Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS SOME EDITING!
Gabi: Stefan? Stefan, wake up. Stefan! Despiertate!
Stefan: Ah! What?
Gabi: Oh! Good bank!
Stefan: Yeah, I’m awake. Is the mansion on fire?
Gabi: No, the mansion’s fine, but we need to decide if we’re going to burn down your nephew’s house of cards by telling his wife that just because he’s having an affair with her gay best friend.
Oh, good morning.
Morning. Hmm.
Kristen: Well, looks like someone worked up quite an appetite. Were you and your blushing bride practicing the Kama Sutra, or perhaps maybe that was you and your boy toy?
Dimitri: Kristen, for God’s sake, would you please leave?
Kristen: Oh, relax, nephew. We’re the only ones up this morning.
Dimitri: Yes, that might be the case. But, if I’ve learned anything in the short time that I’ve lived in this house, it is that there is no decibel low enough that what you say won’t be heard, deciphered, and then broadcast across the entire world.
Kristen: Ah, well, you and more worried about convincing that priggish little lawyer that you and Gwen are happily married.
Dimitri: Well, you needn’t concern yourself with that, Auntie Theorist.
Kristen: Well, now I needn’t. You need to turn in an Oscar worthy performance.
Dimitri: Hmm, well then you better hand me my trophy.
Kristen: So, how did you convince Mr. Roth that he didn’t need to see the little missus in person?
Dimitri: Who said he didn’t see her?
Kristen: You told Gwen. When? About the codicil?
Dimitri: Now don’t be absurd.
Kristen: Then how? How did you arrange for Mr. Roth to um, meet with your adoring wife without cluing her into the money that you’re collecting?
Dimitri: Well, Might Gwen stand in?
Leo: Oh, my dearest husband, how I do relish every moment in your arms. Hold me, please. Hold me? Would Gwen say hold me? Take me! Oh, Dimitri, my love, do take me, my… All right, I’m coming!
Gwen: Oh, it’s about bloody time.
Leo: Gwen
Gwen: what took you so long to answer the door?
Julie: Maggie. Darling, I am so sorry.
Maggie: You heard.
Julie: I didn’t hear. D-Doug was not feeling well yesterday. Th-That’s why we could not come to Victor’s service.
Maggie: Oh, right, of course. Chelsea told me. I-I completely understand. I-I hope Doug is on the mend.
Julie: Much better today. Thank you. But what about you, sweetheart? How did everything go?
Maggie: Well, the service was lovely. But, then we had an uninvited guest.
Julie: An uninvited guest? Who?
Vivian: That would be me.
Brady: That was a long ass flight.
Alex: But, did you see that hot little blonde flight attendant?
Brady: Yeah, I did.
God, when we hit that turbulence, and the captain turned on the fasten seatbelt sign, I’m telling you, man, she was giving me the look.
Brady: Alright, alright, Alex, listen, eye on the ball, okay? We didn’t fly to Greece to chase tail, okay?
Yeah, I know, I just hope we didn’t fly here for nothing.
I mean, it may be a small country, but still. Kind of a long shot, expecting that we find out what Uncle Vic was up to before his plane went down.
And why he destroyed his will, that’s the burning question.
Look, I know it’s a long shot, but it’s the only shot we got, right?
Yeah, true. Well, at least now we have that lead from Andrew.
I have to say, the first thing that we do is go see that guy Constance, the one Andrew said that Uncle Vic met with while he was here.
Absolutely. Actually, the first thing, I’m gonna get out of these clothes, and I’m jet lagged, so I’m gonna go to my room. I’m gonna take a shower, okay?
Yeah, I’m right behind you. I’m gonna do the same thing. Then we head out, alright?
You got it.
Alex: Did you forget something, Cousin?
Theresa: Nope. Not your cousin. You and I have been over this, Alex, remember? We are most definitely not related.
Theme Song: Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
Alex: What the f– What the hell are you doing in Greece, Theresa?
Theresa: Need I remind you that I offered to help you figure out what was going on with your Uncle Victor before he departed so tragically?
Alex: Need I remind you that I told you Brady would not like the idea of you tagging along, that he would hate the idea, in fact?
Theresa:
Technically, Alex, I’m not tagging along because I bought my own flight and Brady’s not the boss of me. Nor is he the boss of you, as far as I know. So why don’t you try growing a pear?
Alex: Oh, I have a pear. I have a substantial pear. In fact, Theresa, but that does not prevent me from telling you that you should not be here.
Theresa: Well, I am here, so… Why don’t you just tell Brady that you don’t give a damn whether he likes it or not, and that you’re oh so grateful that I came here to help you solve the mystery of whatever happened to your great Uncle Victor before… he departed to heaven, or… wherever.
Julie: Dear God, it’s Vivian Alamein. Wow. I thought you were rotting away in Statesville.
Vivian: No, I was released, obviously, on good behavior and my winning smile.
Julie: More proof the justice system in this country needs serious reform.
Vivian: Oh, pardon me. Are you perturbed because your grandson’s wife is still inside? It’s a shame that Lani decided to do her term on the East Coast because I would have loved to have had a game of go fish with her.
Julie: Maggie, will you please ask this woman to leave?
Vivian: And how are those great grandchildren of yours? Now that I’m out, maybe I should just pop over to Washington, D. C. and get reacquainted with Lonnie and Eli’s adorable twins.
Leo: Guinevere. I was just thinking about you.
Gwen: Were you?
Leo: Wondering how married life is treating my best friend in the entire world.
Gwen: Married life has been wonderful. Blissful. Couldn’t be better.
Leo: Oh, I’m so glad to hear that.
Gwen: Yes, you know, I was quite worried in the beginning when we had to cut the honeymoon in Iceland short because I thought it would, you know, put a damper on the romance.
Leo: It hasn’t?
Gwen: No, not in the slightest. In fact, quite the opposite.
Leo: How do you mean?
Gwen: Well, that hunky, gorgeous husband of mine, he just seems more in love than ever. He can’t keep his hands off me.
Leo: Hmm.
Stefan: So, we are 100 percent certain that Dimitri is sleeping with Leo, right?
Gabi: Oh honey, we are now. Rachel and I, we finished our game of 20 questions.
Stefan: When?
Gabi: When you were sleeping.
Stefan: And your niece admitted that she saw it with her own eyes.
Gabi: Maria and Dimitri in bed together.
Stefan: Whoa.
Gabi: Yeah.
Stefan: So Dimitri really did just marry Gwen so he could satisfy the terms of the Von Leuschner codicil?
Gabi: Yeah, that was the one and only reason. And poor Gwen is strolling around like the happy newlywed, imagining white picket fences and chaperoning school field trips. All while her husband is sleeping…-is-is-is being a completely slimy dirtbag.
Stefan: I was also banging her best friend on the DL.
Gabi: Yeah. Now, my husband, we have to figure out how we’re going to use this fascinating information to our advantage.
Kristen: Really? So, you… You thought that you could convince Mr. Roth that your same sex side piece in drag was your wife? It sounds like an SNL, a bad SNL scandal.
Dimitri: But, uh, wonder of wonders, it worked.
Kristen: Okay, how did it work? I thought you said that T. Mr. Roth saw right through Leo’s disguise.
Dimitri: He did. But when he realized that Leo and I have genuine feelings for each other, he became empathetic to our plight.
Kristen: Okay, wait a minute. You told me, you convinced me that you were just stringing Leo along to keep him from outing you to Gwen. So, Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft where that gossiping little gecko is concerned.
Dimitri: Careful, auntie. That gossiping little gecko is the man I love.
Leo: So, you’re saying that Dimitri can’t keep his hands off you?
Gwen: I’m telling you, Matty, the past few days, he’s just been in such a great mood. And he’s always in the mood. We are constantly shagging. Shagging in the morning, in the afternoon, before dinner, after…
Leo: Okay, okay, I get it. You two are shagging. A lot.
Gwen: And his appetite is just insatiable, I swear. It’s like somebody’s just fed a very horny Popeye his spinach.
Leo: Well, I’m so happy for you. And for horny Popeye.
Gwen: Well, thank you, darling. I would be very happy for me, too, if I wasn’t so bloody knackered. I swear, I can barely keep up. And you know how you kept joking about him having this magic penis? Well, there’s no joke at all. Actually, it’s, um, quite accurate.
Alex: I wish we could hang. You know, split a bottle of wine, maybe some of Uncle Vic’s favorite papoutsakia. But I already told you, I have to go get ready. I have to shower. Brady and I are going to meet that guy Constantine. We have things to do.
Theresa: Papoutsakia? Isn’t that Kiriakis, there’s only one. Big, big plant that I’m after.
Alex: Oh, Theresa.
Theresa: Get over yourself, Kiriakis. I’m just teasing you. Go ahead. Shower. Go.
Alex: Okay, yes, I am going to do that. And while I’m doing that, why don’t you go ahead and book yourself a flight back to the States. Hey, lookit. My wallet’s right over there. First class. Put it on Basic Black.
Theresa: Put it on Basic Black. You’re right.
Brady: Knock, knock, knock, knock.
Theresa: Ahem.
Brady: Theresa. What the hell are you doing here?
Theresa: Oh, hello to you, too. Hey listen, if you’re looking for Alex, he’s in the shower because, well, he just worked up quite the sweat.
Julie: You are despicable!
Maggie: Julie.
Julie: Maggie, I know this is not my house, but just say the word. Just say the word, and I would so gladly kick this postmenopausal Gorgon to the curb.
Vivian: Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t think Maggie will be able to do that. Will you, Maggie?
Julie: What does she mean? Somebody say something.
Vivian: Well, if she won’t tell you, I will. You see, Julie, you were right about this house. It’s not yours. And it’s not Maggie’s either.
Julie: You’re out of your mind.
Vivian: In fact, Maggie, I don’t understand what you’re still doing here. Justin and his wife had the good sense to leave this house last night, and I suggest that you…m And your gal pal do as well.
Julie: You’re telling me that Victor destroyed his will? And that Vivian and Victor never divorced?
Vivian: You catch on so quickly, Julie.
Julie: Is that some kind of a joke?
Vivian: My late husband’s estate is no laughing matter.
Maggie: Don’t you dare call him that!
Vivian: Well, that’s precisely what Victor was when he passed. My husband, Maggie. Not yours.
Maggie: I don’t give a damn about some courthouse mishap. You get this through your head. Victor Kiriakis was my husband. My husband! In every way that mattered.
Vivian: Well, except legally. So, you know, you’ll have to excuse me. I have some errands to run, and if you two are here when I come back, I’ll just have to call the authorities and have you frog marched off the premises.
Excuse me.
Gabi: I see it, we have two options. Option A. We expose Dimitri, embarrass him, make him tabloid fodder. Or, option B, we extort him for every single share of DiMera Enterprises that belongs to him and his mommy.
I prefer the latter option.
I knew you would. Okay, so why don’t we get the ball rolling on this. We go downstairs, we have a little chat with our clever, but not clever enough, nephew.
Mmm, nothing like a little eggs benedict with a side of black mail.
Like breakfast. And you, my love, are my kind of breakfast.
Well, as much as I’d love for you to partake of me right here, right now, I think we better get this show on the road.
Brady: Mmm, Theresa, you have pulled some pretty audacious crap in the past, but following me to Greece while I’m on an urgent family matter?
Theresa: Are you I have to remind you? I am family, too. We share a son, remember? He was Victor’s great grandson.
Brady: I’m very aware of that. Tate is one of the only reasons why I put up with this kind of crap. Why would you come here uninvited?
Theresa: I was invited.
Brady: What?
Theresa: Yeah. By Alex. He thought that I could help with your mission.
Brady: No. You’re lying. He would not invite you on this trip.
Theresa: Maybe. He would. Because maybe, just maybe, your cousin sees something in me that you don’t.
Brady: Don’t do this, okay? Alex is not J. J. Devereaux. Don’t start trying to play your little mind games. Don’t do it.
Theresa: Why? Are you jealous?
Brady: You would love that, wouldn’t you?
Theresa: Hey, Brady. What’s going on?
Brady: I was hoping you could tell me. Uh, Theresa is obviously here. She said that she was invited. She’s making that up, right?
Kristen: Well, so you have fallen in love with Leo Stark.
Dimitri: What difference does it make? The important thing is that Roth believes that Leo and I are soulmates. Made for each other, even. And that was enough for him to release the funds.
Kristen: Uh, what do you mean, release the funds? So where’s my cut?
Dimitri: Right, yes, about that, um…That is on hold for a while. Yes, you see, Roth only brought the first installment of said trust fund, and I do have certain expenses.
Kristen: Yes, yes you do, nephew. Like paying me to stay silent over the sham of a marriage you have.
Dimitri: Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. It is only a matter of time before I receive the bulk of my inheritance back.
Kristen: Okay, you know… You know what? You better not be playing games with me, nephew. Because if you do… If you cross me, I will tell Gwen everything.
Tell Gwen everything about what?
Gwen: Oh, I swear, Matty, Dimitri von Leuschner and his magic penis might just be the death of me. And while we’re on the topic of magic… Have you ever heard of a move called the pinball wizard? I hadn’t heard about it either until Dimitri introduced me. It’s when a man takes a woman by the calves and–
Leo: Shut up! Will you please just shut the hell up?
Gwen: My goodness, Matty, what was that about?
Leo: I… I don’t know what that was. I’m so sorry. No idea what came over me.
Gwen: I thought you were happy for me and Dimitri.
Leo: I am! I just… Well, I was up late last night ruminating over who shot JFK, and lone gunman theory. It makes no sense. Okay, I’m also really jealous.
Gwen: You’re jealous? Of me?
Leo: Of course I am. You’ve got this rich, gorgeous, virile zaddy, and I’ve got no one.
Gwen: No one? Well, what happened to Matthew Perry, your married boyfriend?
Leo: We broke up.
Gwen: Oh dear. What happened?
Leo: He decided to work things out with his wife.
Gosh. I’m so sorry.
Leo: It’s my own fault for getting involved with someone as deep in the closet as my bright yellow ski onesie.
Gwen: Oh, come on, babe. Don’t let that get you down. Look me in the eye. You… Are a real catch, my friend.
Leo: You think so?
Gwen: I know so. You’re clever, you’re witty, you’re smart, you’re incredibly handsome. You remember that time when you looked exactly like Jake Gyllenhaal in that dressing room mirror?
Leo: Yeah, except I’m a bit taller.
Gwen: Yeah, I’d say you’re a bit shorter, but that’s… Besides the point, isn’t it? ’cause I know that one day you are going to meet somebody as wonderful as my Dimitri. I’m sure of it.
Stefan: My wife asked you a question. Kristen, what exactly are you planning on telling Gwen and why does it have our nephew here?
Stefan: Looking like you saw a ghost, mother, or should I say
what? How? How did you get out of prison?
Vivian: Well, I found a pickax on the ground and chiseled my way through the granite. Just kidding. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of good behavior? Well, moving right along. Tell me, Gabriella, how did you get my son to remarry you?
Stefan: Uh, she didn’t have to get me to do anything, Mother.
We’re in love. More so now than ever.
Vivian: Really?
Really.
Vivian: Well, tread carefully. Because this woman was in love with Nick Fallon. And that didn’t work out too well for Nick, did it?
Gabi: It didn’t work out for Nick because he was an abusive jerk whom I had to defend myself against. Oh, you know, like Melanie Jonas mom did when she had to defend herself against her creepy nephew Lawrence.
Vivian: How dare you bring up that ghastly Von Leuschner’s name and what she did to my Lawrence.
Gabi: Well, I’m sorry, but you’re insinuating that I’m not good enough for your son.
Vivian: Did I insinuate it? Well, I meant to state it as a fact.
Gabi: Okay, well, here’s another fact for you. You are the reason Stefan and I lost years. Years! Because he took a bullet for you.
Dimitri: Hi, yeah, I’m sorry to interrupt here, but, um, Who exactly is this woman, and what is her issue with the Von Leuschners?
Alex: Come on, man, you gotta believe me. I did not invite Theresa to Greece. In fact, I told her very emphatically that she should–
Theresa: Oh, yada yada yada. You know, it doesn’t really matter because I’m here now. So, why don’t we just make the most of it, you know? Let’s see. Ugh, well, the line for the Acropolis is gonna be murder right now, so how about this? I think the three of us should go out and solve the mystery of Victor Kiriakis final days. What do you think?
Alex: Hey, don’t look at me.
Theresa: Okie dokie, boys! Shall we?
Theresa, I don’t– I don’t know how to tell you this, okay, but there is no way in hell you are coming with us.
Theresa: Okay? Fine. Fine. It’s fine. I’ll just, uh, stay here and, you know, do some sightseeing.
I have a better idea. Why don’t– why don’t we, uh, drop you off at the airport, and I’ll book you a ticket home.
Theresa: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. See, I did not sit on a flight, Brady, for 10 hours and 25 minutes watching Zorba the Greek on my laptop to whet my appetite for this country, only to turn around and spend another 10 and a half hours sitting in the middle in economy. You know what I learned from Zorba? I learned that adversity is our greatest teacher. And sometimes when life has our backs against the wall, well, that is where we find our core strength. It’s actually kind of a metaphor for my life. Anyway, fabulous country, wonderful people. I cannot wait to explore it.
Alex: All right. So she clearly has no intentions of going back to the States, Brady. So, I think maybe we should just relax about it.
Brady: All right. I’m going to relax about it. Tell you what. I’m going to tell you this one time: do not get into any kind of trouble, and I swear to God if you follow us to–
Theresa: God, I am not going to follow you Brady, sheesh. You know what, actually, my jet lag is setting in. Hey, Alex, you wouldn’t mind if I just knocked on your bed, would you?
Knock yourself out.
We’ve wasted enough time, let’s go.
Theresa: Yeah, uh, hi there, I’d like to order a double portion of moussaka and a side of baklava. Ooh, and if you could also send up a bottle of ouzo, that would be great.
Gwen: All right, my darling, well, I really must be off. Dimitri’s bought me this sexy new lingerie. It’s this, um, crotchless lace teddy that he wants me to try on, so…
Leo: Right.
Gwen: Yeah, and I don’t like being away from my husband for too long, as much as he wears me out, so, um… I’ll see you later.
Leo: Yeah, see you later. Oh Matty, Dimitri and his magic penis are going to be the death of me. And have you heard of a move called the pinball wizard? I cannot wait to try it again, this time wearing my crotchless teddy. And oh Matty, we shag non stop, round the clock. Shag, shag, shagging our brains out. Ah, dammit Dimitri. What kind of game are you playing?
Vivian: Forgive me handsome stranger, we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Vivian Alamein.
Dimitri: You’re in Alamein.
Vivian: That’s right. And who would you be?
Kristen: This is Dimitri, my sister Megan’s son.
Vivian: Oh, wait a minute. I seem to remember that one of Stefano’s supposedly deceased progeny pulled a Lazarus. Oh, but I’m sure your mother’s just lovely.
Dimitri: Oh, yes, she is. As is my cousin Katerina, you know. The one that you buried alive.
Vivian: Wait. Carly’s your cousin? And, uh, you are a DiMera? Your mother is a DiMera? And Carly’s your relative? That makes you a–
Dimitri: A Von Leuschner, yes. And your sworn enemy.
Vivian: Well, that’s very unfortunate. I do hope you take after the maternal side. As lovely as this family reunion has been, I think I better be going. Au revoir, mon fille.
Stefan: Uh, Mother, wait. You’ve done a whole lot of talking, and you’ve made it abundantly clear that you are still as sharp tongued and bitter as ever. But you haven’t told us what you’re doing in Salem.
Maggie: Oh, I can’t believe this is happening. Julie, I could lose my home. Everything that Victor and I built here. All of it just lost to that she wolf.
Julie: Well, I can’t believe it either, and I’m not going to. Now, there must be something that Justin can do for you.
Maggie: Legally, no. No, no, no, he can’t. He looked into Vivian’s claim that she and Victor’s divorce was…Never properly finalized. And apparently, it’s legit.
Julie: Oh, God. Well, you can’t surrender. I mean, you’ve got to fight. You’ve got to, Maggie. Listen, a problem like Vivian Alamein cannot be solved over a cup of tea. So, why don’t you come back to my house, and we’ll sit down and calmly plan your next move.
Maggie: You don’t expect me to give in to Vivian’s demands.
Julie: Oh, not by a long shot. No, no, you’d only be out of here for a short time, just long enough to get your bearings. You don’t want to give Vivian the satisfaction of throwing you out of Victor’s house, do you?
Maggie: No.
Julie: Okay. Well, wouldn’t it be just better if you left of your own volition, just for a short time.Just until we make this plan, this plan that’s going to turn Vivian into mincemeat and pitch her out into the street. Because you’ve got to fight, Maggie. You’ve got to fight. And I’m going to fight with you.
Vivian: Now, if you must know, I have a slight infestation of rodents in the house, which has to be taken care of before I move in.
Uh, brilliant. Just what we needed. Vivian on the loose. I’m gonna give Eli a call. Give him fair warning.
Kristen: Um, Dimitri, darling, why don’t we go and finish our conversation?
Oh, I think it can wait, don’t you?
Of course.
Dimitri: Well, I should be going, too.
Oh, not so fast, Dimitri. See, I really don’t appreciate it when my questions go unanswered, so I’ll ask you again. What was Kristen threatening to tell Gwen earlier?
Actually, we’ll save you the trouble of having to come up with a lie. We know, Dimitri.
You know what?
Oh, come on. We know you’re having an affair with Leo Stark. Don’t deny it, because Rachel saw the two of you in bed together, and we know you got his hotel room in Iceland. Nephew. Buddy. So rattled. You see, my wife and I are willing to keep your dirty, no good, extramarital affair a secret. Yeah, but we do have conditions.
Constantine: I am Constantine Meliones. How may I assist you?
Brady: Pleasure to meet you. I’m Brady Black. This is my cousin, Alex Kiriakis.
Constantine: Kiriakis? Related to Victor Kiriakis?
Alex: Yeah, he’s my was my uncle.
Brady: And my grandfather.
Constantine: Ah, well, I am very sorry for your loss. Victor was a great man.
Thank you. It’s to our understanding that you met with Uncle Victor before he died. Can you tell us what that meeting was about?
There’s It’s about damn time. Oh my god.
Vivian: Maggie, I see you’re still here. We’ll have it your way. I’ll just call the sheriff.
Don’t bother.
Baby, ready to leave?
Almost. I’ll just wait in the car.
OVivian: h, I see you’ve come to your s Ugh. Senses. Oh, FYI Maggie. I’ve always thought you better suited to a family of midwestern suburbanites, as opposed to the matriarch of the great Kiriakis clan.
Maggie: You may have won this round, Vivian, but mark my word, the war, it’s just beginning.
Vivian: To the victor go the spoils, Maggie.
Did you see the Hathaway’s plan to eliminate you, her own brother, in a palace. Kua DiMera Enterprises. ’cause now we’ve got her slimy sun, Dimitri and her shares right where we want ’em.
Uh, thank God you’re here.
Leo: But where else would I be? But here, my love pining away for you and so on and so on.
Dimitri: Really just shut up and listen for a second. We’ve got serious trouble.
Leo: You’re damn right. We’ve got serious trouble. You are two-timing me with your wife. You ridiculously handsome dirtbag.
Kristen: Oh, good morning, Gwen.
Gwen: Morning, Kristen. You haven’t happened to see my husband around, have you?
Kristen: Well, he was here earlier, but, uh, he must have went out.
Gwen: Oh, that’s a shame. We were supposed to have breakfast together.
Kristen: Look, um, there’s something I, I feel I need to tell you. I, I, I wouldn’t have said anything, but Demetrius forced my hand.
Gwen: I see. What is it?
Kristen: Well, it has to do with Dimitri and your best friend.
Gwen: What about them?
Kristen: Alright, Dimitri and Leo are having an affair.
Gwen: No, Kristen. I already knew that.
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