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Days of Our Lives Best Lines

Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Gabi: I heard about your financial situation. 
Gwen: What, that I’m broke? God, is there anyone in this godforsaken town who hasn’t heard?
Gabi: I doubt it. I was in the bookstore when Julie Williams had told me that your card had been denied.
Gwen: With tears in her eyes, I’m sure. Honestly. I probably deserved that humiliation for shopping in her blasted stupid bookshop. I wish I would have found out that I was penniless buying, I don’t know, diamonds or a lovely fur coat or something. 

Eli: Why would Vivian let Dimitri stay at her house? She hates him.
Rafe: Well, they all hate each other in that family.

(when Jada and Stephanie were talking about the wedding)
Jada: I’ll be your bridesmaid, your witness, and your bodyguard.
Stephanie: Ah, a triple threat.

Belle: So tell me how was Stefano’s service? Something tells me it wasn’t heartbreaking.
Marlena: For me? No, no it was not. 

(to Marlena about John saying his peace to Stefano)
Belle: Well, I would say Dad could say his peace in the Great Beyond but there’s no way he and Stefano would meet there. 

(about Belle)
Leo: She cannot stand me, can she?
Marlena: She was racing off to work. That’s all it is.
Leo: Well, most people seem to be racing off somewhere when they see me. 

Dimitri: For the millionth time, I’m innocent.
Rafe: Yet, you’re having a hard time proving it. 

(to Kristen)
Brady: The four scariest words in the English language are “I have a plan,” when they come out of Kristen DiMera’s mouth. 

(about Dimitri)
Leo: Rafe. This isn’t awkward at all, is it?
Rafe: You visiting the man who torpedoed my cousin’s wedding? Why would that be awkward?

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Days of Our Lives Best Lines

Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

EJ: And the DiMeras do have countless enemies, so if you’re asking me to list people who could wish my family harm, I’m afraid I don’t know where to begin.
Cat: Well, I understand. But why—why take Tony and Chad and not—
EJ: Me?
Cat: I-I don’t mean offense. I just thought Tony and Chad had slightly fewer enemies as far as DiMeras go.
EJ: Mm, mm, possibly. But the DiMera name alone puts one in peril, I’m afraid.
Cat: So you think someone’s targeting your brothers just because they’re part of the DiMera family?
EJ: Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.

(about Theo)
Gabi: Are you jealous of a missing person right now?
Philip: No, of course not. I’m just making an observation. That’s all.
Gabi: Well, you have nothing to worry about. He’s just a really great guy, like I said, and probably the best boss I ever had, even if he was only my boss for two seconds.
Philip: Usually, it takes a little longer to alienate someone.

Theo: You think Uncle EJ will step in?
Kristen: Oh, yes. He’s just champing at the bit for all of us to be rescued, loyal brother that he is.

(when Chad dropped Kristen when she was trying to help them get out of the crypt):
Chad: It’s probably sprained.
What are you going to do? Write a think piece about it?

(about EJ being responsible for his family disappearing):
Gwen: Maybe I’m being naïve, but I’m just a bit skeptical.
Leo: Why? You don’t think EJ, who has the moral compass of Wile E. Coyote on a caffeine binge, is capable of disappearing his relatives?

(to Gwen about EJ):
Leo: Guinevere, if cruelty were an Olympic sport, that man would be Michael Phelps.

Chad: He’s gonna have to disappear a lot of us if he wants to get his hands on the inheritance. What about Megan?
Kristen: What about her?
Chad: Well, where is she?
Kristen: What, you-you think we send each other birthday cards? I have no idea. And I doubt that she’ll resurface to claim her piece of the pie. Megan knows that they’ll put on the cuffs the moment she steps foot in Salem.
Chad: Okay, so that rules her out.
Kristen: Yeah.
Chad: There’s Stefan, who’s been MIA.

Kristen: -And-and Peter.
Theo: Peter-forgot about him.
Chad: Everybody forgets about Peter.

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Days of Our Lives Best Lines

Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

(about EJ’s construction being responsible for the blackout)
Leo: If I wanted to get through the electronic door, I’d need the code.
Chad: Which you didn’t have.
Leo: Right. So I just started randomly punching in numbers when I felt a presence behind me.
Chad: A presence?
Leo: A presence. So I turned and saw, standing there in a hard hat, your family’s fixer.
Chad: Oh, you meant Rita?
Leo: I mean an imperious and overwhelming troll of a woman who made me jump out of my exquisitely moisturized skin, Chadwick.

Chad: You got out of there without getting tazed, so that’s good.
Leo: Be that as it may, Chadwick, that very vengeful woman, who makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like Mary Poppins, clearly told EJ about out encounter and he could do way worse than taser me. What if he decides to disappear me?

Chad: All right, Leo, you’re overreacting.
Leo: Oh, I don’t think I am. In fact, I know that I’m not. Chadwick, I have survived many an unfortunate footwear trend. I am not gonna end up at the bottom of the Salem River wearing cement heels.

(about Leo)
Gwen: I despise him. I mean he makes me itch in all the wrong places.

EJ: Yes. Well, as I recall, you are excellent at masking your true feelings when you want something. I mean you had the Deverauxs and Dimitri fooled for months. It’s such a valuable skill to have. You haven’t lost it, have you?
Gwen: No. I think it’s in my DNA, a talent for deceit.

Gwen: I’d like to take you to lunch or dinner.
Leo: Will there be poison involved?

(about Gwen asking Leo out to eat)
Leo: What was that about?
Chad: I’m not sure. But you should do it. Yeah, let her take you out. Find out what she’s up to. Nothing else, you get a free meal out of it.
Leo: Yea, maybe a little arsenic in my Aperol spritz.

(to Cat about Tony)
EJ: Look, my brother is a savvy world traveler. And my sister-in-law, well, she panics if she can’t find her reading glasses on the top of her head.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Gwen: Do you think you can get me out?
Leo: The door seems to be locked. Can you take care of that on your side of things?

Gwen: It’s an electronic door and when the power went out–
Leo: Ugh, yikes. Um, okay, so what do you expect me to do?
Gwen: Um, I don’t know. I mean, maybe you can force it open on your end?
Leo: How? By using my brute strength? You know I don’t lift much. I focus more on core work and cardio.

EJ (to Belle): If you don’t want to use my jacket as a blanket, fine. You sure showed me, insisting on being uncomfortable to act morally superior.

Leo: I found a crowbar.
Gwen: Well okay, what are you waiting for? Pry this bloody thing open.
Leo: Hold on. If I do this, the hospital’s not going to sue me for property damage, right?
Gwen: If they do, I will testify on your behalf.
Leo: Well, that’s all well and good but legal fees on a print journalist’s salary–
Gwen: Just do it!

Gwen: I’m not seeing your smug little face yet. What’s taking you so long?
Leo: This thing won’t budge.
Gwen: Are you sure?
Leo: Yes, I’m sure. It’s lockers up tighter than Chris Hemsworth’s abs.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

(about Xander)
Sarah: Well, your boxing skills looked sharp. Been training?
Brady: That man’s a menace, and he’s lucky that Gabi got him out of here when she did.

Gwen: Can I ask what that poor little table did to you?
EJ: Oh, I’m sure I’d find that very clever if my hand wasn’t throbbing.

Gwen: You DiMeras, got every medication under the sun in the mausoleum, including some very strange medical bag labeled “property of Dr. Rolf,” which I don’t even want to ask about. But yet I can’t seem to find a single bottle of ibuprofen anywhere.
EJ: Father taught us to embrace the pain. Plus, were usually the ones creating the headaches.

Gwen: You know I’ve gone through a whole bottle of ibuprofen myself ever since coming here to Salem.
EJ: You don’t say.
Gwen: Turns out, being universally hated is really trying on the nerves.

Marlena: You know, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help EJ after what he did to you in court. But, well, if it means helping my grandson, I might need to consider it.
Belle: Well, I mean maybe after you get EJ to remember who shot him, you could hypnotize him into walking into traffic.
Marlena: Darn, I don’t have that kind of power.

Gabi: Good news. They let me back in the door long enough just to pay the bill.
Xander: Huzzah!
Gabi: But they made it very nice and clear that you and I are not welcome at the Bistro anytime soon.
Xander: Oh, no. How will we go on without overcooked beef and overpriced wine?

Leo: I hate thar I can’t talk to you about Johnny’s trial. I thought that jury duty was going to be a total snooze fest. But I have to say, I’m finding it riveting.
Javi: I mean, I’m glad you find it entertaining.
Leo: I was never really into true crime. I always found it to be a little too murder-y. But now I totally get it. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up making a movie out of this— “The People versus John Roman DiMera.” I wonder who they would get to play me. Maybe that delicious Jonathan Bailey.
Javi: Well, you think he’d be willing to play juror number nine?
Leo: See, that’s the problem. I shouldn’t be juror number nine. Just some anonymous, yet exquisitely moisturized face in the crowd. I should be covering this trial as “The Spectator’s star reporter. I swear, if the bozo they got to cover my beat ends up with a Pulitzer–
Javi: Or worse—what if Jonathan Bailey plays him in the movie?
Leo: You better shut your mouth.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Johnny: I do need some kind of representation.
Chanel: Ok, and there are plenty of lawyers here in town to choose from.
EJ: Johnny needs the best possible defense. We can’t leave his fate in the hands of some local Salem huckster.
Chanel: Ok, buy you are also the victim, and not to mention his father. Isn’t that a conflict of interest?
EJ: Judge Grafton ruled otherwise. Now, until you get your law degree, you can bloody well keep your opinions to yourself, Chanel.

Chanel: The way I see it. Johnny made deal with the devil.
EJ: Oh, if you really believed that you’d still be in there trying to talk him out of it.

Chanel: He made his decision, Ok? And I stand by him. And I’ll admit that having a shark who’s willing to lie and manipulate and do whatever else it takes to get my husband exonerated, well, it may be an advantage worth having.
EJ: Well, my dear, you’re making me blush.

Javier: No luck with the necklace, huh?
Leo: None. It’s like trying to find a straight guy at a Kylie Minogue concert. Unless he’s wearing cargo short and is very deep in the closet.

(to Xander when he walked into the mansion with a stuffed dog for Victoria):
Maggie Well I would say look what the cat dragged in but that would be inappropriate.

Leo (to Sophia’s baby): Please kiddo come on. You have got to sleep sometime. Look at this. Do you think all of this happens by accident? Guncle Leo needs his beauty rest please I am desperate here.

(the baby stops crying)
Leo: Okay. It’s good to know that begging works.

Maggie: Full custody? Well I knew you were ruthless and cruel, but I never pegged you for being delusional. No judge on Earth would give you full custody.
Xander: Are you sure about that?
Maggie: Oh would you like for me to recite your rap sheet?
Xander: Heck go ahead. I’ll raise you Sarah’s. Remember she lied to me about Victoria’s paternity.
Maggie: She was trying to protect her.
Xander: Oh just like she lied to protect Philip’s fraud. You know your daughter loves to cast herself as the patron said of Salem, but she has absolutely no problem lying, cheating, and stealing to get what she wants.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

(about John’s funeral)
Tate: Is Kristen here?
Brady: No, no. She thought your grandmother might flip out if she came so in a rare moment of generosity, she stayed at home.

(about John playing baseball)
Paul: He may have missed that pass, but man, he had mad skills when he was on that diamond. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he played pro ball in a past life. Maybe he threw a pitch or two for his favorite team. The New York Yankees.

Eric: As you all know, there’s nothing you could really do to stop Sami Brady from speaking her mind.

(about John)
Brady: There is one attribute of my father that I don’t think Timothy had anything to do with. And I would be remiss today if I didn’t mention it because I think we would all agree. It is essential John Black. I can sum it up in one word—eyebrow. I’m serious. I’m serious. My dad had many, many skills—spy craft, marital arts, baseball. But I think the use of his eyebrow was perhaps his single greatest asset. Not only was it effective, but extremely versatile.

Kayla: There’s no way you were well enough to leave the hospital.
Bo: What are you, a doctor or something?

(to Jennifer)
Julie: You don’t have to apologize to me. We have tissue. After Doug passed away, I bought them in bulk.

(to Xander)
EJ: I never got to shake your hand after the results of the board vote came in, seeing as you were in handcuffs.

(to Belle)
EJ: You know if this whole DA thing doesn’t work out, you have a knack for improv.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Xander: Well, why stop there, darling? Why not blame me for every single sick person in this hospital. Hey, throw in climate change and the rise of fascism while you’re at it.

Xander: While you’re dishing out blame, you should save some for yourself.
Sarah: Me?
Xander: Yes. Poor innocent you, Sarah. I mean, be honest. If you told me about Philip and the forged letter months ago, he’d be out on his ass. All of this could have been prevented.

(to Javi about Gabi)
Leo: How did it go with Cruella?

(to Kristen about Brady when he hung up on him)
EJ: When you see that useless ex of yours, please educate him on proper phone etiquette.

(to Chad when he asked if EJ had anything to do with the missing drug)
EJ: This is becoming a habit of yours Chad. You ruin a nice moment by accusing me of a crime.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

(to Chanel when she was asking him about shooting EJ)
Johnny: If the pastry chef thing doesn’t work out, you should totally see if the Salem PD is hiring.

Roman: What makes you think I’m lying to you?
Kate: Well, I learned the fine art of deception under two masters of the game, Stefano DiMera and Victor Kiriakis.
Roman: Ok, so now you’re comparing me to those two guys?
Kate: No, no, actually, I’m not. Because they were good liars. You my darling husband, are a rank amateur. And I saw through you right away.

(to Holly when she was surprised that he liked Shakespeare)
Doug: Hey, just because a guy gets in deep wit loan sharks and has to steal from his family to get out of it doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy the classics.

(to Paulina about Xander suing her)
Chanel: I do not think our five minutes of marriage is going to make that man forgive me for almost killing the love of his life.

Holly: I know I’m not Sophia’s biggest fan, but I do feel sorry for her. I mean she never wanted to have this baby and now she’s missing out on all these huge senior milestones.
Doug: Yeah, I know the feeling.
Holly: Really? You were knocked up in high school too?

(to Roman when he wanted her to keep a secret)
Kate: I think we both know I can keep a secret. Better than you can anyway.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

(about the Brady Pub sign)
Marlena: I never thought I’d be happy to see that sign again.
Steve: That is a sign for sore eyes.

(when Sophia told Tate that she didn’t want to go to the prom with him)
Tate: Wow! Not even going to, like, take a minute to think about it or anything. Great.

Sophia: Have you ever seen maternity prom dresses?
Tate: You know, I can’t say I’ve ever really looked into that.

Julie: You donated a million dollars to have dinner with Chad.
Maggie: Well, I was gonna make a donation anyway.
Julie: Yeah, but gee, I get to have dinner with him every night for nothing.
Maggie: Oh, lucky you.

Xander: I don’t want you in this company. I don’t even want you in Salem.
Philip: I get that. I meant it when I said I regret hurting you. And I’m not trying to make things worse.
Xander: Too late.
Philip: I’m still your co-CEO, Xander. And I’m not walking away from Titan.
Xander: Well, why walk when I can just throw you out the window?

Gabi: What are you doing here?
Leo: Amnesia much? I live here.
Gabi: No, I mean, shouldn’t you be working? I mean, shouldn’t you actually be digging through people’s garbage, looking for items for your gossip column?
Leo: You are having memory issues. Don’t you remember I was going to quote you for my story the other night. My hard-hitting investigative news story? I’m a serious journalist now.
Gabi: Yeah right. And Perez Hilton’s going to win a Pulitzer.

Javi: Babe have you been stealing from my cousins?
Leo: I swear on all that is holy about Glen Powell’s abs, I have not been.
Javi: Ok, well that’s good enough for me.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Xander: Vivian. My God, you’re out of prison.
Vivian: And you are so observant.
Xander: Well, you can take that acid tongue of yours and get the hell out of this house. What are you doing here anyway?
Vivian: Well, I think it’s rather obvious. I’m moving in.
Xander: You’re even more delusional than I thought.

(about Vivian moving in the Kiriakis mansion)
Xander: I don’t know who put this insane idea in your head, but I want to make something perfectly clear. The only way you’ll move into this house is over my dead body.
Vivian: Well, that could be arranged.

(about Vivian)
Kate: The woman is certifiably insane.
Roman: No argument there.

Philip: I know I should have asked you before I moved Vivian in here. I’m sorry about that.
Xander: Not as sorry as I am. But I suppose this house is half yours, at least according to the court. So, if you want to move this sadistic lowlife in here. It’s yours funeral.
Vivian: Gee, I feel so welcome.

Javi: Nice to meet you Sami. I’ve heard a lot about you.
Sami: Oh, I’m sure all of it is terrible.

(to Rafe and Sami)
Javi: I’m going to go to the kitchen and I’m going to stick my head in the waffle iron. I hear it’s like Botox. More painful but cheaper.

Kristen: You’re supposed to be my lawyer. Why haven’t you gotten me out of this?
Melinda: I’m your lawyer not a magician.

Maggie: That vampire spent the night in my home?
Vivian: Yes, in a very cheesy guest room.

Maggie: With all due respect Philip, this may be a very large house, but it’s not big enough for that psychopath and me.
Vivian: Well, it’s a good thing you’re already packed. There’s the door.

Philip: Mom, I have good news about Vivian.
Kate: Well, that’s impossible unless she’s pushing up daisies.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Leo: Melinda Trask? Long time no see, which is especially unusual here in Salem where one tends to run into everyone they know at least every five minutes or so.

(to Chad)
Cat: What? You don’t trust me? That was a dumb question.

(to Julie when she said Jennifer confirmed that the necklace was Alice’s)
Melinda: Oh I see. So the investigating officer’s mommy thinks this too. This is compelling evidence.

Leo: I wanted to show you my appreciation for letting me move in here.
Gabi: Hmm, so you show it to him and not to me.
Leo: Well, gee, Gabi, what is wrong with me? Forget a dinner. I should buy you a 24-karat solid gold bathtub to thank you for how graciously you have welcomed me into your home.
Javi: Leo.
Leo: No, I’m talking like the one that Mike Tyson bought his wife as a birthday gift. Or I could go the Angelina Jolie route, buy you a waterfall complete with the surrounding land, like the one she bought Brad Pitt as a Christmas gift in 2012. I mean, Gabi, you have just gone overboard with how much you have made me feel wanted here.

(to Javi)
Leo: Can we please go back to talking about how sweet I am for setting all of this up? Obviously, I didn’t cook because I didn’t think that giving you salmonella was a very good housewarming gift.

Leo: Being on my best behavior in front of your cousin Gabriella, who, though beautiful, when she’s angry, reminds me of Margaret Hamilton.
Javi: Who:
Leo: The Wicked Witch of the West. The Wizard of Oz.

(to Kristen while she was pacing)
Melinda: I have a feeling Harold won’t be please when he finds out you wore a hole in the carpet.

EJ: Ava? You’re looking well/
Ava: Well? As opposed to be tied to antique wheelchair that she was tied to?

Sophia: Maybe Holly won’t find out that you ratted out Doug.
Tate: Of course she will. This is Salem. Everyone finds out everything.

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(to Brady and Tate when they were shocked that she was out of prison)
Theresa: Don’t everyone congratulate me at once.

Tate: Did you escape from prison?
Theresa: No. Do you see any broken handcuffs here?

Doug: Holly, you know this woman?
Hope: Unfortunately.
Melinda: Rude.

Ava: You think you can take me on? I used to run a mafia organization.
Rachel: Now you can sleep with the fishes because I’m the one holding the knife.

(to Kristen when she couldn’t get in touch with Ava)
EJ: If your mother has killed Ava Vitali, at least we can be absolutely certain she won’t testify against us.

(to Rafe and Jada)
EJ: If you two could take your couple’s therapy elsewhere that would be great.

(about Rachel)
Ava: She’s been traumatized? You hear that, Brady? Granny comes after me like Mike Myers, and Kristen’s making her out to be the victim.

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Best Lines by Michele and Cheryl

Chad: What’s up?
Leo: Well, I was on one of my therapy-recommended anxiety strolls and this was on my route.

(to himself)
Arnold: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m bored. I’m bored with porn. I need the real thing.

(to Marlena about the hospital being sold)
Cat: The hospital’s going to board up the building and put a for sale sign on it?

(to Chad)
Leo: I’ve always considered myself to be very versatile, something of a Renaissance man, sort of like the Talented Mr. Ripley minus the murder and sadism but keeping in Jude Law and the luscious Italian scenery.

(to Chad)
Leo: Would you call Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights a one-off?

Jada: For some reason with Rafe, I missed the flags, all of them.
Shawn: Why are you being so hard on yourself? This is not your fault. Before this happened, Rafe was a stand-up guy. Everybody thought so. I mean, the man had more green flags than a Brazilian soccer match.

(to Javi)
Gabi: I just wish my angel of a cousin wasn’t dating the devil.

(to Javi)
Leo: I’ve seen my fair share of devastated faces, beginning with my father’s when he discovered my collection of Cher cassettes. But I digress.

Kristen: You know what p*sses me off?
EJ: What doesn’t p*ss you off?

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