.

Nate: Is that how you see your marriage to victoria? As an accomplishment? Kids can change minds,

Lauren: I think the reason that michael has been so cagey about this trip to peru is that he’s doing the type of job that should be done by a private investigator.

Kevin: You know he can take care of himself.

Lauren: I do, and that’s why I’m so worried. What if something has gone wrong?

Kevin: I’m gonna do some digging around.

Lauren: [ Sighs ] Thank you. Will you find out what may have happened to him?

Kevin: Yeah, I’ll look into it.

Lauren: Alright. Thank you so much. Look, I got to go. I can’t just sit around and hope for the best.

Kevin: What are you gonna do?

Lauren: Well —

Chloe: Hi, guys! Lauren, I’m so glad that you’re here. Um, I can update you on chelsea’s trip to new york.

Lauren: Uh, yeah. I got to go, uh, but I do want to hear about it. Just later.

Chloe: Sure. Okay.

Lauren: Kevin?

Kevin: I’ll be in touch.

Lauren: Thanks. Bye.

Chloe: Um…what did I just walk in on?

Kevin: She still hasn’t heard from michael. I’m worried. I knew him going back to work for victor would only lead to trouble.

Chloe: Hold on. You don’t know that he’s in trouble.

Victoria: Michael. It’s victoria. Call me as soon as you can. It’s important.

Ashland: Oh, my god. I do not consider my marriage to victoria an accomplishment.

Nate: Then feel free to clarify.

Ashland: Marrying victoria was the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. You know that. She is the true love of my life. She stood by me through so many tribulations.

Nate: And the accomplishment?

Ashland: I was talking about the merger, obviously, which, by the way, is the crowning achievement in victoria’s career. She’s the one who imagined it. She’s the one who made it happen. I couldn’t be happier for her and more proud of her for that. Marrying her was a gift. She gave me the kind of happiness that I never believed I deserved in my own life, and I’ve made her happy, too, happier, she says, than she’s ever been. Nate, I — I don’t know how much time i have left with her in this life. But I am not gonna let anyone take away one single second of that time.

Adam: Victoria will only see these accusations as an unwarranted attack unless we have something solid to back them up.

Victor: Yep. And time is running out. Ashland locke is about to sign a contract that will make him co-ceo of the company.

Adam: Yeah, and if he does, he’s gonna be as equally powerful as victoria.

Victor: I got a text from michael baldwin just before he went missing. He told me that he was gathering all the dirt he could find on ashland locke and send it to me.

Adam: And you still haven’t gotten it?

Victor: Nothing.

Adam: Well, until you do, there’s no way that you’re gonna be able to convince victoria.

Victor: [ Exhales heavily ] And victoria tells me that I’ve crossed a line from which it is very difficult to come back.

Adam: Well, that had to hurt.

Victor: Yeah. That really hurts, to think that I would lose her love and trust.

[ Knock on door ]

Nikki: I’ve just come from seeing victoria.

Victor: How’s she doing?

Nikki: Furious. And, underneath the anger, heartbroken.

Victor: Boy, do i wish i could make all this stuff go away.

Nikki: I’m worried about how all of this will end. What if you’re wrong, victor? How will you and victoria ever recover from this?

Adam: Look, there’s only one way that’s gonna happen. We need that evidence. It’s clear we can’t count on michael to save the day, so what we need to —

Lauren: Oh. Go on. If you have something to say about my husband, I’d like to hear it, too.

“The young and the restless”

will continue. I have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.

Chloe: Do not let yourself get pulled into lauren’s fears about michael.

Kevin: What if she’s right? What if he really is in trouble?

Chloe: What if the sky is falling? What if there is a zombie apocalypse?

Kevin: Oh, come on. Just because there’s no proof?

Chloe: There are a zillion reasons why michael could be out of touch. He’s busy. He lost his phone. He likes being off the grid. His phone’s dead.

Kevin: Yeah, I went through the same list with lauren, but she insists something about this feels off, and she’s right. If victor just needed a couple of contracts red-lined, there’s a million other attorneys he could have gone to. But he chose michael.

Chloe: Because he is the best.

Kevin: [ Sighs ] Chances are victor needed help with something top-secret, something private and delicate. But what if something has gone wrong? What if my brother is in trouble? He’s got nobody there, nobody to help get him out. I think we owe it to him to at least investigate.

Victor: Lauren. My goodness. How nice to see you. How can I help you?

Lauren: I need answers about michael. And we can do this with an audience, but I need to talk to you now.

Victor: Alright. Sweetheart, we can pick this up later, okay?

Nikki: Are you sure?

Victor: Yeah. I’ll let you know when I’m done.

Lauren: When was the last time you heard from michael?

Victor: I don’t recall exactly.

Lauren: Well, I can, down to the minute. It has been the longest two days of my life.

Victor: Lauren, I understand, but he’s on a very delicate mission, you know? And I’m sure he is wrapping things up and will come home as soon as he can.

Lauren: Don’t give me these vague reassurances.

Victor: I have no more answers.

Lauren: You know something? Either you’re covering something up or you don’t want to admit that you’ve lost contact with michael. Now tell me the truth now.

Ashland: So, now you’ve gotten a window into how rough and tumble the business world can be when you operate at the level I do. But I want to reassure you this kind of thing does not happen every day, and I intend to expose this sham for what it is and put an end to it so we can all focus on the future, a future that includes you in a new position at newman/locke.

[ Door opens ]

Victoria: Nate. I wasn’t expecting to find you here. Is everything alright?

Ashland: Just an unexpected conversation between friends.

Victoria: Are you talking about nate’s new position?

Nate: Not yet.

Ashland: Nate has heard about all the accusations made against me, and he understandably has questions.

Victoria: From my family. It’s humiliating that they’re spreading this rumor. I mean, I can’t imagine how they would think that ashland could possibly be lying about his cancer diagnosis.

Nate: It was the last thing I expected to hear.

Victoria: You don’t actually believe them, do you? I mean, you’ve — you’ve seen ashland’s medical records. You’ve — you’ve witnessed the toll that this has taken on him. It’s absurd, the idea that he’s never had cancer.

Nate: Everything I’ve seen supports his diagnosis, yes.

Victoria: Will you go to my father? He trusts you. Tell him how insane this is and the only thing that he is going to accomplish by pursuing this ridiculous accusation is it’s just gonna cause irreparable damage. And when the truth does come out and we find out who’s really behind it and why, his embarrassing claims that he’s doing this to protect me — it’s just not gonna amount to anything. It’s hurting ashland and it’s hurting me and it needs to stop.

Nate: I hope for all your sakes that the truth comes out sooner than later.

Victoria: Thank you, nate. Thank you so much.

Ashland: We’re lucky to have you as a friend, nate. And I appreciate that you’ve come here to hear my side of the story.

Nate: Of course.

Ashland: Nate. I’m looking forward to sitting with you and talking about your future at newman/locke.

Nate: Take care.

Victoria: [ Exhales sharply ] It is such a relief that he is not buying into this nonsense. You have the chief of surgery in your corner. Why don’t you look happier? I just heard something amazing!

Nate: Hey, you. I am sorry I am late.

[ Smooches ] I hope I didn’t have you waiting too long.

Elena: I won’t hold it against you…too much.

Nate: [ Chuckles ]

Elena: What held you up? Something exciting happen at memorial?

Nate: Uh, if there’s anything exciting about doing paperwork, I wish someone would share the secret.

[ Chuckles ] No. Uh, some newman family drama.

Elena: Shocking.

Nate: Yeah. It’s not just your garden-variety business intrigue or sibling rivalry. This is some next-level stuff.

Elena: Interesting. Go on.

Nate: Hmm. All I can say is ashland’s at the center of it, which is why i got dragged into it. Someone’s making some pretty scandalous accusations about him.

Elena: Well, ashland’s no angel. Everyone knows that. But I guess I’ve been a hopeless romantic because I thought falling in love with victoria would have changed him.

Nate: You really think love can change someone?

Elena: I think love from the right person, sure. But I don’t know ashland like you do. Do you think the allegations are true?

Nate: [ Sighs ] I don’t want to believe them.

Elena: But you’re not sure.

Nate: It’d be one thing if victor was the one who approached me about all of this, but it was nick.

Elena: Oh, boy. The newman with a heart of gold.

Nate: He knows ashland and i are close friends. He wants my help in confirming his suspicions.

Elena: So he’s basically asking you to betray your friend.

Nate: I told him and victor that I didn’t want any part of it. But when I left, I had a ton of questions. So I went to see ashland, heard his side of the story.

Elena: What did he say?

Nate: He claims it was all lies, that someone’s setting him up. He was very convincing.

Elena: Yeah. I know how persuasive ashland can be.

Nate: I was ready to leave memorial to go work for him.

Elena: Wait, you “were” ready?

Nate: I told ashland I was leaning towards accepting his offer. But I’m having doubts now about taking that leap… and about locke himself.

Ashland: Victor’s protecting his daughter. I can understand that. But why he felt the need to go to my friend, poison him against me, I, uh…

Victor: I’m so sorry.

Ashland: Yeah. Well, maybe it’s better that everything’s out in the open with nate. I’m just glad he had the chance to hear the truth from me. But, victoria, I’m gonna find out who’s behind these attacks, prove these disgusting allegations are just lies.

Victoria: That is the fastest way to get my father to back off.

Ashland: No, I want more than that, though. I want to remove any shred of doubt from victor’s mind… or anyone else’S.

Victor: I don’t like seeing you this upset.

Lauren: What have you gotten michael involved in?

Victor: Sweetheart, it was a delicate mission that I knew he could handle.

Lauren: It was supposed to be a short fact-finding mission! The secrecy, the intrigue. You made it sound like an adventure, and michael ate it up. He was eager to go. The one thing you forgot to tell him is how dangerous it was.

Victor: I would never put him in a dangerous situation.

Lauren: This trip to peru has dragged on, and michael is now off the radar. My gut is telling me that something is very wrong.

Victor: Michael is not only a great lawyer. He’s a good friend of mine. If anything goes wrong, I will move heaven and earth to get him back here, alright?

Lauren: Right. And we need to do that now. We need to find him.

Victor: We don’t even know if anything is amiss. We don’T. I don’t want you to have your imagination run amuck with you.

Lauren: What if you had lost contact with nikki and she was out of the country? What would you do?

Victor: I would do the same thing you’re doing now. And if she walked back in and she was alright, she would tell me, “listen, why were you so worried?”

Lauren: I really hope you’re telling me the truth. Because if anything happens to michael, I will never forgive you.

[ Door slams ]

Victor: [ Breathes deeply ]

Stouffer’s makes you happyfull

Kevin: Hi. Thanks for meeting us.

Lauren: Well, I’m glad you’re taking my concerns about michael seriously.

Chloe: Well, when you left society, we talked about it, and kevin persuaded me that this is more than just his phone running out of power.

Lauren: [ Sighs ]

Kevin: I’ve hacked into his devices, tried tracking him.

Lauren: And what did you find?

Kevin: [ Sighs ] Dead ends and brick walls.

Lauren: [ Sighs ] Sounds like my meeting with victor.

Chloe: That’s who you rushed to go see when you left society?

Lauren: Yeah, I thought it would be important to go see the man that sent michael to peru in the first place to see what was going on. But all he said is that he would move mountains to keep michael safe.

Chloe: Well, that’s not much of an explanation.

Lauren: Exactly. I think he’s as much in the dark as we are and doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what happened to michael and why he’s been out of contact.

Kevin: I’m gonna keep digging around to see what I can find, but if we don’t hear from our brother by morning, I’m gonna get my cop buddies involved.

Nate: [ Sighs ]

Elena: Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do. We are gonna have brunch, where the only thing you have to decide is whether you want coffee or tea.

Nate: Coffee.

Elena: You don’t have to make a decision about newman/locke just yet.

Nate: I’m loving this already.

Elena: And you’re gonna love me more for not demanding details about what’s going on with ashland. I understand why you want to be discreet.

Nate: This could affect a lot of people.

Elena: But it’s all gonna work out in the end — because I know you’re gonna be fair and you’re not gonna jump to any conclusions. I trust your instincts. Your gut reactions have saved so many lives.

Nate: [ Sighs ]

Elena: So you should trust them, too. And if something feels wrong, it probably is.

Nate: And that’s what I’m afraid of.

[ Sighs ] But I’m not sure who’s behind this. I need to find out.

Victor: Look, he’s not only a good friend, but he has the evidence I desperately need, alright? So, whenever you hear anything bout him or from him, you let me know, alright? Get to work.

[ Sighs ]

Adam: Michael baldwin still awol?

Victor: Yeah.

Adam: Well, he’s a smart guy. He’s got himself out of some tight spots before.

Victor: [ Breathes deeply ] You know, I never thought that ashland locke would get the upper hand.

Adam: Well, how far do you think he’d go to keep him quiet?

Victor: He will do whatever he can. He’s a desperate man. Especially now that he knows his entire back story is about to come to light and we expose him for the fraud he is. So he’s back against the wall. I expect anything from him.

Ashland: I am going to put all my energy into finding out who’s trying to destroy my life and put a stop to it.

Victoria: I just want this to be over.

Ashland: First I need something from you.

Victoria: Anything. You know that.

Ashland: Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you believe I’m telling the truth?

Victoria: Of course I can. I will always support you.

Ashland: That’s all I needed to heaR.

Victoria: We should celebrate that.

Ashland: [ Chuckles ] What do you have in mind?

Victoria: This.

Ashland: The contract.

Victoria: Yes. Making you my full partner, my co-ceo of newman/locke.

Ashland: [ Exhales sharply ] I can’t tell you what this means to me.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Stylus clatters ]

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Days Transcript Thursday, March 10, 2022

Posted on March 13, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

Days of Our Lives Transcript

Days of Our Lives logo

Transcript provided by Suzanne

[Footsteps approaching]

Bonnie: Well, hello, husband.

Justin: Well, look at you.

Bonnie: Well, I hope you’re gonna want to do more than look.

Justin: I think maybe I will. But I thought we were going out to dinner.

Bonnie: Well, I have it on very good authority that victor and maggie are in chicago on an all-night trip and we have the whole house to ourselves. I’ve always wanted to make love in the light of a roaring fire. What do you say?

[Giggles]

Sonny: Hey–oh, my god!

Bonnie: [Yelps]

Marlena: Yes, I do understand. No, no, dr. Chong is an excellent psychiatrist. You’re– you’re in very good hands. No, thank you.

[Hangs up] Well, that’s the third one this week.

Will: Grandma?

Marlena: Oh! Aw, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?

[Sighs contentedly]

John: So marlena ran into steve and kayla at the hospital.

Brady: How are they doing?

John: Mar said they’re in pretty good shape, considering what kristen put them through.

Brady: [Sighs] They never would’ve been on that island if I hadn’t hired steve to try to find kristen. I mean, I knew–dad, I knew it was gonna be dangerous.

John: No, no, no. Steve knew what he was getting himself into. I’m just sorry that you didn’t get the answers you were looking for.

Brady: Well, I talked to steve, and he said kristen swore up and down that she had nothing to do with framing me for philip’s death. Not that we can take her at her word for anything, but, dad, now that she’s escaped again, I’m at square one. I don’t even know if philip is alive or dead.

John: And until then, you can’t move along with chloe, can you?

Brady: [Chuckles]

Nancy: And then, he realized that she had never gotten his message, so he jumped in a cab and he raced to the airport–

Chloe: And found her at the gate about to board the plane. And he proposed to her.

Nancy: Oh, you saw the movie too.

Chloe: Uh, mom, I–I’ve got to tell you something.

Nancy: Don’t you think the best part, though, was when he told her and he held her–

Chloe: It’s not–

[Sighs] It’s not about the movie. It’s–it’s about last night.

Nancy: Oh, okay.

Chloe: I wasn’t working late.

Nancy: I knew that.

Chloe: You did?

Nancy: Come on. You and brady went out for valentine’s day, right?

Chloe: No. I mean, I did– I did go out with brady.

Nancy: Yes!

Chloe: It–it wasn’t a date.

Nancy: Okay, then what was it?

Chloe: Brady and I, we– we had dinner with… dad and his new boyfriend.

Leo: I’m so glad we decided to order in. I like having you all to myself.

Craig: I’m not so sure about this.

Leo: Oh, well, if you’d rather go out–

Craig: No, leo, what I meant was, I’m not sure about us.

Male announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “days of our lives.”

[Soft orchestration]

Brady: Oh, yeah, you’re right. I mean, chloe and philip, they were still together when– when he disappeared. I mean, as much as I’d love to start something up with chloe, I don’t feel right pursuing a relationship with her while– while we don’t know what happened to philip.

John: Mm. All right, let me ask you this. What if you never find out? Then what?

Brady: Well, nancy asked me the same question, and I told her, I guess chloe and I will have to just stay in limbo.

John: Forever? Forever? Oh, come on. Son, forever is a long time.

Brady: And that’s why nancy is so determined to play cupid. Although she’s backed off recently when–when she found out that her husband has been cheating on her with a man. Although I wouldn’t– I wouldn’t use the term “man.” I would use the term “pond scum.”

John: Well, have you met craig’s boyfriend?

Brady: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have, and as it turns out, so have you.

Nancy: So he’s here in salem? The man your father is seeing?

Chloe: Yeah, I guess he– he flew in last night. He booked a flight last minute, and, you know, leo did it before dad could even stop him.

Nancy: His name is leo?

Chloe: Yeah. Leo stark. And dad– he wanted me to meet him. And last minute, I was reluctant to do it, so I just–I took brady with me for emotional support.

Nancy: Mm, so you and brady and your father and his boyfriend were out on a double date?

Chloe: It wasn’t like that. I’m sorry. I should’ve been upfront with you, but I–I just– I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want you feel like I was being disloyal to you.

Nancy: But you were being disloyal. Chloe, you’ve totally betrayed me.

Leo: So suddenly, you’re having doubts about us? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised given the way your daughter and brady attacked me at that dinner, which was, I admit, awkward, embarrassing, and altogether horrible. Except for the food. I did enjoy my fish and chips.

Craig: Would you please not make light of this?

Leo: Okay, fine. It was a complete disaster. But, craig, that was not my fault. I put my best foot forward, and those two stomped all over it. They never even gave me a chance. They were bound and determined to belittle me in front of the man I love. And why aren’t you saying anything?

Craig: Brady said you tried to screw him over.

Leo: Oh, please. That man is a total drama queen. And he made a big deal out of nothing. And in the process, he poisoned your daughter against me. And you too, apparently. Is that what’s happening here, craig? Has brady turned you against me?

Justin: Sonny, what are you doing here?

Bonnie: Shouldn’t you be in arizona?

Sonny: Yeah. No, I–I guess I should have called first. Oh, my god, I wish I would have called first.

Justin: Bonnie, are you okay?

Bonnie: Oh, yeah, just a little–totally mortified.

Justin: Son.

Sonny: Yeah?

Justin: You can face us now.

Sonny: [Sighs] Um, surprise.

[Awkward laughter] I’m home.

Will: We dropped ari off with gabi, and sonny is seeing his dad, and here I am.

Marlena: Well, I am so glad that you’re here. You know, you don’t get a chance to visit very often.

Will: I know. I’m sorry it’s been so long, especially considering everything you’ve been through.

Marlena: Well, thank you. It just–it’s just so good to see your smiling face. You’re–you’re a perfect little pick-me-up.

Will: [Chuckles] Wait, why? Is something wrong?

Marlena: Well, my professional reputation has taken kind of a hit. In fact, my career may be over.

John: Craig is dating leo stark? Diana colville’s son?

Brady: Mm-hmm, the same son she tried to pass off as yours years ago.

John: [Exhales sharply] My mind is officially blown.

Brady: Yeah, mine was blown too when I saw leo walk into that bar. It was supposed to be this nice dinner where we were going to get to meet craig’s boyfriend. Instead, it turned out to be chloe and I raking him over the coals in order to convince craig to dump him.

John: That sounds like a fun night.

Brady: Yeah, it was a fiasco. Craig wasn’t having it. He was really flustered and frustrated, but I get it. I mean, the guy’s in love and this is obviously an important relationship to him. I mean, dad, he’s willing to throw away his marriage to nancy over this guy.

John: Yeah, well, you know, love is blind, stubborn.

Brady: Mm, that it is, and that’s why chloe and I have devised a plan to rescue craig from leo’s clutches.

John: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Son, I think that is a really bad idea.

Nancy: Oh, I should have known. Even in high school, you always took your father’s side against me.

Chloe: What? That is not true. And I am not taking sides.

Nancy: Really? I spent last night in my room, alone, watching rom-coms while you and brady were out celebrating valentine’s day with your father and his new boyfriend.

Chloe: Mom, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings.

Nancy: Well, you did, and maybe you shouldn’t have gone.

Chloe: Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding? I don’t–I don’t want to hurt dad’s feelings either. Don’t you get it? I love the both of you and I don’t like being stuck in the middle of this.

[Sobbing]

Nancy: Chloe, I– oh, chloe, honey, I am so, so sorry. You’re right. We’ve put you in the terrible position, and I’m so sorry. It’s just that, chloe, I feel so displaced. I mean, thinking of you and brady out with your father and his new boyfriend, bonding and having a great time, I–

Chloe: [Sighs] Well, if it makes you feel any better, that’s not exactly how it went. The whole evening was a complete disaster.

[Exhales sharply]

Craig: Was I thrilled to hear about all the schemes you pulled? No, I wasn’T.

[Snorts] Hell, I’ve done my share of underhanded things, so I have no right to judge.

Leo: Then what is the problem?

Craig: The problem is–

[Chuckles] My daughter can’t stand you.

Leo: She doesn’t even know me. That is completely unfair.

Craig: Fair or not, I just have real reservations about moving forward with this relationship if it means that there is a chance of losing chloe over it.

Leo: Look, I get your loyalty to your daughter, but you cannot let chloe dictate your love life.

Craig: Well, that’s all good in theory, but chloe is very important to me. Both my daughters are.

Leo: So what are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?

Allergies don’t have to be

scary.

Justin: Aw, am I glad to see you!

Bonnie: [Giggles] Hi–

Sonny: You look–you look– you look great, dad. I missed you so much.

Justin: Well, I missed you too. So, tell me. I hope you and will and ari…

Sonny: Yeah.

Justin: All right, are in town for a while?

Sonny: Well, it’s all pretty up in the air. And I probably should have given you some notice, but, I mean, do you mind if we stay here a little while?

Justin: Mind? Of course you’ll stay here! This is your home.

Bonnie: That’s right.

[Giggles] And I promise, the next time your dad and I decide to do a little hanky-panky, we’ll lock the door.

Sonny: Thank you.

Bonnie: Okay. Well, I think I’m gonna go slip into something a little less comfortable if that’s okay. Okay.

Justin: [Laughs] Sorry about the floor show.

Sonny: No, no, it’s okay. You two were clearly still in your honeymoon phase.

Justin: Yeah, I guess we are.

Sonny: Look, dad, I’m sorry if I’m a little awkward around bonnie. You know, I think part of it is she looks so much like mom, but she’s so different. And, you know, even though I’ve tried to let it go– at least to the extent where I can be supportive of your marriage– I just can’t forget about all the things she did to mom.

Justin: I see.

Sonny: I’m sorry, dad.

Justin: Hey, no need to keep apologizing. I–I understand that this is difficult for you. And why wouldn’t it be? You and your mother were very close. And it was a terrible loss for all of us. But when you agreed to be my best man, I thought that maybe you had, you know, moved beyond your animosity toward bonnie. But I guess that’s not the case.

Marlena: All those years ago, when I was– when I was possessed, I lost all my patients at that point practically. And, well, it’s happening all over again. I really shouldn’t feel too surprised.

Will: But, I mean, you’re not possessed anymore. You’re better. I mean, surely your patients know that.

Marlena: Yes, but it’s not that simple. You see, the devil was giving out some very bad advice.

Will: The devil kept seeing your patients?

Marlena: Well, I mean, he saw ben a couple times that I’m aware of and other patients as well. And you can imagine that the– the devil’s advice wasn’t quite up to my professional standards.

Will: No, I’m sure it wasn’T.

Marlena: Apparently, “I” had encouraged one of my patients to cheat on her husband in the form of self-care.

Will: Well, she–I mean, she didn’t have to take that advice.

Marlena: Well, she did. She did take my advice, and now her life is in shambles. She is switching to another doctor, along with half of my patients, and I expect the–the board will want me to resign.

Brady: [Scoffs] I don’t get it. How is it a bad idea to keep craig from being used?

John: How do you know leo’s using him?

Brady: Oh, dad, come on. It’s leo stark. The guy is bad news. I have no doubt that he’s after craig for his money. He’s a scam artist.

John: Hey, people can change.

Brady: Why are you defending leo?

John: Honestly?

Brady: Yeah.

John: Because I don’t think he’s as bad as you’re making him out to be.

Chloe: And I told dad that he was making a huge mistake. And I know I upset him. And I know he was freaked out and embarrassed, but I didn’t care. And then, brady and I just stormed out of the bar.

Nancy: So everything you’re telling me about this leo person is true?

Chloe: Yeah, I think it is true. I think he’s a lying snake that’s just obviously using dad for his money. Where–where are you going?

Nancy: Where do you think I’m going? If your father’s being taken advantage of, I can’t do nothing.

Chloe: Don’t you think i should keep working on dad? You should not be getting involved.

Nancy: He is still my husband.

Chloe: You asked him for a divorce.

Nancy: Yes, but that was before I knew he was being duped by some conniving gold-digger.

Craig: I’m sorry I’m feeling so conflicted about this right now. It’s just that–

[Sighs] It’s been complicated from the beginning, and now it’s–

Leo: Actually, it’s quite simple, at least from my perspective. You’re afraid of being with a man, and you’re looking for an excuse to jump ship.

Craig: That is not it, at least not on a conscious level.

Leo: Well, whatever level it’s on– craig, look at me. Look at me. We hit one tiny bump in the road, but we love and understand each other. That has not changed. Look, I get it. I know that this is overwhelming. I know. I was very young when I came out. But for you, having been married to a woman all these years, you’re turning your entire life upside down.

Craig: [Exhales sharply]

Leo: But, craig, that is a good thing. It is. Up until now, you’ve lived your life for your wife and your daughters. You have denied your true feelings to be the man you thought you were supposed to be. But now, it is time for you to be your true self. And you cannot let nancy, or your daughters, or anybody stop you from doing that.

Craig: It’s just– what if my daughters cut me out of their lives?

Leo: That is not going to happen. It isn’T. Once they realize how happy you are, they are going to come around. I promise you.

Craig: Yeah.

[Inhales deeply]

[Exhales sharply] Maybe you’re right.

Leo: Of course I’m right. I’m also smoking hot.

Craig: [Chuckles] Really? Like you’d ever let me forget that. You know how much I love you, leo.

Leo: I love you too.

Craig: Aw.

[Inhales deeply]

[Sighs contentedly]

[Chuckles] I–

[Laughter]

[Moans]

[Door opens]

Nancy: Get your grubby, little paws off my husband. My asthma felt anything but normal.

Craig: Nancy, what the hell?

Leo: I should have bolted that door.

Chloe: Oh! Oh, my god. I’m sorry, dad. This is all my fault.

Nancy: Actually, your daughter was just telling me all about your new beau and how he’s taking advantage of you.

Craig: This is not the time or place.

Nancy: Craig, please don’t be an old fool. This man is just after your money!

Leo: You must be the lovely nancy wesley. I’ve heard so much about you. How kind you are. How funny, smart, brave, and most importantly, what a wonderful mother you are. I’m sure chloe would attest to that, right, chloe?

Chloe: Yeah, I will.

Leo: Look, I understand this must be difficult for you, but I assure you my love for craig is real. No hidden agenda. What you see is what you get.

Nancy: [Laughs haughtily] Well, unfortunately I’m seeing way too much.

Leo: We haven’t been formally introduced; I’m–

Nancy: The man who stole my husband.

Leo: Actually, my friends call me leo.

Nancy: Oh, you and i are certainly not friends.

Leo: But I want us to be.

Nancy: [Scoffs] You got to be kidding.

Leo: No, I’m not. Nancy, I’m serious. Even though you and craig are getting divorced, you’re still gonna be in each other’s lives because of the children. And not only do I respect that, I want us to get along. In fact, what do you say we have a toast, huh, to new beginnings?

Brady: Are you forgetting all the horrible things that leo did to our family?

John: The guy had problems.

Brady: [Laughs]

John: No doubt about that. But I’m just saying that when leo and I thought that we were father and son, I saw a different side of him. Underneath all of the bravado, he’s just a kid. A kid that was desperate for love and acceptance.

Brady: By screwing people over.

John: Because his old man abused him and diana was emotionally abusive. No wonder he turned out to be such a mess.

Brady: I get that, but I don’t think that excuses his behavior.

John: Well, of course it doesn’T. What I’m saying is, with craig, maybe leo has found the love and acceptance he’s always been looking for. Hey, come on. Who knows? It’s possible that it’s made him a better person, right?

Brady: Dad, it’s possible. You’re absolutely right. I’m still gonna go with A… snowball’s chance in hell, though. Look, dad, you can defend leo all you want. I know damn well that that guy is gonna break chloe’s dad’s heart in two unless I do something to break them up.

Will: Has the board asked you to resign?

Marlena: No. No, but they’ve been dropping some hints. And, of course, it won’t help that “possession: The marlena evans story” is coming out soon.

Will: Wait, johnny is still making the movie?

Marlena: He didn’t tell you that?

Will: No, I haven’t talked to him in a while.

Marlena: Really, because he’s still giving you story credit?

Will: What? How can he go forward with it? He must know how upsetting that would be to you.

Marlena: He does, but the producer is making him fulfill his contract. He tried to talk his way out out of it, but to no avail.

Will: I mean, there’s got to be something we can do. I mean, this is your life story.

Marlena: Yeah, but unfortunately, I have already signed the release, so I don’t really have any options. So when the movie does come out, I expect I’ll be fired… if that hasn’t happened already.

Justin: Is that the real reason why you didn’t come to our first wedding? Because you didn’t approve of bonnie?

Sonny: No, no, I honestly did have a work emergency, okay? I was in the middle of taking the company public, and i couldn’t take any time off. But if I had been able to come home, I would have given my blessing. It’s just some of the things that happened at the ceremony gave me pause, to put it mildly.

Justin: Sonny, you weren’t even there.

Sonny: But I heard all about it obviously. Your bride shot a woman, left the bloody corpse in your bed, and then came downstairs to marry you like nothing ever happened. And then–and then, right around the “if anyone objects” part, xander cooks waltzed in to collect the million dollars that she had stolen from him, and she left the house in handcuffs. I mean–no, no, no. Can you blame me for having been a little concerned?

Justin: It’s a long story, sonny, okay? None of it was her fault. Well, it mostly wasn’t her fault.

Sonny: Okay, fine, but that wasn’t even the end of it.

Justin: I know, I know. I tried to get her off the hook, and I nearly lost my law license. But again, not her fault.

Sonny: Fine, maybe not directly, but my god, dad, you– you tried to extort a judge. You, the most honest, ethical man that I know, stepped way over the line.

Justin: I did it for bonnie, and I would do it again.

Sonny: You know what, dad, that’s not very comforting.

Justin: [Exhales sharply] Okay, sonny, let’s just cut to the present, shall we? I get what happened at our wedding gave you pause, but if you’re not gonna move on from that, I need to know. To put it simply, do you still have a problem with my wife?

Is now a good time

for a flare-up?

Sonny: Is bonnie the wife that I would’ve chosen for you? No. But if she makes you happy…

Justin: She does.

Sonny: Then I’ll give her a chance. I will support this marriage 1,000%.

Justin: Thank you. That means so much to me.

Bonnie: Oh, sonny. It means so much to me too. Thank you.

[Sobbing]

Sonny: It’s all right.

Bonnie: No, thank you. Thank–thank you for not hating me.

Sonny: [Chuckles] I don’t–I don’t hate you. I just–I needed to hear from my dad directly that he is happy. And clearly, he is, so we are good.

Bonnie: I am so relieved. Oh, now we can be a family. You know, your dad, me, you, your brothers, right? And, sonny, if you want, I mean, you can call me mom.

Sonny: Well, let’s not get carried away.

[Laughter]

Bonnie: Okay.

John: Look, brady, I know that you’re–you’re trying to protect craig here, but getting mixed up in other people’s relationships, I’m telling you, you and chloe just need to stay out of this.

Brady: Dad, I appreciate your input, but it’s kind of too late. The plan is already underway.

John: Your plan. All right, what is this plan of yours?

Marlena: Look who I found!

John: Whoa, will!

[Laughs elatedly] This is a sight for sore eyes. Good to see you, kid!

Will: You too.

Brady: Hey, stranger. It’s been too long. How are you doing?

Will: Good.

John: Come on, doc. You didn’t tell me he was coming.

Marlena: I didn’t know. It was a complete surprise.

John: A nice surprise. Nice; welcome, welcome. What brings you here?

Brady: Actually, it was me. I asked will and sonny to come to salem.

Leo: Nance…may i call you that?

Nancy: No.

Leo: Okay. Well, then nancy it is. I know this is an awkward situation.

Nancy: Then perhaps you ought to put some clothes on.

Leo: No, I–I mean because I’m dating your husband. But we don’t have to be at each other’s throats. We both love and want what’s best for craig. Obviously, that’s me. I mean, you saw him undressing me. Didn’t he look happy?

Craig: Uh…

Nancy: You know, craig, it’s one thing to ask me to accept the fact that you’re gay. But to ask me to deal with this piece of trash? I don’t think so.

Leo: Trash? Honey, I’m trying to extend the olive branch.

Nancy: Oh, well, honey, you can stick that olive branch where the sun don’t shine.

Leo: [Sighs] Oh!

Craig: Nancy! Are you okay? I’m sorry.

Leo: Well, at least it wasn’t hot chowder.

Craig: What, you’re not gonna run after your mom?

Chloe: I feel like she just wants to be alone right now, dad. And since I’m here, I actually wanted to apologize to you, leo.

Leo: What now?

Chloe: Yeah, I felt like the other night, I was kind of out of line, and I was hoping that you and I could start over. Life’s been hard enough.

Bonnie: I am so happy things went well with sonny.

[Chuckles] Except for the part where he saw me naked, of course.

Justin: [Chuckles] He’s a good man.

Bonnie: Yes, he is. Just like his daddy.

Justin: You know, it sounded like will and sonny were gonna be out for a while, so maybe you and I could pick up where we left off.

Bonnie: [Giggles] No, no. Okay, not so fast, cowboy. No, seriously.

Justin: What?

Bonnie: The mood is broken. I’m sorry. Besides, I’m kind of hungry. How about I go out and get us something to eat?

Justin: [Sighs] Are you sure you want this beautiful, roaring fire to go to waste?

Bonnie: Waste? We can have a picnic right in front of it. A bottle of rich wine. Maybe make some s’mores.

Justin: S’mores?

Bonnie: S’mores. It’ll be fun. You’re gonna love it.

Justin: [Groans]

Bonnie: So you put your nose in this book, and I’ll be home before you know it.

[Giggles]

Craig: So just like that, you’re willing to give leo another chance?

Chloe: Yes, I am. I mean, honestly, I would probably be skeptical about anybody that you’re dating. And I was just thinking about, you know, what I said, and I felt like I was being kind of unreasonable with you. And, you know, we all have a past, leo. And, you know, whatever yours is– all that matters is that you clearly make my dad very happy, and that’s all that’s important. So if you’re up to it, I was hoping we could have a, you know, do-over? Start again?

Leo: Up to it? Sweetness, I am on cloud nine right now.

Chloe: Okay, well, good. So maybe I could just take you out for drinks tonight, just you and I, if that’s okay with you, dad.

Craig: That’s perfect.

Leo: Fantastic. Two divas out on the town. I’m gonna go get dressed.

Chloe: Okay, well, while you do that, I will get a table at the bar. And, you know, we’ll have a do-over from the other night.

Leo: You sure you don’t mind the change of plans?

Craig: I do not mind at all.

Leo: Okay, you are the best.

Chloe: See you soon.

Craig: Thank you for doing this. You don’t know how much it means to me.

Chloe: Mm-hmm.

John: So the two of you didn’t mind just dropping everything and flying all the way here just to talk to craig?

Sonny: What, and pass up the perfect chance to see family and friends?

John: Oh, there he is! Hey, buddy. Aw, good to see you, man.

Sonny: Good to see you.

Brady: I was just filling them in on our plan.

Sonny: Yeah, well, I’m glad brady called us. You know, I wouldn’t want anyone else going through the hell that leo put will and me through.

Will: Yeah, so when do we talk to craig?

Brady: I’m waiting to hear from chloe. It’s all about making sure…

[Phone chimes] Leo isn’t around– and that’s chloe. And step is green light. All right. Operation free craig is a-go. As a professional bull-rider

John: Sorry for dropping in so late.

Marlena: I hope we aren’t intruding on your evening.

Justin: No, not at all. Bonnie just went out to pick up some dinner. What’s going on?

John: We need a lawyer.

Justin: Oh. Why didn’t you ask belle?

Marlena: Belle is–is awfully busy with ej’s appeal.

Justin: Right, of course. Okay, what can I do for you?

Marlena: Well, I’m afraid the hospital is going to ask me to resign.

Justin: And why on earth would they do that?

Marlena: [Chuckles] They didn’t like some of the things that I did when I was not myself.

Justin: Well, that’s not fair. None of that was your fault.

John: Yeah, well, unfortunately, they don’t see it that way, justin, and doc and I think that she may be in for a real fight.

Marlena: So if that happens, I’m hoping that you will represent me.

Justin: Of course. I’m always happy to help a friend.

Marlena: [Sighs in relief]

Craig: I couldn’t have climbed to the top without you by my side all these years. And I thank you.

Nancy: [Giggles] Craig, I can’t imagine life without you.

Craig: Mm.

Nancy: I love you more than anything in this world.

Craig: Oh, sweetheart, come here. Come here. Let’s be submarines.

Nancy: [Giggles]

Craig: [Moans]

Nancy: [Sobbing]

[Door slams] Don’t cry, don’t cry. Don’t be an idiot. It’s not worth it.

[Sniffles]

Bonnie: Excuse me, aren’t you chloe lane’s mother?

Nancy: Yes, I am.

Bonnie: I don’t–I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m bonnie, mimi lockhart’s mom?

Nancy: Oh, yes. I’m nancy; nice to see you.

Bonnie: Nancy, hi. Nice to see you. Look, I don’t mean to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong or anything, but are you okay?

Nancy: Oh, I’m just fine. Everything’s great. Just have a few allergies, that’s all.

Bonnie: Oh, okay.

Nancy: Thank you so much.

Bonnie: Sure. It’s good to see you. Have a–have a good evening.

Nancy: Thank you. Bye.

[Sobbing]

Bonnie: Oh, honey. Oh, no, honey. Honey, honey, no. Oh, honey, it’s okay. Shh, shh, shh, it’s okay.

[Knocks on door]

Craig: [Chuckles] Oh, um, can I help you?

Will: Actually, we are here to help you.

Craig: I don’t understand. Who–who are you?

Sonny: I’m sonny kiriakis. This is my husband, will. And we’re here to talk about your boyfriend, leo stark.

Brady: There you are. Hey.

Chloe: Hey.

Brady: Where’s leo?

Chloe: On his way. What about sonny and will?

Craig: They should be at your dad’s room just about now.

Chloe: Well, I hope to god that they can talk some sense into him.

Brady: Me too. We just have to buy them some time.

Chloe: Well, if I’m going to make nice with leo, I’m gonna need a drink. Or correction, several drinks.

Brady: Hey, hey, hey. We’re gonna get through this whole things together, okay?

[Sighs] It’ll be worth it just to get that creep off of your dad’s back.

Chloe: Well, let’s hope it works out.

Brady: Do you think leo suspects anything?

Chloe: [Sighs]

Leo: What’s going on here?

Back to the Days Transcripts Page

Back to the Main Daytime Transcripts Page

Days of Our Lives cast animated GIF

Week of 3/13/22 Primetime News and Schedule

Posted on March 13, 2022March 19, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

Primetime TV News

TV Networks

MOST OF THESE POSTS BELOW are just the main part of each bit of news. For the rest of the news, video clips, photos, and links, go to our Primetime Forum!

Scripted Shows
Non-Fiction Shows
Reruns
Other

This Week’s News by Angie and Suzanne!

NOTE: This schedule is always subject to change…

SCRIPTED SHOWS

ABC The Rookie: Real Crime (3/13) Show More

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ABC The Good Doctor: Sacrifice (3/14) Show More

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ABC The Goldbergs: The Downtown Boys (3/16) Show More

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ABC The Wonder Years: The Sleepover (3/16) Show More

“The Sleepover” – When Dean learns that Corey’s dad, Coach Long, is in the doghouse, he struggles to keep this secret from his friend on a new episode of “The Wonder Years,” airing WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16 (8:30-9:00 p.m. EDT), on ABC.

ABC The Conners: Messy Situation, Miscommunication and Academic Probation (3/16) Show More

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ABC Home Economics: Keg of Light Beer, $180 (3/16) Show More

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ABC A Million Little Things: little white lies (3/16) Show More

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ABC Station 19: In My Tree (3/17) Show More

“In My Tree” – The Dean Miller Memorial Clinic has its opening day. Meanwhile, Sullivan gives Beckett an ultimatum, and the crew responds to a skydiving incident on a new episode of “Station 19,” THURSDAY, MARCH 17 (8:00-9:00 p.m. EDT), on ABC. (TV-14, DLV) Promo

ABC Grey’s Anatomy: The Makings of You (3/17) Show More

Hulu

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ABC Big Sky: A Good Boy (3/17) Show More

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AMC The Walking Dead – Sunday, March 13, 9:00PM Show More

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AMC+ THAT DIRTY BLACK BAG – Thursday, March 17 Show More

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Apple TV+ WECRASHED – Friday, March 18 Show More

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BBC America KILLING EVE – Sunday, March 13, 8:00PM Show More

A Rainbow in Beige Boots- Having stalked Helene, a new lead allows Eve to uncover a name in The Twelve’s top tier; Villanelle is rejected by Eve when she seeks help; operating abroad, Carolyn discovers more promising intel on a spate of torturous murders linked to The Twelve.

BET The Oval – Tuesday, March 15, 9:00PM Show More

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BET Sistas – Wednesday, March 16, 9:00PM Show More

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Byu TV MALORY TOWERS – Sunday, March 13, 7:30PM Show More

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CBS THE EQUALIZER – Sunday, March 13 Show More

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CBS NCIS: LOS ANGELES – Sunday, March 13 Show More

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CBS S.W.A.T. – Sunday, March 13 Show More

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CBS THE NEIGHBORHOOD – Monday, March 14 Show More

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CBS BOB ♥ ABISHOLA – Monday, March 14 Show More

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CBS NCIS – Monday, March 14 Show More

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CBS NCIS: HAWAI`I – Monday, March 14 Show More

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CBS FBI – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

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CBS FBI: INTERNATIONAL – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

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CBS FBI: MOST WANTED – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

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Comedy Central South Park – Wednesday, March 16, 8:00PM Show More

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Comedy Central Fairview – Wednesday, March 16, 8:30PM Show More

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The CW All American – Monday, March 14 Show More

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The CW All American: Homecoming – Monday, March 14 Show More

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The CW The Flash – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

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The CW Kung Fu – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

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The CW Charmed – Friday, March 18 Show More

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The CW Dynasty – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Disney Raven’s Home – Friday, March 18, 8:00PM Show More

Epix FROM – Sunday, March 13, 9:00PM Show More

FOX THE SIMPSONS – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Video Clips

FOX THE GREAT NORTH – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Video Clips

FOX BOB’S BURGERS – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Video Clips

FOX FAMILY GUY – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Video Clips

FOX 9-1-1: LONE STAR – Monday, March 14 Show More

Video Clips

FOX THE CLEANING LADY – Monday, March 7 Show More

Video Clips

FOX CALL ME KAT – Thursday, March 17 Show More

Video Clips

FOX WELCOME TO FLATCH – Thursday, March 17 Show More

Video Clips

Freeform Good Trouble – Wednesday, March 16, 9:59PM Show More

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Freeform Grown-ish – Thursday, March 17, 10:00PM Show More

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Freeform Single Drunk Female – Thursday, March 17, 10:30PM Show More

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FX Better Things – Monday, March 14, 10:00PM Show More

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FX Snowfall – Wednesday, March 16, 10:00PM Show More

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FXX DICKTOWN – Thursday, March 17, 10:00PM Show More

Hallmark When Calls The Heart – Sunday, March 13, 8:00PM Show More

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Hallmark Movie Channel THE PRESENCE OF LOVE – Sunday, March 13, 9:00PM Show More

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HBO The Gilded Age – Monday, March 14, 9:00PM Show More

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HBO My Brilliant Friend – Monday, March 14, 10:00PM Show More

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HBO WINNING TIME: THE RISE OF THE LAKERS DYNASTY – Sunday, March 13, 9:00PM Show More

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HBO Max DMZ – Thursday, March 17 Show More

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HBO Max MINX – Thursday, March 17 Show More

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HBO Max LIFE & BETH – Friday, March 18 Show More

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HBO Max VLAD & NIKI – Friday, March 18 Show More

Vlad & Niki is an imaginative, live-action preschool series, showcasing the everyday comedic antics of two young brothers, starring eight-old Vlad Vashketov and six-year-old Niki Vashketov, along with the help of their humorous mother Victoria Vashketova and toddler brother Christian. The series champions family fun, discovery play, home adventures, learning, singing and dancing.

HBO Max LUST – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Lifetime CHEATING FOR YOUR LIFE – Sunday, March 13, 8:00PM Show More

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Lifetime SINS IN THE SUBURBS – Saturday, March 19, 8:00PM Show More

Heather is a struggling artist living in a quiet suburban neighborhood. All seems well until one day the good-looking and single Tyler moves in next door. Heather is first intrigued by Tyler. He is charming, handsome, and seems quite successful. But as news of a local serial killer begins to spread and the number of victims rises, Heather begins to question if Tyler may not somehow be involved. Stars Monique Sypkens, Brandon Santana (2022).

LMN A GIFT OF MURDER – Thursday, March 17, 8:00PM Show More

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LMN DROWNING IN SECRETS – Friday, March 18, 8:00PM Show More

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NBC “TRANSPLANT””JASMINE” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “THE ENDGAME””#1 WITH A BULLET” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “YOUNG ROCK””UNPRECEDENTED FATHERHOOD” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “MR. MAYOR””MOVE FAST AND BREAK THINGS” ORIGINAL Show More

03/15/2022 (08:30PM – 09:00PM) (Tuesday) : Neil is excited to work with his new Innovation Team but gets sidetracked when he has to take Orly (and Arpi) to the DMV for her permit test. Tommy and Mikaela become increasingly concerned about the I-Team’s new presence and fight to keep Jayden off the chopping block. TV-PG

NBC “THIS IS US””THE GUITAR MAN” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “THE THING ABOUT PAM””SHE’S A HELPER” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “CHICAGO MED””MAY YOUR CHOICES REFLECT HOPE, NOT FEAR” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “CHICAGO FIRE””HOT AND FAST” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “CHICAGO PD””CLOSER” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “LAW & ORDER“”FAULT LINES” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT“”SORRY IF IT GOT WEIRD FOR YOU” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “LAW & ORDER: ORGANIZED CRIME“”GUNS & ROSES” ORIGINAL Show More

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NBC “THE BLACKLIST””THE CHAIRMAN” ORIGINAL Show More

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Netflix BAD VEGAN: FAME. FRAUD. FUGITIVES. – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

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Netflix PEDAL TO METAL – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

After a race they drive in ends fatally, friends Kike and Noche flee to Mexico City to hide, rebuild their lives and escape danger … or at least try.

Netflix HUMAN RESOURCES – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Netflix CRACOW MONSTERS – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Netflix ETERNALLY CONFUSED AND EAGER FOR LOVE – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Roku THE NEWSREADER – Friday, March 18 Show More

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Showtime BILLIONS – Sunday, March 13, 9:00 PM Show More

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Showtime SUPER PUMPED – Sunday, March 13, 9:00 PM Show More

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Showtime DESUS AND MERO – Thursday, March 17, 11:00PM Show More

ayyyy ya boy caught that COVID. I’ve been isolating, so there won’t be a new episode of #DESUSandMERO tomorrow. I’m vaxxed up and boosted and right now my only symptom is boredom. stay safe and be careful out there beloved

Starz Power Book IV: Force – Sunday, March 13, 8:08PM Show More

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Starz OUTLANDER – Sunday, March 13, 9:00PM Show More

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Starz SHINING VALE – Sunday, March 13, 10:51PM Show More

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Syfy RESIDENT ALIEN – Wednesday, March 16, 9:00PM Show More

Preview

Syfy ASTRID & LILLY SAVE THE WORLD – Wednesday, March 16, 10:00PM Show More

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TBS American Dad – Monday, March 14, 9:00PM Show More

A Song of Knives and Fire – TBA

TNT Snowpiecer – Monday, March 14, 10:00PM Show More

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UP Tv A HONEYMOON TO REMEMBER – Sunday, March 13, 7:00PM Show More

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NON-FICTION

ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos: 3215 (3/13) Show More

“3215” – In an all-new episode of “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” a man makes the mistake of trusting his teenage son to give him a haircut, a mouse crawls up a boy’s pantleg and get a dose of influencer flubs when “America’s Funniest Home Videos” airs, SUNDAY, MARCH 13 (7:00-8:00 p.m. EDT), on ABC. (TV-PG)

ABC American Idol: 503 (Auditions) (3/13) Show More

“503 (Auditions)” – Season five of “American Idol” continues on ABC as superstar judges Luke Bryan, Katy Perry and Lionel Richie journey to find America’s next singing sensation. Auditions continue across Los Angeles, California; Austin, Texas; and Nashville, Tennessee, where the show’s iconic judge auditions will surprise audiences and hopefuls alike with never-before-seen twists. Emmy® Award-winning host and producer Ryan Seacrest hosts “American Idol,” SUNDAY, MARCH 13 (8:00-10:00 p.m. EST), on ABC. (TV-PG, L)

ABC The Bachelor: 2610A (3/14) Show More

“2610A” – It all comes down to this. After a heartbreaking and unexpected breakup with Susie, Clayton finds himself questioning everything as he heads into the rose ceremony we’ve all awaited. When Clayton drops devastating news on the final two women, they’ll have to ponder their futures with our leading man. Host Jesse Palmer will be joined by a panel of Bachelor Nation fan favorites for a LIVE discussion as the story unfolds. Part one of the epic two-part finale of “The Bachelor” airs MONDAY, MARCH 14 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT), on ABC. (TV-PG, DL)

ABC The Bachelor: 2610B (3/15) Show More

“2610B” – After a rollercoaster season like none other, “The Bachelor” himself, Clayton Echard, returns to face the three women he fell in love with. Jesse Palmer will guide emotional conversations throughout the evening as the bombshell conclusion to Clayton’s season plays out. What happens next is anyone’s guess, but it all goes down LIVE. Plus, an exciting surprise announcement that no one will see coming on the finale of “The Bachelor,” TUESDAY, MARCH 15 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT), on ABC. (TV-PG, DL)

ABC Shark Tank: 1320 (3/18) Show More

ABC 20/20: Robert Durst (3/18) Show More

ABC Hockey Saturday Pregame (3/19) Show More

Interviews and analysis previewing upcoming NHL action. Airing Saturday, March 19, 2022 (8:00 PM-8:30 PM EST) on ABC.

ABC NHL SPECIAL (3/19) Show More

Bravo The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Tuesday, March 15, 8:00PM Show More

Preview

Bravo The Real Housewives of Orange County – Wednesday, March 9, 9:00PM Show More

Preview

CBS 60 MINUTES – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Preview

CBS SURVIVOR – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

CBS BEYOND THE EDGE – Wednesday March 16 Show More

CBS NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP – Thursday, March 17 Show More

3/17/22 (Th.) 8:00 PM – First round – Kentucky vs. St. Peter’s in a first-round game. From Gainbridge Fieldhouse in Indianapolis. Then San Francisco vs. Murray State in a first-round game. From Gainbridge Fieldhouse, Indianapolis.

CBS NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP – Friday, March 18 Show More

3/18/22 (Fri.) 8:00 PM – Duke vs. Cal State (Fullerton) in a first-round game. From Bon Secours Wellness Arena in Greenville, S.C and Michigan State vs. Davidson in a first-round game. From Bon Secours Wellness Arena in Greenville, S.C

CBS NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP Saturday, March 19 Show More

3/19/22 (Sat.) 8:00 PM – Second round – TBA

CBS 48 HOURS – Saturday, March 19 Show More

Preview

The CW 27th annual Critics Choice Awards – Sunday, March 13 Show More

The CW Great Chocolate Showdown – Saturday, March 19 Show More

The CW World’s Funniest Animals – Saturday, March 19 Show More

FOX THE MASKED SINGER – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

Video Clips

FOX DOMINO MASTERS – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

Video Clips

FOX MASTERCHEF – Thursday, March 17 Show More

Video Clips

FOX WWE’S FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN – Friday, March 18 Show More

Video Clips

HBO PHOENIX RISING – Tuesday, March 15, 9:00PM Show More

PHOENIX RISING, a two-part documentary produced and directed by Amy Berg (HBO’s “The Case against Adnan Syed”), follows actress and activist Evan Rachel Wood as she takes her experience as a survivor of domestic violence to pursue justice, heal generational wounds, and reclaim her story. Almost a decade after escaping a dangerous relationship, Wood co-authors and successfully lobbies for passage of The Phoenix Act, legislation that extends the statute of limitations for domestic violence cases in California. Wood courageously uses her own experience to bring visibility to the issue; ultimately, in solidarity with fellow survivors.

HBO Real Time With Bill Maher – Friday, March 18, 10:00PM Show More

This week features a one-on-one interview with former U.S. Secretary of Energy and CEO of Energy Futures Initiative, Ernest Moniz. This week’s panel discussion will include pollster and founding partner at Echelon Insights, Kristen Soltis Anderson; and Senior Resident Fellow at the Atlantic Council, a nonresident fellow at the Modern War Institute at West Point, and host of “Max Brooks Breaks Down” on YouTube, Max Brooks.

NBC “THE COURTSHIP””ACTS OF CHIVALRY” ORIGINAL Show More

03/13/2022 (08:00PM – 09:00PM) (Sunday) : TV-PG – The suitors join Ms. Rémy and her court for a day at the lake and attempt to out-romance one another with acts of chivalry in hopes of impressing Mr. and Mrs. Rémy. At the weekly farewell ball, Ms. Rémy reveals whose journey in romance continues and whose carriage awaits to return them to the modern world.

NBC “WEAKEST LINK””WELCOME TO WEAKEST LINK: SEASON PREMIERE” ORIGINAL Show More

03/13/2022 (09:00PM – 10:00PM) (Sunday) : TV-PG – Jane Lynch hosts the return of the British import and international game show phenomenon “Weakest Link.” In each episode, eight contestants enter the studio as total strangers but must work together to bank the maximum amount of prize money available in each round. The contestants take turns to answer general knowledge questions to build chains of correct answers. Consecutive correct answers greatly increase the value of the chain, while incorrect answers break the chain and force the contestants to start over on the lowest rung with the smallest amount money. At the end of each round, contestants vote to eliminate the fellow contestant they consider to be the “Weakest Link” in the chain. The contestant who receives the highest number of votes leaves the game as Jane declares the iconic phrase, “You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.”

NBC “AMERICA’S GOT TALENT: EXTREME””AUDITIONS END AND THE $500,000 FINALE” ORIGINAL Show More

03/14/2022 (08:00PM – 10:00PM) (Monday) : One act will be named the “AGT: Extreme” champion and win the $500,000 prize. Travis Barker and Avril Lavigne perform. Creator and executive producer Simon Cowell will judge alongside Nikki Bella and Travis Pastrana. Terry Crews hosts. TV-PG

NBC “DATELINE””FR3126” ORIGINAL Show More

USA Network WWE RAW – Monday, March 14, 8:00PM Show More

USA Network Temptation Island – Wednesday, March 16, 10:00PM Show More

Don’t Tempt Me – “Temptation Island” returns for season four on Wednesday, March 16 at 10 p.m. ET/PT on USA Network. Mark L. Walberg returns as host. Four new couples at a crossroads in their relationship head to Maui, Hawaii to put their love to the test. Joined by 24 sexy single men and women looking to find everlasting love, these couples must decide whether to commit to a lifetime together – or if they will ultimately give in to the temptation from the singles looking to find “the one.”

USA Network Temptation Island – Monday, March 7, 8:00PM Show More

“Temptation Island” returns for season four on Wednesday, March 16 at 10 p.m. ET/PT on USA Network. Mark L. Walberg returns as host. Four new couples at a crossroads in their relationship head to Maui, Hawaii to put their love to the test. Joined by 24 sexy single men and women looking to find everlasting love, these couples must decide whether to commit to a lifetime together – or if they will ultimately give in to the temptation from the singles looking to find “the one.”

RERUNS

ABC Abbott Elementary: Light Bulb (3/15) (Rebroadcast. OAD: 1/4/22) Show More

Promo

ABC Abbott Elementary: Work Family (3/15) (Rebroadcast. OAD: 2/15/22) Show More

CBS FBI – Wednesday, March 16 Show More

Promo

The CW Superman & Lois – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

Promo

The CW Naomi – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

Promo

The CW Walker – Thursday, March 17 Show More

Promo

The CW Legacies – Thursday, March 17 Show More

Promo

FOX THE SIMPSONS – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Promo

FOX CALL ME KAT – Sunday, March 13 Show More

Promo

FOX THE RESIDENT – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

Promo

FOX THE MASKED SINGER – Tuesday, March 15 Show More

FOX 9-1-1 – Saturday, March 19 Show More

Promo

FOX THE CLEANING LADY – Saturday, March 19 Show More

Promo

FOX I CAN SEE YOUR VOICE – Saturday, March 19 Show More

NBC “AMERICA’S GOT TALENT: EXTREME””BEST OF AUDITIONS 3” Show More

03/13/2022 (07:00PM – 08:00PM) (Sunday) : TV-PG Auditions 3. The auditions continue as a variety of contestants – showcasing the most outrageous, unique and jaw-dropping acts too big for a stage – compete for a chance to win a $500,000 prize.

NBC “LAW & ORDER“”FAULT LINES” REPEAT Show More

Promo

NBC “DATELINE WEEKEND MYSTERY””SA3126” ORIGINAL Show More

NBC “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE””ADELE / H.E.R.” ORIGINAL Show More

Promo

NBC “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE””KIERAN CULKIN / ED SHEERAN” ORIGINAL Show More

Promo

OTHER

These TV shows will be out on DVD this week: “Earth 2: The Complete Series;” “Head Of The Class: The Complete Fourth Season;” “My Life as a Teenage Robot: Complete Seasons 1-3;” “Pokémon The Series: Black & White Rival Destinies Complete Season;” “The Proud Family: The Complete Original Series Anniversary Collection;” “Rocket Power: The Complete Series Collection;” “Vikings: Season 6 Volume 2” (also on Blu-ray); “Vikings: The Complete Series” (also on Blu-ray); and “Warlords of Sigrdrifa: The Complete Season Digital” (only on Blu-ray).

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South Park Episode Guide

Posted on March 12, 2022May 23, 2022 by Nancy

South Park

Mr. Hankey’s favorite episodes…

SEASON ONE

1	1-01	August 13, 1997	“Cartman Gets an Anal Probe”	Cartman is visited repeatedly by aliens, who also take Ike.
2	1-02	August 20, 1997	“Weight Gain 4000”	Kathie Lee visits to give Cartman an award, so he beefs up for TV.
3	1-03	August 27, 1997	“Volcano”	While the gang are out hunting with Ned and Jimbo, avolcano starts to erupt.
4	1-04	September 3, 1997	“Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride”	When Stan finds out his dog is gay, he tries to change him; meanwhile, Chef wants Stan’s attention focused on the big football game.
5	1-05	September 10, 1997	“An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig”	For a school project, the boys try to make a pig and an elephant mate; meanwhile, a giant clone of Stan wrecks the town. 106 Death Stan;s grandfather begs him to kill him, so Death visits; meanwhile, the town’s parents visit Washington DC to protest Terrence and Philip.
6	1-06	September 17, 1997	“Death”
7	1-07	October 29, 1997	“Pinkeye”	(Halloween Special) The townspeople turn into zombies while the boys try to have fun trick-or-treating.
8	1-08	November 19, 1997	“Starvin’ Marvin”	(Thanksgiving Special) The boys order a watch but instead get an Ethiopian boy; meanwhile, raging turkeys terrorize the town.
9	1-09	December 17, 1997	“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo”	(Christmas Special) Kyle, a Jew, feels left out at Christmas.
10	1-10	February 4, 1998	“Damien”	(Cartman’s Birthday) The new boy in school tries to fit in while his father the devil gets ready to fight Jesus in the ring.
11	1-11	February 11, 1998	“Tom’s Rhinoplasty”	(Valentine’s Day) Wendy is upset when Mr. Garrison leaves his job after getting plastic surgery and is replaced by an attractive substitute teacher.
12	1-12	February 18, 1998	“Mecha-Streisand”	When the boys find a special triangle, Barbra Streisand schemes to get her hands on it so she can be the most powerful creature in the world.
13	1-13	February 25, 1998	“Cartman’s Mom is a Dirty Slut”	Part 1, Cartman tries to find out who his real father is.

SEASON TWO

14	2-01	April 1, 1998	“Terrence and Phillip in Not Without My Anus”	(Comedy Central’s April Fools Joke) Terrence and Philip try to save Celine Dion’s child from Saddam Hussein, who tries to take over Canada.
15	2-02	April 22, 1998	“Cartman’s Mom is Still a Dirty Slut”	Part 2, Mr. Mackey is fired for losing drugs at school, so he really gets into drugs; meanwhile, Cartman finds out more about his mom than he wanted to.
16	2-03	May 20, 1998	“Chickenlover”	Officer Barbrady has to admit he can’t read while someone goes around town screwing chickens.
17	2-04	May 27, 1998	“Ike’s Wee Wee”	The boys freak when they find out that Kyle’s family is going to circumcise Ike, and Kyle is annoyed when he finds out that Ike is adopted.
18	2-05	June 3, 1998	“Conjoined Fetus Lady”	The boys play dodge ball and go to the championships with Chef, while the townspeople try to make the school nurse feel better about her deformity.
19	2-06	June 10, 1998	“The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka”	The boys help Ned and Jimbo with their TV show, causing Jesus to be more competitive.
20	2-07	November 25, 2001	“City on the Edge of Forever (aka Flashbacks)”	The school bus crashes.
21	2-08	June 24, 1998	“Summer Sucks”	The townspeople search for ways to make this year’s 4th of July celebration exciting, since fireworks have been outlawed. Meanwhile, Mr. Hand is stolen and Cartman takes swimming lessons.
22	2-09	August 19, 1998	“Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls”	A film festival threatens Mr. Hankey.
23	2-10	August 26, 1998	“Chickenpox”	When Kenny gets chickenpox, the parents of the other kids send Stan, Kyle, and Eric over to his house so they can get it “while they’re young”.
24	2-11	September 2, 1998	“Roger Ebert Should Lay Off The Fatty Foods”	The children are brainwashed when they take a field trip to the local planetarium; meanwhile, Cartman tries out for a Cheesy Poofs commercial.
25	2-12	September 23, 1998	“Clubhouses”	The boys compete to build clubhouses so they can play truth or dare with the girls.
26	2-13	September 30, 1998	“Cow Days”	The town celebrates their annual cowdays, but they don’t anticipate that the giant wooden cow is going to affect the local cows in a strange way.
27	2-14	October 7, 1998	“Chef Aid”	Chef is sued when he protests that Alanis Morrisette stole his song, so the boys go to celebrities that Chef knew to raise money for his legal fees.
28	2-15	October 28, 1998	“Spooky Fish”	Stan’s Aunt Flo brings him a pet fish that kills people; when the kids investigate, they find a doorway to a parallel universe.
29	2-16	December 9, 1998	“Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!”	Cartman’s friends join him in Nebraska for his family holiday. Stan goes without permission and Cartman’s uncle busts out of jail with Charles Manson.
30	2-17	December 16, 1998	“Gnomes (aka Underpants Gnomes)”	The gang has to work with a jittery Tweek to write a paper for school and end up getting caught in the middle of a town fight against big corporations. All Tweek cares about is the Underpants Gnomes that keep stealing his underpants./td>
31	2-18	January 20, 1999	“Prehistoric Ice Man”	Stan and the gang accidentally discover a man frozen from 1996. Mephisto wants to dissect him. Cartman just wants to be like his Australian hero.

SEASON THREE

32	3-01	April 7, 1999	“Rainforest Schmainforest”	The boys are forced to take a trip to the rainforest with a dorky children’s choir, but they get lost. Kenny finds love with a girl from the group.
33	3-02	April 14, 1999	“Spontaneous Combustion”	Stan’s father is asked by the mayor to find out why South Park residents are suddenly bursting into flames; meanwhile, the boys mix up “erection” with “resurrection” and think they have to crucify Cartman in order to save Kyle’s parents’ marriage.
34	3-03	April 21, 1999	“The Succubus (aka Chef’s Mama)”	The Succubus Chef gets engaged to a woman that completely changes him, making the boys think that she might be evil.
35	3-04	June 16, 1999	“Jakovasaurs”	The boys go camping and discover a strange species (that sounds and acts like Jar Jar Binks in “Phantom Menace”); the town helps to save the almost-extinct species but then wants to get rid of them because they’re so annoying–all except Cartman.
36	3-05	June 23, 1999	“Tweek vs. Craig”	In shop class, the boys try to convince Tweek and Craig to fight each other; meanwhile, their new shop teacher can’t forget his dead fiancé.
		July 1, 1999	The South Park Movie: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut	The gang goes to the Terrence and Philip movie, “Asses of Fire”, which is full of profanity. The parents and other adults gang together to protest, which results in a World War against Canada, the possible execution of Terrence and Philip, and the coming to earth of gay lovers Satan and Saddam Hussein.
37	3-06	July 7, 1999	“Sexual Harrasment Panda”	The school brings in a sexual harrassment panda to teach the children about the subject, but it results in everyone suing each other.
38	3-07	July 14, 1999	“Cat Orgy”	Cartman fights Stan’s sister.
39	3-08	July 21, 1999	“Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub”	The adults have a millenium party but Stan is stuck with the geeky kids; meanwhile, the ATF thinks the party is a bunch of cultists about to commit suicide.
40	3-09	July 28, 1999	“Jewbilee”	Kyle takes Kenny with him and Ike to Jew Scouts camp, where they meet Moses and a bear.
41	3-10	October 27, 1999	“Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery”	While the gang try to figure out how to scare the 5th graders, the group Korn visits for a Halloween concert.
42	3-11	November 3, 1999	“Chinpokomon”	The gang get brainwashed by Japanese toy manufacturers who want to use their toys to take over the US.
43	3-12	November 10, 1999	“Hooked on Monkey Phonics”	Two home school kids start to interact with the local kids and learn South Park social skills. Cartman decides he wants to be home-schooled, too.
44	3-13	November 17, 1999	“Starvin’ Marvin in Space!”	Starvin’ Marvin rescues his people with the aid of aliens from another galaxy.
45	3-14	November 24, 1999	“The Red Badge of Gayness (aka War)”	Cartman the drunken townspeople to take their civil war re-enactment out to the real battlefields so the south can win–and he can make Stan and Kyle his slaves.
46	3-15	December 1, 1999	“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics”	Mr. Hankey hosts a musical Christmas special that spoofs many classic Xmas shows, including Frosty the Snowman, Perry Como specials and the 1978 Star Wars Christmas Special. “Christmas in Hell” may be my favorite!
47	3-16	December 29, 1999	“Are You There, God? It’s Me, Jesus”	Cartman and the gang think they got their period. Jesus tries to get his father to make a big new year’s appearance.
48	3-17	January 12, 2000	“Worldwide Recorder Concert (aka The Brown Noise)”	Mr. Garrison visits his family when the class takes a field trip to Arkansas.

SEASON FOUR

49	4-01	April 5, 2000	“The Tooth Fairy’s Tats 2000”	The gang learn that there’s no tooth fairy but get the idea to steal other kid’s tooth fairy money.
50	4-02	April 12, 2000	“Cartman’s Silly Hate Crime 2000”	Cartman goes to jail for throwing a rock at Token; will the gang be able to win the big sledding contest against the girls without him?
51	4-03	April 19, 2000	“Timmy! 2000”	The new retarded boy, Timmy, is diagnosed with ADD; soon the rest of the boys are, too. Timmy joins a band that pisses off Phil Collins.
52	4-04	April 26, 2000	“Quintuplets 2000”
53	4-05	June 21, 2000	“Cartman Joins NAMBLA”	Cartman thinks he’s too mature for his friends so he goes online to find new ones. Kenny tries to stop his parents from having another child.
54	4-06	June 28, 2000	“Cherokee Hair Tampons”	Kyle gets a fatal kidney disease so Stan tries to save him. The parents fall for a fake holistic peddler.
55	4-07	July 5, 2000	“Chef Goes Nanners”	Chef declares the town’s flag racist. The schoolchildren must decide whether it is or not. Cartman and Wendy share an unexpected attraction.
56	4-08	July 12, 2000	“Something You Can Do With Your Finger (aka Fingerbang)”	Cartman decides to start a boy band.
57	4-09	July 19, 2000	“Do The Handicapped Go To Hell?”	Satan is dismayed to find that Saddam is back and trying to get back into his life. The boys worry that they will go to Hell.
58	4-10	July 26, 2000	“Probably”	Cartman becomes a preacher to the South Park children while Satan tries to decide between his new lover and Saddam.
59	4-11	November 8, 2000	“Fourth Grade”	The gang go to the next grade, which they don’t like. Meanwhile, their new teacher tries to track down Mr. Garrison.
60	4-12	November 15, 2000	“Trapper Keepers”	A robot from the future wants Cartman’s new trapper keeper.
61	4-13	November 22, 2000	“Helen Keller! The Musical”	The kids have to put on a show and want it to be spectacular. Timmy befriends a scrawny turkey.
62	4-14	November 29, 2000	“Pip (aka Great Expectations)”
63	4-15	December 6, 2000	“Fat Camp”	Cartman is sent to a fat camp while the other boys get Kenny to eat disgusting things for big money.
64	4-16	December 13, 2000	“The Wacky Molestation Adventure”	The kids get their parents sent to jail and take over the town.
65	4-17	December 20, 2000	“A Very Crappy Christmas”	The kids try to cheer up Mr. Hankey and then have their own animated special.

SEASON FIVE

66	5-01	June 20, 2001	“It Hits the Fan”	A mysterious plague comes to the earth because of the word shit being used too much on television.
67	5-02	June 27, 2001	“Cripple Fight”	Big Gay Al gets thrown out of scouts and Timmy fights with another crippled kid that everyone seems to like better.
68	5-03	July 4, 2001	“Super Best Friends”	The boys get into a cult run by magician David Blaine. The only ones to stop them from the mass suicide are Super Best Friends: Jesus, Buddha, Moses, et al.
69	5-04	July 11, 2001	“Scott Tenorman Must Die”	Cartman has a rivalry with another kid.
70	5-05	July 18, 2001	“Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow”	The boys promise to get Terrance and Phillip to appear at Earth Day festivities, but the duo have broken up.
71	5-06	July 25, 2001	“Cartmanland”	Cartman inherits one million dollars, and Kyle starts to question whether he should go on living in a world where Cartman is happy.
72	5-07	August 1, 2001	“Proper Condom Use”	The adults decide that the 4th graders should learn sex education because they are masturbating dogs for fun, but Mr. Mackey and Ms. Chokesondick are not experienced enough to teach them about it.
73	5-08	August 8, 2001	“Towelie”	The boys get a new video game system and get hooked. They meet Towelie, a mascot, and get caught up in a power struggle with secret government agencies.
74	5-09	November 7, 2001	“Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants”	The boys send money to Afghanistan and get a box in return, leading the government to investigate. The boys stowaway on a government plane to return the goat and end up fighting with Osama.
75	5-10	November 14, 2001	“How To Eat With Your Butt”	Cartman puts Kenny’s face on a milk carton with his own butt as Kenny’s face, but then some butt-faced people appear in town to see if Kenny is their long-lost child, so Cartman laughs so hard that he loses his ability to laugh. Butters keeps getting in trouble for making faces.
76	5-11	November 21, 2001	“The Entity (aka The Ginger Device)”	Mr. Garrison decides to build his own transportation device because of horrible airline service and inconvenience. It works great, even if it does require homosexual-like sexual behavior to run it, and it makes him very successful. Kyle’s annoying nerdy cousin comes to visit and drives Kyle crazy, so Kyle tries to get rid of him.
77	5-12	November 28, 2001	“Here Comes The Neighborhood”	Token, the rich (black) kid in town, is not happy with being different from the other kids, so he invites other rich people to move there and it becomes like the next Aspen (all of the rich people are black celebrities). The townspeople go up in arms to stop their town from changing and being taken over by the “richers”.
78	5-13	December 5, 2001	“Kenny Dies”	Cartman finds a crashed truck with aborted fetuses and figures out a way to sell stem cells to get rich. Stan and Kyle have to deal with the fact that Kenny is going to die from a terminal disease.
79	5-14	December 12, 2001	“Butters’ Very Own Episode”	Butters looks forward to his annual anniversary dinner with his parents but ends up accidentally outing his father. He gets lost when his mother tries to drown him in a fit of depression, and he has to find his way back home through some horrible places in the city. Meanwhile, his parents become local celebrities like the Ramseys as people think Butters is just missing and his mother tries to hide what happened by blaming it on “Some Puerto Rican guy”.

SEASON SIX

80	6-01	March 6, 2002	“Jared has Aides”	Because of seeing Jared in Subway ads, the boys decide to have Butters lose weight so they can be rich and famous like Jared, so they get sponsored by the local Chinese restaurant. Butters gains weight instead, so his parents ground him. Jared comes to town and shareshis weight loss secret that he has “aides” (meaning personal trainers), shocking everyone who thinks he has AIDS and is advocating it to all.
81	6-02	March 13, 2002	“Asspen”	The boys’ parents go on a trip to Aspen where they have to listen to a timeshare sales pitch which ends up taking over their whole vacation. The boys learn to ski and are surrounded by teens from a bad 80’s-style movie where Stan is forced to race against the local tough guy.
82	6-03	March 20, 2002	“Freak Strike”	The kids figure out that talk shows like to have people with deformities as guests, so they make Butters look like he’s got testicles on his chin in order to win prize money from the shows. They find there’s a whole group of freaks that make the talk show circuit, and they take Butters in as one of their own and decide to go on strike. When Butters wins the prize, a trip to a Putt-Putt golf course that the other boys can’t benefit from, Cartman goes on a talk show with his mother as an “out of control” child so that he can win, too.
83	6-04	March 27, 2002	“Fun With Veal”	The boys visit a ranch and learn that cute baby cows are going to be slaughtered, so they abduct them and hide them in Stan’s room, which results in a hostage situation.
84	6-05	April 3, 2002	“The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer”	The kids force themselves to watch a bad kids’ show (where Russell Crowe travels around the world beating people up) in order to see the new trailer for Terrance and Phillip’s movie, but they keep getting interrupted and having to move around town to different TV’s. Chef can’t figure out how to use his new TV and it ends up turning into a robot and walking around town smashing things.
85	6-06	April 10, 2002	“Professor Chaos”	The boys decide to fire Butters as their new best friend and hold auditions for another one. Butters decides to become an evil super-villain named Professor Chaos and destroy the world.
86	6-07	June 26, 2002	“The Simpsons Already Did It”	Cartman buys sea-men (like sea-monkeys), thinking they will be something cool, and is disappointed in what he gets, so the kids pour them into the teacher’s coffee. She dies, and the news says that semen was found in her stomach, so they think they will be held responsible. They go to the lab where she is being autopsied and steal the semen, then hide it back in Cartman’s fish tank, where it grows into a real civilization. Meanwhile, Professor Chaos still tries to destroy the world but finds that all of his ideas have already been done by The Simpsons.
87	6-08	July 3, 2002	“Red Hot Catholic Love Church”	Attendance is down because of the Catholic priest scandals, so Priest Maxi travels to the Vatican for guidance. He finds that all of the priests are pedophiles and ruled by a giant spider. The children are interviewed by counselors to find out if they have been molested, but instead they wonder why someone may want to stick something up their butt. Cartman thinks that maybe people can shove food in their butts and crap out their mouths, so he tries it. Meanwhile, all of the townspeople become atheists and soon they are also following Cartman’s example.
88	6-09	July 10, 2002	“Free Hat”	The boys get upset to find out that their favorite movies are being re-released with changes in them, so they try to get a movement going, where they give out free hats to get people to join, but people are more interested in freeing a serial baby-killer named Hat. The boys end up facing the Wrath of Lucas and Spielberg as they try to steal the only original copy of “Raiders of the Lost Ark”.
89	6-10	July 17, 2002	“Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society”	BeBe wants plastic surgery to get her breasts reduced because the boys revert to cavemen whenever Bebe is around and fight, and the girls suddenly have turned on her. The boys almost destroy the town and themselves.
90	6-11	July 24, 2002	“Child Abduction Is Not Funny”	News reports scare the parents of the town that their children are not safe from abductors, so they hire the guy who runs City Wok to build a big wall like the one China has. He tries but has to constantly fend off Mongol hordes. The parents send their children away to protect them from each other, so the children are adopted by the Mongolians.
91	6-12	November 6, 2002	“A Ladder to Heaven”	The boys try to return a winning ticket to get tons of candy, only to find that Kenny was the one holding the ticket. They break into his house to find it. Cartman makes cocoa from some powder (Kenny’s ashes) and ends up being possessed by the spirit of Kenny. The boys try to build a ladder to heaven so they can ask Kenny where the ticket is. The adults find out about the ladder, it becomes a national focal point for sympathy, and the government uses it as an excuse to start a war with Saddam.
92	6-13	November 13, 2002	“The Return of the Lord of the Rings to the Two Towers”	Stan’s parents realize they accidentally put a raunchy porn video into the Lord of the Rings box, which they lent to Butters’ parents. Butters sees some of the video and acts strangely. The other boys get the video and try to take it back to the store before the older kids can get it, playing like they are on a Lord of the Rings-like quest. A very funny takeoff on Lord of the Rings and funny even to those who haven’t seen it!
93	6-14	November 20, 2002	“The Death Camp of Tolerance”	Mr. Garrison is sent back to the 4th grade and learns that if he gets fired for being gay, he can sue for a lot of money. So he tries everything he can think of to get in trouble, including inviting “Mr. Slave” to class and inserting a gerbil up his butt. When the children try to complain to the parents, they are sent to a tolerance camp that’s run like a Nazi concentration camp. Meanwhile, the gerbil tries to get out of Mr. Slave and his is a strange subplot.
94	6-15	November 27, 2002	“The Biggest Douche in the Universe”	Cartman is dying because of Kenny’s soul, so Chef and the boys take him to see John Edwards. They are disappointed in him except for Kyle, who freaks out at the idea that his grandma is watching him, so he runs off to join Jewleeard. Chef and Mrs. Cartman take Cartman to Scotland so Chef’s folks can use voodoo to get Kenny out, while Stan tries to convince Kyle and other people that Edwards is a fake (just a big douche).
95	6-16	December 4, 2002	“My Future Self ‘n’ Me”	Stan’s parents hire an actor, from a corporation that specializes in getting kids off drugs, to pretend to be Stan’s wasted future self. Instead, Stan turns the tables on his parents, with the help of Cartman, who has started a new business to help people wreak revenge. Butters also gets a future self and uses Cartman’s services for his parents.
96	6-17	December 11, 2002	“Red Sleigh Down”	Cartman tries to be really good before Christmas so he won’t get on the “naughty” list. He gets the idea to bring Christmas to the children of Iraq, so he enlists Mr. Hankey’s aid, and Mr. Hankey gets the boys in touch with Santa. Santa is shot down over Iraq, so Jesus and the boys must try to save him, and Christmas.

SEASON SEVEN

97	7-01	March 19, 2003	“Cancelled”	The boys (including Kenny) have deja vu when an alien satellite dish comes out of Cartman’s ass. They are abducted by aliens and find out that Earth is a huge reality show. Then they find out it’s been canceled so they must convince the network aliens not to cancel it.
98	7-02	March 26, 2003	“Krazy Kripples”	Timmy and Jimmy start a gang called “The Crips” (people who are crippled from birth) in reaction to all of the attention that Christopher Reeve is getting. They get involved with the real Crips and help kill some Bloods. They find that this is not the kind of gang they wantd to be involved with.
99	7-03	April 2, 2003	“Toilet Paper”	The boys get into much more trouble than you might imagine after they TP a teacher’s house. Kyle has tremendous guilt from what they did, and the adults act as if they killed someone or something. Cartman threatens to kill Kyle if he confesses.
100	7-04	April 9, 2003	“I’m A Little Bit Country”
101	7-05	April 16, 2003	“Fat Butt and Pancake Head”	Cartman makes his hand look like a Jennifer Lopez wanna-be. Much to Kyle’s disgust, Cartman’s hand gets a lot of attention, praise, and money. Eventually, Cartman, too is disgusted when the hand seems to have its own mind and gets attention from Ben Affleck.
102	7-06	April 23, 2003	“Lil’ Crime Stoppers”	The boys play junior detective and solve some cases, so the police make them junior detectives and assign them real cases, which result in many deaths. Meanwhile, Butters learns to masturbate.
103	7-07	April 30, 2003	“Red Man’s Greed”	The casino Indians buy up the town to make way for a new highway. The kids try to put a stop to it while the adults give in.
104	7-08	October 22, 2003	“South Park is Gay!”	The people of South Park catch the metrosexual trend, trying to look as gay as they can. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison tries to stop the Queer Eye guys, who are really Crab People.
105	7-09	October 29, 2003	“Christian Rock Hard”	Cartman becomes a Christian rock star. Kyle and the others try to get their own band together, but instead get arrested for downloading music from the internet.
106	7-10	November 5, 2003	“Grey Dawn”	Old people take revenge when their driver’s licenses and other rights are taken away, after one too many driving accidents.
107	7-11	November 12, 2003	“Casa Bonita”	Cartman arranges for Butters to go missing in order to take his place when Kyle invites him to go to a Mexican-style Disneyland. Cartman convinces Butters that a meteor has wiped out almost all of humanity.
108	7-12	November 19, 2003	“All About the Mormons?”	After Stan is forced to fight a Mormon boy, he becomes fascinated by his nice family but ultimately realizes that they are pretty dumb.
109	7-13	December 3, 2003	“Butt Out”	The boys take up smoking after viewing a totally lame anti-smoking presentation at their school.
110	7-14	December 10, 2003	“Raisins”	Wendy breaks up with Stan, so he tries to win her back; Butters falls for a waitress at a Hooters-like restaurant.
111	7-15	December 17, 2003	“It’s Christmas in Canada”

SEASON EIGHT

112	8-01	March 17, 2004	“Good Times With Weapons”
113	8-02	March 24, 2004	“Up the Down Steroid”	Competition is fierce in a special olympics-type game, where Jimmy takes steroids to get an edge and Cartman has to convince the committee that he’s handicapped.
114	8-03	March 31, 2004	“The Passion of the Jew”
115	8-04	April 7, 2004	“You Got F*cked in the Ass”	Stan has to put a team of dancers together to compete against an orange county school. Butters won’t help because of a tragic incident in his past.
116	8-05	April 14, 2004	“AWESOM-O”	Things get out of hand when Cartman dresses up like a robot to get Butters’ secrets to use against him–the government and Hollywood both want the robot for their own uses.
117	8-06	April 21, 2004	“The Jeffersons”	Michael Jackson and his family move into town, attracting all the children with his toys and animals. The kids feel sorry for his children, while Cartman wants to be his best friend, and the local police want to frame him because he is rich and black.
118	8-07	April 28, 2004	“Goobacks”	People from the future arrive and take jobs that nobody wants, which leads to a big fight over how crowded the town has become and how they are taking everyone’s jobs.
119	8-08	October 27, 2004	“Douche and Turd”	The school has to vote for a new mascot after PETA protests their use of a cow. Much to Kyle’s dismay, his argument with Cartman ends up making it an election between a giant Douche and a giant Turd.
120	8-09	November 3, 2004	“Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes”	The evil Wall-Mart comes to town and lures everyone (including Cartman) with its spell and low prices; Stan and Kyle work to break the spell and save the town, which is losing all of its other businesses.
121	8-10	November 10, 2004	“Pre-School”
122	8-11	November 17, 2004	“Quest for Ratings”
123	8-12	December 1, 2004	“Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset”	Wendy tries to be like the other girls, who emulate Paris Hilton and dress like sluts.
124	8-13	December 8, 2004	“Cartman’s Incredible Gift”	Cartman gets a head injury, which leads people to think he is psychic, so he helps the police solve crimes; this gets him in trouble with other psychics when he won’t join them.
125	8-14	December 15, 2004	“Woodland Critter Christmas”	Stan helps forest creatures to build a manger for their lord, but he discovers they work for Satan.

SEASON NINE

126	9-01	March 9, 2005	“Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina”	Mr. Garrison gets a sex-change operation, so other town folk get plastic surgery, too; including Kyle, who wants to play basketball.
127	9-02	March 16, 2005	“Die Hippie, Die”	Cartman tries to get rid of the hippie problem in town, but no one takes him seriously until drastic measures are needed.
128	9-03	March 23, 2005	“Wing”	The boys become agents to make money; when their client Token is wooed away by another agent, they get another singer in order to beat that agent.
129	9-04	March 30, 2005	“Best Friends Forever”	Kenny dies and goes to heaven, where he has to beat the evil on his new PSP.
130	9-05	April 6, 2004	“The Losing Edge”	The boys goes to desperate measures to lose their baseball games so they can have their free time back. Meanwhile, Stan’s dad picks fight with the other dads in the stands.
131	9-06	April 13, 2005	“The Death of Eric Cartman”	When the others start ignoring him, Cartman thinks he is dead and that Butters is the only one who can see him. Butters thinks Cartman is haunting him and fears he will be put away for being crazy.
132	9-07	April 20, 2005	“Erection Day”	Jimmy wants to compete in the school’s talent contest, but first he has to get rid of his recent problem of sudden erections.
133	9-08	October 19, 2005	“Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow”	When the nearby town of Beaverton is flooded from a beaver dam breaking, a national emergency is called; the adults fear the global warming crisis, while the kids try to get the disaster victims some help.
134	9-09	October 26, 2005	“Marjorine”	Butters pretends to be a girl in order to spy on the girls for the other boys and learn the secret of their future-predicting device.
135	9-10	November 2, 2005	“Follow That Egg”	The kids have to carry around eggs so they can learn how to be parents; meanwhile, Mr. Garrison wants to stop the local gay marriage bill from being signed so that Mr. Slave can’t marry his new boyfriend.
136	9-11	November 9, 2005	“Ginger Kids”	Cartman builds local fear of red-headed kids but then ends up joining them and starting a pro-red-headed movement.
137	9-12	November 16, 2005	“Trapped in the Closet”	Stan joins the Scientologists, who think he is the second coming of their founder, L. Ron Hubbard; this causes Tom Cruise to go into Stan’s closet and not come out, no matter how much they beg him to.
138	9-13	November 30, 2005	“Free Willzyx”	The kids are conned into thinking that a whale needs their help to go back to the moon, so they get a rocket-ship in order to send him there.
139	9-14	December 7, 2005	“Bloody Mary”	Stan’s dad decides he is an alcoholic, so he goes to the local statue of the Virgin Mary, which is bleeding out of its ass, to get healed.

SEASON TEN

140	10-01	March 22, 2006	“The Return of Chef”	Chef returns after going missing, but he has been brain-washed by a child molesting cult, so the boys work to save him.
141	10-02	March 29, 2006	“Smug Alert!”	Cartman tries to get rid of the hippie problem in town, but no one takes him seriously until drastic measures are needed.
142	10-03	April 5, 2006	“Cartoon Wars, Part 1”	Cartman and Kyle have an epic battle and cross-country chase in order to save or destroy “Family Guy”.
143	10-04	April 12, 2006	“Cartoon Wars, Part 2”	Cartman goes to Hollywood to put a stop to “Family Guy”. He finds out that the show’s writers are manatees.
144	10-05	April 19, 2006	“A Million Little Fibers”	Towelie kicks his drug habit and writes a book about it, but he can only do so if he pretends to be a man. When Oprah discovers he is really a towelie, the public turns on him.
145	10-06	April 26, 2006	“ManBearPig”	The boys help Al Gore search for the Manbearpig, but he ends up trapping them in a cave, where Cartman thinks he’s found treasure.
146	10-07	May 3, 2006	“Tsst”	Cartman’s mom can’t control him any more, so she gets TV’s Dog Whisperer to help her train him.
147	10-08	October 4, 2006	“Make Love, Not Warcraft”	The boys save the world by playing Warcraft and defeating a renegade player.
148	10-09	October 11, 2006	“Mystery of the Urinal Deuce”	The school searches for clues about who left a piece of crap in the urinal; meanwhile, Kyle gets blamed for 9/11, thanks to Cartman.
149	10-10	October 18, 2006	“Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy”	Kyle finds out that his brother is having an affair with his teacher.
150	10-11	October 25, 2006	“Hell on Earth 2006”	Satan wants to throw a big party for Halloween.
151	10-12	November 1, 2006	“Go, God. Go! Part II”	Cartman can’t wait for the new Wii to come out, so he has Butters freeze him for a few weeks. However, he ends up in the future instead.
152	10-13	November 8, 2006	“Go God Go XII”	Cartman gets embroiled in futuristic politics where they are having war between atheist factions; he only wants to get his Wii to work.
153	10-14	November 15, 2006	“Stanley’s Cup”	In order to get his bike back, Stan must coach a Pee Wee hocky team.

SEASON ELEVEN

154	11-01	March 7, 2007	“With Apologies to Jesse Jackson”	Randy gets in trouble for saying the N word, while Cartman gets in trouble for laughing at a midget but doesn’t care.
155	11-02	March 14, 2007	“Cartman Sucks”	Butters’ father sends him to a gay conversion camp, while Cartman tries to get back a photo that might make him look gay.
156	11-03	March 21, 2007	“Lice Capades”	The boys try to figure out which classmate to blame for them having lice, while we see the trials of a whole lice civilization in Clyde’s hair.
157	11-04	March 28, 2007	“The Snuke”	Cartman gets paranoid about a new muslim classmate being a terrorist, which leads to a 24 spoof.
158	11-05	April 4, 2007	“Fantastic Easter Special”	When questioning what bunnies have to do with Easter, Stan inadvertently stumbles onto a mass secret conspiracy, similar to the one in The Da Vinci code.
159	11-06	April 11, 2007	“D-Yikes”	After the boys hire Mexicans to write their essays, Ms. Garrison becomes a lesbian and helps defend a lesbian bar from Persian takeover.
160	11-07	April 18, 2007	“Night of the Living Homeless”	Homeless people who act like zombies take over the town.
161	11-08	October 3, 2007	“Le Petit Tourette”	Cartman pretends to have Tourette’s syndrome, but Kyle is the one who gets in trouble when he tries to tell everyone that Cartman is lying.
162	11-09	October 10, 2007	“More Crap”	Randy competes with Bono over who passes the world’s largest bowel movement.
163	11-10	October 17, 2007	“Imaginationland (1)”	The gang chases a leprechuan, who warns of a terrorist attack. Cartman insists that Kyle suck his balls to pay off a bet they made. The boys go to Imaginationland, which is attacked by terrorists. They hold Butters hostage and release evil imaginary characters on the world.
164	11-11	October 24, 2007	“Imaginationland: Episode II”	The boys try to help the government save Imaginationland with a Stargate-like device as Butters is declare the one true hero who will save them all.
165	11-12	October 31, 2007	“Imaginationland: Episode III”	Good and evil prepares to do battle in Imaginationland as Butters learns how to use his powers to save the world.
166	11-13	November 7, 2007	“Guitar Queer-o”	Kyle and Stan compete over Guitar Hero.
167	11-14	November 14, 2007	“The List”	Kyle gets depressed when the girls name him as the ugliest boy in school, which leads him to try to burn down the school.

SEASON TWELVE

168	12-01	March 12, 2008	“Tonsil Trouble”	Cartman gets AIDS and gives it to Kyle. They have to visit Magic Johnson to get the cure.
169	12-02	March 19, 2008	“Britney’s New Look”	When Britney Spears visits South Park, the boys try to get pictures of her to make money; she shoots herself in the head, so they have to help her get away from the papparazzi.
170	12-03	March 26, 2008	“Major Boobage”	The boys learn about drugs, so Kenny gets addicated to sniffing cat urine (“cheesing”) because it takes him to a fantasy world with a large-breasted woman. This leads to the banning of cats, and Randy getting back into “cheesing” as well.
171	12-04	April 2, 2008	“Canada on Strike”	Canadians go on strike and demand money from the internet. The boys get upset that Terrance and Phillip are not making new episodes, so they try to make money on the net themselves.
172	12-05	April 9, 2008	“Eek, A Penis!”	Mr. Garrison tries to get his penis back while Cartman teaches a Mexican class how to cheat.
173	12-06	April 16, 2008	“Over Logging”	The people in South park run out of internet, so Stan’s family heads to California to find more internet. Eventually, Kyle fixes the internet.
174	12-07	April 23, 2008	“Super Fun Time”	The boys are taken hostage while on a field trip to Pioneer Village; Cartman and Butters help save everyone while holding hands.
175	12-08	October 8, 2008	“The China Problem”	The boys want to have Lucas and Spielberg arrested for raping Indiana Jones, while Cartman worries that the Chinese are invading.
176	12-09	October 15, 2008	“Breast Cancer Show Ever”	Cartman is worried when Wendy plans to beat him up for making fun of her during her presentation about breast cancer.
177	12-10	October 22, 2008	“Pandemic (1)”	The boys start a Preuvian flute band but wind up in trouble with the government and have to go to Peru to stop any more bands from coming to the U.S. Their efforts don’t stop the giant guinea pigs from invading.
178	12-11	October 29, 2008	“Pandemic (2): The Startling”	Stans family tries to avoid the giant guina pigs. The boys escape Peru and learn that the head of Homeland Security is an alien giant guinea pig who is behind the invasion. Only Craig can save the day.
179	12-12	November 5, 2008	“About Last Night…”	Chaos ensues when Obama wins the election, which is the perfect cover for he, Michelle and McCain to pull of a big jewel heist.
180	12-13	November 8, 2008	“Elementary School Musical”	The boys get annoyed at how popular “High School Musical” is to everyone in school. Stan is jealous that singer Bridon might steal Wendy, so he helps him become a basketball player.
181	12-14	November 19, 2008	“The Ungroundable”	Butters thinks that some kids are real vampires, and then he becomes one, too. The goth kids get annoyed that the vampire kids are stealing their coolness.

SEASON THIRTEEN

182	13-01	March 11, 2009	“The Ring”	Kenny takes his new girlfriend, Tammy, to a Jonas Brothers’ concert, hoping to get sex, but instead she gets a purity ring. The Jonas Brothers hand them out because their evil boss, Mickey Mouse, wants them to do it as a cover for his selling sex to little girls.
183	13-02	March 18, 2009	“The Coon”	Cartman gets annoyed when he poses as superhero The Coon, but nobody cares. He tries to find out who the other superhero is, the popular Mysterion.
184	13-03	March 25, 2009	“Margaritaville”	The townspeople try to deal with the failing economy. Kyle tries to help them out. Stan tries to return a Margarita-making machine.
185	13-04	April 1, 2009	“Eat, Pray, Queef”	Women fart from their vaginas, and it becomes a world-wide feminist sensation, causing men to be disgusted and outraged.
186	13-05	April 8, 2009	“Fishsticks”	Jimmy writes a popular joke, but Cartman tries to take credit for it. The joke causes Kanye West to do crazy things.
187	13-06	April 15, 2009	“Pinewood Derby”	Randy uses sophisticated technology to help Stadn wijn a race, which leads to an alien being holding them hostage.
188	13-07	April 22, 2009	“Fatbeard”	Cartman convinces most of the boys to join Somalian pirates; they are disappointed that they aren’t like the pirates they’ve seen in movies, but Cartman manages to make them over into those type of pirates anyway.
189	13-08	October 7, 2009	“Dead Celebrities”	Ike sees dead people, so the boys have to help Michael Jackson and the other dead celebrities move on to the next world.
190	13-09	October 14, 2009	“Butters’ Bottom Bitch”	Butters starts his own business selling girls’ kisses, modeling it after what he learns from pimps.
191	13-10	October 21, 2009	“W.T.F.”	The gang makes their own wrestling shows, angering their school’s wrestling coach.
192	13-11	October 28, 2009	“Whale Whores”	Stan tries to stop the Japanese from killing dolphins and whales.
193	13-12	November 4, 2009	“The F Word”	The town is threatened by a group of bikers, who are labeled with a certain F word by the kids.
194	13-13	November 11, 2009	“Dances with Smurfs”	Cartman takes over as morning announcements reader at the school, turning it into a trashy talk show; student body president Wendy tries to fight him over it.
195	13-14	November 18, 2009	“Pee”	When too many boys pee in the water at the water park, the kids are sealed in as scientists try to figure out why the water has taken on a life of its own.

SEASON FOURTEEN

196	14-01	March 17, 2010	“Sexual Healing”	Kyle, Kenny and Butters are diagnosed with sex addiction, so Kyle and Butters help Obama track down and kill the alien wizard responsible for men’s sex addiction.
197	14-02	March 24, 2010	“The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs”	Disappointed by “A Catcher in the Rye,” the boys write an offensive book that causes everyone to vomit, yet it’s very successful and inspirational, resulting in Butters becoming famous and the other boys trying to get Sarah Jessica Parker killed.
198	14-03	March 31, 2010	“Medicinal Fried Chicken”	The KFC turns into a medical marijuana dispensary, so Cartman sells KFC on the black market while Randy, trying to buy pot, grows large testicles.
199	14-04	April 7, 2010	“You Have 0 Friends”	Kyle, Stan and the others learn the pitfalls of Facebook and eventually get dragged into the virtual world there.
200	14-05	April 14, 2010	“200”	Tom Cruise and other celebrities threaten to sue the town over insults if they don’t let them meet Muhammad, the Super-Friend with magical goo, that they think will protect them from future insults; however, when the ginger kids threaten to blow up the town, the celebrities bring in Mecha-Streisand. Meanwhile, Cartman learns that he wasn’t told the truth about the identity of his father.
201	14-06	April 21, 2010	“201”	The Super-Friends defeat Mecha-Streisand by having Krishna post as Neil Diamond to do a duet with her; meanwhile, Cartman learns that his real father was ginger Scott Tenorman’s father, former Denver Broncos player Jack Tenorman, whom he had tricked Scott into eating in a previous episode, and the boys help Tom Cruise find peace.
202	14-07	April 28, 2010	“Crippled Summer”	The boys help Towelie get a job at a summer camp for children with mental and physical disabilities (attended by Jimmy and Timmy), in order to kick his drug habit; he eventually gets clean and reunites with his family, while Jimmy defeats the camp bully.
203	14-08	October 6, 2010	“Poor and Stupid”
204	14-09	October 13, 2010	“It’s a Jersey Thing”
205	14-10	October 20, 2010	“Insheeption”
206	14-11	October 27, 2010	“Coon 2: Hindsight”
207	14-12	November 3, 2010	“Mysterion Rises”
208	14-13	November 10, 2010	“Coon vs. Coon & Friends”
209	14-14	November 17, 2010	“Crème Fraiche”

SEASON FIFTEEN

210	15-01	April 27, 2011	“HUMANCENTiPAD”
211	15-02	May 4, 2011	“Funnybot”
212	15-03	May 11, 2011	“Royal Pudding”
213	15-04	May 18, 2011	“T.M.I.”
214	15-05	May 25, 2011	“Crack Baby Athletic Association”
215	15-06	June 1, 2011	“City Sushi”
216	15-07	June 8, 2011	“You’re Getting Old”
217	15-08	October 5, 2011	“Ass Burgers”
218	15-09	October 12, 2011	“The Last of the Meheecans”
219	15-10	October 19, 2011	“Bass to Mouth”
220	15-11	October 26, 2011	“Broadway Bro Down”
221	15-12	November 2, 2011	“1%”
222	15-13	November 9, 2011	“A History Channel Thanksgiving”
223	15-14	November 16, 2011	“The Poor Kid”

SEASON SIXTEEN

224	16-01	March 14, 2012	“Reverse Cowgirl”
225	16-02	March 21, 2012	“Cash for Gold”
226	16-03	March 28, 2012	“Faith Hilling”
227	16-04	April 4, 2012	“Jewpacabra”
228	16-05	April 11, 2012	“Butterballs”
229	16-06	April 18, 2012	“I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining”
230	16-07	April 25, 2012	“Cartman Finds Love”
231	16-08	September 26, 2012	“Sarcastaball”
232	16-09	October 3, 2012	“Raising the Bar”
233	16-10	October 10, 2012	“Insecurity”
234	16-11	October 17, 2012	“Going Native”
235	16-12	October 24, 2012	“A Nightmare on Face Time”
236	16-13	October 31, 2012	“A Scause for Applause”
237	16-14	November 7, 2012	“Obama Wins!”

SEASON SEVENTEEN

238	17-01	September 25, 2013	“Let Go, Let Gov”
239	17-02	October 2, 2013	“Informative Murder Porn”
240	17-03	October 9, 2013	“World War Zimmerman”
241	17-04	October 23, 2013	“Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers”
242	17-05	October 30, 2013	“Taming Strange”
243	17-06	November 6, 2013	“Ginger Cow”
244	17-07	November 13, 2013	“The Black Friday Trilogy”
245	17-08	November 30, 2013	“A Song of Ass and Fire”
246	17-09	December 4, 2013	“Titties and Dragons”
247	17-10	December 11, 2013	“The Hobbit”

SEASON EIGHTEEN

248	18-01	September 24, 2014	“Go Fund Yourself”
249	18-02	October 1, 2014	“Gluten Free Ebola”
250	18-03	October 8, 2014	“The Cissy”
251	18-04	October 15, 2014	“Handicar”
252	18-05	October 29, 2014	“The Magic Bush”
253	18-06	November 5, 2014	“Freemium Isn’t Free”
254	18-07	November 12, 2014	“Grounded Vindaloop”
255	18-08	November 19, 2014	“Cock Magic”
256	18-09	December 3, 2014	“#rehash”
257	18-10	December 10, 2014	“#HappyHolograms”

SEASON NINETEEN

258	19-01	September 16, 2015	“Stunning and Brave”
259	19-02	September 23, 2015	“Where My Country Gone?”
260	19-03	September 30, 2015	“The City Part of Town”
261	19-04	October 14, 2015	“You’re Not Yelping”
262	19-05	October 21, 2015	“Safe Space”
263	19-06	October 28, 2015	“Tweek x Craig”
264	19-07	November 11, 2015	“Naughty Ninjas”
265	19-08	November 18, 2015	“Sponsored Content”
266	19-09	December 2, 2015	“Truth and Advertising”
267	19-10	December 9, 2015	“PC Principal Final Justice”

SEASON TWENTY

268	20-01	September 14, 2016	“Member Berries”
269	20-02	September 21, 2016	“Skank Hunt”
270	20-03	September 28, 2016	“The Damned”
271	20-04	October 12, 2016	“Wieners Out”
272	20-05	October 19, 2016	“Douche and a Danish”
273	20-06	October 26, 2016	“Fort Collins”
274	20-07	November 9, 2016	“Oh Jeez”
275	20-08	November 16, 2016	“Members Only”
276	20-09	November 30, 2016	“Not Funny”
277	20-10	December 7, 2016	“The End of Serialization as We Know It”

SEASON TWENTY ONE

278	21-01	September 13, 2017	“White People Renovating Houses”
279	21-02	September 20, 2017	“Put It Down”
280	21-03	September 27, 2017	“Holiday Special”
281	21-04	October 11, 2017	“Franchise Prequel”
282	21-05	October 18, 2017	“Hummels & Heroin”
283	21-06	October 25, 2017	“Sons a Witches”
284	21-07	November 8, 2017	“Doubling Down”
285	21-08	November 15, 2017	“Moss Piglets”
286	21-09	November 29, 2017	“Super Hard PCness”
287	21-10	December 6, 2017	“Splatty Tomato”

SEASON TWENTY TWO

288. 22-1 September 26, 2018 “Dead Kids”
289. 22-2 October 3, 2018 “A Boy and a Priest”
290. 22-3 October 10, 2018 “The Problem with a Poo”
291. 22-4 October 17, 2018 “Tegridy Farms”
292. 22-5 October 31, 2018 “The Scoots”
293. 22-6 November 7, 2018 “Time to Get Cereal”
294. 22-7 November 14, 2018 “Nobody Got Cereal?”
295. 22-8 November 28, 2018 “Buddha Box”
296. 22-9 December 5, 2018 “Unfulfilled”
297. 22-10 December 12, 2018 “Bike Parade”

SEASON TWENTY THREE

298. 23-1 September 25, 2019 “Mexican Joker”
299. 23-2 October 2, 2019 “Band in China”
300. 23-3 October 9, 2019 “Shots!!!”
301. 23-4 October 16, 2019 “Let Them Eat Goo”
302. 23-5 October 30, 2019 “Tegridy Farms Halloween Special”
303. 23-6 November 6, 2019 “Season Finale”
304. 23-7 November 13, 2019 “Board Girls”
305. 23-8 November 27, 2019 “Turd Burglars”
306. 23-9 December 4, 2019 “Basic Cable”
307. 23-10 December 11, 2019 “Christmas Snow”

SEASON TWENTY FOUR

24-0 September 30, 2020 “The Pandemic Special”
24-0 March 10, 2021 “South ParQ Vaccination Special”

SEASON TWENTY FIVE

308. 25-1 February 2, 2022 “Pajama Day”
309. 25-2 February 9, 2022 “The Big Fix”
310. 25-3 February 16, 2022 “City People”
311. 25-4 March 2, 2022 “Back to the Cold War”
312. 25-5 March 9, 2022 “Help, My Teenager Hates Me!”
313. 25-6 March 16, 2022 “Credigree Weed St. Patrick’s Day Special”

Wikipedia has a great, detailed episode guide!

Some of these recaps are written by Anthony and Nadine.

South Park

Other Episode Guides

Back to the Main South Park Page

GH Transcript Thursday, March 10, 2022

Posted on March 10, 2022March 16, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

General Hospital Transcript

GH logo

Transcript provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Anita

Michael: All your exam’s behind you. It’s time to celebrate. Now, I’ve, um — I’ve barely seen you, and — and Wiley, he missed your good-night story and, uh — and kiss last night, and, um, I told him that you were learning to save people’s lives, like a real-life superhero. Hey, hey. Don’t worry. It’s okay. He wasn’t upset. You are definitely the cool parent, though.

Willow: No, I’m no superhero. I’m not even the cool parent. I messed up.

Nina: Thank you for seeing me.

Sonny: Well, you said it was important.

Nina: How are you feeling?

Sonny: Well, it — it’s, um — it’s the anniversary of my sister’s death. But don’t worry about it, ’cause I’m — I-I didn’t go on any benders. Is that why you’re here? You’re checking up on me?

Nina: We have to talk.

Sonny: You know, I’m not a fan of those four words.

Nina: About our grandson.

Diane: Judging by your exterior only, I’m guessing all is once again right in your world.

Alexis: Let’s not get excited. Everything’s fine. Surprisingly, I actually am enjoying my job.

Diane: Alexis Davis, Editor in Chief. It suits you.

Alexis: Better than my last careers — drunk, attempted murder, and ex-convict. [ Chuckles ] I’ve gotten by with a lot of help from my friends, both you and Harmony, who I invited to join us. So be nice.

Maxie: Austin.

Austin: Oh, hey. You made it.

Maxie: Don’t sound so surprised. I told you last night I would see you today.

Austin: You did, but I-I thought that now that Bailey Louise is back, that you would want to spend as much time with her as possible.

Maxie: Lesson number one — I mean what I say.

Austin: Okay, good to know. Are there a lot of lessons?

Maxie: [ Laughs ] You’ll find out.

Austin: [ Laughs ] I look forward to it. It’s nice to see you.

Maxie: You, too.

Mac: [ Clears throat ]

Robert: So, Mac just texted, and, uh… oh. …He and Felicia are on their way. So…it gives us a chance to catch up. I haven’t seen too much of you lately.

Anna: I’ve been busy.

Robert: Would that be code for, “I’m trying to avoid you”? Or are we simply getting used to living with Peter’s ghost?

Gladys: [ Sighs ] Brando, I know you’re getting married. Don’t do anything without talking to me first. [ Sighs ]

[ Elevator doors whirring ]

Gladys: Oh, thank God, Carly.

Carly: Okay, Gladys, what’s going on? Ooh, uh, Brando is about to make the biggest mistake of his life. And you got to help me stop it.

Brando: He’s been back there forever. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.

Sasha Well, then go check on him. You don’t have to babysit me.

Brando: I’m not babysitting you. I’m keeping you company.

Sasha: Then let the man do his job.

Brando: I am. I will. All I’m saying is he should have been finished fixing the car by now.

Sasha: Look, the chapel will still be there when the car is ready.

Brando: And then we get to say “I do.” Can’t wait.

Sasha: Neither can I.

[ Both chuckle ]

Gladys: I need to get to Canada now. Please tell me you got the jet in the divorce.

Carly: What’s going on with Brando? Is he okay?

Gladys: Brando is the farthest thing from okay. He and Sasha are getting married.

Carly: That’s it?

Gladys: What do you mean, “that’s it”? I mean — [ Stammers ] They’re eloping. Tonight.

Carly: Okay, listen to me. Brando and Sasha went through something no parent should ever have to go through, and it’s not like they’re doing something dangerous.

Gladys: Marriage is dangerous. You of all people should know that. But if you won’t help me, I bet Sonny will.

Waitress: Whoa!

Carly: Oh, my gosh.

Gladys: -Whoa.

Carly: -I’m sorry.

Gladys: -Whoops. –

Waitress: [ Scoffs ]

Carly: Sorry about that.

Gladys: [ Sighs ]

Carly: You’ve been drinking.

Gladys: No, I’m — I’m fine. I had one or two. Maybe three.

Carly: Okay, well, I’m not letting yougo anywhere like this. Come on, I’ll drive you to Sonny’s myself. Let’s go.

Gladys: Alright, that’s cool. But you’re going to have to floor it, sister.

[ Elevator doors whirring ]

Sonny: What about Michael and Wiley? Is everything alright?

Nina: Oh, no, Wiley, he’s — he’s fine. I just thought you deserved a heads-up.

Sonny: What?

Nina: Sonny… [ Sighs ] I’m suing for visitation.

Sonny: Why?

Nina: Well, Willow and I, we had a little chat, and she said that she doesn’t see a path to me having any access to Wiley, so I told her that I was going to exercise my legal rights as Wiley’s grandmother. Michael, he hasn’t told you that?

Sonny: I haven’t talked to Michael.

Nina: Oh, which means that Willow hasn’t told him yet.

Sonny: Or Michael’s still not talking to me.

Nina: [ Sighs ] Sonny, I am really sorry to put you in this position.

Sonny: Hey, look, I don’t blame you if you want to do whatever you need to do for your family, but you can’t do that.

Diane: Yay. Harmony’s coming. When did that happen?

Alexis: She just texted me. So, she’s having a hard time. I texted her back and invited her to join us.

[[The role of Harmony is temporarily being played by Priscilla Garita.]]

Harmony: Alexis, Diane, thanks for including me in your girls’ night out.

Alexis: Yeah.

Harmony: You look great.

Alexis: Thanks. Did you have a tough day at Spring Ridge?

Harmony: [ Sighs ] Tougher than usual.

Diane: Well, we all have those, right? What are you drinking? The first round’s on me.

Alexis: Will you relax? I-I’m in a much better place than I was New Year’s Eve.

Harmony: In that case, I’ll have one of those cocktails the Savoy is famous for.

Diane: Two outrageous cocktails and one sparkling water coming right up.

Harmony: There must be ice-skating in hell.

Alexis: What does that mean?

Harmony: That was one of the more positive interactions I’ve had with any of your friends.

Alexis: Ahh. Well, Diane, she’s drama-free.

Harmony: Hmm.

Alexis: Speaking of drama-free…

Harmony: I should go say hi. Excuse me.

Michael: Take a breath, take a sip of your drink — tell me how you think you messed up.

Willow: Oh, I don’t think I messed up. I — I know I did.

Harmony: Willow, Michael. This is a nice surprise. I’m here with Diane and Alexis. Thought I would say “hi.”

Willow: Mom, I’ve been meaning to call. Thanks again for dropping off my birth certificate.

Harmony: My pleasure. Now the two of you can enjoy that trip to Paris.

Michael: Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Willow’s definitely deserved a, uh — a celebration and a break. She took, uh, exams yesterday.

Harmony: I’m sure you sailed through it.

Maxie: How was your checkup?

Felicia: Couldn’t have gone better. Mac’s gunshot wound is healing perfectly, but you’re not getting off the hook that easily. You two are an item now?

Maxie: Austin and I…

Austin: wow.

Maxie: [ Laughs ] It’s, uh — it’s new.

Mac: We look forward to getting to know you better.

Felicia: As much as we’d love to stay and chat, we have a prior engagement. Call me later.

Maxie: Only if you promise to behave yourself.

Felicia: No promises. Austin, it was a pleasure to see you again.

Mac: I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of you.

Maxie: [ Chuckling ] I am so sorry about that.

Austin: [ Chuckling ] No, no, no, it’s fine. Really, it’s great. Maxie Jones lesson number two, I guess, is that you’re really close with your family and that that might take some getting used to.

Maxie: Something like that.

Austin: No problem. What’s with the box?

Maxie: [ Sighs ] Oh, uh, something I was hoping you could help me with — I need to get rid of Peter.

Mac: What do we really think about that?

Felicia: Personally, I think it’s too soon for Maxie to be in a relationship with someone new. But she’s a grown woman, living her own life.

Mac: We’ll keep an eye on her — and him. And if dr. GatlinHHolt steps out of line, I’ll smoosh him like a bug.

Brando: [ Sighs ] That can’t be good.

Verne: The car needs a new fuel pump, but I won’t be able to get the part in till tomorrow morning.

Sasha: So we’re stuck here overnight.

Brando: Not necessarily. Um… you know, a busted fuel pump can be jerry-rigged. I’ve done it a bunch of times in emergencies.

Verne: You’re welcome to take a look. I won’t even charge you.

Sasha: We’re by a river.

Brando: Right. We are on a back road that runs alongside the river. If you listen hard…

[ Bells tolling in distance ] …You can hear wedding bells. Those bells are ringing for another couple.

[ Tolling continues ] And soon they will be ringing for us. And for Liam. His brief life will have meaning because… we will know and — and the whole world will know that he was born out of love.

Brando: Sasha?

Robert: August bonded everyone by leaving no one unscathed. I mean, if you find yourself… waking up at night with guilt problems, reach out. You have plenty of support system out there. Don’t ever forget — Peter and Peter alone did all the damage.

Anna: Thank you. There is someone else to blame, though, other than Peter — the man who helped him escape — the man who… may have murdered Luke.

Robert: Victor Cassadine.

Anna: One nightmare ends and another one begins.

Maxie: Peter named Britt as his executor. His effects were delivered to her, and she didn’t want them, so I offered to dispose of them for her. Do you think you could help me with that?

Austin: [ Chuckling ] Yeah.

Maxie: Thank you.

Austin: No problem.

Liesl: How dare you come near my dear Maxie?! After everything you put her through?!

Maxie: Liesl…

Liesl: Don’t worry, Liebling. I promised Dr. Gatlin-Holt that he’d answer to me for betraying you, and I always keep my promises.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Harmony: Were you able to get your passport?

Willow: Not yet. I have an appointment. They just want to see my birth certificate and passport application, and after that, they’ll expedite my passport.

Harmony: Let me know how it goes.

Michael: I’m sure it’ll be fine. Yeah. Willow and I aren’t anticipating any problems.

Alexis: Okay, let’s have a good time. I’m in the mood for some fun.

Diane: Well, you’re in luck because a very attractive man at the bar cannot take his eyes off you.

Alexis: What? No —

Man: I hope I’m not being overly bold, but I couldn’t help but notice you, and I’d love to buy you a drink.

Diane: You may.

Alexis: I — I already have a drink.

Man: Maybe some other time.

Diane: [ Sighs ]

Alexis: Thanks.

Diane: I just want to shake you! You said you wanted some fun — now go get it!

Nina: I’m sorry, Sonny, but the only chance I have of getting access to Wiley is to go to court.

Sonny: Mm. Let me lower the temperature with Michael before you resort to anything drastic.

Nina: I really appreciate the offer, I do, but, honestly, I’m not sure how much luck you’re going to have, because even if you convince Michael to allow me to see Wiley, there’s still Carly.

Sonny: Michael’s his own man. He makes his own decisions.

Nina: That may be true, but Carly’s influence carries a lot of weight, and once she finds out that you’re helping me with Wiley?

Sonny: Carly –

Nina: Come on, she’s going to be on the warpath.

Sonny: Nina. Carly and I are done. It was her choice. She cannot get mad at me for wanting to help my grandson.

Nina: Are we talking about the same woman? Really? Because honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t come after me already.

[ Knock on door ]

Austin: Liesl, I don’t know how many times I have to apologize to you, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should never have trusted Victor.

Liesl: You were so obsessed with targeting Brook Lynn that you blabbed to that fiend in a tailored suit. Of course he took the information straight to Peter, letting that Schwein know Bailey was really his daughter, Louise.

Austin: Yeah, but I made my amends. You put the bug on Victor, and I had to listen to that guy talking for hours and hours and hours, trying to pinpoint where Peter had taken her.

Liesl: You were scrambling to correct your egregious mistake of confiding in Victor. You hurt Maxie and her baby, and for me, that’s personal. That requires a different kind of penance.

Maxie: Okay, Liesl, I really do appreciate you looking out for me —

Liesl: I’d do anything for you, my dearest Maxie.

Maxie: Okay, then I want you… to forgive him.

Alexis: My idea of fun does not include that man — nor does it include any man, for that matter.

Diane: It has been far too long since you’ve had any romance in your life. He seemed nice.

Alexis: So did Neil. So did Julian. One died in my bed, and the other one almost chopped my head off. Fun.

Diane: Julian never seemed nice. Look, one of these days you’re going to have to open yourself up to love. The right guy is going to come along — you’re never going to know it.

Alexis: I’m not interested in a relationship. Why can’t you let me —

Harmony: What did I miss?

Willow: After all my lectures about coexisting and keeping the peace…

Michael: So this is about Nina?

Willow: I ran into her at the hospital.

Michael: I’m sure that was a laugh a minute.

Willow: She asked if she could spend time with Wiley…

Michael: After my mom just caught her in bed with my father.

Willow: Which was pretty much my reaction.

Michael: So how do you think that you messed up?

Willow: Uh. Nina caught me off guard, especially since not five minutes earlier, you and I were talking about how Nina withholds information. Carly and Sonny are in the middle of a divorce. Nina’s timing was terrible, and… I snapped.

Michael: Wow. Well, I got to be honest — I would’ve loved to see you go off on Nina. That would have — would have made my day — actually, my week.

Willow: No. Michael, I pushed her too far. Nina told me she’s going to exercise her legal right to visitation with Wiley.

Michael: Hey, don’t worry. We’ll shut her down. That woman is not getting anywhere near our son.

[ Door closes ]

Gladys: This is urgent. I’m sorry for crashing your date.

Nina: It’s not a date.

Gladys: Um, Sonny, I need your help. Brando and Sasha are eloping. They’re on the Canada side of Niagara Falls. Please call your people, tell them to fire up the jet pronto.

Sonny: Glady–

Gladys: I-I might already be too late.

Sonny: Gladys. Of course you want to be at your son’s wedding, but if — if Sasha and Brando are eloping, they probably want to do it alone.

Gladys: No! No! No? No, I don’t want to be at their wedding. I want to stop the wedding. T-they’re in no state to make a huge decision like this. I need to talk some sense into Brando before he ruins his life.

Carly: Gladys, that’s not your choice to make.

Gladys: Is this not something that worries any of you the least little bit?! Brando and Sasha are still grieving their baby! How do you figure they’re capable of entering into marriage?!

Nina: Gladys has a point. We owe it to Brando and Sasha to make sure they’re getting married for the right reasons.

Sasha: So, uh, what’s the verdict?

Brando: [ Sighs ] Well, it’s just like Verne said — fuel pump is shot.

Sasha: [ Sighs ] I was thinking we could get a ride-share and still make it to the chapel before it closes, but I don’t have cell service.

Brando: And neither do I.

Verne: Service can be spotty out here. Y-you’re welcome to use the garage phone to call a cab. I’ll place the order for the new fuel pump now.

Brando: Thanks. Look, um, as much as we both wanted to get married today, you know, maybe it’s best that we do it in Port Charles, you know, with all of our family and friends cheering us on.

Sasha: No, no.

Brando: Is — what — what’s going on? Is there something you need to tell me about?

Sasha: Well, I just… I have this feeling that if we don’t get married tonight, we never will and I will lose you.

Brando: [ Chuckles ] You will never lose me, Sasha.

Sasha: You can’t promise that.

Brando: I can and I will. I will marry you tomorrow in a courthouse or a tree house, a swamp — wherever there’s an ordained minister and a witness, that is where I will say my “I do.”

Verne: Excuse me. Uh… I couldn’t help overhearing. I’m actually ordained.

[ Laughter ]

Brando: Y-you can marry us?

Sasha: Now? Today?

Verne: I’ll call my wife, Lorna. She can be your witness. A-as long as you don’t mind getting married in a garage.

[ Laughter ]

Both: It’s perfect.

[ Laughter ]

Robert: If Victor killed Luke, it can only mean one thing — that is, that Luke figured out what he was up to.

Felicia: Whatever that is.

Mac: If the Cassadines and the Ice Princess are involved, it spells trouble for the rest of us.

Anna: But somehow, Drew Cain is the key, and he, Sam, and Dante — they’re trying to trap Victor into exposing whatever it is that he’s up to.

Robert: And what if they’re unsuccessful?

Felicia: We have a plan of our own.

Harmony: Well, why don’t I go so you two can work out whatever’s causing this tension between you two?

Michael: I’m sorry. Diane, I’m sorry to interrupt. I was wondering if Willow and I can talk to you for a minute?

Diane: Absolutely.

Michael: Thank you.

Alexis: [ Sighs ]

Harmony: None of my business, but if you need an ear, I’m happy to lend.

Alexis: A very nice man offered to buy me a drink, and I said that I wasn’t interested, and then Diane goes off and — and starts talking about my love life, or lack thereof. She does it all the time.

Harmony: Let me guess — you overreacted? I spent my life following people who thought they had the answer. Truth is, no one does. You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you. I’m sure you’ve asked yourself these questions about romance a hundred times…

Alexis: Yeah.

Harmony: …And came up with the answer based on your experience. You don’t want to date? That’s the answer. And it’s perfectly okay.

Carly: Sasha is fragile since she lost the baby. I mean, she puts up a tough front, but, you know, she’s still struggling.

Sonny: And Brando’s still raw. And e-even though he and Sasha are acting impulsively, they’re good for each other. They’re — they’re strong for each other.

Sonny: That’s right — they are.

Gladys: Yeah. [ Scoffs ] I-I-I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Y-you’re close to Sasha. Tell me you agree that we have to stop the wedding.

Nina: I’m sorry, Gladys, but after listening to Carly and Sonny, I agree with them. Sasha and Brando, they’re adults. They make their own choices, and they have a strong relationship. They’re bonded by shared loss.

Carly: Brando and Sasha are grieving together, so we have to trust that getting married was the right decision for them.

Gladys: Alright. If you’re not going to lend me the jet, I’ll just rent a helicopter.

Sonny: No. Listen. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? I know your first instinct is to protect your son.

Nina: And, listen, you can’t make his choices for him.

Carly: Gladys, as parents, we have to sit back and let our kids live their lives. So… that’s what you all would do if you were in my shoes?

Carly: Yep. [ Sighs ]

Nina: Afraid so.

Sonny: Hardest thing about being a parent, but it’s got to be done.

Gladys: Well, I guess I’m not like you. Doing nothing isn’t in my vocabulary.

Nina: Oh, Gladys, you’re not doing nothing.

Carly: Gladys. Brando’s always going to need your love and support. You can give him that by letting him do what he needs to do.

Sonny: You just gotta be there for him… and whatever comes next.

Brando: Ready?

Sasha: Ready.

Brando: [ Breathes sharply ]

[ Clicks ]

[ Wagner’s “bridal chorus” plays ]

Verne: We are gathered here today to join Brando and Sasha in holy matrimony. You are embarking on a journey as partners through life. The vows you exchange are your sacred pledges to each other, a contract bound by love.

Brando: We actually didn’t have time to write our vows.

Sasha: Yeah, we just jumped in the car and headed for the nearest chapel.

Verne: That’s alright. You can do traditional vows, or you can speak from the heart. [ Breathes deeply ] Which do you prefer?

Sasha: We’d like to…

Brando: Speak from the heart.

Brando: [ Chuckles ]

Robert: Well, don’t keep us in suspense. What — what’s the plan?

Anna: Victor won’t be able to achieve his objective if he’s in prison.

Felicia: Which means we need to prove that Victor murdered Luke.

Anna: Right. So I’m going to Austria to get proof.

Mac: Okay. Where do you fit in?

Felicia: Well, we have to make sure that Victor doesn’t catch on. If Anna’s going to Austria alone, then he’s sure to draw his suspicion there.

Anna: Exactly, so she’s coming as my cover.

Mac: Absolutely not.

Felicia: Hey, you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do.

Mac: Felicia, I’m grateful that you rescued Maxie, but I still have nightmares about Peter running your car off the road. You cannot take that risk again.

Felicia: Mac, you can’t go with Anna. Your recovery is coming along very nicely, but you’re not fully healed.

Robert: Look, we all know what Victor’s capable of. Now, Maxie has brought home her daughter, and she needs you, and your granddaughter needs you.

Felicia: Well, I-I know, and I’d love to be with them, but Anna and I agreed that the two of us together will draw the least amount of suspicion.

Anna: Right. We’re going to go and say that we need to be debriefed about the circumstances surrounding Maxie’s escape and Peter’s subsequent death.

Felicia: Yes. And then to have the least amount of detection, we’ll rent a car and drive to Innsbruck.

Anna: And that’s when I’m going to start the investigation into the tram accident.

Felicia: You’re going to do the investigation?

Anna: Yeah.

Felicia: Anna, I-I mean, I know I’m supposed to be your cover, but you can’t expect me to sit around in a hotel room…

Anna: I don’t expect that.

Felicia: …You know, while you’re out doing all the work. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Anna: I-I’m not —

Felicia: It’s ridiculous.

Mac: Anna, I’m in awe of the way you took down Peter, but Felicia is not a trained field agent. Victor is ruthless.

Anna: We’re going to an office to look at transportation records. That’s what we’re going to do. If anything even remotely suspicious happens, I will get us out of there asap.

Robert: We all know what Victor is capable of. But we owe this one — to Luke, our family, friends, community — to stop him.

Brando: Sasha, you have the most kind and generous heart of anyone I’ve ever known, all wrapped up into one fierce shell. [ Chuckles lightly ] I have seen how you fight for those you love, and I am honored that you’ve chosen to spend your life with me. I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you and being your partner in whatever may come. I love you.

Sasha: Brando… [ Chuckles ] I admit that, at first, I didn’t know what to think of you. [ Both chuckle ] But something undeniable drew me to you… and I learned just how brave and how selfless you are. You saved my life — in so many ways. I got used to being on my own and looking out for myself. But in you, I have found a perfect complement to my life. You are truly my partner, and I’m so thankful to have found you.

Maxie: You’re entitled to your feelings, Liesl, but Austin is in my life now, and it’d be easier for all of us if you could just accept that.

Liesl: For you, Maxie, I will agree to coexist with Dr. Gatlin-Holt. If you make another “mistake,” you won’t live to regret it.

Austin: That doesn’t make any sense. I-I think you mean to say that I will live to regret it. No, I don’t.

Brando: With this ring, I thee wed.

Sasha: [ Breathes sharply ]

[ Both laugh ]

Sasha: With this ring, I thee wed.

Verne: Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife.

[ Both chuckling ]

Verne: You may kiss the bride.

Michael: Nina insists that under New York state law, she has a right to see Wiley.

Diane: Nina is mistaken.

Willow: She is? Absolutely.

Diane: The statute that Nina is referring to stipulates that if one of the biological parents is dead — in this case, Nelle — a biological grandparent has standing to file for visitation. So Nina has the right to bring her petition in front of a judge, but all that guarantees her is a hearing. She still has to convince the judge to allow her access to Wiley.

Michael: But we can argue against it?

Diane: Correct.

Michael: So when she files, I want you to shut her down.

Diane: [ Chuckles ] Nothing would give me more pleasure.

Willow: Yeah, I was in favor of a compromise, but that just doesn’t seem possible with Nina. She has repeatedly asked to see Wiley on what amounts to false pretenses. We can’t trust her.

Diane: No, which is why you need to keep this out of court. The downside is simply too risky. Michael, you’re a strategist, so think strategically — you have more options if you keep this out of court.

Michael: [ Sighs ] Yeah, but, look, I-if Nina does file, we should be prepared.

Diane: I will delve into case law. In the meantime, my best advice is do not engage. And I will call you tomorrow. But for tonight, let me give you some unsolicited advice — push Nina from your thoughts. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Willow: I’m sorry I started this.

Michael: No, no, Nina started this, but we’re going to be the ones to finish it.

Sasha: We did it!

Brando: This is real now.

Sasha: [ Laughs ] Oh! Mm! Speaking of reality… you should call your mother, give her the good news.

Brando: [ Sighs ]

Verne: You can use the landline phone inside.

[ Laughter ]

Verne: Aww.

[ Dialing ]

Sonny: What do you say, Gladys? You want to give your son a chance at his own life?

Gladys: [ Sighs ]

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Gladys: Brando?

Brando: Yeah, it’s me, ma. Um… listen, I’m in Canada. Sasha and I decided to elope.

Gladys: Put me on speaker, please. Um…

[ Phone beeps ]

Brando: Okay, she can hear you.

Gladys: [ Crying ] Brando, Sasha… you have all my blessings for a happy life.

[ Both laugh ]

Brando: Thank you, ma.

Sasha: Thank you, Gladys.

Gladys: Come home soon, okay? So I can congratulate you in person.

Brando: I — we will. Love you.

Gladys: I love you, too.

Sonny: Hey. You did the right thing.

[ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

Carly: Thanks for helping me with Gladys.

[ Door closes ]

Felicia: You on board about me going to Austria with Anna?

Mac: [ Sighs ] Well, you’re the one who found Maxie and took down Peter. I’d be crazy to think you couldn’t handle yourself.

Robert: Okay. Mac and I will hold down the fort here. And, uh, hopefully keep Victor’s attention off the two of you.

Felicia: I love you. Just don’t do anything to jeopardize your recovery.

Mac: Oh. Aye, aye, captain. You just, uh [Sighs] Be careful, you know? Find out what Victor’s up to and put a stop to it.

Anna: Ready to go to Austria?

Felicia: You bet. I want to see Victor in prison and make him pay for helping Peter.

Austin: So I-I guess we got the whole “meet my family” thing out of the way.

Maxie: She’ll come around.

Austin: Any idea when?

Maxie: Oh, it’ll probably take a while. But don’t worry — my opinion is the only one that matters. So now our real problem is, how do we get rid of Peter’s box?

Austin: Well, this is a hospital, and hospitals are really good at disposing of toxic and hazardous waste.

Maxie: I knew you’d have the answer.

Austin: I do. Come on. Time you see the morgue.

Maxie: [ Laughs ]

Alexis: I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’ll buy the next round.

Diane: No, there’s no need. I’m sorry I pushed.

Alexis: You meant well.

Diane: You’re being so nice. What did you say to her?

Harmony: I just supported her decision. That’s all.

Alexis: She just supported my decision. That’s all. After what happened with Neil, I can’t, okay?

Diane: I get it. I do. You gave up your law license for him.

Alexis: Because I thought that Neil was more important than my law license, and he thought drugs were more important than me. So, you know, there you go.

Harmony: That will leave a mark on you.

Alexis: Yeah. Well, you know, we all have marks. Let’s all just lighten up, okay? [ Chuckles ] Debbie downer has left the building.

Harmony: There may be darkness in your past, but now the light has returned and you have been given a new beginning. That’s something to celebrate.

Alexis: To the light.

[ Laughter ]

Alexis: I don’t know about you, but I’m going to dance.

Nina: Well, that could have been so much worse.

Sonny: Well, you know what? When — when someone’s right, Carly’s not afraid to admit it.

Nina: Well, will she and Michael admit that Wiley deserves to see his other grandmother?

Sonny: All I can do is try.

Nina: I know you can be very persuasive when you set your mind on something, so I will put my legal action on hold if you really think that you can convince Michael to let me see Wiley.

Sonny: Thank you. Uh, that works best for everybody.

Nina: Okay. And Carly — what about Carly? It seems like she doesn’t know that I threatened to go to court to see Wiley, but she will find out.

Sonny: You just lay low — okay? — And I’ll see what I can do with Michael, and we’ll worry about everything else…later.

Nina: You’re right. I’ll focus on the newlyweds.

Carly: Sorry about that, Gladys.

Gladys: [ Sniffles ] Oh.

Carly: You did good in there.

Gladys: [ Sighs, chuckles ] Hey, I’m nominating you for sainthood. If I saw my ex with that woman, I’d rip her hair out and set it on fire.

Carly: I’m no saint. I’m just a woman moving on.

Sasha: Surprised?

Brando: Relieved. Um, is there a cab company nearby?

Verne: Uh, we’re pretty out of the way here. It’ll take a while for a cab to pick you up.

Lorna: Please stay with us for tonight. We don’t have a spare room, but one of you can take the sofa and the other a sleeping bag.

Verne: And I’ll be able to get the fuel pump replaced early tomorrow.

Sasha: Thank you for your very generous offer. We accept.

Verne: Good. [ Chuckles ] Uh, Lorna, could you help me clean up and, uh, give these honeymooners some privacy?

Lorna: Congratulations to you both.

Brando: Thank you.

Sasha: Thank you.

Brando: Thank you.

Sasha: First night of our honeymoon. I’ll flip you for the sofa.

Brando: I — I am so sorry. Truly, I — this didn’t turn out how I imagined.

Sasha: Please don’t tell me you already regret marrying me.

Brando: Never. No, I — it’s just that you deserve the world. I know that this wasn’t your fantasy elopement.

Sasha: This is my fantasy elopement. Because at the end of the day, you are my husband.

Brando: And you’re my wife.

Sasha: For the rest of our lives.

On the next “General Hospital” —

Brooklynn: Did Chase say he was interested in me?

Finn: My date nights with Elizabeth are over.

Elizabeth: Can you at least give it a try?

Ava: It’s still very much about us, isn’t it?

Willow: And what does that look for you?

Carly: Tell me what’s going on and we’ll fix it.

Esme: Show time.

Cameron: Jake, don’t!

On the next “General Hospital” —

Back to the GH Transcripts Page

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GH Transcript Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Posted on March 10, 2022March 13, 2022 by TvMegasite Admin

General Hospital Transcript

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Transcript provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Anita

Dante: Alright, alright, Anna. Thanks, anyway.

Drew: So that didn’t sound good.

Dante: Peter’s belongings have already been delivered, and it’s too late to recall the messenger.

Sam: I’ll reach out to Maxie.

Dante: It’s not Maxie. He stipulated someone else as executor of his estate.

Sam: Who?

Dante: Someone who hates him probably just as much as we do.

Drew: Britt. August made her his executor.

Britt: [ Scoffs ] Typical Peter. He knew I loathed him, that I — I couldn’t wait to be rid of him. Of course he appointed me his executor. His way of tormenting me from beyond the grave.

Maxie: Well, can you refuse to be the executor? You know, send the box back?

Britt: I have a better idea.

Maxie: Ooh, we open it.

Britt: We call the bomb squad.

Dante: Alright, alright, Anna. Thanks, anyway.

Drew: So that didn’t sound good.

Dante: Peter’s belongings have already been delivered, and it’s too late to recall the messenger.

Sam: I’ll reach out to Maxie.

Dante: It’s not Maxie. He stipulated someone else as executor of his estate.

Sam: Who?

Dante: Someone who hates him probably just as much as we do.

Drew: Britt. August made her his executor.

Britt: [ Scoffs ] Typical Peter. He knew I loathed him, that I — I couldn’t wait to be rid of him. Of course he appointed me his executor. His way of tormenting me from beyond the grave.

Maxie: Well, can you refuse to be the executor? You know, send the box back?

Britt: I have a better idea.

Maxie: Ooh, we open it.

Britt: We call the bomb squad.

Sasha: Ooh, I can’t believe we’re actually eloping in Niagara Falls. We’re — we’re on our way to get married right now.

Brando: I know. I have to keep pinching myself to remind myself that I’m not dreaming.

Sasha: It is not a dream. At the other end of this road is a wedding chapel and the start of our life together as husband and wife! [ Giggles ]

Gladys: Brando, it’s your mother. Again. Why aren’t you returning my calls? I know you’re on a getaway with Sasha to have time alone, but I’m worried about you — and Sasha. At the very least, could you please just send a text? Let me know the two of you are okay? I don’t know, maybe send a picture of where you’re staying. Especially let me know when you’re coming back. I love you.

Lucy: May I offer a word of advice?

Gladys: No. I’m off the clock.

Lucy: I know. It’s not about work. I just want you to listen, okay? I know that you’re worried. But Brando and Sasha, they deserve all the time they need to heal. And when they come home, Sasha is going to be rested and relaxed… and a whole lot richer.

Gladys: Yeah, well, money isn’t everything.

Victor: To a new beginning for the entire Cassadine clan. I’m sorry. I thought we were all on the same page. Now I have to wonder whether this invitation to your vow renewal is a real olive branch or just a way of using my genuine love of family for your own purposes.

Guard: You know, for a guy that can’t walk or talk, you sure know how to get under people’s skin. [ Lock beeps, disengages ] Ooh, especially that hot new intern. Oh, man. [ Sighs ] I’d sure like to be the one to rile her up. You know what I mean? [ Cellphone chimes ]

Brando: I thought taking the back roads would be a shortcut to the wedding chapel.

Sasha: In other words… you’re lost?

Brando: [ Scoffs ]

Sasha: Put your pride aside and turn on the GPS.

Brando: [ Chuckles ] I hate to admit this, but the GPS went out and I didn’t want to take the time to fix it.

Sasha: So much for marrying a mechanic and never having car problems. Here I was looking forward to all those free tune-ups.

Brando: Oh, okay, well, for the record, the GPS is more of a computer issue, not a mechanical issue.

Sasha: [ Chuckles ] Let me see if I can use a directions app… can’t get a signal. There’s a downside to being out in the middle of nowhere.

Brando: Don’t worry. I’m not one of those guys who hates stopping and asking a local for directions.

Sasha: What locals? We haven’t passed a gas station or even another car for miles. [ Sighs ] What if we’re really lost?

Brando: We’ll figure it out.

Sasha: Will we? Are we lost… or have you changed your mind about getting married?

Lucy: Did I just hear you right? You said “money isn’t everything”? That doesn’t sound like you. Oh, no! Do you feel okay? Do you have a temperature? Ohh!

Glady: I was kidding, of course. Now, I know that Maxie’s back. You’re full speed ahead to take deception public. What does that actually mean for Sasha?

Lucy: Well, you know that Sasha is a partner in deception, and thanks to Michael Corinthos’ ninja negotiating skills… you know, talk about having the right boyfriend at the right time. I just wanted a brand-new “face of deception,” but he wrangled an equity stake for Sasha in the company, which I don’t regret at all. She has been an incredible asset. Anyway, the point is, is that when we do take deception public, that girl is going to get a large share of stocks and her net worth is going to skyrocket.

Gladys: My Brando sure knows how to pick ’em. I always knew that Gilmore girl had potential.

Lucy: Really? You know, that’s not exactly how I remember it. Since when did you become team Sasha?

Brando: Come on. Any mother would have doubts about Sasha’s history. She was a supermodel. She was leading a supermodel lifestyle, hanging out with gangsters, snorting illegal substances.

Lucy: Wow! So very subtle.

Gladys: But then I saw how brave Sasha was when she and Brando lost little Liam. [ Sighs ]

Lucy: You’re right, I do not doubt her bravery, and she was very courageous. [ Inhales sharply ] But you know what? I still — I just — I just am kind of worried that she’s rushing her recovery by coming back to work so soon.

Gladys: I had the same feeling, but every time I mentioned it, she shut me down. Uh, politely, you know? Her manners are impeccable, of course, but a wall is still a wall no matter how pretty it’s painted.

Lucy: Maybe it’s — it’s not really right for us to expect that Sasha doesn’t think we should probably respect her privacy. See what I’m saying? We got to respect her privacy, I think, really.

Gladys: Lucy, I’m asking you something. Is there something wrong with Sasha? Something Brando’s mother should know?

Dante: Yeah. Britt. How’d you know?

Drew: Well, I just saw the dynamic when we were all on Cassadine island together. Peter used Britt as leverage to control Jason and her mom, but Britt never backed down. I mean, she let him have it about the — the hell that he put Maxie through, about supposedly hating Faison and then essentially following in his footsteps.

Dante: Ooh, I bet Peter didn’t like hearing that.

Drew: No, he did not. But I think on — on some level, envied his sister and… even though she was the prisoner, she had more agency than Peter did, so it makes kind of — it makes sense that he would mess with her any way he could, make her the executor just so she’d have to acknowledge his existence and not forget about him.

Dante: He probably got a kick out of the fact that he’s forcing her to deal with whatever he left behind.

Drew: So we go to Britt, and we have her plant the bait. And then we let word get back to Victor what Peter left behind.

Sam: I don’t know. There might be a problem with your plan.

Dante: What? What’s the problem?

Sam: Does Britt strike either one of you as the kind of person that’s going to safeguard Peter’s personal effects?

Maxie: Well, what did Anna say?

Britt: The WSB x-rayed and vetted the contents. There’s nothing dangerous inside — no toxic substances or anything potentially lethal.

Maxie: Okay, so if it’s harmless, what are you gonna do with it?

Britt: I never said it was harmless. It came from Peter, remember? And he knows how much I hated him. I mean, who knows what he left me to mess with my head? Fortunately, there is a dumpster in the alley behind the hotel.

Maxie: So…?

Britt: So this is going in the garbage where it belongs.

Maxie: What? Wait, Britt! No, don’t do that.

Nikolas: When I thanked you for interceding on my behalf with Spencer, that was very sincere. I meant what I said.

Ava: I confess. I advised Nikolas to be careful of you at first, but that was before I could see for myself that your heart is clearly in the right place…this time.

Victor: Laura has been doing her best to turn my family against me.

Nikolas: My mother can be overprotective at times. But given your past and your recent association with Peter, can you really blame her?

Victor: Oh, for the last time, my dealings with Peter August were extremely limited and, yes, a regrettable lapse in judgment, but I’m not the only one here. Peter deceived a great many people, including the formidable Anna Devane. But the man is, thankfully, dead, and may the discord he caused die with him. As for Laura [Sighs] For the well-being of my family, I agree to give her a pass — something which, for the record, she would not do for me.

Ava: That’s so big of you, Victor.

Victor: Yeah, well, consider it a wedding present.

Ava: Well, the real gift would be bringing us all together when Nikolas and I renew our vows. Of course, we can’t be certain that Spencer will accept our invitation.

Victor: Oh, I — I have a good feeling about this. After all [Chuckles] His significant other supports a father-son reconciliation, and Esme seems to hold great sway with Spencer.

[ Lock beeps, disengages ]

Esme: I know your death stare terrifies most people, but I’m not most people. What were you thinking out there in the dayroom? Speaking out loud? Don’t you realize someone could have heard you when you opened your mouth to snap at me? After all your planning, all your months of silence, you could have blown the whole thing just to scold me.

Ryan: Actually, I was thinking about you… …and how you’ve failed me.

Brando: I want to marry you more than ever. What makes you think I’d change my mind?

Sasha: I’m sorry for doubting you, Brando. But if the GPS isn’t working and we’re lost, then what do we do?

Brando: We are not a completely lost. Roll down your window. [ Water rushing in distance ] You hear that?

Sasha: I do. We’re by a river.

Brando: Right. We are on a back road that runs alongside the river. If you listen hard, you can hear wedding bells. [ Bells tolling in distance ] Those bells are ringing for another couple.

[ Tolling continues ]

Sasha: And soon they will be ringing for us. And for Liam. His brief life will have meaning because… we will know and — and the whole world will know that he was born out of love.

Lucy: I admit that Maxie and I are a bit worried about Sasha coming back to work too soon after the trauma of losing Liam. And, um, speaking from firsthand experience, those kind of wounds take a long time to heal… if they ever heal at all.

Gladys: I tried to get through to her. She shut me out. I — it seemed that with my Brando’s help she was getting better…

Lucy: [ Sighs ]

Gladys: …And [Sighs] I still believe Sasha will heal… [ Chuckles ] …Especially when she gets back from that getaway and realizes what this IPO is going to do for the future of our family. But what if this getaway is just an escape from reality?

Britt: There’s no way you’re feeling sentimental about Peter.

Maxie: Hey, I am not feeling sentimental, but Bailey is Peter’s only child. Maybe he left something for her.

Britt: [ Chuckles ] Like he wrote her a letter?

Maxie: I’m hoping he left her something of financial value.

Britt: Look, I take my role as “Aunt Britt” very seriously, and I don’t want my niece growing up with anything of Peter’s to drag her down.

Maxie: I totally agree with you, and if there is nothing in that box worth keeping, I will help you junk it.

Britt: Okay, fine. But let’s open it out on the terrace just in case there’s something inside that makes us howl with rage and disgust.

Maxie: Good idea.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Dante: It’s Anna. I better take it. Hey, what’s going on?

Drew: [ Exhales sharply ]

Sam: Hey. Are you okay? Are you sure there’s no way that that card can affect you?

Drew: I know it won’t. It’s not the right card.

Sam: [ Sighs ]

Drew: But Victor’s not going to know that. When he tries to activate me, then we’ll know what he’s up to.

Sam: Okay, but you know that that card… is the hook and you’re the bait. And if Victor does realize that something’s going on… you’re going to be at risk. Are you willing to do this? I mean, I’m not going to judge you if you back out.

Drew: No, I’m doing it. I want to take Victor down as much as you do.

Sam: Yeah.

Dante: Alright, uh, Britt’s at the metro court, and she’s already got Peter’s belongings.

Britt: Well, it’s too late, then. There’s no way Britt’s going to hold on to his belongings.

Drew: Well, we got to try. We got to try. We got to move.

Victor: I believe that where Esme goes, Spencer will follow.

Nikolas: I’ve agreed we should include Spencer in the vow renewal once he’s finished his time at Spring Ridge. As far as inviting Esme, I mean, do I have to remind you she is the one that torched Ava’s car?

Victor: [ Scoffs ] Well, do I have to remind you that Spencer dislikes Ava as much as you dislike Esme? Look, if you want your son to put aside his pride and celebrate your vows, how can you exclude the young woman who has such an influence on Spencer’s young life?

Ava: Well, I wouldn’t say that Esme’s influence has exactly been positive.

Victor: [ Sighs ] If we’re all going to start throwing stones, Ava, none of us are going to walk away unbruised.

Nikolas: [ Sighs ] Unfortunately, I think my uncle… is right. Either it’s an inclusive family celebration or it isn’t. Thank you for reminding me. I owe you.

Victor: I’ll add it to your tab. [ Inhales sharply ] Meanwhile, I should leave the two of you to get along with your guest list.

Ava: Mm.

Victor: You won’t regret this, Nikolas.

Nikolas: What the hell happened to our intimate, romantic celebration for two?

Ava: Well, you know, we said it would be a night to remember. And with our new guest list, that’s…bound to be true.

Ryan: I am so disappointed in you, Esme. You had one job — break up Ava and Nikolas. I’ve had to continue this exhausting charade pretending to be as animated as an eggplant! You have totally lost sight of the prize.

Esme: That’s not fair. I did everything I could to help Spence terrorize Ava in hopes that she’d leave Nikolas. I thought leaving her dead daughter’s hospital badge by her burnt car was an inspired idea. It is not my fault that Ava’s love for Spence’s dad is stronger than her fear of a stalker.

Ryan: Ava doesn’t love Nikolas. She only thinks she does. And you’ve been wasting your time playing this adolescent game of kiss-and-tell with Spencer and his friends.

Esme: What I’m doing is trying to make sure my relationship with Spence looks real. If I’m not convincing, someone might get suspicious. But my loyalty, first and last, is always to you.

Ryan: So you say.

Esme: [ Exhales sharply ] Please. I’ll do anything. Just — just let me prove it to you. Daddy. You like it when I call you that, don’t you?

Ryan: You know I do. But as the saying goes, Esme, be careful what you wish for.

Sasha: Okay, I know it’s a back road, but can’t we drive a little faster?

Brando: [ Chuckling ] That’s a negative.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Sasha: [ Gasps ] Look at that! We have cell service again!

Brando: Ah. Who’s calling? Maxie? Lucy?

Sasha: Your mom.

Brando: Ah. Well, I have been ignoring her calls. But that is my mom — if one way doesn’t work, she will find another.

[ Ringing continues ]

Sasha: Gladys! What a nice surprise.

Gladys: Hello, Sasha. Hi. I-I know you and Brando are on a little getaway, and I don’t mean to interrupt, but I haven’t heard anything from Brando. And, naturally, as a mother, I’m concerned. Is everything okay?

Sasha: I’m sorry, Gladys. We have really spotty coverage here in the falls, so you’re — you’re breaking up on me, but — but I’m sure we’ll have a lot to talk about when we get back.

Gladys: Oh — oh — hello? Hello?

Lucy: Oh! Darn it! Bad connection, huh?

Gladys: Sasha couldn’t wait to get off the call, though she did blame the bad reception at the falls.

Lucy: The falls, as in… Niagara Falls? Is that where they went?

Gladys: What’s wrong with Niagara Falls?

Lucy: Nothing. You know, I think I got married there. No, no. I didn’t get married there. I-I think I almost got married there once.

Gladys: [ Chuckles ] Yeah. Mm. Yeah, ’cause if you can’t make it to Vegas, you just head to Niagara for a little quickie wedding. [ Chuckles ] Hm! Mnh! You don’t think that’s what they’re doing, do you?

Nikolas: Maybe while I’m making the drinks, you can explain… your about-face. When did you go from suspecting that Victor was up to no good to inviting him to our vow renewal?

Ava: [ Breathes deeply ] Well, if you must know, your mother asked me to keep Victor close. We all do know that he is up to something!

Nikolas: Well, that’s safe to assume. It’s the Cassadine way.

Ava: Your mother is — is mostly worried about Spencer, knowing that he is susceptible to Victor’s “generosity.”

Nikolas: I see. And knowing my mother, she’s concerned that I might be susceptible, too. Is that the gist?

Britt: Okay, I can still change my mind and I can drop this off the balcony and watch Peter’s belongings just shatter on the ground.

Maxie: Okay. Wait one second. If you destroy that box — you know, toss it, burn it, drop it in a vat of battery acid — aren’t you always gonna wonder what is inside of it?

Britt: No. But clearly you are. [ Sighs ] Okay. Come on. Let’s just get this over with.

Dante: Britt. Stop.

Britt: Is there something dangerous in this after all?

Sam: Not dangerous to us.

Maxie: Then who?

[ Elevator doors whirring ]

Victor: Oh, excuse me. I’ll, uh… I’ll have a top-shelf Manhattan, please. And you know what? It’s such a lovely evening. I’ll, uh — I’ll take it on the terrace.

Waitress: Of course.

Victor: Thank you.

Drew: Mr. Cassadine. Your timing could not be any better.

Esme: You have another plan… Daddy?

Ryan: I have information, which is where all good plans begin. For instance, you followed my every instruction to steal the card key… and here you are. And Ava may really believe that she’s found “true happiness” with Nikolas, but soon enough, she’ll find a worm in that apple.

Esme: Oh, please tell me. Please let me in on things. I can’t help you unless you trust me.

Ryan: Hmm. Trust is a two-way street. And given how easily distracted you are by petty jealousies and these shallow co-ed shenanigans, I’m not sure I can count on you anymore.

Esme: [ Scoffs ] Really? Well, like you say, that’s a two-way street. You don’t trust me? Maybe your brother Kevin will trust me when I tell him the truth about you, that you can talk and have been able to for months! Aah!

Ryan: You’re not going anywhere.

Sasha: I didn’t like lying to your mom, but what else can I say?

Brando: I don’t consider that lying. We just have to break the news to her as gently as possible. And by the amount of times she’s called me, it’s clear she hasn’t even gotten used to the idea of us taking a few days to ourselves. And soon she’s gonna have to get used to seeing a ring on your finger and then our names on a marriage license. And finally, she’s gonna burst into tears and claim that I robbed her of planning her only son’s wedding. [ Chuckles ] But eventually… after a few years, she will get over it. But if — if you’ve changed your mind and decided you want a more traditional ceremony, we can turn the car around right now, go back to the B & B, and — and you can look at, uh, party-planning reviews. And — but, I mean, let’s be honest. If we’re gonna go that route, we both know that you would pick Maxie.

Sasha: I don’t need a big wedding. I just want you. I want to see those rings on our fingers as a reminder that we belong to each other, body and soul.

Brando: I want that, too.

Sasha: Mm.

Brando: Speaking of rings, look in the glove compartment. [ Glove compartment door opens ] See that box?

Sasha: [ Gasps ] Oh, my god! Brando!

Gladys: I can’t believe my son would elope and not include me.

Lucy: [ Chuckles ] Well… that’s kind of the definition of elopement. The parents stay home.

Gladys: I am not just any parent. I am a single mother who sacrificed everything for that boy.

Lucy: [ Sighs ]

Gladys: And it’s not like him to sneak around behind my back, so I’m sure this was her big idea.

Lucy: Oh, no, don’t. Don’t you dare do that. Do not blame Sasha. She deserves every bit of happiness she can get after everything she’s gone through.

Gladys: I was thinking of Sasha. [ Stammers ] I am afraid maybe you’re right. She rushed back to work. She’s rushing into marriage. It’s all just to avoid the terrible pain of the loss of Liam, and it’s a big mistake. And there’s got to be something I can do to stop them.

Esme: Let me go.

Ryan: Well… I guess your time in Port Charles hasn’t been wasted after all, not if you’ve developed a backbone that can stand up to me.

Esme: What can I say? I had an excellent teacher.

Ryan: I appreciate the compliment. I hope you make me proud.

Esme: Oh, I will. That’s always been the plan.

Ryan: Just remember — I call the shots. Are we clear?

Esme: Yes, sir. You’re the boss.

Ryan: That’s more like it. And you still have to regain my trust.

Esme: I’ll do anything.Just tell me where to start.

Ryan: Back at square one — with Ava.

Nikolas: If we both agree he can’t be trusted, why not wait to get closer to him? Why invite Victor to share the happiest day of our lives?

Ava: Your mother’s concerned that Victor has already made significant inroads with Spencer. And given what he knows about you with regard to Hayden, I’m afraid he thinks he has the upper hand with you.

Nikolas: My uncle and I are even now. My debt’s been paid in full.

Ava: Nikolas, five minutes ago, you just told him that y-you owed him. And I know he will find a way to collect.

Nikolas: Do you really think I would let him get the better of me?

Ava: No. But I think he will keep trying. And I think he will use any weapon he can find, including your son. That’s why I invited him to be there when we renew our vows. I want Uncle Victor to believe that we trust him. So that when he finally does show us his hand… we will be ready.

Victor: What is it you want with me, Drew?

Drew: Put you on notice. Look, we may never be able to prove that you helped Peter escape, but I will never forget the part that you played in stealing two years of my life.

Victor: That sounds a lot like you’re threatening me.

Drew: Really? ‘Cause I-I meant it to sound like a promise. Just stay clear of me and my family and everybody that I care about, or I will find a way to make you pay for every single day that you had me locked away from my life.

Waitress: Mr. Cassadine.

Victor: Hm? Oh. Do you still want your drink on the terrace? I’ll, uh — I’ll take it with me. Thank you.

Waitress: Okay.

[ Elevator doors whirring ]

Victor: Hmph.

Britt: -Look at that.

Maxie: -Can you believe it?

Britt: Wow.

Victor: I-I’m sorry. Do you mind if I join you out here? Or is this a private party?

Sam: Such a beautiful baby, Maxie. Definitely in the 99th percentile of total cuteness.

[ Maxie chuckles ]

Victor: Oh, I do love babies. And, Maxie, I’m so gratified to see that you’re finally reunited with your daughter.

[ Bailey Louise fussing ]

Maxie: Thanks.

Dante: Say, Victor, uh, did you know anything about Peter leaving any personal effects behind.

Victor: Ah, despite what everyone seems to think, I really wasn’t on intimate terms with Mr. August. Mm. W-why do you ask?

Sam: It’s just that that box that Britt is holding, it came from the WSB. It’s Peter’s effects.

Britt: Yeah. I was gonna just toss it in the garbage. And then Maxie encouraged me to open it just in case there’s anything inside that could help pay for Bailey’s college tuition.

Maxie: You know what, Britt? Just give it to me. You’re taking too long.

Britt: Uh, take it easy, Maxie.

Maxie: I can’t wait any longer!

Britt: I’m the executor!

Sam: Maxie!

[ Sighs ]

Maxie: Sorry about that.

Britt: [ Sighs ] No, it’s — it’s fine.

Sasha: We just decided to get married. How did you slip out and buy wedding rings without me knowing it?

Brando: Uh, well, they — they aren’t what you think they are. When we, uh, decided to get married on the fly, I had to improvise. So those are actually just some spare engine parts that I polished up while you were in the shower. But they’ll serve their purpose until I have time to take you to a proper jewelry store. [ Laughs ] I’m kidding.

Sasha: [ Laughs ]

Brando: When I told you I was going to the gym, I actually just ran off to the closest jewelry store. Those are the real thing. Just like we are.

Sasha: [ Breathes sharply ] Brando, I… I don’t know what to say. I love them. [ Metallic rattling ] What was that? [ Bell chiming ] The “check engine” light is on.

Brando: Yeah, I need to pull over and check this out, see how bad it really is.

Lucy: What exactly are you trying to do? Come on. Brando and Sasha, well, they’re adults. So even if you could find the chapel that they’re maybe eloping at, you’re not gonna stop their wedding — you can’t stop it. So please just let them follow their hearts.

Gladys: That is easy for you to say. You’re just her business partner. She’s on the verge of becoming my daughter-in-law.

Lucy: Okay, I-I really take issue with that because, first, Sasha is my friend. And, secondly, you would be damn lucky to have Sasha as your daughter-in-law.

Gladys: I do not disagree. If Sasha and Brando were getting married for the right reasons, I’d be all for it. But a few days ago, there wasn’t even a mention of marriage. I’m afraid the reason they’re eloping is to hide from the pain of Liam’s death. No. I can’t let that happen.

Ryan: So, my original plan to break up Ava and Nikolas came up short.

Esme: Hm. If anything, it made them closer. I know you love Ava, but she’s never gonna care about you the way that I do.

Ryan: But thank you for pouring salt on my wound.

Esme: So what’s plan b? And don’t tell me you don’t have one because you always do.

Ryan: You think you know me, don’t you?

Esme: Just like you know me.

Ryan: You’ve already completed the first step to insinuate yourself with the family. I think we can use Spencer’s incarceration to our advantage.

Esme: How?

Ryan: By making yourself an even larger presence in their lives.

Esme: Nikolas doesn’t trust me, and Ava openly dislikes me. She doesn’t even try to hide it.

Ryan: It’s easy to control a teenage boy whose hormones are raging. Ava and Nikolas, you’re gonna have to try harder. If they don’t like you, then you’ll have to make yourself more likable. I’m willing to try, but I’m pretty sure Nikolas already blames me for turning Spence’s head.

Esme: Oh, I’m pretty confident he’ll come around. You know what they say — like father, like son.

Nikolas: Victor’s no one’s fool. He’s got to realize we have a motive for including him in our ceremony.

Ava: That’s why we have to stay one step ahead of him.

Nikolas: You just remember — Victor played king of the mountain with Peter, and Victor is the one who survived. My mother is right. He is up to something.

Ava: Let Victor give it his best shot. As long as you and I stick together… he cannot touch us. And don’t forget, my love… I have a very long history dealing with people like Victor.

Maxie: I’m gonna help pick everything up.

Victor: Oh, let me — uh, let me help you. Don’t you — don’t you worry. I’ve got this.

Sam: Normally I would help, but I don’t want to touch anything that Peter’s touched, ever.

Dante: [ Clicks tongue ] Hey, Britt, uh, I knew the WSB’s done with that and they passed it on to you, but can I maybe take it down to the PCPD? We got some cases we need to wrap up that Peter was involved in. Maybe it could, uh, help us out.

Britt: Is there something the WSB missed?

Dante: No, but they’re looking for espionage, and we’re looking for, say, tying up Franco’s murder case.

Britt: Well, the WSB released this box to me, so you need to talk to Anna Devane.

Dante: Right. Okay. I-I understand. But Anna gave it to you, right? Because she was done with it already. So would it be cool to pass it on to me? We’ll give it right back to you. You let me know.

Britt: Yeah.

Gladys: I have to put a stop to this. Uh, tell the bartender to put the drinks on Carly’s tab.

Lucy: Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait. Wait. You’re — you’re not seriously gonna try and stop Brando and Sasha’s wedding?

Gladys: I absolutely am.

Lucy: No. Gladys, don’t. Please. Please. Just — just think about this. You know, you’re not really sure they’re eloping. And — and, besides, Niagara Falls, it’s a natural wonder, a beautiful place — hundreds of thousands of folks visit every year and they don’t get married.

Gladys: Brando didn’t return any of my phone calls. Something’s up. A mother knows.

Lucy: Don’t. Don’t. No, no, no. Wait. Wait. Please. Do not try to stop the wedding. They are only gonna end up resenting you.

Gladys: These are two grief-stricken parents.

Lucy: [ Sighs ]

Gladys: They probably shouldn’t commit to buying a car, much less spending the rest of their lives together. There has to be something I can do to stop them from doing something they’ll always regret.

Lucy: Mm. Mnh. Mnh!

Sasha: Well? How bad?

Brando: We’re gonna need a tow. I already called for one, but since we are in the middle of nowhere, it might take a few hours.

Sasha: I should have known that this plan — this plan wasn’t gonna happen. Now we will never get to the chapel before it closes. [ Voice breaking ] Maybe — maybe this is a sign. Maybe we were never meant to have a happy ending.

Brando: Hey. Hey. Listen.

Sasha: [ Sniffles ]

Brando: We got a blanket in the trunk and some hot coffee in the thermos there. And until help arrives, I am sure that we can find some way to keep warm.

[ Vehicle approaches ]

Sasha: That’s the tow truck! [ Gasps ] So much for it taking hours! [ Giggles ]

Brando: Looks like we’re gonna get our happy ending after all.

Maxie: She’s settling down. So much excitement. You better get used to it, Bailey Lou. Your mom is a magnet for trouble.

Britt: And so is your Auntie Britt! [ Gasps ] Yes! [ Laughs ] You know, I’m still not sure what happened on the terrace, but if it makes Victor pay for aiding and abetting Peter,

Maxie: [Clicks tongue]

Britt: Then it was worth it.

Maxie: Well worth it.

Victor: Thank you, Peter. While you rot in hell, I’ll make good use of this.

Nikolas: The best way to stay one step ahead of Victor is by keeping him where we can see him.

Ava: And Spencer?

Nikolas: Once he’s released from Spring Ridge, absolutely. And it goes for Esme, as well. But I can promise you one thing.

Ava: Hm?

Nikolas: No one will ever come between us again.

Esme: I need to go. The orderly will be back any minute. But before I leave, there’s still something I don’t understand. I mean, even if Ava leaves Nikolas, what then? You’re still a prisoner facing a life sentence. Where’s all this leading?

Ryan: Oh, you leave that to me. You just do as I say, and you’ll have your heart’s desire. Not only Spencer and his fortune, but the family you’ve always longed for.

Esme: Ava isn’t my family.

Ryan: No. But she’s family to me. [ Velcro tears ] And what’s mine is yours. My beautiful… gifted daughter.