Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Thane
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
[dramatic music]
[inhales sharply] [groans]
Ooh.
Good morning, sleepyhead.
Oh– oh, God. Xander’s mom.
[laughs]
And it really happened last night, didn’t it?
[suspenseful music]
Ooh, looks like someone is making himself at home.
Hello, you.
Hello, you. Does the very busy CEO have time for his once and future wife?
Mm, I’m sure I can squeeze you in.
Mm.
[gentle music]
[sighs] [phone rings] Tate? Hello. Tate, are you there? [sighs] Reception at the Horton cabin blows. Tate, can you hear me?
[clears throat]
Grandma!
[dramatic music]
All right. Here you are.
Well, Abe, who would have thought that producing episodes of daytime drama a year would be such hard work?
[chuckles] Well, we got a jump on casting. And I feel sure that our new Charlemagne is honing her craft as we speak.
[tense music]
OK, it says Charlemagne is on a one-way call.
What the heck is a one-way call? [clears throat]
“Into phone.” Oh, wait. I guess I’m not supposed to say that part out loud. Oh, come on, Hattie. Come on. Focus. Focus. [sighs] “Don’t worry, darling. “Everything is going according to plan. “All that’s left is for you to kill my husband, and then we can finally be together.”
Oh, my God!
[jazzy music] Marlena, are you planning to murder John?
Bonnie Lockhart, you are a sight for these old peepers.
My God, how could you? What is it, Marlena, gambling debts, a young lover, what?
Boy, you better get yourself some new peepers ’cause you know what? I’m not Marlena.
What do you mean you’re not Mar– [gasps] Oh, my God in heaven, it’s you.
It’s–yeah.
Satan! [gasps] You’ve possessed Marlena again! Oh, God!
Oh, for the love of pickled herring, girl. Come on, I’m not that shrink, and I’m not Satan. I’m your old pal Hattie Adams!
Oh! [laughing] Oh!
Mm, you know I’ve always got time for you.
Mm.
How did you know I was here?
I ran into Justin. So seems like you decided to stake your claim on Victor’s legacy after all.
[sighing] Yeah. And how do you feel about that?
I just want you to be happy. But the last that we spoke about it, you were set to turn it down. What changed your mind?
Believe it or not, but it was my mum.
[dramatic music]
And I do have a name, you know, other than Xander’s mum.
I just– I’m sorry. I know it’s Fiona. Fiona.
And I’m curious. Exactly which part of having done it with Xander’s mum is so upsetting? Or is it ’cause you’re related?
No, no. It’s just–I don’t give a damn that Xander is my– oh, my God, he’s my uncle. I guess he’s my uncle now. The fact is that he’s just–
What? You can say it.
I’m just trying to come up with a tactful way to say it. He’s–
I’m waiting.
What is so upsetting is the fact that my son is–
OK, Fiona. Here, screw the tact. He’s a total creep.
Sorry.
Grandma, hi. I didn’t hear you come in.
Hi.
Would you like some coffee or tea?
Tea. Tea would be lovely.
Hot tea, coming right up. Anything in it?
No, thank you. Thank you, sweetie.
Of course.
You sounded like you were having quite an urgent conversation when I came in. Is everything all right?
Yeah. I was just talking to my friend Sophia.
Sophia?
Mm-hmm. She was seeing if I could cover one of her shifts tonight, but her reception’s terrible. It’s frustrating, you know?
Yeah, I can imagine. Just out of curiosity, why would you call your friend Sophia… Tate?
So does this mean you and your mom are on good terms?
We’re working on it. I mean, I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally over her abandoning me as a child and lying to me about my father, but… yeah, we’ve found a way to move forward.
Good. I’m glad. Because we’re gonna need her as a witness.
Witness for what?
Listen, I don’t know if it’s just seeing you sitting here on this desk where you belong or if it’s that I’ve been up for hours straight, but I want to get married.
As do I, my love.
No. I mean today.
[soft music]
So you think my son’s a total creep?
No– [sighs] Fiona, I was– look, I’m trying to come up with something that was a little more tactful, but I couldn’t come up with a euphemism for creep, all right, so I tried to be less offensive. Sorry.
No, no, it’s fine. Actually, I appreciate your honesty. But tell me, why do you have such a low opinion of him?
I don’t think we need to get into that. Listen, I’m gonna jump in the shower and get to work, OK?
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, what?
I’d really like to know exactly what Xander did to you.
[sighs] Fiona, I don’t see why we need to dredge all this up. I really don’t.
I want to know, Brady.
[sighs] All right. For starters, he shot me.
[scoffs] He did what?
Yeah, he shot me. Oh, he also shot my stepmother, and she almost died.
[sighs]
Does that answer your question pretty well?
[dramatic music]
Hattie Adams, is it really you?
What do you mean? You don’t recognize your old cell block sister?
Oh, I’ve just been thinking about you so much lately and all the good times we had. Oh, goodness. Come here. Oh! Oh, it’s so darn good to see you. [sighs]
It’s so good to see you too.
Oh. [gasps] Oh, wait. You’re married?
Me? No. No, I’m still single and cruising. Why?
You were talking about killing your husband.
[gasps] Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, honey, that’s a line from this script.
[gasps] Whoa! What, script like a movie script?
Well, no, it’s actually just a TV script. Yeah. ‘Cause, Bonnie, I’m gonna be a soap star.
[gasps] [both squeal]
[groans] Abe. Are you really set on hiring Hattie to play Charlemagne?
Yeah. I think she’s perfect. She’s bold. She’s brash. She’s unpredictable.
OK. You know that I’m fond of the woman. I am. But frankly, Abe, she can’t act.
She fooled the whole town into thinking she was Marlena. I have faith that she’s gonna figure this out.
Mm-hmm. She better.
Well, look. We have to focus on filling out the rest of the cast, so… well, are you sure you won’t consider playing Lorna?
OK, for the very last time, I am not going to play Lorna DeLorean, OK? We’re just gonna have to find someone else.
Oh, that sounds like my cue.
[quirky music]
I’m really sorry for lying to you, Grandma.
So you were talking to Tate.
Yeah, I just–
Mm.
I wanted to see how he was doing at that lacrosse camp his parents sent him to. Look, I know we’re not supposed to be talking, but I just really miss him.
I understand. And if were up to me, I wouldn’t have come down so hard on you two.
Really?
Mm-hmm. But it wasn’t up to me. You lied to your parents. And they have every right to keep you safe.
Safe from what, our feelings for each other? It’s just so unfair. I don’t get why they won’t let us be together.
Well, you have to admit you made some bad decisions. And throw in that sneaking around–
Well, we didn’t really have a choice.
Well, all I can say is, the best way to change their mind is to prove to them that you can be trusted. So keep your distance. And maybe they will change their mind.
OK.
OK.
So you’re not gonna tell them about this, then, the phone call?
Mm-mm. I’m not gonna say anything. But from now on, I want you to be honest with me, OK?
OK.
OK. Well, I better…
Thanks, Grandma.
Check with Henderson and see if he’s packed Victoria’s things. I’m taking her home to her mommy. And I’ll see you later, OK?
OK.
All right.
[sighs]
[line ringing] Come on, Tate. Pick up. Where’d you go? [sighs]
[soft music]
I’m right here.
[chuckles]
I don’t know where to begin apologizing for all the heinous things that my son has done to you and your family.
Stop. How could any of that be your fault?
Oh, how can it not, at least partly? I wasn’t there when he was growing up. [sighs] I can’t help but take my share of the responsibility for how he turned out.
Fiona. Parents make mistakes.
Are you speaking from experience?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, my son spent most of his childhood across the country with his mother. I’ve been trying to make up for that and try to be the best father I can be.
How’s it working out?
It’s complicated. I just had to send him to summer camp recently just to straighten him out, keep him out of trouble. Is it gonna work? I don’t know. Maybe.
Yeah, I know the feeling. I’m trying to make up for lost time with Xander too. Falling out with him was the biggest regret of my life. [sighs] And I know you think he’s a creep.
But he’s your son. Well, you know, I know better than anybody that people can change. And he’s got a great fiancée in Sarah Horton. And he’s a dad. Don’t worry about it. The word on the street is, he’s trying to… turn his life around.
Thank you. Now go and take that shower.
Mm, all right.
[sighs]
You want to get married today?
Why not? Unless you have a reason that we should wait, hmm? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.
[inhales sharply] Course not! I want to marry you more than anything in the world. The sooner I make you my wife, the better.
Great. I’m gonna go home and get ready, then.
Well, don’t you think you should have a wee nap first?
Nope. I may be running on fumes and love, but I am champing at the bit to marry the love of my life.
Mm.
Then we can start our life as husband and wife.
[sighs]
Ooh-whee, this stuff is rich. Baby switches, weather machines. [laughter]
Hey, look, you can’t say a word about the fact that I let you see this, ’cause I mean, this is top secret.
Oh, come on. What do I look like? I know spoilers.
Yeah, well, Abe and Kate are really serious about that.
My lips are sealed. [chuckles] But I can’t wait to see it on TV. Girl, you’re gonna kill it. And by kill, I mean your fictional husband. [laughs]
Good one!
Seriously, I am so jazzed for you. Oh, Hattie, your ship has finally come in. You’re gonna be a bona fide soap star! [laughs]
Well, let’s just wait till I’m asked to sign my first autograph. [laughter]
Although I think nowadays they do the posing thing of the selfie, so maybe work on your poses.
What a good idea.
[laughs] So who are your castmates? Have you met them?
No, no, not yet. They still have to cast them because they’re looking for a Lorna and a Kassandra character.
Kassandra, no! No! That is my all-time favorite character! [laughs]
Oh. Well, they wanted Dr. Kayla to do it, but she said no way. But can you imagine, one of Salem’s finest citizens being in a soap opera?
Yeah, imagine that. [laughs] Imagine.
[chuckles]
Leo?
Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta. It’s Lorna DeLorean, and I am ready for my close-up. [sniffs] Is this where we’re gonna be reading? Not exactly Universal Studios, is it?
[clears throat] I’m sorry. Why are you here?
I just told you. I’m here to read for the role of Lorna.
OK, so you do understand that this is an audition for “Body & Soul,” not “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” correct?
Ha-ha. I know what this is. I’m perfect for this role.
Except Lorna is a woman.
[clears throat]
And you are a man.
Have you never seen “Tootsie”? I can play this role as well as any woman–better, in fact. And I will have you know that during Shakespeare’s time, the men played the male and the female parts.
Because women weren’t allowed to act.
Whatever, if it was good enough for the Bard, it’s good enough for “Body & Soul.”
[sighs] Would you excuse us a moment?
[quirky music]
Mm-hmm?
Maybe we should let him read.
Why?
[chuckles]
Because we don’t need– the last thing you need is a gender discrimination lawsuit. And this litigious jerk almost took Titan down a while back.
You’re serious?
It’s only an audition.
[sighs] All right. Stark, you can read for the part.
Yay! OK, if I may–before I knock this out of the park– share with you that in his masterpiece “Hamlet,” the aforementioned Bard had his title character explain to a group of actors that the purpose of playing is to hold as ’twere a mirror up to nature, to show virtue its feature, scorn its own image, and the very age and body of the time its form and pressure. [inhales deeply] In other words, Hamlet was proposing that what we see onstage reflect what is real in our lives and the world, mm.
Yeah, right. Break a leg or something.
Thank you. First, some vocal exercises. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather. Red leather, yellow leather. [phone ringing]
Hello, darling.
Mum, hi. I was just wondering if you were busy this afternoon.
I have some free time. What’s going on?
Well, I thought maybe you’d like to… witness your son remarrying the love of his life.
[sighs] Shower’s all yours.
[tense music]
Mum, who was that?
Tate?
That’s me.
Hi. What are you doing here? Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re gonna be in?
I had to come.
OK, I know. I missed you too, but–
No, no, I had to come because I locked myself out of the Horton cabin, and I need your grandma’s key to get myself back in.
[dramatic music]
Someone missed their mommy.
[sighs] I’m sorry I was so late.
Oh, it’s no problem at all.
[chuckles]
Listen, you must be so exhausted, having pulled a double shift.
[chuckles]
Why don’t I stay and watch our girl while you get some sleep?
Well, I very much want you to stay.
Mm.
But there’s no time for sleep.
Oh. And why is that?
Well, because Victoria’s mommy and daddy are getting married today.
What?
[chuckles]
Oh!
Mum, who’s there with you?
[chuckles] Well, if you must know, I had another delightful evening with my charming new friend.
[sultry music]
OK. Now I’d love to change the subject, if that’s all right with you. Do you think you can make it to the wedding?
Of course. I wouldn’t dream of missing it.
Fantastic. Oh, and feel free to bring your new friend along. I’d love to meet him.
Well, I think it’s a bit early in the relationship for me to be introducing him to my family.
Well, the invitation stands if you change your mind. But we’ll see you at the apartment this afternoon?
Oh, I’ll be there with bells on.
[laughs] I really thought you were gonna tell him the truth.
Oh. [phone ringing]
It’s Xander. Oh, my– did he recognize my voice?
[sighs] Well, he didn’t say anything, but perhaps he was testing me?
[sighs] Well, this ought to be fun.
Oh, don’t you dare be a raging hypocrite with me, Thrust, not after you did the nasty with my mother! Oh, I hope you don’t mind I did a little rewrite. I found the script to be a bit pedestrian.
Pedestrian.
Keep going.
OK, where was I? Oh, yeah. [mumbling indistinctly] Not after you did the nasty with my mother! OK, yes, I may have slept with your twin brother and your father and your father’s twin brother, but that does not mean I am the filthy, wanton trollop that Charlemagne and all the other fat-ankled denizens of this nondescript Midwestern burg think I am.
[quirky music]
Nondescript?
I am a woman, Thrust! And I have the right to experience everything this life has to offer with my body and my soul. [inhales sharply]
Oh, my God, is it over?
Oh, God, God, please, please, please let it be over.
And scene. [chuckles] So? [exhales sharply]
Dude, why would you lock the door while going out for a jog? There’s no crime up there.
I know. I know. It was just a force of habit.
And you know what? You shouldn’t be out jogging around the island anyways. What if one of the townies saw you and called my grandma or Julie?
I get it. I get it. I don’t know. I just–I had to get out. I was going stir-crazy up there.
Seriously, you have to get out of here.
OK.
Grandma’s right upstairs.
OK, but do you think you can sneak her key for me?
But what if she notices it’s gone?
It’s OK; I’ll go to town, I’ll get a copy made, and I’ll bring back the original.
Mm, I have a better idea. I don’t have work until tonight. So what if I came up with you to the cabin, we spend the day together, and I’ll bring the key back?
I like the sound of that.
Perfect. [chuckles]
[soft music] [phone rings]
Just answer it!
Xander, what’s up?
Where are you right now?
Why do you care?
Lose the attitude, mate, especially since we’re gonna be working together again. Or more accurately, you’re gonna be working for me.
[tense music]
You’re back at Titan as CEO?
You didn’t see the press release? [sighs] Yes, I’m back, and I need you to take a meeting for me. A high-end tech company on the West Coast wants to make AI-enhanced metaverses featuring Titan publications and product lines.
OK, what does that have to do with Basic Black?
Nothing, but Sarah and I are getting married today. Just a small ceremony with Maggie and my mum in attendance.
Well, congrats to you.
Thanks, mate. But it really would put everyone at ease if there was a family member at that meeting. Can I count on you to take care of it?
Sure. Consider it my wedding present.
[chuckles] Appreciate it. Thanks, mate.
Well, Xander, I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for Sarah and Maggie and anybody else who’s had the misfortune of loving you.
See? You were worried about nothing. Our little rendezvous stays between us.
I guess so. Listen, I better go. I better get to the office and prep for this meeting.
Yes, and I need to transform myself into a suitable mother-in-law.
Yeah. Fiona, wait. Come here.
[dramatic music]
Last night, that was actually really great.
Yes, it was. Perhaps we can do it again sometime.
Maybe we can.
Our little angel fell asleep as soon as I put her down.
Oh, good. Come and sit. Tell me all about Xander and Titan. What did Fiona say to convince him to accept Victor’s bequest?
It just–it sounds like she helped him embrace Victor’s legacy and see how he can make it his own. Honestly, I’m surprised that she’s the one that got through to him, given how angry he was with her at the wedding.
And with good reason.
Mm.
Mm. I am happy, though, that they’re getting along. Xander’s gonna need his whole family to help him get– well, to navigate his new life.
Mm-hmm. Which is why we want to make our little family official.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So what do you say? You want to perform a wedding?
I say that I have been waiting for this a long time.
[squeals]
Yay! [laughter] Oh, my darling.
I love you, Mommy. [laughter] [camera clicking]
Oh, that’s it. That’s it.
I’m posting that one. I’m posting that one.
You know what? You know what? They’re all good. Just post them all.
Why not? Besides which, you used to serve hash in this very pub, and now your name’s gonna be in lights!
Oh, Bon, you’re gonna make me blush.
[laughs] You just remember me when you win your first Oscar, girl.
Oh, yeah. You know, a guy just made that mistake on TV. I mean, it’s not an Oscar. It’s an Emmy.
Oh, whatever. [laughs] You know all the big movie stars began their careers on soaps? That Meg Ryan and Angela Bassett, Julianne Moore, Brad Pitt. [laughs]
Oh, breathe hard.
I know, right? Oh, and that pretty lady from that show “Our House” with the Quaker Oats guy. Mm. And now the name Hattie Adams is gonna be right up there with them. Mm-hmm. [laughter]
Well? Why so slow with the reviews? What did you think? [sighs]
It was– Well, it was certainly–
It was certainly terrible.
Mm.
It was painful, actually.
Ugh! How dare you? I opened up a metaphorical vein and poured my entire essence out for you people.
Let’s keep our essences to ourselves, huh?
It’s not my fault that this script is not worthy to lie in a peacock’s birdcage. I mean, who wrote this crap?
Well, we are in the process of looking for a new head writer.
Actually, I am hopeful that Will will consider taking over the writers’ room, you know, at least consulting.
Oh.
That hack? I mean, Wilhelmina will probably just recycle storylines from that hideous Christmas movie of his.
[laughs] So you actually think that insulting my grandson is going to incline me to cast you?
Oh, I’m just teasing. Your grandson is very charming and quite talented, but his fee must be ginormous. There’s no way you could afford him, not even with the granny discount.
He does have a valid point there.
Oh, come on. You’re not actually thinking of hiring Leo Stark to write for us.
[quirky music]
He’s within our budget. And Lady Whistleblower does have a way with words.
Oh, my God. I give up. I give up. Here.
What’s this?
That’s a breakdown, which is an outline of a “Body & Soul” script. You take it home, you read it, and you turn it into an actual script. And if it’s decent, Abe and I might consider maybe offering you a trial deal to write for us.
A trial deal?
Mm.
Like another audition?
Take it or leave it, Stark.
Fine, I’ll take it. But be prepared to be blown away. I am going to pen a soap opera script worthy of all the late greats– Irna, Agnes, Bill, Betty, and Ted. You just wait and see.
What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?
[chuckles]
[light music]
Oh, there’s my best girl.
[laughs] Hey. Listen, I think there are two women in this apartment that are ahead of me on that list.
I’m just delighted to see you. So are you ready to marry me off to your daughter yet again?
I am. I am. I am. And I hear your mother is on her way.
Yeah, it seems like a step in the right direction.
I’ll say, considering she was able to convince you to take your rightful place at Titan.
You heard about that?
Mm-hmm. I think Victor would be very pleased, wherever he is. [knock at door] [chuckles]
Mum! You look fantastic.
Thank you very much.
Hello, Fiona.
Oh, Maggie.
Oh, darling.
It’s so lovely to see you on such a happy day.
Thank you. [laughs]
No plus-one?
Oh, no, I explained your gracious invitation to my friend, and he agreed it’s far too soon for us to meet each other’s families. Xander, your flat is quite charming, but I assume that you’ll be moving into the mansion with your young family after the wedding.
Oh, well–
[gentle music]
[chuckles]
I don’t need a mansion as long as I’ve got my beautiful bride. My true home is… in Sarah’s heart.
Mm. And mine is in yours.
Xander, will you stop gaping and change and we can have ourselves a wedding? [laughter]
I will come to your wedding over your dead body, Kassandra.
Oh, goodness.
Oh! Hey, girlfriend!
Hey, you.
Are you rushing off somewhere? Never mind. I’m sure you’re busy.
Yeah, yeah. Well, anyway.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. If you’re not busy later– I mean tonight–would you– would you want to come over and watch “Drag Race” with me?
“Drag Race”? Hell yeah.
Great. Great. It’s a date. OK, Salem Inn, room . I’ll see you around 😕
around :. , :. Sure, I got it. [chuckles]
[upbeat music] Who the hell was that?
Well, our little show is turning out to be a motley crew of thieves and scammers.
That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?
No, no. Actually, I don’t. I mean, you convinced me to cast Hattie. And now we’re actually considering hiring Leo Stark to write for us.
Well, think of it this way, Kate. There’ll never be a dull moment on the air or behind the scenes.
Oh, God, I just want to find a sane and talented thespian to play the role of Kassandra. That’s it. You know, we have some of the best local theater talent coming by this afternoon to read for us.
Well, you can just cancel that cattle call, Katie, hon, because I was born to play Kassandra Lovegood.
[jazzy music]
OK. You find someplace to stay hidden, and I’ll get us tickets for the Smith Island Ferry.
Deal.
[soft music] Bye.
Bye.
Yeah, I’m headed back to the office. Just make sure the conference room is ready for the meeting, all right? All right, thank you. Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Tate?
[suspenseful music]
Hey, Dad.
Xander, you said you wanted to say something before we moved on to the official vows?
I would, yeah. I do. Sorry. That’s for later, isn’t it? I’m just– I’m a little nervous.
It’s all right, darling. Take your time.
[sighs]
[romantic music] Sarah, if I started listing all the reasons that I’m not worthy of you, well, we’d be here until next week.
[chuckles]
And just the fact that you’re stood here, ready and willing to give me yet another chance, it’s proof that I’ve received more of God’s grace than I ever expected in this life.
I’m not gonna promise that I will never mess up again, because you know me.
[laughs]
Obviously I’m gonna mess up repeatedly.
But I do vow that I will strive every day to be completely and utterly honest with you, putting you, our daughter, our family, and our abiding love first, always.
Sarah, would you like to say something?
Xander, you talk about how you don’t deserve me. And I mean, yeah, you have made mistakes, huge mistakes.
But sometimes I think that I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you. Because what did I do in this lifetime or in , lifetimes to have a man who loves me so much that he would be willing to do anything for me, legal or otherwise?
I can’t promise that I will never get mad at you if you mess up, because, well, you know me too, so… [laughs]
But I vow that I will never take the easy way out again. I will stay and fight for our marriage, for our family, for our love. Xander, you are so worth it. We are worth it.
[clears throat] Just give me a second to get ahold of myself. OK. [sniffles] OK. OK, I can do this. [laughter] Do you, Alexander, take Sarah to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer…
As long as you both shall live?
I do.
[laughs]
Do you, Sarah, take Alexander to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer…
As long as you both shall live?
Hell yes, I do. [laughs]
I assume you both have rings.
Yes, yes.
We have, yes.
Mom?
Yes. [nervous laughter]
[sighs]
[laughs]
And now by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, once again and at long last, husband and wife.
Well, what are you waiting for? Kiss your bride.
You heard your mother.
Gladly! [laughter]
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