Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne and Thane
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
[whistling]
Oh, perfect timing. I’m starved.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. This isn’t for you.
Then who’s it for?
That would be me.
[bright music]
Mm. Nice and crispy.
Mm-hmm, just the way you like it, darling.
[knocking]
Mm.
Ah, ah, ah, ah! No, no, no, no, no. No, you eat. Come in. The door’s open.
Madam Mayor.
Oh, well, Leo, what are you doing here?
I came to see Abe. Ooh, is that bacon? Oh, nice and crispy. Just the way I like it. Mm.
I was going to eat that.
With your cholesterol? That is a terrible idea. Might I suggest fakon? It’s a heart-healthy–
I’m the one with the high cholesterol.
Oh.
You said you came to see me.
Mm-hmm. I have an update on some show business. I mean, not show business as in Hollywood show business, show business as in our show’s business, “Body & Soul’s” business.
Faster, faster.
OK, so I just emailed you Faith’s exit story since, sadly but understandably, Chanel quit. But when one door closes, another door opens, which is why I’m bringing Charlemagne back from the dead. I just wanted to run that past you since it means we’re going to have to rehire Hattie, but you’re totally cool with that, right?
Absolutely not.
[soft dramatic music]
Hey, Shawn.
Oh, JJ. Good to see you. I heard you were back on the force.
Yeah, today’s my first day.
Wow, that’s great. Look, I don’t know if you remember, but on Christmas Eve, I said that if you did decide to take the job, I was thinking that we could work together. I spoke to Jada, and she thought it was a great idea.
That sounds good to me.
That’s awesome. Well, welcome back to the Salem PD, partner.
[sighs]
[phone beeps] I’m worried about you, Rafe. Please answer your phone.
[phone ringing]
[groans] For God’s sake, not again. I’m sorry, Jada, but I’m afraid Rafe’s tied up at the moment.
[laughs]
[soft orchestration]
announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
So if there’s nothing else, my wife and I would like to get back to our meal.
Well, just so we’re clear, that was a no on Hattie?
Hard no.
Understood. Pardon the interruption.
Bye, Leo.
Oh, but the thing is, I already wrote the scene where Charlemagne comes back, and it is to die for, which is ironic because it’s a resurrection scene. A glorious one at that.
Forget it.
Oh, please, please, please, please, just hear me out. It is Kassandra and Rhett’s wedding. And everyone who’s anyone in Pineview has gathered together to watch this happy couple come together in holy matrimony. They are about to say their I dos when, collective gasp…
[gasps] The doors fly open. In comes Charlemagne with her big hair, her shoulder pads, after she’s been held captive in an Amazon jungle for the past three months. But wait, there’s more. Charlemagne is pregnant with Rhett’s baby!
And how is that possible?
Dr. Blake Lamoray implanted her with one of Kassandra and Rhett’s embryos in a groundbreaking medical procedure.
How did Charlemagne get to the Amazon jungle after she fell down an elevator shaft?
Tunnels, tunnels. Very long tunnels. Look, this is going to drive story for months. Besides, I already told Hattie it was a done deal.
What? Have you forgotten why we got rid of her in the first place?
Well, the thing is, Bonnie, this was her idea. She was the one who wanted to write Charlemagne back in.
I thought those two hated each other.
Oh, they made up. See, Hattie apologized for going all diva. She says she’s learned from her mistakes and swears she won’t do anything like that again.
Hmm, that’s not all she did. She cursed the show! Abe, he was laid up for days after he ate one of those tainted cupcakes, and there was a disaster with Johnny and Chanel.
Which led Chanel to quit, put their marriage in jeopardy. And we lost a major character.
And now you want that woman– you want to give her a chance to wreak more havoc?
None of that was Hattie’s fault. She swears she had nothing to do with the cupcakes. And as far as the curse, it was petty and spiteful, but it didn’t make Johnny cheat on his spouse.
I have to agree with Leo.
Thank you. Look, if we want to blame anyone for the show’s problems, we need to blame Lady Whistleblower.
[dramatic music]
Mm, you must be the famous Kerry Youmins.
Am I famous?
Around here you are. Javi never stops talking about you.
And this is my cousin, Gabi. She’s famous for her big mouth.
Aw, don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s cute the way you gush.
So do I. I don’t believe I’ve ever been gushed over before.
OK, don’t let it go to your head.
Well, after the many, many nice things I’ve heard about you, Kerry, I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you. I wasn’t expecting it to be in our kitchen over breakfast.
Well, what does that mean?
Just that I didn’t realize you invited Kerry to spend the night.
Oh, I’m sorry, Mom. Was I supposed to ask your permission? Maybe you want to chaperone our next date.
Oh, please. I’m just saying, a little discretion never hurts.
Oh. Speaking of discretion, JJ left this here yesterday after he spent the night.
How do you know that’s JJ’s?
The engraved initials gave it away.
Oh. Well, I will swing by the station to give it to him.
Oh, great. These are the menus from all the potential wedding caterers in town. Would you give this to Jada?
Aren’t you supposed to be my assistant?
Yeah, you gave me the day off, remember?
I’ll go grab my coat.
Gracias, prima.
[speaking Spanish]
[bell dings]
Shawn, I– I heard you and Belle are splitting up. I’m really sorry.
Yeah, thank you. I’m just glad that things ended amicably, I mean, considering we’re working together.
What do you mean?
I guess you didn’t hear. Belle’s the new DA. EJ got fired.
Well, the last part I did hear. Like I said to Gabi, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Feniger? Is that you?
Uh, yeah. Who else would I be? Right, OK. Yeah.
When you came through that door, you nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought Hernandez had escaped.
[laughs] Nope, nope. He’s still trussed up like a Christmas turkey down there. I just– I snuck a little peek in on him.
Oh, well, that’s a relief. But I do have one question for you. What the hell are you doing in my home?
Whoa, dude. Chill.
No, you disobedient dolt, I will not chill. You were supposed to lie low.
I did. I used the tunnels.
I don’t care what you used. You are under strict instructions to stay out of sight. Now, once again, what the hell are you doing here?
Wow.
– Hey, Rafe, it’s me again. Look, I know you’re busy, but I still haven’t heard from you, and I’d just really like to hear your voice. So call me back when you get this, OK? I love you.
[phone beeps]
[sighs]
I had a great time last night.
Me too.
Even though we didn’t–
Javi, I’m fine with taking it slow. I’m just happy to be spending time with you.
Same.
But you do need to tell me if I’ve overstayed my welcome.
Why would you think that?
I’ve been here since lunchtime yesterday, and your cousin didn’t seem too thrilled that I was here at breakfast.
Like Gabi’s one to talk. 24 hours ago, she was sitting right here, eating pancakes with the hottie she just rolled out of bed with.
Oh, the guy with the money clip?
Mm-hmm, wearing nothing but boxers and packing a big, old tennis racket. Mm, like an actual tennis racket.
[laughter] It’s a long story.
[phone beeps] Oh.
[soft dramatic music]
Hey, what’s wrong?
Just Lady Whistleblower posted a new column.
Does she have anything good?
Well, she’s ripping Leo’s soap again. “Another terrible episode of ‘Body & Soul.’ “And at this rate, Leo Stark might bury the show faster than he buried Charlemagne Delacroix.”
[laughs]
What?
That was funny.
No, it’s– no, it’s not. It’s mean. Like, if you don’t like the show, why would you not just stop watching it?
When you’ve been watching it for years, day in and day out, even decades, it’s not that simple. You’re invested. You care.
Right, because you grew up watching “Body & Soul,” and you think Leo ruined it.
Me and a million other people.
OK, I get being angry that a show you love isn’t good anymore, but why would you make a career out of criticizing it?
You criticize it because you love it and because you know how great it could be.
That makes no sense.
Well, it makes total sense to me. And to Lady Whistleblower, apparently.
You’re saying Lady Whistleblower tainted those cupcakes and convinced Johnny to go back to Joy’s hotel room?
Well, she may not have caused those problems specifically. But she has caused a tremendous amount of chaos by spoiling my stories and my personal life.
What? What was that?
I had to ditch my entire long story projection. Do you know how many hours I put into that? Not to mention my heart, my mind, my body and soul.
Leo.
I burned the midnight oil. I gave up on my beauty rest. I powered through on nothing but sheer will and gummy bears. But by God, I got it done. I managed to weave every single storyline into one big, beautiful document filled with romance, intrigue, a very steamy six-person shower scene. At last, my document was complete. But before I could even submit it, that she-devil stole it and gave so much of it away in “The Spectator” that I had to trash the whole thing. And did you see her latest column?
I did. But, Leo–
It’s not enough that she has completely upended our production. Now she’s calling on me to be fired, which, Abe, you cannot do because there is zero merit to anything that wannabe whistleblower has to say. You know why she’s doing this, right? She’s jealous because I went from being a newspaper man to being a television show head writer. And she’s jealous. She is trying to destroy me by bringing down the show. But guess what? I am not going to let that happen. I am going to stop her, and I am going to sue her for defamation, if I ever find out who she is.
Actually, I may have some news on that front.
How’s your first day going?
Better now. What brings you by?
I thought you could use some cash.
[sighs]
[laughs] You left it at my place.
Well, thank you.
Mm. I hope your detective skills aren’t rusty, considering you didn’t even realize it was missing.
Well, maybe I left it on purpose for an excuse to come back.
Oh. So it was all just a ruse?
Prefer to call it a tactical operation. Since you brought it here, I’d say the operation failed.
Well, who knows? Play your cards right, Deveraux, and you just might get invited back anyway.
I had to get out of that motel. You know, they’ve only got three TV channels.
Uh, you do realize you can watch videos on your phone?
Uh, you realize I don’t have a data plan because you try getting one of those when you’re supposed to be dead. And if I was to stay in that hotel, I would die for real– of boredom.
You’re– you’re bored? That’s why you came out of hiding? Why you’re risking being discovered and landing us both in prison?
Variety is the spice of life.
Oh, OK. Well, keep this up, and soon neither of us will have a life.
Why are you so on edge?
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I have the former police commissioner locked up in my basement. And his fiancée, the current police commissioner, is calling his phone every five minutes! And you coming out of the damn walls is the last thing I need.
[laughs] What are you going to do with Hernandez anyway? Huh? Are you going to make him a permanent houseguest?
Of course not. I’m not going to keep him down there forever. But he– he did try and bargain with me. He said he gave me his word that if I let him go, he’ll keep his mouth shut about all of it.
Well, Boy Scout like Hernandez, maybe he will.
I mean, even if I can trust him, I can’t trust Jada. She already got me fired. She’ll leap at the chance to throw me in jail.
[knocking]
You wanted to see me?
Shut the door.
What’s up?
It’s Rafe. I still can’t reach him.
Oh. Are you still worried he didn’t send that text?
Look– look, maybe I’m overreacting, OK? But my gut is telling me that something’s off.
All right, well, what’s the evidence telling you?
Well, for starters, he never signs off XOXO. He said he’d be in touch, but I haven’t heard from him. And now when I call him, his phone is going straight to voicemail.
Hmm. Wait, so– wait, he’s on a case for Black Patch, right?
Mm-hmm.
Well, call Steve. Call Steve. He might know how to reach him.
Good idea.
[dramatic music]
You have news on Lady Whistleblower?
I do.
Way to bury the lead. Why didn’t you say anything?
Well, if you let the man get a word in, maybe he would have.
Apologies, Abe. The floor is all yours.
Kate and I are as furious about this person as you are. So I put our publicist on the case.
Mm-hmm. He asked Stephanie to find out who’s writing these columns, and, apparently, she has a lead.
[gasps] What kind of lead?
Stephanie went to Chad and asked him to reveal Lady Whistleblower’s identity.
Now, he doesn’t know who she is, but she’s being paid anonymously.
Of course she is. I can’t believe my Chadwick is OK with that.
Mm-mm, not anymore. Stephanie convinced Chad that he is under no obligation to protect the identity of someone who is using his newspaper for the sole purpose of destroying our show. Chad, he looked into it and found out Lady Whistleblower’s checks are being wired to a bank in Rochester, New York.
[gasps] So she’s in Rochester?
Well, she’s being paid there, at least. Now, whether she’s from there or lives there, who knows?
Even if she’s living in Salem now, there’s obviously some connection.
[laughs]
Holy Bronte sisters, this is huge. Now all we have to do is find Mrs. Rochester.
Sorry. I was freezing
No, my cousin Rafe insists that we keep this place like an icebox.
[chuckles]
You want another cup of tea?
Mm-mm. That’s OK, doll. I’m good now.
You know, I must say that I could have kept you much warmer than that sweatshirt.
Mm-hmm?
But you do look cute in it.
[laughs] Thanks. It was actually my Secret Santa gift from my Aunt Florence. She thinks reminding me of Rochester will get me home more often. OK, well, now that I’m all toasty, tell me what else is in Lady Whistleblower’s column.
It’s just gossip.
Well, read it to me.
I’d rather not. Like I said, it’s mean. I don’t like the shots she takes at Leo.
I cannot believe you feel bad for that guy. I mean, he accused you of being the new Lady Whistleblower.
He repeatedly apologized. And we’re friends now. I thought you were OK with that.
I am, but I just don’t understand why you want to be friends with him.
Uh-oh. Is somebody jealous?
I mean, do I have a reason to be?
[soft dramatic music]
Thanks again for bringing this by.
Sure you don’t want to count it?
No, I trust you. If anything’s missing, I can always break out the cuffs.
You promise?
[laughter] I should let you get back to work.
I thought you were taking it easy this week?
I am. Thanks for reminding me. I brought something for Jada.
Gabi Chic?
Events by Javi.
Javi, your cousin?
He appointed himself Rafe and Jada’s wedding planner. He’d kill me if I forgot to leave this for the bride.
– Thanks, Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding. OK, talk soon.
[phone beeps]
So what’d he say?
He said that he didn’t put Rafe on a case.
Oh, you’re kidding me.
[sighs] Shawn, I’m starting to freak out.
Hey, hey. It’s OK. Calm down. All right, just– all right, just take me back here and walk me through this, all right? So, all right, New Year’s Eve?
Yeah, we were at the DiMera party. And then Rafe found out that he had to leave right away on some big case for Black Patch. He said that Steve called him and put him on the assignment. We were in the foyer and–
What? And what?
And EJ was there. And, actually, Rafe wasn’t even the one who mentioned the call. It was EJ.
So you think EJ had something to do with this?
Well, if you’re so damn bored, why don’t you take the money I offered you and head back to Argentina?
Yeah, no can do. I already told you, summers down there are brutal.
Then your only other option is to put up with bad television.
Mm, yeah. Not going to happen.
I beg your pardon?
Yeah, see, like, why would I go back to that crappy motel when I can stay here in the lap of luxury?
For the last time, you halfwit, you cannot stay here or anywhere else in Salem, for that matter. Because if anyone sees you, they’re going to assume you are Rafe Fernandez.
Yeah. Why would that be so bad?
What reason would you have to be jealous of me and Leo?
You two looked pretty chummy when I ran into you yesterday.
Chummy as in friendly, as in friends, which is all we are.
Well, I’m sure Leo wants to be more.
It doesn’t matter what he wants. I’m with you now.
But if your friends, then he’s still going to be around.
Maybe. So what?
So why would you want him anywhere near you? I mean, you should hate him for what he did.
Oh, no. Hate is toxic. I don’t want to carry all of that around. And as I said to you, I’ve agreed to let bygones be bygones. Fresh start for the new year.
Well, that was very charitable of you.
Well, I’d like to think that Christina, Cher, and Gaga would do the same.
[chuckles] What? Not even a smile?
I’m sorry, but I just don’t see the appeal of Leo Stark. I mean, he and I had one encounter, and it was a total disaster.
Yeah, but that’s just how it is sometimes. Like, some people have chemistry, and some people don’t.
I’ll show you who’s got chemistry.
[tender music]
This news is what I would call a real lady-killer. Her column is done-zo.
Oh, now, come on. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s just a lead, like Abe said.
So we follow that lead straight to Rochester. And by we, I mean Rafe. I’m going to have him get on the next flight. When he lands, he’s going to rent a car, an SUV with snow tires, obviously, seeing as it must be downright arctic there this time of year. He’ll drive straight to the bank and ask those tellers to tell him who opened up that Lady Whistleblower account.
And who do you suppose is going to pay for this trip?
“Body & Soul.”
We barely have the budget to keep the lights on, let alone for a private investigator.
Don’t you want to find out who’s sabotaging our show?
I do. But I can’t spend money I don’t have.
I’ll pay for it.
You will?
Paulina, Paulina, you don’t– you don’t have to do this.
Mm, I want to! I know all too well what it’s like being under attack by an unknown predator, someone who’s hellbent on destroying everything that you’ve worked for. I am not going to let that happen to my husband’s show. Plus, if Rafe is busy on your case, maybe it’ll keep him the heck out of Jada’s.
[soft dramatic music]
I had no idea there were this many caterers in Salem.
There are a lot of weddings here.
All this food looks so good. How are they supposed to choose?
I don’t know, but they need to do it fast. They’re getting married in, like, two weeks.
Well, it’s nice that Javi’s pitching in.
Yeah, you know, when Jada agreed to let him help, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but I gotta give it to my cuz. He’s doing a great job.
Oh, Gabi.
Shawn, hey. I was just borrowing your partner for a few minutes. I’ll get out of your hair. I have to bring this to Jada anyway.
Jada’s not here.
Oh. Where is she?
You’re not actually proposing that you impersonate Rafe Hernandez?
Why not? You know, in case you haven’t noticed, I am pretty good at it. And it would keep me from being cooped up in that rat trap.
Oh, I’d think you’d enjoy being surrounded by your own kind.
Listen, me pretending to be Hernandez would actually help you out, too, you know.
[chuckles] How do you figure that?
Well, because this Jada chick is clearly a problem. So when Rafe comes back, I’ll throw her off the scent a little.
Or waft it under her nose.
It’s not going to be forever. Just till you figure out what to do with Hernandez. All right? What do you say? Come on.
[doorbell chimes] Do it. You want me to get that?
Are you out of your mind? You need to get out of here.
I told you, I am not going back to that rat trap. I can’t.
Fine, fine.
Take this down to Rafe, and do it quietly. I do not want to hear a sound.
Roger that.
[sniffs] Mm, bacon.
Commissioner Hunter.
We need to talk.
Oh, I’m– I’m terribly busy looking through the wanted ads. I don’t know if you know this, but someone got me fired. So the answer is no.
It wasn’t a question.
As I– as I said, this isn’t a good time. So whatever it is you want, make it quick.
I just spoke with Steve Johnson, and he said he didn’t send Rafe on a case. So why did you tell me that he did?
I was there when he took the call.
So you say. But I don’t believe you.
Mm. Mm-mm. What happened to taking it slow?
I got the feeling you wanted to ditch that plan. Wait, are you not into this?
No, no, no, I am– I’m very, very into this.
Then why did you stop?
Remember when we had our second date? We had lunch at the Brady Pub, and we ran into Leo.
Oh, this has to do with Leo?
No, no, in– in a way. I just don’t want to make the same mistake with you that I made with him. I rushed into it, and he hurt me badly.
You know that I would never–
Of course not. What I’m saying is, is that I have learned not to rush into something new, especially when it’s with someone that I’m really starting to care about.
You care about me?
Baby, I don’t just make steak and eggs for anybody.
[laughter] But moving slow is not for everybody. So if this isn’t what you want–
Hey, what I want is for you to be happy, for us to be happy.
I want the same, guapo.
Then we will go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with. I’ll follow your lead.
OK.
Oh, I have to get to work.
No, no, no, no. Better idea– you play hooky and help me with wedding stuff. It’ll be fun. It’ll be fun.
I wish I could, but I have a lot to do. I’ll call you later, OK?
[tender music]
Oh, Kerry, your– your sweatshirt.
Keep it. You can wear it and think of me.
OK, so I will talk to Rafe and get the ball rolling on Rochester. But before I dash, Abe, might there be any wiggle room on Hattie? I totally get your reluctance, but I assure you, this time around, she is going to be a consummate professional. And the storyline that I have for Charlemagne, the fans are going to go bananas. They love it when people come back from the dead. Say yes, please? Please? Pretty please with a pork rind on top?
I’ll run it past Kate.
Ah! You are the best. You both are. Ciao for now.
You are a good man, Abraham Carver.
I had to get rid of him so we can get back to our breakfast. He stole my bacon!
Mm.
[chuckles]
Where did Jada go?
You know, I don’t know. She– she went out on some case.
Oh. OK. Well, I guess I’ll just leave this here for her then.
Yeah, I’ll make sure she gets it.
Thanks. See you later?
For sure.
So you and– you and Gabi?
We’re exploring possibilities. Is everything OK?
Mm, yeah, yeah. Yeah, why?
Well, I just got the sense you didn’t want to go into the details of Jada’s case in front of Gabi.
Well, you are right. I didn’t.
How come?
Because it’s about her brother.
I think you know where Rafe really is.
What on Earth would give you that idea?
At the New Year’s party, you were acting very strange with me. And at first, I thought it was because you blamed me for losing your job.
Uh, you are to blame. You convinced the mayor to replace me.
Whatever, EJ. Look, the point is, you weren’t just acting strange with me. You were acting strange with Rafe, too. You’re the only one that knows something about this case that Steve supposedly sent him on, which probably means you know something about his whereabouts.
You know– nah, never mind.
No. Say it.
If I wanted to go away and never be found, claiming that I’d received a last-minute, open-ended, top-secret mission would be a pretty good cover. Perhaps Black Patch’s case is nothing more than a case of a fiancé with cold feet.
You think if you insult me, I’ll leave? Not a chance. I know you know something. So let’s hear it. Now!
Kate. Look, it’s Abe. Leo came by, and he wanted to share an idea he had for the show.
Oh, Lord.
I told him I’d run it by you. He– he wants to bring Hattie back. Kate– Kate, I hear you. I hear– I hear you, Kate. Look, why don’t we just table this for right now and we’ll– we’ll talk later in person? Oh, well, I do– I do have some good news. I think we’re very close to exposing Lady Whistleblower once and for all.
[soft dramatic music]
Why does everything so bad for you taste so good?
[knocking]
Leo. Hey.
Hey, Javi. I’m sorry to drop by unannounced.
It’s fine. What’s going on?
I need to see Rafe.
So Steve didn’t send Rafe out on a case?
Yeah, that’s what he told Jada.
Weird.
Yeah, very.
So what’s Jada’s next move?
She went to talk to EJ. She thinks he’s mixed up in this.
After Paulina fired you, you threatened me. You said– and I quote– that “I wouldn’t get away with it.” Did you go after Rafe as payback?
[chuckles] Now, that is a preposterous accusation.
Oh, yes. Because you don’t have a vengeful bone in your body. Look, I’m not playing games, EJ. If you know where Rafe is, you need to tell me.
I’m terribly sorry your betrothed has fled to parts unknown, but I can’t help you.
That’s how you want to play this? OK, fine. If you don’t want to answer questions here, then we can do this down at the station. Let’s go.
I’m not going anywhere with you.
Do I need to remind you that I’m the police commissioner?
Do I need to remind you, despite the campaign to get me fired, I’m still an attorney. And I know that you can’t take me into custody without a warrant. And seeing how you obviously don’t have one, you can get the hell out of my house.
[dramatic music]
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