Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
Happy belated birthday, darling.
Oh. [chuckles] Thank you, Grandma. You–you didn’t have to do that.
I hope you like it. Uh, I’m sorry that I missed your– your birthday party on the set. Was it a surprise?
Oh. Yeah, it was, but, uh, not a good one.
What do you mean? What happened?
Well, I made a horrible mistake. I though Chanel was having an affair. And then I– [soft dramatic music]
You what?
And then I made a huge ass out of myself. And I don’t know if Chanel will ever forgive me.
I hope it’s OK if I stay here tonight.
Of course. You can stay here as long as you like.
Thank you. And I also hope that you’re not blaming yourself for casting Alex as my love interest. Johnny is the problem, not Alex. Johnny is the one who’s been acting like a jealous loon since the beginning. If he had even the tiniest amount of trust in me, then he never would have believed that I would sneak off into a hospital room to hook up with one of my costars.
That’s fair enough. That’s fair enough. But Seth Burns did say that–
I don’t care if Seth Burns said he saw me having an orgy, OK? Johnny shouldn’t have believed him. That was Stephanie with Alex. But Johnny saw what he wanted to see, period.
Well, you are welcome here, you know that. But I do think that– that Johnny needs to hear this more than I do.
Oh, he’s heard it. And double the value. I have said everything that I intend to say to that man.
Hello, Stephanie. I was, um, hoping to still find you here.
I’m working on the press release. “Body and Soul” starts airing next week.
Ah! [chuckles] Very exciting.
Yeah. And kind of busy, so unless you have something important to say–
I actually do. I’m terribly sorry for the little mix up where I accidentally outed you as a, um–
As a what, Seth?
[chuckles] I’m sorry. You know what I mean.
No, I don’t. As a what?
You know, I think I hear my name on the PA. Excuse me.
Bonnie, hey. Is my dad around?
Actually, no. He is dealing with a situation.
Ah. Out of curiosity, did you tell him about–
About you and Stephanie making whoopee in the hospital?
[awkward chuckle]
Didn’t have to, half of Salem knows.
Mm. Well, that’s great.
Mm-hmm. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if by tomorrow, it wasn’t on the front page of “Headline Hollywood.”
Hi, I’m Joy Wesley. You wanted to see me?
Yes. Hi, Joy. It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Kate Roberts, co-executive producer of “Body and Soul.”
Well, I came as soon as I got your message. You wanted to see me?
Yes, I did. I saw your audition, and I was very impressed.
Oh. Well, I can do another one for you if you want. Or I could do a monologue from “Steel Magnolias.” That’s actually what I did to get into PGID at my school. That’s Performing Group In Dramatics.
Oh, I see. It’s so good of you to offer, but we don’t need to see any more. You got the job.
I did?
[chuckles] Yes.
Oh, my God!
Yes, congratulations. You start tomorrow. You are the newest trouble-maker in Pineview, Regan Holloway. Yep. The writers have big plans for you. [uneasy music]
Oh, what you got for me, Kate? This is Joy Wesley. We are casting her as our new Regan Holloway, so you need to start writing her in immediately. Blah, blah, blah. Also, there’s a production schedule change. New pages on top of everything else I have to crank out? [sighs] Well, hello, Regan. Welcome to “Body and Soul.” Yeah, you look like you could wreck a home or two, break a couple of hearts. [yawns] OK. Let’s go, words. Come to papa. Ah, no. No, no, no. I cannot sleep. Sleep is the enemy. Sleep means no pages. And no pages means no job. Regan Holloway. Regan–
I can’t believe how happy I am right now, Arrow.
We must be the happiest couple in all of Pineview. Just imagine, Faith, my mother nearly died, and the miracle that saved her life brought us back together.
Oh, Arrow, I know the audience wanted us together, but I wanted it even more.
Nothing and no one is ever gonna come between us ever again. [upbeat country music]
Arrow, what are you doing with this woman?
Who the hell are you?
Do you want to tell her or should I?
Faith, this is Regan Holloway.
Aka Arrow’s wife.
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
[tense music]
Arrow’s wife?
Damn right.
Well, I have something to show you, too. Oh, wait, I can’t do that in Pineview.
“Fear and panic.” What is she talking about, Arrow?
Faith, let me explain–
Yes, listen very closely as he tells you the story about our loving marriage, especially the “death do us part” part.
Well, I don’t believe it. I have to go!
Faith, wait!
Forget about her, Arrow. Regan Holloway is the only woman who knows what you want and how to give it to you. [ominous music]
Well, this is Commissioner Marshall, a warm and reassuring presence. And how may I help you?
Oh, my life is over!
I have to call you back. What is it, Faith? I thought you were having lunch with Arrow.
Oh, it was a disaster. He is married, and– and to that awful woman, Regan Holloway.
His high school sweetheart? I read the spoilers.
Oh. Well, then, you know. No. [sobbing] Daddy, I thought we were finally gonna be together, but now it’s all ruined. [crying]
Regan! Regan, wait, we cannot do this. We cannot do this! What we had was over a very long time ago. I am with Faith now, and we are very happy together.
Then they brought my character back just in time. What is more boring than happiness?
God, you listen to me. And you listen to me hard. We may be married today, but by tomorrow we will not be. I promise you that. Faith is the only woman for me. And now I’m gonna go find her.
Arrow, no!
Faith, huh? We’ll see about that.
You know I don’t want to go, but I’m due at the station. Are you gonna be all right?
Always after a hug from you, Daddy.
[laughing] You are brave and strong, kid. [laughs] All right, now, don’t worry, everything’s gonna work out with Arrow.
Arrow who?
[laughing] Muah. [serene music]
[knocking on door]
Go away, Arrow! [knocking] I said go a– [gasps] Oh, my God! [sinister music]
Oh, my God. Faith. Faith! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Faith? Faith? Faith? Oh, my God. Oh, my God, my love. Oh, my God.
Who could have done this to you?
You did.
[dramatic music]
You killed my baby girl!
No, no, no, no, I would– I would never do that. I would never do that. I loved her with my whole heart.
She told me what happened, this secret marriage. And there you are, standing with a knife in your hand. This is a textbook case.
No, my–my marriage to Regan was an absolute sham. It meant nothing. I–it was her. Oh, my God, she’s the murderer. She was furious at me because I rejected her, and now she’s framing me.
I’m Detective John Hotson.
I know who you are.
Ah, I bet you do. I understand there was a murder. Damn. How could someone do something so cruel and savage to such a beautiful young woman?
Not someone. Him!
What? No, no!
Wait a second, I’ve seen you before.
Yeah, because we’ve met before.
Oh, no. I’ve seen you in a mug shot. You’re the necktie killer!
Oh, my God, that’s not even the right storyline, for God’s sake. You’re an idiot! There was somebody in the hallway. You have to listen to me. They were wearing a white and black mask. I thought it was a trick-or-treater, but it’s not. It had to have been the killer. You have to go after them.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[indistinct].
What have we here? Mm. Tell me something, did the mask look like this?
What?
It’s Arrow’s duffel bag. He uses it when he works out at the gym.
That–that is not my mask. You planted it.
The evidence doesn’t lie. You’re under arrest.
What? [sirens wailing]
Looks like you’re going down for murder, buster.
You’re just loving this, aren’t you? It’s because you’ve always been in love with Faith.
Yada, yada, yada.
You’re railroading an innocent man!
Yeah, well, tell it to the judge! I hear they’re gonna stunt-cast the part.
[yells]
Hotson, what the hell happened?
Arrow got the jump on me. He got away.
You’re lucky I carry these in my pockets at all times. All right, let’s go.
Oh, Arrow. [sobs] Wow, right on cue.
No, no, Mom, I am in terrible, terrible trouble.
The papers say you killed Faith, that you’re the Pineview Plunger.
I didn’t kill Faith, I sw– the Plunger, seriously?
I guess because you plunged the knife into her?
Oh, no, that needs a rewrite.
No arguments here.
Anyway, Mom, I am innocent. I rejected Regan Holloway, and she became furious. She killed Faith in order to frame me with the help of the Pineview PD. You have to believe me, Mom.
Sweetheart, you’re my handsome and mostly honest son. Of course, I believe you.
Mother, I– I can’t believe I had to see her like that on the floor, covered in blood. I–I can’t even describe it. I felt like I was finally gonna have Faith back. And now I feel like I’ve lost her forever.
Maybe you haven’t lost her. Sweetheart, remember the begonia? It brought me back to life. Why can’t it do the same for Faith?
Yes, right away, Ms. Lovegood. [elevator dings] [sinister music]
Well?
Done and done. I convinced Dr. Lamoray that I needed a booster dose of the begonia juice.
You did?
Yes, my dear son. Never doubt me. My powers of persuasion are off-the-charts powerful. Now, meet me in Room . In minutes, we’ll wrap the juice, go to the morgue, and we will bring Faith back to your sweet arms.
Mother, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know how you got me out of those handcuffs in the first place. And I just never thought I’d have a chance at happiness again. And now because of you, there’s a chance that Faith and I are able to be back together again.
Oh, my darling son, don’t you know by now? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing.
Take a look.
I knew Arrow would come here for help. Talk about a mama’s boy.
Well, this mama sure does have skills.
Yeah, well, she was in that whole prison storyline a few years back.
Aha, that’s probably why.
The question is, where did they go?
Ah, Dr. Lamoray, I want to– [gasps] The Pineview Plunger! No, no, no!
Mother. Mother! Oh, no, no. [somber music] No, no.
Dr. Lamoray said we’d find her in–
We’ve got to stop meeting like this.
You’ve got the right to remain silent.
I’m telling you, I didn’t do this. And I didn’t kill the– Faith either. It was Regan Holloway. I–we– oh, my God. Regan?
She’s been plunged.
[dramatic music]
Stay put. Well, that’s three plunges I count so far.
So much for Regan Holloway being the plunger. Damn it! He’s headed for the stairwell.
There’s a stairwell?
It’s off camera. Go! Yeah, I guess I’d better get to the morgue.
Miranda, thank God.
Arrow, I was just trying to reach you. There’s a story out there that you’re the–
That I’m the Pineview Plunger, I know. But I’m not. I’m not. I’m being framed. My mother’s dead. Faith is gone. And I’m being set up to take the fall. You have to help me.
Oh, my–you know I believe you. But who is doing this to you? It doesn’t make sense.
No, I don’t know. I’m confused, too. And look, I’m– I’m sorry to have to tell you this, I know you’re one of Regan’s oldest and dearest friends, Miranda, but… the Plunger got her, too.
[gasps] No.
Yes.
Not Regan.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Oh, this is terrible. I’m in shock.
I know you are. I know you are. And I’m–I’m sorry to have to ask you this under the circumstances, but… did you talk to her at all when she got back to town?
Yes, earlier today.
What did– what did she say to you? Miranda, my life depends on it.
OK. Uh… She said that you were a “no-good, dirty–” oh, sorry, I can’t say the rest of it in Pineview.
Is that all she said? That I’m a “no-good, dirty, expletive deleted”?
That was the gist of it.
Damn. Why would she want me back if she’s so bitter?
Because–because she’s Regan. She came out of the womb bitter, vengeful. And I thought it was just talk, but– well, the truth is, she also said that, um, she was going to get you back if you rejected her and that someone was gonna help her do it.
Who’s that someone? Dr. Lamoray!
You, the Plunger? Help! Murderer!
Nobody can hear you. We’re in a deserted part of the hospital where they’re shooting a TV show. They’re dark today. Nobody’s around.
It’s a dark day indeed with so many dead bodies in Pineview thanks to you!
No, no, no. Not thanks to me, Doc. Thanks to Charlemagne Delacroix.
What? But she’s dead.
No, no. According to my information, she’s very much alive– she’s the Pineview Plunger.
But they just shot her falling down an elevator shaft last week! She’s off contract. You’re just trying to find someone to put the blame on.
Miranda Powers is insisting that Charlemagne is alive and that she was in contact with Regan Holloway today! You had access to Regan’s body. And you had possession of the begonia juice. You brought her back to life, didn’t you?
All right, fine, you’re right. Charlemagne Delacroix is alive.
[scoffs] You’re coming with me. You’re telling the police everything you know.
What I know about what? I was just following orders.
Whose orders? What? , there’s been a murder. Yeah, another one. The Plunger struck again. He killed Dr. Lamoray before he could confirm to the police that Charlemagne Delacroix is alive. No, no, no. Forget my name and address. This is an emergency. Charlemagne Delacroix is the killer. Head over to the Delacroix mansion right now, immediately. She’s got to be holed up there somewhere.
I searched the whole house, Commish. There’s no sign of that scheming bitch anywhere.
Hey, who are you calling scheming? [dramatic music]
Miranda? Miranda, you were right. Charlemagne’s alive.
Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Not Miranda, too.
I’m Detective John Hot– well, if it isn’t déjà vu all over again,
I found her this way, I swear to God.
Yeah, right. I’ve heard that one before.
Suspend your disbelief, OK? Charlemagne is alive. It was Charlemagne. It was Charlemagne.
Hey, are you gonna keep asking dumb questions or let me talk?
Talk. Talk.
She was with Miss Powers the night the first victim was killed. I came here to corroborate that story, but it seems that story has come to a premature end.
Ms. Delacroix, let me apologize. My deepest apologies for this intrusion. My detective is confirming your alibi as we speak.
My word should be enough. How dare you accuse me!
Oh, but–well, that accusation itself came from, uh– well, nevertheless. Nevertheless, let me apologize again for your impression, your perception of what I may have implied. [sinister music] Um, well– [awkward chuckle] It is obvious that you are not the Pineview Plunger.
[somber music]
[scoffs] This episode has more recurring beats than a Dr. Dre song.
You can say that again. Tell me something, have you ever heard of the superhero called Arrow?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
How about The Flash?
Yeah, who hasn’t heard of The Flash?
Do you know what you get when you put them together?
Damn it!
Oh, my God. No. Oh, no.
[panting] OK. I got you. Oh, come on!
No, no, no. I–I didn’t do this. I’m telling you.
Yeah, well, you get points for consistency, I’ll give you that. But just tell me, if you’re innocent, and Regan’s innocent, and so is Charlemagne, then who, pray tell, is the Plunger?
Well, I’m no cop, but my money’s on you.
Me?
You know the cast list. There’s nobody left. Oh, my God. The Plunger’s– he’s right behind you.
I’m not falling for any more of your tricks, Arrow.
No, I mean it. Turn around.
Yeah, yeah.
Turn around!
Famous last words. Turn ar–
Oh! [body thuds]
Who are you? Why are you doing this? [dramatic music] [birds chirping] [soft music]
Whoa. [voice echoing] Where the hell am I?
Arrow.
Mom, you’re alive. But I saw you.
Yes, my darling son, I am alive. We are all alive.
Oh.
Oh. [chuckling] Oh. [ominous music]
Wait. We’re all alive. Mom. Commish, Miranda, Regan, Faith.
Arrow, we’re reunited.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I thought for sure I was a goner. Where the hell are we?
No idea. We all just sort of woke up here. It’s peaceful, isn’t it?
Where the hell is here?
Oh, my God, we’re in the tropics.
Nothing so ordinary. Welcome. Welcome to Weivenip, Arrow.
Lorna DeLorean?
We all thought you were dead. You went to mail that letter–
And never came back. Right, I know. But here I am, alive and well, and living on the Isle of Weivenip.
But what is Weivenip?
Weivenip is Pineview spelled backwards.
Spelled backwards, forwards, who cares? What are we doing here?
You’re the detective. Why don’t you find out?
At least I’m done chasing people around for now.
Wait–wait a minute here. Everybody I know is long gone. Everybody in Pineview is dead. So who the hell is behind this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Lamoray, huh? Go ahead, tell me. You didn’t–you got killed off before you told me already. So who the hell put you up to bringing Charlemagne back from the dead?
I don’t know. I never met the person. I only spoke to them on the phone.
Well, who could possibly want Charlemagne alive again?
What are you talking about? Come on, I’m popular. I got friends. Nobody want– who would want me dead?
Us.
Us.
Well, I don’t have to stick around here and take this.
We’re getting off track. Now, I want to know right now, who the hell is playing God with all of our lives?
[sighs] Me. That’s who. The name is Leo Stark.
Who is this?
Now, now, everyone, please. First things first, I am not a deity, though it is my job to play God with your lives. And it is a job I love dearly, even though the deadlines make me want to scream endlessly into the abyss. Point is, I decide who you fall in love with. I decide if you live or die. You have no free will. I am your free will. So take a load off. Don’t worry so much. You are in my very talented and capable hands. I’ve got you.
So does this mean our love’s not real?
Well, reality is what I say it is. So if I think you two have chemistry, then yeah, your love is real. If I think you’re a snoozefest, no sparks at all, then I break you up– simple as that.
Since you have all the answers and make all the decisions, why don’t you tell us who stabbed us?
It’s the Plunger! He’s back.
Relax, everyone. Jeez, I did this joke with John Hotson in act . And now I have willed the Plunger into the cornfield, they are no more. Deleted.
I wouldn’t be so sure, Mr. Stark.
[gasps] You!
I knew it. I knew it was Charlemagne.
I am not Charlemagne.
[gasps] Hattie?
Hattie? You idiot! I’m Dr. Marlena Evans.
Marlena, you’re the Pineview Plunger?
Why are you looking at me like I’m your next plungee? I thought we were friends.
Friends don’t betray each other’s wishes.
I am a wish respecter. I’m known for that. Ask anybody. They say, oh, you want your wish respected? Go talk to Leo Stark.
OK, Mr. Wish Respecter, what about this? I told you I only wanted to do one scene. What did you do? You brought me back. Back from the dead, no less. That’s what you did.
Oh, God, no! No! [groaning] Oh, it was just a dream. Just a dream, thank God. [exhales] Oh, I shouldn’t have eaten all that candy before bedtime. [grunts] Did I even brush my teeth? [sighs] Note to self, never kill off all your characters, no matter how desperate you are for material. [knocking] Trick-or-treaters? This late? I’m coming. [sinister music]
[ominous music]
Well, well, well… [chuckles] Yep, that’s what happens when you write yourself into a corner.
Is he dead?
[sighs] Dead as a doornail. Aren’t you glad you didn’t fire me as your publicist?
Oh, I have to admit, it was just such a great idea, Steph, killing off the head writer before the show airs.
Mm. And–and grab some headlines. You know, Kate’s right. This is–this is gonna be big news.
Well, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
Well, killing off one of the cast members might have gotten us more buzz. But–but–
Well, that kind of thing can backfire. The audience could get upset, but who cares about the writer? [all laugh]
[sighs] Fade to black, Leo Stark.
Mm-hmm. [all laugh]
[grunting] It was just a dream. Just a dream. Right? [knocking on door] Who is it? [tense music]
Um, listen, Alex, I just wanted to say–
Save it, bro. The only one you need to apologize to is Chanel.
Yeah. Yeah, look, I did apologize to her–
Come on, guys. Let’s go run these lines.
I see you got your wedding ring back on.
Yes, because I love you.
Mm. So on when you love me and off when you don’t?
No, Chanel, please, just listen. All right, I–I can’t believe that I was such an idiot. You’re mad. You have every right to be because I was totally wrong. I was wrong. But I will do anything to make it up to you, all right? I just–I just want us to move past this. Do you think that we could possibly do that? [soft music]
Who is it?
It’s Abe, your boss.
You’re not here to kill me, are you?
Kill you? No, not today. I just want to find out if you got Kate’s message about our new cast member?
So you want to start over?
Good morning. Hey, I want to introduce you to our new cast member who’s going to play resident bad girl, Regan Holloway. So, Johnny, Chanel, let me introduce you to Joy Wesley. [both chuckle]
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