Y&R Transcript Monday, January 10, 2022

Young & The Restless Transcript

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Michael: Mmm. [ Smooches ]

Lauren: Mmm!

Michael: I am so happy that you said yes.

[ Smooches ]

Lauren: Which time?

Michael: All of them.

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Michael: Including now.

Lauren: You were quite mysterious on the phone when you asked me to meet you here.

Michael: Ah. Well, mystery solved.

[ Clears throat ] I won in court.

Lauren: The big fraud case you’ve been prosecuting? Oh, I’m so happy for you! Congratulations.

Michael: Hearing you say it out loud makes the victory even sweeter.

Lauren: So, this isn’t any just normal meet-and-greet. This is a celebration.

Michael: If you insist.

Lauren: I do. Andy, will you bring us a bottle of champagne, please? This deserves a toast. I am so happy for you. You are on one heck of a winning streak.

Michael: Yeah, well, there have been a few losses in there along the way.

Lauren: Don’t be so modest. You are the best prosecutor out there. You, my love, are at the pinnacle of your career.

Michael: Hmm. Funny you should say that. Driving over here, I had the same thought in my head.

Lauren: Oh?

Michael: Mm. I’ve climbed the mountain. I’ve reached the apex. And now that I am here…

Lauren: You’re wondering if you can go any higher.

Michael: The opposite, actually. One phrase keeps, uh, going around in my mind. “Quit while you’re ahead.”

Michael: You know, I’ve been so fortunate over the years. I’ve been able to practice every type of law that piqued my interest — civil, corporate, criminal, for both the defense and the prosecution.

Lauren: You are the best district attorney this town has ever seen. It doesn’t get better.

Michael: Precisely. Which makes me think that maybe I should leave on a high note.

Lauren: And do what?

Michael: Smell the proverbial roses. Start researching that mystery novel I’ve always wanted to write.

Lauren: Okay. You know, this is a rare occurrence, but I actually can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.

Michael: Assume that I am.

Lauren: Honey, this is not the first time you’ve talked about walking away after a particularly grueling case. Maybe you just need a break.

Michael: It’s not about needing a break. It’s about taking my life in a different direction. Like, I was walking out of the courthouse today, and I started thinking about everything I’ve accomplished. And it made me very proud, and i felt a very deep sense of contentment. And isn’t that the way everybody wants to feel when they’re ready to retire from their job?

Christine: Retire? I was just picking up a takeout order, and I couldn’t help overhearing. I’m — I’m so sorry.

Michael: It is interesting timing.

Lauren: Yes, very interesting, as you were the one who tossed your D.A. Baton to michael when you decided to step down.

Michael: Join us, unless you’ve got plans.

Christine: Well, I — I don’t see my to-go order ready, but, uh…

Michael: Yeah. Have a drink. Sit. Sit. Sit.

Christine: Okay, yeah, a quick one.

Lauren: [ Chuckles ] Okay, so, you heard what michael just said. What went through your mind?

Christine: Well, if he’s serious about leaving law or even the D.A.’S office, it would truly be the end of an era in this town.

Michael: Well, nobody, not even my wonderful wife here

[Sighs] Understands that quite as well as you do. I gave christine her first job with a law firm.

Michael: So. How do you feel?

Christine: Do you remember “the wizard of oz”? The yellow brick road, the- beginning of it?

Michael: Yes.

Christine: That’s me.

Michael: Perfect analogy.

Christine: I’m a little nervous. Not nervous. More excited.

Michael: Well, you should be. This is the start of your career. One of the biggest days in your life. Welcome to whitman, walker & wilson, christine.

Christine: Thanks.

Michael: [ Chuckles ]

Christine: You have certainly come a long way since then. A lot of people think dealing with copd

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Christine: Law school was just a warm-up compared to what I learned from you. I felt so lucky to be your protégé, observing you in court, listening to you strategize. Your mind was so brilliant. I was literally in awe.

Michael: Until you met the other side of me — the egomaniac who knew he was the smartest person in the room, who thought everyone should be grateful just to sit at the feet of the master and do whatever he asked. That was me, too, back then. I excelled at power plays and mind games. But I underestimated you.

Christine: A little.

Michael: And when I crossed the line, you fought back,& dragged me to court, exposed my abhorrent behavior, and won. And instead of being humbled, i was outraged that I lost my job and my reputation. I was consumed with revenge.

Michael: Just a few more holes and I’ll punch through this wall.

[ Grunts ] Ah, it won’t be long now, christine.

Michael: I wasn’t in my right mind. That’s the only way to describe it. I was obsessed, violent, furious. And though I didn’t know it at the time, winding up in prison, hitting rock bottom were some of the best things that ever happened to me. Spending a few years behind bars gave me a new appreciation for everything I’d just thrown away. And I — I counted the moments until i would be released and could start over again.

Christine: [ Sighs ] You claimed you had this epiphany. I doubted you, to say the least.

Michael: Yeah, well, i couldn’t very well blame you for that. But I knew. I knew if you would give me a second chance, if you would speak on my behalf to the wisconsin bar so I could get my law license back…it would make all the difference.

Christine: Why should I give you the time of day? Let alone help you —

Michael: I understand why you’d feel this way. I do. Just as I hope you understand that this is eating me up inside, not being able to use my training as an attorney. I really believe that’s why god put me on this earth.

Christine: Then you took that god-given talent and did what with it? You used it as a big power trip.

Michael: How many times do i have to say this?

Christine: You’re a changed man, right? The monster who did all those things doesn’t exist.

Michael: Look, you have every reason in the world to be skeptical.

Christine: [ Scoffs ] Well, thank you.

Michael: This just means so much to me. You can help me more than anyone else can, christine. But first you have just — you’ve got to believe me. I swear to you with every fiber of my being, I am changed. I am sincere. I want to practice law again. And if you help me, I promise you I will never, ever forget it.

Michael: I’ve given thanks every day since that you found a way to overcome those doubts. I mean, you — you restored my career. I mean, she even agreed to come work with me again.

Christine: Baldwin, williams and associates.

Michael: We can put your name first if you like.

Christine: No, no, it sounds better this way.

Michael: Well, then let’s put pen to paper.

Christine: That’s where i really came into my own as a lawyer, and you and I became real friends and colleagues.

Lauren: To the chagrin of paul, as I recall.

Michael: Oh. Yeah, well, he did take a little longer to trust that I was on the up-and-up. You know, I can’t blame him. It’s understandable, given our history. And I didn’t always make things easy for you.

Christine: Oh, yeah, you were no saint, to say the least.

Michael: But you were patient and kind. And you cut me an unending amount of slack. And it meant the world. Still does.

Lauren: So, what do you think about this, uh, question du jour?

Christine: [ Chuckles ] Retirement?

Lauren: What do you think about this dilemma? I mean, should he or shouldn’t he go out while he’s on top? Your dry skin story changes

Christine: If you’re asking for my advice, I really can’t give you any. Only michael will know when he’s ready to wind down his legal career and maybe try his hand at something else.

Lauren: Well, he is multitalented. Not many people realize that. He’s clever.

Christine: Hey, you could do stand-up.

Michael: Yeah, no.

Christine: No.

Lauren: You do have this childlike curiosity about the world. It’s a true gift. And last week you were on this conference call, and you were sketching on a legal pad. It was this — this cottage and woods. It was — it was so good.

Michael: I wouldn’t go that far.

Lauren: Well, I would, and this isn’t just the wife bragging about you. You could be an artist. That’s no joke.

Christine: Have you been holding out on us?

Lauren: [ Laughs ] He could probably excel at anything he put his mind to.

Michael: That’s just the point. I haven’t got a clue on what that might be.

Christine: Okay, but you will. You just have to do some more soul-searching. For me, the writing was on the wall. I knew it was time for me to leave the D.A.’S office, but you gave me the perfect opportunity.

Michael: No regrets?

Christine: No, none. I love doing pro bono work. It gives me such satisfaction to help people, and I get to spend more time with my husband.

Lauren: Wait a minute. Are we talking about the work-life balance? Hmm. That just might be a new concept for one of us.

Michael: Unfortunately, that’s true.

Lauren: You thrive on adrenaline, the kind that you get from arguing in front of a jury. Are you going to be happy with this calmer, quieter existence?

Victor: Now, wait a minute.

Michael: [ Chuckles ]

Victor: Calm and quiet and michael baldwin?

Michael: Victor.

Victor: Why don’t those three things go together?

Christine: Right? Good to see you, victor.

Victor: Hello, christine. Nice to see you.

Christine: Nice to see you. I see my to-go order, so I will let lauren and michael explain everything to you. Thank you for the drink, and good luck with your deliberations.

Michael: I’m sure I’ll need it.

Victor: Okay.

Michael: Please, sit. Sit.

Victor: Thank you.

Lauren: Yes.

Victor: What a nice surprise.

Michael: Here we go.

Victor: Thank you, sir.

Lauren: Thank you.

Victor: Well, my god. A glass of champagne?

Lauren: Yes.

Michael: Uh-huh.

Victor: Whoa. So, what deliberations was christine talking about?

Lauren: Michael won a big case in court today.

Michael: Which inspired me to float the idea of retirement.

Victor: What are you talking about?

Michael: All good things must come to an end, and perhaps it’s best to take charge of when and how that happens.

Victor: I understand all that, but retirement?

Michael: Why not?

Victor: Who do you think you’re talking to? You’d be bored out of your skull within three weeks. Trust me.

[ Laughing ] You know that.

Michael: Look…

Victor: What?

Michael: …Give me some credit for wanting to explore life out from behind my desk. I mean, there are plenty of things to fill my time. I can — I can be a more attentive husband. I can play with my niece and nephew, visit fenmore.

Victor: Well, now, listen. I understand you wanting to spend time with your family. I really do, you know? I’ve done the same. But I’ve kept one hand in newman enterprise business.

Michael: Surprising exactly no one.

Victor: Why don’t you follow my example?

Michael: Which is?

Victor: Join newman media. We need your expertise. We need your talent.

Lauren: “We” meaning youand adam?

Victor: Unbeknownst to both of you, adam has matured a great deal. And besides that, you would only be answer to me.

Michael: Well [Sighs] Somehow I don’t see this as the halfway point between being district attorney and kicking back in a lounge chair. I mean, working for you requires that I be on call 24/7 as an attorney and a fixer and, perhaps, wading into some murky waters ethically.

Victor: But you’re so damn good at it.

Michael: [ Sighs ]

Lauren: Hey, now!

Michael: No, wait. Now, hold on. I admit it. I admit it. I found it thrilling to find the perfect loophole and seeing how far I could push things without getting caught. And in that sense, we were a good match back then. But for every occasion that we were in sync, there were other, far less pleasant times.

Michael: You have every right to be disappointed in me. I have let you down terribly. But, victor, I swear to you, nothing like this will ever happen again.

Victor: You’re damn right it won’T. You’re the best damn lawyer i ever had. What the hell were you thinking? It’s going to cost me millions of dollars. Millions of dollars! And I don’t like to lose! You’re fired.

Victor: Well, now, you and i have had a rather tumultuous professional relationship, but, you know… listen. I know you. You have so much energy. Where are you gonna put it? You need to channel it somewhere.

Lauren: I second that.

Victor: Right. And one thing I promise you — you’ll not be bored working for me. You know that.

[ Chuckles ]

Get ready. It’s time for

the savings event of the year.

Michael: While that’s a very flattering offer, this conversation is extremely premature.

Victor: Well, now, why don’t I address your concerns right now? So when you’re ready to consider, you know what the parameters are.

Michael: Alright, I’ll hear you out, but no promises.

Victor: First of all, you will set your own hours. I will no longer dominate your time 24 hours a day.

Michael: Will you put that in writing?

Victor: Oh, yeah. Gladly. And then of course you would be compensated very well, in accordance with your extensive experience and talents.

Michael: Oh, that’s a good thing — because I wouldn’t come cheap. But it’s really not about the money.

Victor: No, it isn’T.

[ Sighs ] You and I have been working together for how many years now? My god. Too many to tell. And we have learned to trust each other, which is the most important thing in business.

Victor: I will not let you take the fall for me.& You got that? You go to christine blair, you tell her you’ll make whatever deal she wants to as long as it gives you the most immunity.

Michael: No, I don’t like this, victor.

Victor: I’m ordering you to do it.

Michael: That’s how igot in trouble in the first place — taking your orders.

Victor: You tell christine blair if she wants me to come to my office.

Michael: Victor, I can handle this. Let me do this for you.

Victor: Michael baldwin, let me explain something to you. All my life I’ve been accused of not taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions, that I’m ruthless and unfeeling. It ain’t so. You will not take the rap for me. I’m responsible for this. This was my idea and my plan, my scheme. I will suffer the consequences, not you. End of story.

Michael: I’ve never respected you more than I did that day.

Victor: I appreciate that. Now, I’ve come what I had to say. And nice to see you, lauren, okay?

Lauren: So great to see you, as always.

Victor: If you need any further information, you know where to reach me, alright?

Michael: Thank you.

Victor: Nice to see you. Bye, lauren.

Michael: [ Laughs ]

Lauren: What is so funny?

Michael: [ Groans ] I haven’t even decided to leave my job, and I’ve already got another one waiting for me.

Lauren: Well, I doubt that would be the only offer. Does that change how you feel about things?

Michael: It complicates things.

Lauren: How so?

Michael: When I first brought up the subject, I only considered two options — district attorney or retired district attorney. But now that I’ve talked to victor and christine…

Lauren: You’ve seen that there’s a lot of other possibilities.

Michael: [ Sighs ] I think I just — I just need to get a handle on what life would be like if I am no longer

[Sighs] Putting genoa city’s criminals behind bars.

Lauren: I couldn’t agree more. So while you and victor had your heads together, I decided I’d better bring in some reinforcements.

[ Laughs ]

Gloria: Oh, thank you, lauren, for reaching out.

Kevin: The gang’s all here!

Chloe: With tons of conflicting opinions to choose from!

Lauren: Oh, yay! Well, I texted your brother, told him what was going on, and this is such a big decision. I thought you needed your family’s support and perspective.

Michael: Have you met my family?

Gloria: Ohh! Now, now!

Michael: Alright, listen, listen, I’m sure your intentions are good, but sound advice just — it doesn’t immediately leap to mind.

Lauren: Not always, but you did say you wanted to look at this from all angles, and what better way to do that with your family, who knows you and loves you best?

Kevin: Yeah.

Michael: [ Shudders ]

[ Laughter ]

“The young and the restless”

will continue. I’ve got moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.

Michael: Ahh, isn’t this a cozy party of five?

Lauren: Well, it would have been six, but your best friend is tied up at work.

Michael: Well, I’m sure phyllis would be on my side, so let’s just assume she’s on team whatever-michael-decides.

Gloria: What’s that supposed to mean? That some of us are not on your side?

Michael: I didn’t mean to offend you, gloria.

Gloria: I hope not. Because personally I think this is wonderful that we’ve all come together on such short notice to offer our insights.

Kevin: Like a regular family, mom. Not like the one we used to be.

Michael: [ Chuckles ]

Chloe: Perish the thought.

Gloria: Who wants to rehash the past, when you and michael couldn’t always depend on me? I mean, who wants to go there, huh? I certainly don’T.

Gloria: You won’t forgive me for being a rotten mother when you were young. You won’t allow me to take care of you now, when I can be the best mother I could ever be. What do you want from me?

Michael: [ Scoffs ] Oh, yeah. You’re all full of maternal love now. One has to wonder when you’ll tell your husband who your children are.

Gloria: Michael —

Michael: You talk about love? Love for your sons, love for this man you can never be honest with. And you claim you deserve —

deserved — to be looked at with new eyes. And you haven’t done anything to deserve it! And the only way that can happen… is no more lies, no more manipulations, just being who and what you are, for better or worse!

Gloria: [ Chuckles ] Okay, okay. It took me a while. But I think you all have to agree that I have grown into my role.

Kevin: As lady macbeth?

[ Laughter ]

Michael: [ Coughs ]

Gloria: As your fabulous, if unconventional, maternal figure to both of my sons.

Lauren: Did fen send us some mutant fruit basket or something?

Michael: Scott sent us the world’s largest ham.

Lauren: [ Laughs ] Well, come on. Let’s open it up.

Michael: That’s why I have scissors.

Lauren: Well, wait, wait, wait, careful! I mean, what if it is fruit?

Gloria: Whoo!

Lauren: [ Screams ]

Gloria: [ Laughs ] Deck the halls, everybody. Gloria’s back. Oh, come on! Get me out of this thing! Come! Come, come, come!

[ Squeals, laughs ]

Michael: Uh, gloria, this — this — this…

Lauren: Quite a surprise.

Gloria: Of course! Well, I couldn’t leave my handsome sons alone on christmas. You and kevin are my life. Nowhere else I’d rather be.

[ Laughter ]

Michael: Well, your efforts have been appreciated.

Gloria: [ Laughs ] I would hope so.

[ Laughter ] Well, I have no right to throw stones, given the epic mistakes I’ve made in the past.

[ Groans ] None more egregious than failing you as an older brother when we were younger.

Kevin: [ Sighs ] You have more than made up for that.

Michael: I haven’t been a brother to you, not like i should have been. I was too wrapped up in my own stuff, you know… getting out of the hellhole we grew up in. And I, uh, left you behind. I will never forgive myself for the rest of my life. All I can say is, uh… I’m going to try to do better. No. [ Scoffs ] I am going to do better. That is a promise.

Kevin: [ Inhales sharply ] Hey. You know what? This is about the future, right? Or at least it’s supposed to be, so let’s all focus on some positivity, okay?

Chloe: Yeah.

Kevin: This man right here has stepped up for each and every one of us time and time again. And we are more than happy to be here supporting you.

Kevin: So then you leave, right? And I wondered if we’d ever really be brothers again. Um, and — and I — I doubted it, you know? But I think there was this one part of me that never stopped believing. So, uh — [ Chuckles ] So, now look at us, you know? Everything that I hoped for when I looked at that picture is coming true. You know, we’re happy and we’re together and, uh… and I’m gonna stand up for you, you know, on the most important day of your life, mikey. And I’m really proud of you.

Lauren: You know, this reminiscing has been lovely. But I called you here because michael is at a crossroads.

Michael: To retire or not to retire?

Kevin: I think the answer’s clear.

Chloe: I mean, it’s pretty obvious.

Kevin: Mm-hmm. Don’t do it!

Chloe: Get out now!

Lauren: Uh…

[ Laughing ] What?

Chloe: Don’t listen to him.

If you have postmenopausal


Michael: Feel free to elaborate.

Chloe: The very fact that you are trying to decide if you should retire says it all. You’re ready.

Michael: Oh, you think so, huh?

Chloe: You are the best of the best at what you do. There’s nothing left to prove — to anyone. And I think it’s time for you to kick back and relax. Do the things that you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’T. You deserve it.

Michael: I have to say that sounds appealing.

Kevin: Totally. Except the kicking back and relaxing part — not gonna happen.

Chloe: [ Scoffs ]

Kevin: And I personally dread the idea of michael with too much time on his hands.

Lauren: [ Chuckles ]

Kevin: How are you gonna fill your endless days once the novelty of all that time and freedom wears off? You gonna play more squash?

[ Laughter ] Watch tv? Make little paperweights out of old golf balls?

Gloria: [ Laughs ]

Michael: That sounded pretty great till that last one.

[ Laughter ]

Kevin: Michael! Come on. Get real. With all that extra time on your hands, you are going to drive the rest of us crazy. He’s gonna come over, constantly offering advice about what we’re doing, what we should be doing.

Michael: I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration, right?

Lauren: Well, yes and…

Chloe: [ Laughs ]

Gloria: I think your brother is spot on. You will get on everybody’s nerves. And, mikey, you’ve never been big on hobbies.

[ Laughter ] If you retire — and that is a very big “if” because we all know that I am much too young to be the mother of a retiree — so you will have to find something to fill the void. If you don’t want to be a D.A. Any longer, fine. But you’re gonna have to get some kind of job.

Kevin: Why not? There’s no rule saying you have to practice law the rest of your life.

Chloe: Okay, enough. Enough already. Michael is smart, and I think he gets the gist. There’s no wrong way you can go.

Kevin: I just think if you…

Gloria: I know, but if you ask me —

Chloe: Stop it! Stop! Stop it. Enough already, okay? You have given your thoughts, and now michael will do with them what he will. And it is his life. And we support him no matter what he decides. Right?

Gloria: Of course.

Kevin: Right.

Lauren: Okay. Well, that’s that then.

Gloria: Okay, so, why don’t we leave so lauren and michael can contemplate further on their own.

Michael: Look, everyone, thank you. Thank you for coming, and i mean that. Mwah! Mmm! Ah, my favorite.

[ Laughter ]

Chloe: Thanks for the drink.

Michael: You are most welcome.

Kevin: Let us know what you decide.

Michael: Ah, you’ll be one of the first. Love you. Mwah!

Kevin: Love you. Bye.

Lauren: Bye.

Michael: Thank you, brother.

Lauren: Well…

Michael: [ Chuckles ]

Lauren: …That was fun.

Michael: Oh, it was very enlightening.

Lauren: Oh. You think so?

Michael: Mm-hmm. I’m glad you brought them into the mix. That little confab helped me gain some clarity.

Lauren: Really? ‘Cause I sort of thought that —

Michael: Oh, that we were back to square one? No. No, no, no, no, no. They made me realize that i don’t need or want anyone else’s advice but yours.

Lauren: Aww.

Michael: It’s the only opinion that really matters. And we may be discussing my career, but it’s our future we’re talking about. The next weigh station on that journey that began with… oh, my gosh, I haven’t thought of this in a long time.

Lauren: What?

Michael: Our first kiss.

[ Both laugh ] Remember?

Lauren: YeaH. I do.

Lauren: I’m not sure we’re in the same place.

[ Soft jazz music playing ]

Michael: It sure feels like it to me.

Lauren: Oh, I have to think about paul, and then there’s kevin to consider and —

Michael: Mnh-mnh, no, no, no. You know, thinking is highly overrated.

Lauren: Michael…

Michael: Mnh-mnh.

Michael: When we said “I do,” we didn’t mean sometimes, we didn’t mean when it was convenient. We meant forever and always.

Michael: I promise to spend the rest of my days trying to be the man that I see in your eyes when you look at me. So I’m asking you, lauren fenmore, in front of all these people… walk through life with me. Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.

Michael: [ Chuckles ] I still don’t know what I did to deserve you.

Lauren: [ Chuckles ]

Michael: But you get me in a way no one else does.

Lauren: That’s because you don’t hold anything back.

Michael: Being a lawyer is a huge part of my identity. But…the best part of me is what I have with you.

Michael: They have to have some really good, uh, manuals on being a father because this kid is gonna have to be all about nurture and not nature.

Lauren: Okay, don’t you be scared by this. You are not the man that you were.

Michael: I’m not the man i was five minutes ago. You’re pregnant.

Lauren: So…boy? Girl? What do you think?

Michael: As long — as long as it’s not some little green alien, I’m happy.

Lauren: Are you happy?

Michael: Yeah, I’m happy. I’m — I’m s– scared. Overwhelmed. [ Chuckles ]

Lauren: You did say happy, right?

Michael: Yeah. I love you so much. And, look, I’m gonna — I’m gonna do my damndest to be the very best father this baby could —

[ Laughs ] We’re gonna have a baby.

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Michael: We’re gonna have a baby. We’re gonna be parents.

Lauren: I know! I know. So, papa…

Michael: [ Smooches ]

Lauren: …Come to mama.

[ Both laugh ]

Michael: My greatest legacy will be our family.

Lauren: I’m grateful every day for the strong marriage that we’ve built.

Michael: I think we’re stronger now than we’ve ever been because of the challenges we’ve faced and overcome.

Lauren: That’s a really nice way of saying it that way. I almost destroyed what we built, and, um…it’s really a miracle that we made it through.

Michael: It took a lot of hard work. But we made it… because you and I were meant to be…as husband and wife and mother and father.

Lauren: Oh.

Michael: It’s a compass?

Lauren: It’s beautiful.

Fen: I guess it’s kind of a symbol, um… this whole road and journey of mine has been so difficult, but you guys have been there every step of the way, guiding me and loving me without ever judging or even saying, like, a — a harsh word. And, um…I-I just — I can’t thank you guys enough. You saved my life.

Lauren: I feel like we’re at a place where, no matter what happens, we’re gonna be okay. And you, my love — you’re going to be okay no matter what path you choose.

Our hillshire farm craftsman

Michael: I’m ready.

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Michael: Bring it.

Lauren: Uh…

Michael: Tell me what i should do with the rest of my life.

Lauren: I think you should choose the path that makes you the happiest. I know. I know. You wanted something far more direct from me, but that’s all you’re gonna get.

Michael: And that’s okay. Because I’ve already made up my mind.

Lauren: You have?

Michael: It’s clear that i need to retire because having more time to spend with you

[Sighs] Is what will make me the happiest.

Lauren: You are just the sweetest man ever.

Michael: I speak only the truth.

Lauren: Are you sure?

Michael: I’m positive.

[ Romantic music plays ]

Michael: Mm-hmm.

Lauren: Uh-huh.

Michael: So, this is what you want.

Lauren: That’s right.

Michael: You just want me cheap and easy and dirty.

Lauren: So cheap.

Michael: Oh, yeah?

Lauren: Yeah.

Michael: Like a piece of meat.

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Lauren: From this moment on, we are living happily ever after.

Michael: I have never loved you any more than I do right now.

Lauren: I love you, too. Let’s get this party started.

Michael: But I’m tellin’ ya, that’s gonna be itchy in there, so…

Lauren: That’s alright. I’ll do the scratchin’.

Michael: You know, I can’t believe this.

Lauren: Come on. Come on.

Michael: Aah!

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Michael: [ Growls ] Come here! Ahh!

Lauren: [ Laughs ]

Lauren: I love you so much. We’ve had such a great adventure, haven’t we?

Michael: [ Chuckles ] And we’ve only just started.

Lauren: [ Laughs ] Ooh! [ Laughs ]

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