Author: Eva Diaz

Best Lines provided by Eva

Sally: Oh, I’m more than optimistic. I am determined to make myself completely indispensable to Newman Media. But for now, I will settle for buying my new boss a drink.

Adam: You know, I hate to admit this, but I haven’t had a chance to thoroughly review our HR policies. Something tells me that thing might be frowned upon.

Sally: Mm. Does it really matter, though? ‘Cause you’re in charge. You can always change the policy. Or you could just suspend it for the evening.

Adam: You know, something tells me that kind of thinking might have got you in trouble at Fenmore’s.

Sally: Hmm, right, ’cause you’re such a stickler for the rules. Nope, never mind. You’re right. Besides, you’re rich, and I have rent and car payments to worry about, so you can buy your own drink.

Adam: Somehow I don’t think you’re gonna have to worry about making rent. And I do agree that you do have a bright future at Newman Media. And to show you how confident I am about that, I’m gonna let you buy me that drink.

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Sally: Ooh, it’s interesting. I detect traces of a robust smoke, alongside a tang of… coffee, vanilla, and maybe a glimmer of fruit. But there’s something that I cannot quite put my finger on.

Adam: That extra nuance is from being aged for 16 years in cask wood. For that intense sweetness.

Sally: Oh. Impressive.

Adam: You have a pretty impressive palate yourself.

Sally: Well, I have to admit, this single malt is normally a bit out of my price range, but since you were ordering it, I figured I should try it, too.

Adam: I think that Abby put it on the menu at my father’s request.

Sally: Well, I guess being a Newman has its perks

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Ashland: I’m not Billy Abbott. And I have learned over time how problematic it is to compare the present to the past. Victoria doesn’t need to justify her actions or feelings to anyone. And I will say to you what I have said to her — I love her with everything that I have and I think she feels the same way.

Nick: I believe you. Victoria said the same thing.

Ashland: Well, then I politely suggest to you and everyone else that wants to worry about Victoria that you stop second-guessing her and passing judgment on her life and on her heart. The past is in the past. Victoria and I are living in the moment and looking towards the future.

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Billy: Well, then the only thing I want to say to you is that I’m with you. I have tried my best to convince myself that Victoria marrying Ashland is the right thing to do. I’ve even tried to be very supportive, but I can’t do that anymore because the truth is, I think it’s a mistake. Her and Ashland went from “Hi, how are you” to “I do” like that.

Nick: Interesting observation coming from Mr. Spontaneity himself.

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Sally: I would like to report a robbery.

Phyllis: Okay.

Sally: What is this? I’m telling you I was robbed in your hotel.

Phyllis: Are you sure it was a robbery?

Sally: Well, someone broke into my room and took everything I owned.

Phyllis: Mm, that’s not necessarily “theft.”

Sally: Okay, so then what else would it be? My possessions were stolen.

Phyllis: Okay. You know, like those suitcases right here, I mean, if somebody were to take off with those, that would be a robbery.

Sally: Wait, my suitcases.

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Lauren: You know, that’s quite a jump — from my assistant to running a major fashion division.

Gloria: Oh, my, what a coincidence. I have a lot of experience, too. Fashion consultant at Jabot, worked with Chloe and Chelsea on their line a few years ago. Ah, and once upon a time, an “Extreme Catwalk” judge.

Gloria: Oh, but not such a jump for your former assistant, Sally Spectra.

Lauren: Okay, she had already been made an executive before I gave her that opportunity. Plus, she had a lot of recent fashion experience in LA.

Michael: [ Chuckles ] “Extreme Catwalk” judge. Thank you, fashion maven. We’re all very impressed, but there’s the other little matter of actually running a business.

Gloria: I’ve run several businesses, Michael — successfully, mind you.

Michael: Like what? Glo-worm?

Gloria: A coveted, loved restaurant.

Michael: It went up in flames.

Gloria: Not my fault.

Lauren: You know, I just do not think that this is a — a —

Gloria: Before you finish your sentence, please hear me out. I am talented, I am hard-working, I am creative, I am a natural. Oh, yes, and best of all, I won’t spend all of my time plotting behind your back. Come on, Lauren, please give me the job. You know I can do it. And I might say you could do worse. But you already have.

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Nick: Yeah. Just another thing for Kyle and Summer that’s falling perfectly into place.

Phyllis: Yeah, because i uncovered what Sally and Tara were doing to our daughter.

Nick: Yeah, I believe the technical term for that is meddling, which is why I’m here.

Phyllis: Ugh. If it’s a lecture, I need to hydrate.

Nick: No, no, no, no. Hey. I’m completely on board with everything you did, so there’s no lecture.

Phyllis: What is it, then?

Nick: This is an acknowledgement of my respect for your stubbornness.

Phyllis: My leadership skills.

Nick: Your ability to just hang on to something and never let it go.

Phyllis: My determination.

Nick: Yes. And due to your meddling, you were able to bring me in so we could ride off and rescue our daughter together.

Phyllis: That was love.

Nick: It was. It was. So for the next few hours, it’s gonna be a tribute to all the things about you that make me crazy.

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Phyllis: You know, I love this idea of a celebration of all things, you know, me. But a heads-up would’ve been nice. I have a ton of work. I mean…

Nick: Not on Phyllis Appreciation Day. I already set it up with your general manager. She’s gonna cover everything for you. You don’t have to worry about anything. Everything else has been set up.

Phyllis: You thought of everything.

Nick: All you have to decide is when you would like your tribute to begin.

Phyllis: Um, all right! I want it to begin now. Right now.

Nick: Right now.

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Victoria: What’s up?

Billy: Just grabbing a coffee on my way to work. Picked up the kids at camp and dropped them off at home.

Victoria: Did they have fun today?

Billy: I would say they had fun. Johnny learned how to throw a curve ball, and Katie created a masterpiece for the fridge.

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Billy: Thought you could use a treat this afternoon.

Lily: Ah. You trying to butter me up or something?

Billy: Actually, I did run into Victoria at Crimson Lights. We had an interesting chat.

Lily: Oh, okay. That could be code for a lot of things.

Billy: Yeah. Well, you know, we were standing there, and — I’m sorry. Do you want me to skip the gory details?

Lily: No! No. I want to hear everything. I love hearing you ruminate about your ex.

Billy: Okay, I’m gonna shut up now.

Lily: Oh, stop. I’m kidding.

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Nick: So, it was a great concert. We raised a lot of money for New Hope. Really thought I was gonna earn some cool dad points with Faith, you know? But then Moses shows up with some VIP stuff from Devon, and i went right back from being the cool dad to just chaperone. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard it all from Faith.

Sharon: Yeah, her version was a little more pro-Moses, but she had a wonderful time

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Nikki: Oh, nonsense. Now, I’ve been pouring lemonade and tea for Faith her entire life. At first, it was imaginary, though, for Miss Patsy and Faith, but now it’s actually real liquid.

Moses: Wait, who’s Miss Patsy?

Faith: Never mind. That’s not important.

Moses: No, no, now I’m curious.

Nikki: She was Faith’s first friend — a doll.

Faith: This was a long time ago, obviously.

Moses: No, actually, that sounds a lot like my favorite toy — Reggie Beggie. He was, like, a stuffed dinosaur with a football helmet.

Faith: Yeah, I don’t know if the helmet’s historically accurate.

Moses: No, no, it’s not, but he was a good friend to me growing up. He helped me through a lot of tough times.

Nikki: Well, that sounds like Miss Patsy. Faith took her everywhere, and she would always ask me to put six sugar cubes in Miss Patsy’s tea because Faith would say, “Grandma, she’s so sweet.”

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Billy: Geez, are you kidding me? Well, our reporters are already all over it, questioning sources and staying on top of the details.

Lily: [ Chuckles ] You love this, don’t you?

Billy: It’s the best part of the journalism game — tracking down all the facts until it all comes together.

Lily: Well, I got to say, your instincts about Tara were spot on.

Billy: Well, it was clear she was trying way too hard to ingratiate herself into the Abbott family. And this is definitely one of those times that Phyllis’ meddling paid off. Once we were able to compare notes, she was off to the races, which led to Tara being arrested for embezzling money from her own company.

Lily: Yeah, I mean, that was bad, but what’s worse is using her own child to blackmail Summer into leaving town.

Billy: Well, this is definitely gonna drive a lot of traffic to the ChanceComm news site. Looks like the Lockes are the gift that keeps on giving.

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Phyllis: You know, I knew that Sally was nothing but heartache for Jack — that’s why I was determined to keep her away from him.

Amanda: Well, he is really lucky to have a friend like you.

Phyllis: Yeah. You know, a lot of people are lucky to know me.

Amanda: [ Chuckles ]

Phyllis: I mean, what did I do? I reunited my daughter with the love of her life. I uncovered an actual crime — Tara’s embezzlement. And I stopped Lauren from going into business with a crook.

Amanda: Okay, as an attorney, I would advise that you never speak of how you managed to do that. As your friend, I think it was kick-ass.

Phyllis: You’ve been kicking ass, by the way — I mean, legally speaking.

Amanda: Mm, yeah, I have been. I want to make sure that I get justice for my father and Hilary. You know, in some ways, my mother. She was Sutton’s first victim. He crushed her spirit decades ago, and he made sure that everything in her life was about him and protecting his image.

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Jack: I suspect if I spent the rest of the day coming up with reasons you should feel better about this, I wouldn’t put a dent in it. So, let me ask you something — how does Nick feel about this? Is he as upset as you are, or is he already seeing a silver lining? Judging from that reaction, the two of you are not seeing eye to eye.

Phyllis: Mnh-mnh, we are not.

Jack: What does Nick say?

Phyllis: I’m not gonna tell you what he says, ’cause I have a feeling you’re gonna agree with him, and then you two will be right, and then I’ll be wrong. And I will not accept that.

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Adam: Hey, Jack.

Jack: Adam, hello.

Phyllis: Long time no see, Adam.

Adam: Don’t tell me you missed me. Hey Jack, Chloe just hired Sally Spectra to start working at Newman Media. I know that you know her well. Am I making a mistake by letting Chloe run with the new hire?

Jack: Well —

Phyllis: I’ll answer that. Yes. A big mistake, gigantic one.

Adam: Any particular reason why?

Jack: It’s —

Phyllis: I’ll answer that. Yes. Because she and Tara Locke were partners in crime.

Adam: You don’t say.

Phyllis: That one is selfish, self-centered, and devious. While Tara Locke is rightfully facing charges, this one over here lands on her feet.

Adam: So, you’re saying you and Sally have a lot in common. Is that why you don’t like her?

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Phyllis: I saved Kyle and Jack. I saved them from their overly trusting ways. They bought into Tara’s whole thing of, “let’s be friends, let’s be family, let’s love each other.” [ Sighs ] I’m heroic.

Nick: So, cynicism and meddling are your superpowers?

Phyllis: Uh, and being right.

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Sally: Lauren, please just hear me out.

Lauren: I feel like I’ve been listening to you for hours.

Sally: That’s not fair.

Lauren: You don’t know when to stop!

Sally: I don’t know what you think you know, but I would really like to clear up this misunderstanding.

Lauren: There is no misunderstanding. I know exactly what happened with Summer, and I have proof.

Sally: What proof could you possibly have?

Phyllis: Hey, is she still denying it?

Lauren: She is.

Sally: Please don’t listen to Phyllis’s nonsense.

Phyllis: Should we tell her what we heard?

Lauren: I think so.

Phyllis: Okay, let’s do that. Uh, Tara admitted that the two of you worked together to force my daughter out of town!

Sally: You “heard” that. From who?

Jack: From me.

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Rey: You know, chess really isn’t my game.

Victor: Uh-huh. Well, if it were ever to become your game, I think you’d be a formidable opponent, you know. I think you have a rather analytic mind. You doubt me, doubt what I say?

Rey: No, I’m just — sounded a whole lot like a compliment from you.

Victor: [ Laughs ] Yeah. It is.

Rey: Oh, I’m not used to that coming from you. It’s more like, “stop harassing me, detective, and talk to my lawyers.”

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Tara: My little boy is having to deal with losing his father, and now you’ve done this to his mother? I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Phyllis: I am proud of myself. I’m very proud of myself, actually.

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Nick: Is there anything I can do to help?

Phyllis: Really? Oh, my god, you’re so sweet. You’re volunteering to be an accessory to the crime.

Nick: Well, “sweet” is the last thing I’m feeling right now when I think about what Tara and Sally have done to Summer’s life.

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Ashland: You know, I’m gonna have to explain to my doctors that I have even more of a reason to want to stay alive now.

Victoria: Well, you can just tell them the goal is to keep you alive long enough to get tired of me.

Ashland: Well, that might take another 50 years, easily.

Victoria: [ Chuckles ] Okay. A toast to our golden wedding anniversary.

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Lily: Well, if this is what I have to come home to, maybe I should go out of town more often.

Billy: Don’t say that. I don’t want you out of town.

Lily: [ Laughs ]

Billy: I missed you like crazy.

Lily: Aw! I missed you, too, although it was really nice to see Mattie, though.

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Billy: It was lonely as hell here without you. And the kids were on a sleepover, too.

Lily: Oh, I’m sure you enjoyed your “me” time, watching action films with the sound on full blast, didn’t you?

Billy: Actually, no, it was all about rom-coms, making sure I was prepared for when you got home. How did I do?

Lily: Well, I mean, clearly, you are an a-plus student. You have the flowers, the candles, the caviar.

Billy: Yeah.

Lily: All that’s missing is a flash mob serenading me.

Billy: Hold that thought. They’re just about to pop out of the closet in 3, 2, 1…

Lily: [ Laughing ] Oh, my god! But no, you don’t have to watch movies for inspiration. You, just as you are, is all I’ll ever need.

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Adam: Welcome home.

Victor: Hey, son.

Nikki: We’re barely in the door, and here you are, wanting to talk business, I’m sure.

Adam: [ Chuckles ] That is not the only reason that I’m here. But we do have a lot to discuss

********************************************

Victoria: Mm. Well, I assume that you’ve made a reservation at one of your favorite fancy restaurants that most people couldn’t get into even if they tried.

Ashland: Oh, it’s a favorite, alright, and it’s impossible to get into. But that’s only because it’s a hole in the wall and only does take-out.

Victoria: Hole in the wall? Take-out, you? No.

Ashland: You just trust me, ’cause you are about to be transported. I’m gonna have them send over everything on their very limited menu. This is going to be the culinary equivalent of great sex.

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