Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
I was just going to go online to see what people are saying.
OK.
What the–
What is it? What’s wrong?
Lady Whistleblower is “back”?
Finally.
Cuz, hi.
Where the hell have you been?
I thought you were Lady Whistleblower?
So did I.
Well, what did she say, whoever she is?
“Lady W here. I’ve been gone for a spell. But now I’m back. And get comfortable, dear reader, for I have returned to my rightful position as the all-seeing, all-knowing frenemy to all. And, darlings, Lady W just caught the premiere of “Body & Soul.” And, boy, do I have opinions. That premiere left me on the edge of my seat. You too? Dying to know what happens next? Well, gird your loins, my angels, because Lady Whistleblower’s got the scoop.” Scoop? What scoop?
I’m not sure I want to know.
“If you like spoilers, you’ve come to the right place.”
Well, that looks yummy. Is that a new addition to your dessert menu?
No, I did not get into the bakery game. Someone sent these to the cast and crew of “Body & Soul” for Premiere Day.
Yeah, but you are not part of the cast or crew. So how did you rate?
Katie was kind enough to give me hers.
Oh, aren’t you lucky? So who sent them?
I don’t know. But whoever did, I am very, very grateful.
Everything all right with Joy?
Yeah, yeah, she just– you know, she was just eager to get home and prep for tomorrow’s shoot, like she said.
Oh. OK. Well, thank you for checking.
You too, huh?
Well, looking over my scenes for tomorrow, yeah. Oh, wow, it’s– it’s actually crazy. I forgot how much goes back to the first episode.
What do you mean?
Well, if Arrow had just told Faith the truth from the very beginning, then it just would have saved them both a lot of heartache, you know? So I totally get where Faith is coming from. I mean, the crime is not even as bad as the cover-up in this case. It’s worse. It’s much worse. [dramatic music]
Johnny? Johnny? Hello?
Sorry, I– yeah, I must have– must have spaced out for a minute.
OK. Is something wrong? Johnny, what is it? [soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
Girl, it’s all good.
Excuse me?
I might have been a teensy bit late. But I am here now. And I am making my A-list cousin and her blazing hot company look good.
A teensy bit late? I’ve been here for hours, Javi– white-knuckling it without my soy latte, I might add, because you were nowhere to be found. I finally gave in and poured myself a cup of swill from the kitchenette.
Oh, I’m sorry. But I did send you a text.
The text, right. The incredibly informative text. “Something suddenly came up.” Could you have maybe been a little bit more specific?
Fine. If you must know, I was with Leo Stark.
Spoilers? What does she mean by spoilers?
More like spoiled, like last week’s hollandaise.
OK, what else does she say?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I feel a panic attack coming on.
What is it? What can I do? What can I do?
Just hold my hand, OK?
No, I will hold your hand.
I’ve got all the symptoms. My–my heart is racing. My mouth is dry. My ears are ringing. And my tongue is starting to swell. Does it look bigger to you?
No, it doesn’t look any bigger. But, well, I don’t know what your tongue–
Of course. How would you know what my tongue looks like? Just hold my hand while I read the rest, OK?
I won’t let it go.
OK, here goes. “In the premiere episode airing today, it looked as though Kassandra Lovegood was doomed to die of a disfiguring disease. But plot twist, everyone, she will be spared when her son Arrow returns from the jungle with a lifesaving begonia.”
Doesn’t that happen next week?
End of next week.
OK, maybe you should–
No, no, no. I need to see what this riffraff rip-off artist knows. “Still with me, Pineview Heads? You might have thought Kassandra would wind up six feet under. But Charlemagne’s headed for the sub-sub-sub-sub-basement when her shenanigans catch up with her and she takes a header down the elevator shaft.” Oh, my God. I don’t believe this. It’s all in here. My story is ruined. Completely ruined! [hyperventilating] [knocking]
Mm. Joy, hey.
Hi, Alex. I’m sorry to just show up like this. But I got your address off the show’s contact list.
Oh. OK, yeah, no problem. Did you want to come in?
Are you sure?
Yeah, come on.
OK. I–I tried calling. I texted too. But you didn’t answer.
Oh, I’m sorry. My ringer must be off.
OK, so it’s not a bad time? You’re not busy?
No, I’m just having a little cupcake. What can I do for you?
Well, I was actually hoping to maybe go over some of my scenes for next week, learn my lines a little bit better. Does the constant freaking out about forgetting them ever go away?
Oh, my God. I hope so. But not for me yet.
Oh, great. Well, that’s too bad. Anyway, I was just thinking, since today is a dark day for the show and we have a couple of big scenes coming up, maybe we could rehearse a little bit?
Sure, yeah, please. Did you watch the show today, the premiere?
Yeah. Yeah, I did. It was great. Chanel actually invited me over to watch with her and Johnny.
Really? That must have been tense.
Why would you say that? [nervously chuckles]
Johnny, are– are you all right?
Actually, no, I’m not.
Well, what’s wrong? What is it?
Ooh.
Johnny, you look really pale.
Ooh. Oh, no. OK. Ugh. [tense music]
How could this have happened? All my hours and hours of work ruined.
You stop talking like that right now. Do you hear me? Leo, nothing is ruined. So what? Some people know what’s going to happen on the show. I was watching “Beverly Hills Housewives” last night, right? And I know exactly what’s going to happen when Annemarie throws that party for Diamonds and Diplomats. But you know what? I’m now even more excited to watch the next episode.
Well, maybe that works for the “Housewives of Beverly Hills,” Bonnie, but not for “Body & Soul.” Oh, my God. The show has barely hit the internet, and already an audience can pass a pop quiz on a whole month’s worth of episodes. They know you’re going to be saved by the miracle begonia and that Charlemagne is going to take a tumble down the elevator shaft.
OK, OK. I see your point. But let’s try to look at the bright side. I mean, my fans will be happy, right? I mean, they’ll keep watching even after my deathbed scenes.
No, the reward for watching is the surprise that you live! There would have been parties dancing in the street. People would have been kissing perfect strangers. Now they have no reason to tune in when Arrow shows up with that begonia.
Calm down, Leo! Some people like spoilers.
Well, I am not one of them. And where would Lady Plagiarizer have even gotten any of this information? Where could it have come from? [curious music]
You were with Leo? Damn it, Javi. Did I or did I not tell you to stay away from–
You’re not the boss of me, prima.
That’s exactly what I am. But since your tush is parked in my chair, maybe you’re confused about that. I don’t understand, Javi. I’ve warned you about that jerk and how he tried to come in between Will and Sonny.
That was a warning? Because, you see, the part about Leo and Sonny having sex on the desk actually intrigued me. Made me want to get to know him better. Which I did.
Which–are you telling me–
Yeah, that’s what I’m telling you. I spent the night in Leo Stark’s hotel room. And guess what? I had a really great time. And I enjoyed every minute of it, in fact. And I like him.
Well, I’m guessing you didn’t hear about Johnny and Chanel’s little misunderstanding.
Oh, that. Yeah, yeah, I heard all about that.
OK, then you know that it was pretty embarrassing for all concerned. I mean, nothing against Johnny. He’s a good guy, good director. But if Seth Burns told me that my wife was having sex on set with a costar, I would have done a little more checking into that story before just running off half-cocked, which Johnny did.
Yeah, I heard.
Man, he’s lucky that didn’t cost him his marriage. Seriously, that’s how upset Chanel was that day.
Yeah, I guess it was pretty bad. But, I mean, when I was watching the show with them earlier, they seemed to be getting along just fine. I mean, seems like they’re both moving on.
Good. Well, I’m glad to hear.
I mean, we all have a job to do, right? So it’s probably best if that whole situation can just, you know, stay in the past.
Totally agree. For sure.
Oh, there you are. I was just about to come check on you. How are you feeling?
Not good. I think I must be coming down with something. Maybe some kind of stomach bug.
Oh, no. OK, come on, you need to go lie down. All right, I’m taking you upstairs.
Ugh. Good.
Mm.
[chuckles] Ooh.
Damn, that was good.
Yeah, I could tell. I mean, you devoured it in two giant bites.
Oh, I didn’t offer you any.
No, please. I–I don’t want any. Listen, I’m just giving you a hard time because, you know, I do believe that you deserve a treat after being Kate’s biggest cheerleader through all this. But, look, the day has finally actually happened.
It has, indeed. Did you catch the episode?
No, no, I didn’t. I–I actually slept at the hospital last night so I could monitor Sarah.
Sarah? Did she have a setback?
No, no. Actually, you know, kind of the opposite. In fact, we’re very hopeful that she’s going to walk again soon.
What?
Yeah. I mean, good old Dr. Rolf– a genius, though wacko scientist– has developed a serum that could possibly reverse her paralysis.
I mean, that’s incredible. But the serum, is it–is it safe?
Well, there’s always a lot of unanswered questions with something so experimental. But Sarah and Xander were willing to take a chance on it. So we started last night.
And?
And so far, no adverse reaction. I mean, wouldn’t it be amazing, Roman, if Sarah could walk again and run and play with her daughter and– and dance with her husband?
Yes, I mean, that would be a miracle. But you know what? No matter what, I do know that Sarah’s– Sarah’s going to be in great hands because, I mean, there are, you know, there are doctors, and then there is Dr. Kayla Johnson.
I appreciate that. But I’ll tell you something. Dr. Kayla Johnson is a little concerned about Mr. Roman Brady’s health at the moment.
What? I mean, why?
Well, because you are starting to look a little green around the gills, big brother. [unsettling music]
Stop pretending, damn it. We both know what you want.
I know what I want.
Or so you think. You are deluding yourself, Arrow.
Or is it possible that you’re the one who’s deluded? Is it possible that you are in denial about my love for Faith?
Please. You know damn well that goody-two-shoes will never be enough for you. You need a real woman. Someone who knows what makes you happy and satisfied. You need me. [sultry music]
“On Arrow, tempted.” Wow! Good!
You really think so?
Yes, I think so.
Oh, my God. I feel like it’s all I can do to memorize my lines. And you, wow, you– you’re such a pro.
Oh, my God. Not at all. That’s the last thing I am. Are you kidding me? I’m completely new to this stuff, too. Seriously, my whole life was on a completely different track before all this. And then, I don’t know, it all just kind of blew up, career-wise, romance-wise.
Oh. That doesn’t sound fun.
Nah. It was tough for a little while. But, you know, after all the drama, I just needed something new, you know? So this happened. And I’m grateful. You know, I love this job. It’s fun. It’s exciting.
Yeah. Yeah, for me, too. I love this job.
Good. I’m glad. A little advice, though. Don’t sleep with your coworkers. [tense music]
Yeah, saltines and ginger ale.
Oh, yeah. Well, I’m not sure I can keep that down or anything down.
Well, you have to have something in your stomach, all right? And that’s what Mama used to always give me when I was sick. Bland is your friend right now, OK?
You take such good care of me.
Oh, this is nothing. Play your cards right, and I might even make you some Jell-O.
Oh, Chanel, I don’t deserve you.
I’m serious. You look–you look terrible.
Well, gee. Gee, thanks, Sis.
No, no, you look greener and paler by the second. You know, you’re definitely warm.
OK, Sis. You know, now that you mention it, I– you know what, I don’t feel good. I–I don’t feel good at all. Not at all.
You like Leo Stark?
What’s not to like? He’s funny. He’s interesting. He’s hot. He’s romantic.
Ugh. Are we talking about the same Leo Stark?
I had a really great time, like I said. We ordered room service. We watched his show.
Oh. Well, that may have all seemed romantic. And Leo may be funny and interesting. But he is also totally self-consumed, not to mention lacking anything even resembling integrity. He’s a world-class creep, Javi.
Yeah? Well, I didn’t get a creepy vibe from him at all. And I will repeat, I like him.
Well, don’t say that I didn’t warn you that being with Leo is a recipe for disaster. You’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak, Javi.
So I can’t judge my own love life?
I’m talking about someone who could ruin your life. I’m just looking out for you.
Are you?
What does that mean?
You’re making this about me, protecting me. But I’m starting to think it’s all about you.
Someone had to give this so-called lady all the goss. But who?
Maybe someone left a script laying around.
It’s too much information for one script. This is weeks of story. Maybe it was someone in the cast.
Don’t look at me. I didn’t tell anyone anything.
OK, Justin. But it couldn’t possibly be him. First, he’s a good person. And secondly, he wants this show to succeed. And thirdly, he can’t keep any of the names of the characters straight. He keeps calling Faith “Charity.”
OK. So it’s not him since whoever squealed knows all the characters. More proof it’s someone who works on the show.
Oh, come on. There’s got to be a way to figure this out. Let’s read some more. Maybe there’s a clue.
“Don’t you worry, all you Charlemagne-iacs out there. The good Ms. Delacroix might only be mostly dead. You didn’t hear it from me, but it looks like she’ll be making a triumphant return soon as part of the upcoming Pineview Plunger story.”
Pineview Plunger? What the hell is a Pineview Plunger?
It’s a serial killer story that came to me in a dream on Halloween.
Oh, come on. How could this mystery gossip columnist possibly know what you’re dreaming?
Because when I woke up, I wrote it all up on my laptop. What are you doing? Oh, my God.
What is it? What’s wrong?
No, it’s impossible. It is literally, figuratively, every other-ively an impossibility. He can’t be Lady Whistleblower. Behold. Everything that will befall the citizens of Pineview for the next three months is resting in this very laptop, waiting for me to bring it to life. All the drama, the intrigue, the romance.
Wow. I bet your fans would kill to see what’s on there.
No!
Gabriella, I love you. You know that. But this isn’t you trying to protect me from heartbreak.
Of course it is–
No, this is you full of your own heartbreak because your husband stepped out on you, he divorced you, he deserted you. Did I leave anything out?
You think I don’t want you to be happy because Stefan hurt me? You really think I’m that selfish?
No. But maybe you’re hurting so much that you are afraid that someone you care about is taking a risk because you’re down on love, which I would be, too, if I went through what you did. I’m just saying.
No, but this isn’t–I– look, I mean, I wouldn’t– Or maybe I would. Maybe this is about me being hurt. Having my heart broken… and not wanting the same thing to happen to you.
Come here.
[sighs] Cook got very territorial when I tried to make your Jell-O. So I decided to be the bigger person and step aside. It’ll be ready in a couple of hours.
When I was a kid, he used to always make me Jell-O when I was sick.
Mm. More ginger ale?
No, I’m good.
Maybe another blanket?
Yeah. Actually, I’m a little chilled.
Actually, I have a better idea.
Chanel, no, no. You’re going to get sick, too.
For you, I’ll risk it. [tender music]
Right, right. You hooked up with the show’s publicist, Stephanie.
Yeah, yeah. I kind of messed that one up. Almost cost her her job.
Well, maybe it wasn’t your fault. Maybe it was the curse.
[laughs] The curse. You heard about that, too, huh?
That they fired an actor who put a curse on the show for revenge?
Ugh.
Yeah, I heard about that.
Yeah, Hattie. She used to play Charlemagne.
God, it sounds more like a plot line than reality.
I know, right? Seriously. She overplayed her hand on that one. Next thing she knew, character’s just tumbling down an elevator shaft.
Yeah, but maybe she had enough time to put her hex on everybody before she went and split.
Yeah, I don’t know how much I believe in all that, any more than I believe that these lovely little cupcakes are poisoned. Mmm. Mm.
Roman? Kayla gave me the message. What happened?
It’s nothing. My little sister overreacted. That’s all. I’m fine.
Fine? You got violently ill and almost lost consciousness.
What? Well, what do you think it is? I mean, is there a bug going around? Do you think it’s food poisoning?
Hey, the only thing I ate this morning was your cupcake.
Oh, my.
Oh, my, what?
I just had to bring Abe home early from work because he ate a cupcake, and he got sick. I mean, I thought maybe it just disagreed with him. But now I–
Don’t tell me we are dealing with tainted baked goods again.
Why did you think that cupcake was poisoned?
Oh, I didn’t. My stepmom was ready to call the CDC on everyone who got them from “Body & Soul.” She thinks it’s, like, Hattie’s revenge or something like that. So she took mine and threw it in the trash.
The one you just ate?
Yes, that’s the one. Five-second rule.
That’s not really a thing, you know.
Honestly, though, it was in a box.
Far be it from me to judge.
Thank you. Regardless, Bonnie was wrong because I feel fine. Cupcake’s not poisoned. Actually, it was delicious.
Roman, I would like to draw your blood so we can see what’s in your system. And I’d also like to test the cupcake.
Well, I’m afraid I ate the evidence.
Oh. Well, Abe demolished his cupcake.
Well, do you know where they’re from?
Well, there was no label on the box. But first bakery that comes to mind is Sweet Bits. But after last year’s debacle with the biscuits, I just– I’d hate to think that somebody’s out to get Chanel again.
Well, so would I, but I think we need to get to the bottom of this, and fast.
OK, I’m going to go notify the cast and crew. Are you OK here–
I’m fine. Look, feeling better already.
OK.
OK?
All right. Well, I’m going to run by Sweet Bits as well and see perhaps if someone put in an order there. I’ll be back.
This is really nice.
What? What could be nice about lying in bed with a stomach bug?
Laying in bed with a stomach bug with you.
Mm. That’s so sweet.
You know, I love you so much, Chanel. You mean everything to me. Having you, having this, I just never want to lose it.
Why would you think that you would lose it?
[laughs] Damn. There goes my mascara.
I am so sorry that Stefan hurt you. But he is not worth your tears if he didn’t know how lucky he was to have you.
You’re just saying that to make me feel better. So keep it coming. [laughs]
You’re an amazing person. And I am proud to be your cousin.
Right back at you, Javier. I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time about Leo.
So does that mean that you’re going to back off? Because like I said, I like him a lot. I felt like we had a real connection. So I need your support on this. Will you stop trash talking the guy?
No, it can’t be.
What can’t be?
I mean, he wouldn’t.
Who wouldn’t?
Why would he?
All right, that’s a who, what, and a why. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
It makes no sense. He already has a job.
Ugh, I love my cousin, but, man, is she frugal. Ugh. And she’s barely paying me above minimum wage to be at her beck and call for /.
That’s not right. You need to ask for a raise.
I mean, maybe at some point, but in the meantime, I’ve got to find another gig to make ends meet.
Another gig, indeed.
Leo. Leo! Are–are you coming back here?
I’m just– I’m so lucky to have you. I–I truly– I love you so much. And I don’t know, if– if any–I don’t know, if something–
Johnny. Johnny. Johnny, listen to me, OK? You are not going to lose me. We have been through way too much. And we just went through this really tough thing. But it’s not like it was unfixable, OK? I love you, too, Johnny. And I am not going anywhere. [poignant music]
OK, I’m going to get this to the lab. And they’ll let us know what’s going on.
You think it could be the cupcakes? I mean, maybe somebody tampered with them?
Well, it’s certainly possible. I just hope that anybody else who got one is OK.
You can deny all you want, Arrow. But I know you want me.
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t. [clears throat] Don’t touch me. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
No, Alex, your next line is–
No, I’m gonna– I’m gonna be sick. Ugh!
Oh, Kate, hi.
Bonnie, please, tell me you didn’t eat one of those cupcakes.
Sure didn’t.
Oh, good, good. Abe and Roman both ate one. They both got really, really sick.
I knew it. I suspected there was something up with those cupcakes. That’s why I made sure Alex didn’t eat his. Thank God. Jeez. Could this day get any worse?
What does that mean?
You didn’t see? Oh, apparently, there’s a new Lady Whistleblower in town. And somehow she got a hold of Leo’s stories, and she ran the spoilers in her column.
Oh, my–what?
I know, I know, I know. But the good news is, Leo seemed to know who did it. Well, he ran off before he told me who that was.
So, what do you say? Are you going to let me date Leo in peace?
Fine. You’re a grown ass man capable of making your own life decisions. So I will refrain from commenting from now on.
Leo?
Hi. Hi.
Hello, Leo.
I need to speak to you in private.
Of course. Do you mind?
No problem. I have a meeting to get to anyway. Uh, and just so you know, Leo, you mess with him, you mess with me.
Sorry about my cousin. She’s just being protective. It’s so good to see you.
Get your hands off me.
What’s wrong?
Plenty is wrong. Wrong and dishonest and unethical and downright–
Leo, what the hell?
I know what you did, Javi. And you’re not going to get away with this. [tense music]
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