Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Thane
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
You know, it’s hard enough to believe that Brady fell off the wagon after being sober for so long, but to drive drunk and run poor Sarah down?
Yeah, I can’t imagine what John and Marlena are going through right now. You know, I think I’ll call John a little bit later today.
Aw. Oh, my heart goes out to them and, oh, you know, to Sarah’s family, of course, as well. Uh, but on to happier subjects.
Well, what kind of subject is that?
That would be how my amazing TV producer husband is going to make my baby girl a star.
[chuckles]
“Arrow, you have to believe me. “When I thought you were dead, my heart was broken, shattered. “My god, if I had known that you were alive and that we could be together, then–”
Good morning.
Good morning, my love.
You are up early.
Well, you know what they say. The early bird not only gets the worm, but she also nails her audition for streaming’s hottest new soap opera.
That’s my girl.
Bad time?
No, no. No, come in. I was just– I was just checking out the news. I can certainly use a break from that.
Yeah. Speaking of news, I’m assuming you heard about Brady.
I did, yeah. Jada came by last night and told me. I can’t believe he’s the one who hit Sarah.
Yeah, I can’t either, especially now that my dad is taking his case. I mean, I’m glad that Brady’s got an attorney, but Xander is going to be furious about this.
Yeah, this is going to be hard on the entire family. God, it’s all just so awful.
I know it is. Anyway, I didn’t mean to take up any of your time. I just wanted to see if your laptop might have been on the mend after my clumsy ass threw water all over it.
[laughs] No, my laptop is on the road to recovery, I’m happy to report. It’s in the shop, and they think they should be able to fix it.
Good, good. And are they able to salvage your business proposal?
I actually got the job without it.
No way. Are you– Steph that’s great. Come on, what is the– what’s the job?
Abe hired me to do PR for the soap opera that he’s producing. It’s called “Body & Soul.”
“Body & Soul.”
What, you know it?
I do. I do. As it turns out, I might be working there too.
Oh, Dr. Evans.
I thought I might find you here. Good morning, Leo.
Good morning. And again, I am so sorry that I had to cancel our date to watch “Drag Race” last night. I have been swamped here, working around the clock pretty much.
Oh, well, I’m happy for you. Congratulations on the new job.
Ah, thanks. I’m still pinching myself. I mean, head writer of a soap opera? Can you even believe it?
It’s just wonderful.
Thanks.
Yeah. And well deserved.
Aw.
I didn’t actually come here to congratulate you.
Oh, OK.
I came here to tell you that I’ve changed my mind, and I’m afraid you’re going to have to fire Hattie Adams.
Fire Hattie? I don’t understand.
Well, because I’m accepting the job. Because I want to be Charlemagne!
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
All right.
[gasps]
Here you go.
Oh. Thank you, my love
I am glad that I closed the pub for Labor Day. And not just because my staff deserved a day off, but also because now I can focus on one very special customer, my beautiful wife.
You are so good to me.
That is my goal in life.
You know, Roman, have you ever thought about closing the pub for a day, maybe two, on a– you know, a regular basis?
Why would I do that?
Well, because you work too hard, that’s why. Also, I mean, I’m sure your staff would like a couple of days off a week.
Well, I don’t think my staff would like losing days off their weekly paycheck. And also, you know, I just hate to think about this place being empty two whole days a week.
Well, I mean, it wouldn’t have to be empty.
What do you mean?
Well, what do you think about letting Abe and me film “Body & Soul” right here in The Brady Pub?
Well, I wish I could take credit for casting Chanel in “Body & Soul,” but that was actually Johnny’s idea.
Oh, well, I don’t care who came up with the brilliant idea, so long as I’m right up there in the front row when Shemar Moore hands my daughter her first of many Daytime Emmys.
[laughter]
Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. She hasn’t even auditioned yet.
Oh, of course she’ll get the part. Hey, she’s– my baby is talented, smart, and beautiful. She’s the total package.
Just like her mama.
[laughs]
Oh, Johnny, I am so excited about this audition. I’m nervous, too, but like a good nervous, you know? And I feel like I really understand my character.
Well, I am sure that you are going to do great, OK? And you’re still cool with the bakery, right? ‘Cause if you get this part, you’re really not going to be able to be there a whole lot.
What do you mean “if” I get the part?
I’m sorry. When you get the part.
OK, well when I get it, the staff at the bakery is just going to have to get used to running it without my day-to-day input. And anyway, a chance to work with my brilliant director husband is really all the incentive that I need to make it work.
Well, I am very happy to hear you say that because I am going to be the one directing your audition today.
Oh, that is so cool. And I wonder if Abe and Kate have found my love interest yet.
You know, as a matter of fact, Abe said that he thinks he’s found the perfect guy.
Oh.
So Abe approached you about auditioning for the soap, huh?
He said I’d be perfect.
Hmm.
“Hmm”? “Hmm” what? You look skeptical.
No, I just, have you ever done any acting?
No. No. But I mean, how hard could it really be, right? I mean, you just read the lines and pretend that you’re somebody else.
Right, right. But I do– I do think it takes a certain talent, you know, to pretend in a way that makes people believe that you’re actually someone else.
Yes, and I agree with you on that, for sure. And I’m hoping that maybe I possess a little bit of that talent. And if I don’t, you know, it’s fine. It’s not like it was my life’s ambition. You know, I just thought it might be fun.
Yeah, yeah. No, for sure.
Right.
Wait, so what’s your role? Are you a hero, a villain?
I don’t know. Abe just told me that the guy’s name is Arrow.
[gasps] Arrow?
I mean, according to Leo’s description, he’s a heartthrob with chiseled features and washboard abs.
Oh, well, forget that. You don’t stand a chance.
Oh.
So you changed your mind, and now you want to play Charlemagne?
I do. Abe offered me that job first. You can’t have two Charlemagnes. So you need to let Hattie go, and then you can bring me in as– I don’t know– as her lookalike. You’ll think of something.
Well, I– I–
What? Aren’t we BFFs?
Wow. Yeah. But– but I–
But what? Are you going to help me land my dream role or what?
Leo, why are you looking so doubtful? Are you going to help me or not?
Look, you know, I would like to, but firing Hattie is not going to be that easy. She– she has a contract. “Body & Soul” can’t just get rid of her without cause.
Well, there’s a cause. It’s ’cause Marlena Evans wants the part.
That’s– that’s not cause. See, if that were the case, then every actor in the world could just be replaced by someone else who wanted that part. Besides, even if they did decide to fire Hattie, they would have to pay the length of her contract, and they’re not going to want to do that.
Hmm, OK. I’ll do it for free. Problem solved.
Say what now? You’re going to forego a salary?
I don’t need the money. I’m a doctor. I’m rich. Besides, I don’t want to miss my chance to be the it girl.
The it girl?
Yeah. OK, fine. Hard bargain. I’ll give you free therapy for a year.
Oh.
I know, I know, I know. So what’s it going to be? You going to fire Hattie and hire me? Hmm?
OK. Let me get this straight. You want to turn my family’s beloved Irish pub into a soap opera set?
Yes. Why not? I mean, there’s a lot of businesses that rent out to production companies, you know. I mean, it’d be so easy. We could have the cameras out there, video monitors up there. We could have trailers outside for hair and makeup.
Sounds like a whole lot of work.
No, you wouldn’t even have to lift a finger. Our crew would do all of that, Roman, including putting everything exactly where they found it. OK? They’d put everything back at the end of the taping day.
[grumbles] I don’t know, Kate.
Oh, come on. Please, Roman. Come on, just think about it. If not for your loving wife, what about your friend Abe? Do you know how desperate Abe is to make “Body & Soul” a hit? Really? Are you really going to disappoint your best friend in the world?
Well, when you’re right, you’re right. Chanel would be perfect for the role of Faith.
Of course she is. And if you find the right fella to play her love interest, oh, then sparks will fly all over Hollywood by way of Salem.
Well, let’s hope so.
So, well, you know, well, don’t keep me in suspense. Who are you thinking of?
Well, he is someone who definitely has the right look and the right energy.
Who are you thinking of?
Alex Kiriakis.
You’re joking, right?
What’s wrong with Alex?
Yeah, I got to admit, I’m a little nervous. This is a pretty big part, you know.
Well, would it help if I went over your lines with you for the audition?
Aw, Steph, you don’t have to do that. Come on.
No, no, I want to.
OK, well if you insist, in that case, here’s my audition scene. Printed it out.
Ah, well, then let’s do it.
All right. Obviously, I’m Arrow. And you are Faith.
OK. And what, you already have your lines memorized?
Yeah. I’m off book, as they say.
Oh, fancy.
Mm-hmm.
OK.
[clears throat]
Here we are.
“Arrow, you have to believe me. “When I thought you were dead, my heart was broken, shattered. “My god, if only I’d known that you were alive and that we could be together.”
Faith, I do believe you, but that doesn’t mean that we can go on as if nothing happened. Because, well…
[sighs] Everything has changed.
Even your feelings for me?
No, not that. My feelings for you could never change. How could they? You’re the love of my life. You always will be.
Wow. Daytime Emmy worthy.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey, all right.
Really good.
Thank you. Thank you.
[exhales]
So what’s wrong with Alex Kiriakis?
Well, this isn’t about me. I’m not the one who’s going to have an issue with Chanel and Alex working together.
Well, who does?
For starters, Chanel’s husband.
Why would Johnny have a problem with Alex and Chanel working together? Oh. Oh, that’s because–
Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. Because not only did Alex sleep with Johnny’s twin sister, he also slept with Chanel.
You know, the director part of me hopes that Abe is right about this guy and he’s the perfect guy to play the role of Arrow. But the husband part of me is kind of hoping secretly that this guy is dog’s breakfast fugly.
Oh, hey. Don’t be wishing bad juju on my future scene partner. It’s already enough pressure that I have to make it sizzle with him on screen, since Faith and Arrow are “Body & Soul’s” hot young supercouple.
And don’t forget that they both have evil twins. You can’t forget the evil twins.
How could I?
Hey look, seriously, baby, I think you just need to let go of all this pressure, all right? Just go in there and be your amazing self.
Says my biased director husband who suggested me for the role.
No, no, no. Says the seasoned director who suggested you for the role. And by seasoned, I mean a couple of student films and an aborted biopic about my grandmother’s battle with demonic possession.
[chuckles] Well, hey. Yu are Salem’s answer to Christopher Nolan in my book.
Well, thank you for that vote of confidence. And now if I may suggest something to help you get a little more relaxed before your audition?
Mm. Fine minds think alike. You’re gonna help me run lines.
Yeah, OK.
All those months I spent rec– recovering?
Uh, close, recuperating.
Recuperating, recuperating. I keep doing that. All those months I spent– you know what? Can we just take it from the top? I keep fumbling the whole part about Dr. Steinbeck’s–
Stenbeck.
Stenbeck, Stenbeck. Yes, the brain surgeon who brought me back to life after my brain transplant thing.
Yeah, man, what a guy.
What a guy.
What a guy. OK, from the top.
OK, from the top.
Arrow, you have to believe me. When I thought you were dead, my heart was broken, shattered. My god, if only I’d known that you were alive and that we could be together.
Faith, I do believe you. But that doesn’t mean that anything has changed. I mean, because everything has changed.
Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Evans, I would love the chance to write for you.
Fine. Then why don’t you? What’s the problem?
It’s just– it wouldn’t be fair to Hattie.
Who cares about Hattie? You didn’t even know that broad.
“That broad”?
I mean, that woman. Yeah. I mean “that woman.” I mean, until recently, you thought she was me.
Yes, that’s–that’s true. But Dr. Evans, it just– it wouldn’t be right. Hattie is so excited about playing Charlemagne. I mean, you are a successful therapist, you know. But for her, this is a big break. And look, I can relate. That’s how I feel about getting to write the show. I’m sorry, Dr. Evans, but I cannot help you with this.
I’m afraid you have to.
No, Dr. Evans, I won’t.
Yes, you will. Listen to me. I want to play Charlemagne, and it seems to me that you have a decision to make. Either you stand by your BFF right here in front of you or you stand by that crazy Hattie Adams. So what’s it gonna be?
Dr. Evans, as much as I have come to value our best friendship, I will not allow you to strongarm me into firing Hattie. Contrary to popular belief, there are lines that Leo Stark will not cross.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
You don’t mind conspiring to–to–to hurt a child and make Nicole think that her baby was dead. But when it comes to firing Hattie Adams, that’s a bridge too far?
Exactly.
Well! I have never been so insulted in my life.
[sobbing] And I’ve never been so moved in my life.
[sobs]
Huh?
You stood by me, Lenny!
Hattie?
The one and only.
What the hell?
Oh, please, please. It’s OK. I just– I was– I was just auditioning a little bit. And I was testing your loyalty. And you know what? You passed with flying colors.
And you? Wow, you really do an amazing impression of Dr. Evans.
And I’ve been told that before.
Yeah, well, I admit I’m impressed, but don’t ever do that to me again. I have had it up to here with doppelgangers.
Leo. Good, you’re here. We need to talk about this script. It’s a total mess.
And besides, do you realize how many tourists are going to be flocking here once “Body & Soul” gets underway? I mean, everyone’s going to want to see the place where their favorite soap opera is being taped. Not to mention the merchandise– the hats, the t-shirts.
All right, all right, all right. Stop twisting my arm, OK? You and Abe can film episodes here two days a week.
God, Roman. Honey, you are the best.
I just want you and Abe to do as well as you can do, OK?
Do you really mean that?
Yes, of course I do.
Then ask Kayla if we can use the nurse’s station for Pineview Hospital set.
I had thought that Chanel and Allie broke up because Alex and Allie were, well, you know, together.
They did, yes. But that was only after– well, I hope you’re not too shocked when I tell you.
Tell me what?
That they had a threesome.
Who had a threesome? Oh.
Yes. “Oh.” So now you see the problem with having Chanel and Alex, you know?
I do. And I guess that explains the sparks.
What sparks?
Well, I saw the two of them arguing in the square. And I tell you, that love-hate chemistry, it was off the charts.
Well, I wonder what they were arguing about.
They told me that they were rehashing an ancient argument between the two of them.
Oh, well, you know, that Allie situation was a whole lifetime ago. And I mean, you know, Chanel is obviously really happy with Johnny, so it might be fine. And hey, if Chanel and Johnny are OK with, you know, Alex auditioning for the show.
Well, about that, they don’t know that I want Alex for the role of Arrow.
What? What? You mean you didn’t tell them that Chanel is auditioning with Alex today?
I just found out about this dirt right now.
You need to give Chanel and Johnny a heads-up about this before they show up to that audition, or all hell is going to break loose.
OK, where were we?
Uh, Arrow was about to tell Faith just how hard he’d worked to get back to her after his dead twin brother’s brain was transplanted into his skull, complete with the microchip containing all of Arrow’s memories.
Right, of course. OK, OK, here we are. All right. All right.
[clears throat] Damn it, Faith. Do you know what I went through to get back to you? All those months I spent recuperating on Dr. Steinbeck’s– Stenbeck’s tropical island, surviving a bout of rain forest fever, fighting off an entire militia group, only to get back to Pineview and find out that the love of my life was about to marry my father?
[gasps] Boy, Leo has a flair for the dramatic.
Hey, come on.
OK, OK. Wait, sorry, sorry. Whoa. OK. Arrow, you have to believe me. I thought you were dead when I agreed to be Drex’s wife. I mean, you died in my arms. What else was I supposed to think? And I wept in that Pineview Hospital chapel as they took out your brain and put it into Charlemagne’s head to save her from terminal frontal lobe sarcoidosis. You’d died. And on top of that, your brain was gone. Don’t you see? I grieved for you until your ghost returned to me at your gravesite on our third wedding anniversary and told me it was time to move on.
Faith, that wasn’t my ghost. That was an AI-enhanced generated hologram that Dr. Spenbeck created in my father’s behest. Drex wanted complete control over you and, not to mention, complete control over my entire family’s empire.
Oh, Arrow, I don’t know what to believe.
I’ll tell you what to believe, Faith. Believe in me. Believe in our love. Believe in our love that stood the test of time and was our compass and our North Star guiding our intertwined hearts through space and time.
[romantic music] If you can’t believe in anything else, believe in love.
And now, it– it says they kiss.
If you can’t believe in anything else, believe in love.
[sighs, chuckles] Well, if my scene partner kisses me like that, he just might have to carry me away.
Yeah, well, he’d better not.
Come on, G. You know I’m just yanking your chain. And anyway, need I remind you that you were the one that wanted me to audition for this soap opera?
Yeah, yeah.
So you had to know that I was gonna have love interests.
I know that. And I’m sure that it will all be very professional. But I’m going to have to get used to the idea of some other guy kissing my wife and her pretending to like it.
Well, you don’t have anything to worry about, OK? You are the only arrow I want in my quiver.
Oh, she’s funny and she’s beautiful. A devastating combo.
I know.
And now, perhaps, we could, um– I was thinking we could go practice that epic Arrow-Faith love scene reunion. I think we have just enough time before your audition.
Well, lead the way, Mr. Director.
I know. I know the way.
[both chuckle]
Hey there, Bonnie.
Oh, hey, Marlena. Sorry, could you excuse us? Leo and I need to talk.
Bonnie, I’m not–
No, I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is urgent. We have major problems with the script.
We do? What’s the problem with the script?
Well, first off, the first scene. Charlemagne gets the last word.
What’s wrong with that?
Everything’s wrong with that. Why would Kassandra let Charlemagne have the last word? It makes my character look, you know, wimpy.
What about Charlemagne’s character?
I’m sorry, Marlena, but this is between Leo and me. And the first scene is just the tip of the iceberg. Charlemagne gets the better of Kassandra in every single scene.
I wouldn’t say that.
I wouldn’t say that.
I’m sorry, Marlena, what would you know about it? Look, Leo, I’ll spell it out for you. Charlemagne has speeches and Kassandra only .
You counted lines?
Well, of course I did. Obviously, Kassandra is the star of the show.
Oh, I wouldn’t say that.
I’m sorry, Marlena, what are you doing here? And why is this any of your business?
Well, I’m not sure that it’s Marlena’s business, but I think it might be Hattie’s business.
[scoffs] Hattie?
[inhales] Hattie.
The one and only.
Oh, for Pete’s sake. I thought you were Marlena!
That makes two of us.
Oh, come here, sister, and give us a hug.
Oh!
Oh, now, come on, isn’t this wonderful, us working together again? And this time, it’s totally legal.
[laughs]
Yeah. I heard you were trying to get involved with this piece.
Well, yeah, yeah, since you encouraged me and all.
Well, I wouldn’t have encouraged you if I’d realized you were going to try to steal the limelight.
Huh?
Come on, Bonnie. Let’s just get past this. There’s only one starring part in this piece, and it’s Charlemagne. And I am playing Charlemagne!
Oh, god. What have I gotten myself into?
Johnny, Johnny, can you call me back? It’s about Chanel and her acting partner in the audition today.
[phone beeps] Hmm. Straight to voicemail. Just like Chanel.
Oh, well, Abe, you got to keep trying. I just don’t want those kids blindsided when they walk into that production office and see Alex Kiriakis. And, you know, for the life of me, I just don’t understand why Alex would even want to be in our soap opera. I mean, isn’t he more of a merger and acquisitions type?
Well, he was until he lost the Kiriakis fortune to Xander.
Uh, yeah, well, oh, I guess I could see how the guy would want a career change.
Paulina, I do not want to cause a problem with Johnny and Chanel’s marriage.
I know, Abe. Of course you don’t. I know that.
But I tell you, when I saw them arguing, and they were–they were mad as hell, I knew. I knew they were destined to be together.
Who’s destined to be together, Chanel and Alex?
No, Arrow and Faith.
I think I’ll save the kiss for the audition.
Right. Yeah. Good idea, good idea.
Right, yeah. So how’d I do?
Uh, you were great. You were great. I’m not a director, obviously, but I’ve supervised some photo shoots where the models have to bring a shot to life, you know? And you were a natural, Alex, really.
Come on. You really think so?
I do.
[exhales] Well, thank you.
Yeah.
Any notes?
Um, you know, the only thing I would say is that you could– you could slow down a bit. Don’t, you know, race to the finish line. I mean, this is a big moment for Arrow and Faith, right? So you want to– you want to let it breathe.
Yeah, you’re right. That’s a really good note. I got it. Slow down, slow my roll. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Yeah.
Anyway, I should probably get going. And I really want to give you a hug.
I would– I would like that, yeah.
Me too.
[chuckles]
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
All right. All right, I’m out.
OK, all right.
Thank you again.
Yep. Well, good luck, and, you know, break a leg.
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
[sighs] “Break a leg”?
[exhales]
Ah, Bonnie. It’s Labor Day, we’re closed.
Oh, Labor Day. That’s right. You know what? That’s perfect. Because everything that Labor Day stands for is exactly why I’m here, to have one’s work be fair and equitable.
OK, long shot here, I’m guessing this has to do with your role on the soap.
Oh, you’re darn tootin’ it does. I went to take my grievances to Leo Stark, but he couldn’t care less. So I’m just gonna go over his head. Is your wife around?
Uh, no, she went to see Abe. Can I ask what’s so urgent that you need to talk to her this very minute?
I have concerns, Roman, major concerns! In fact, if Kate and Abe aren’t careful, that hack they hired to write the reboot of “Body & Soul” will get it canceled after its very first episode. And don’t even get me started on that diva of a so-called leading lady!
Would this be the diva to which you refer? Roman, I’m glad you’re here. You can help decide. Who would be better suited to be on the cover of “Soaps and Style Magazine.” Her or me?
What can I do for you, Leo?
I just wanted to thank you for that amazing press release you did about me. “And at the helm of the reboot of ‘Body & Soul’ “will be Salem’s own Lady Whistleblower, Leo Stark, “whose wit and imagination will surely infuse the show with new and vibrant energy.”
[exhales proudly]
Glad you liked it.
Are you kidding? I was kvellingwhen I read it. And now I’m hoping you can get me a feature in “Soaps and Style Magazine.”
I can definitely try.
Great. How’s this for a headline? “Queer As Soap.” What do you think?
[quirky music]
Well, forgive me if I am more worried about protecting Chanel and Johnny’s real-life star-crossed romance than Arrow and Faith’s.
I understand.
Well, I got to get to a meeting. Oh, will you please, please, take care of this, Abe, will you?
Definitely. I’m off to the studio right now.
OK, well you better hurry.
Mm.
[knocking on door]
Oh, hey.
Hey. Good, you’re still here. I’m glad I got you before you went to the office. Great news; Roman has agreed to let us use Brady Pub as a “Body & Soul” set.
Well, that is great. Uh, but–
But what? What’s wrong?
I can tell you what’s wrong. While you’re out solving problems, your partner here is creating new ones.
I was researching soap operas and did you know that they started in the early s as -minute radio episodes?
Yes, I was doing some research too. And did you know that the original program generally considered to be a soap opera by scholars of the genre was actually the show called “Painted Dreams,” which premiered on WGN Radio Chicago in ?
Wow. And now, I need to get into character…
[sighs] And start thinking about my hot, new, mystery leading man.
[chuckles] You love to torture me, don’t you?
[giggles] Come on. You know I’m just messing with you. You know that you are the only leading man in my life, and you always will be.
Hey there.
Alex? What are you doing here?
Here for my audition. With any luck, I’m gonna be the Arrow to your Faith.
[dramatic music]
[soft dramatic music]
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