Young & The Restless Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
[ Doorbell rings ]
Summer: He’s here.
Kyle: I’m dreading this.
Summer: But it needs to be done.
Kyle: You’re right.
Summer: Hi, grandpa.
Victor: Hello, you two.
Summer: Come on in.
Victor: Thank you. It’s not often that I’m invited to what used to be enemy territory.
Summer: There’s a lot less bad blood between the families than there used to be.
Victor: Yeah, well, I think that has a lot to do with the two of you.
Summer: I like to think so.
Victor: So, is my grandson around?
Summer: I love hearing you call him that.
Kyle: Harrison is on the way to the park with his nanny.
Summer: We didn’t want him to overhear any of this grown-up talk.
Victor: Uh-huh. Grown-up talk — does that mean we’re gonna have a conversation about ashland locke?
Kyle: That’s right. And we’ve come to a decision about how to handle him.
Adam: Well, look who it is. Genoa city’s least favorite glutton for punishment.
Jack: I think we ought to go on a trip.
Phyllis: What’d you have in mind?
Jack: I don’t know. What do you feel like doing? Sitting on a beach? Climbing a mountain? Shopping all day?
Phyllis: All three sound great.
Jack: That’s my red. Give her three viable options, she’ll choose all three.
Phyllis: Have you noticed that I can really laugh at myself lately?
Jack: I have noticed that.
Jack: I also noticed you’ve been laughing a lot today.
Phyllis: I know. I have. You know why?
Phyllis: Because I’m not distracted by that woman who shall remain nameless. And it is a good day. It’s a very good day because, you know, all distractions are gone and I’m not thinking of that woman.
Jack: So, where do we go on this trip? Iceland? Tokyo? Madrid?
Phyllis: Wow, those are great suggestions.
Diane: [ Laughs ] Look at you two! Like a couple of teenagers. Or was all that sloppy kissing for my benefit?
Jack: What are you talking about?
Diane: Oh, please. As soon as I walked in, you were all over each other. It looked staged.
Jack: Don’t be ridiculous. We didn’t even know you were here.
Diane: Oh, I think phyllis looked right at me.
Phyllis: Oh, well, uh, sorry to say this, but you’re not as eye-catching as you seem to think you are.
Diane: [ Chuckles ] I feel I should get some credit for rekindling your hot romance. I mean, you clearly weren’t together in L.A., But you sure are now. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve brought the spirit of love back to town. Oh, stouffer’s french bread pizza?!
Kyle: We’ve given your suggestion about ashland a lot of thought, and we’ve come to a decision.
Summer: We’ve realized if we were headed right back to milan this wouldn’t be such an urgent situation.
Kyle: But we’re planning on staying in genoa city longer than we thought…
Kyle: …Possibly moving back.
Victor: Whoa. Well, summer hinted at that, and everyone would love for you to come back here, you know. But you should consider the fact that if you stay, then ashland locke would have greater proximity to harrisoN. And I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Kyle: I agree. That’s why, although I’ve got a couple concerns, we’ve decided to protect our son and get a restraining order.
Victor: Good. That way, ashland locke has no one here to relate to anymore. That means he will finally get out of town.
Kyle: I’m not making this decision out of revenge.
Victor: I understand.
Summer: Ashland leaving town is just a fringe benefit.
Victor: I already had michael baldwin draw up the papers.
Summer: Very efficient.
Victor: He’s filing a restraining order against ashland locke, and he will send it in as soon as I tell him to. And then all we need is the judge’s signature, and you have all that done before dinner.
Kyle: Let’s slow down. Before we make a move against ashland, we need to prepare harrison for what’s about to happen.
Ashland: [ Sighs heavily ]
Adam: So, is this like your office now? I mean, might as well be. There’s nowhere else to go. You could just get your mail forwarded here. Maybe you could ask abby, put a sign out front — “ashland locke world headquarters.”
Ashland: Don’t you have someplace else to be?
Adam: Just waiting for my food.
Ashland: Could you possibly wait somewhere else?
Adam: I could, but someone would come in here and take my seat because there’s a long line outside, people waiting to come in here and insult you. I actually had to take a number. Man, people really don’t like you in this town.
Ashland: You actually sound jealous.
Adam: [ Chuckles ] How do you figure that?
Ashland: Well, before i slipped up, you were the town pariah. I get the sense that you miss all those people hating you. Because if they don’t hate you, then they’re probably not actually paying attention to you at all.
Adam: Well, touché. But I did get back on the radar of all the people that matter to me when I maneuvered you out of the family business.
Ashland: Really? So, what exactly have the newmans done for you to say thank you? Anything at all?
Adam: That is none of your concern.
Ashland: Well, I’ve been out of the loop for a while, but it seems to me you’re in exactly the same position you were before you came up with your brilliant scheme to give me half a billion dollars.
Adam: Whereas you lost your company and your wife. So knowing that you’re suffering is all the reward that I need. And, hey, I would drink to your health, but I know it’s a sensitive subject. But seriously, all joking aside, why are you still here? I mean, I always thought it was my best revenge to stick around and make all the people face me.
Ashland: Revenge isn’t what’s keeping me here.
Adam: Oh. Please don’t tell me you’re sticking around because of love. Ugh, that is so gross. Besides, you’re a little late.
Ashland: [ Sighs ] What do you mean?
Adam: Haven’t you heard? Victoria left town. She abandoned her duties at newman and she went to some spa in the swiss alps to, uh, clear her head and nurse her pathetic broken heart.
Ashland: I’m sure victoria has not abandoned anything. She’s still in charge. She always will be. So don’t get any ideas, hmm?
Jack: So, you’ve come to think of yourself as some kind of cupid?
Diane: Well, I’m just pointing out that I show up in town and everyone starts falling in love, like you two. The timing is uncanny.
Jack: You know, it’s funny. I think when most people in this town think of you, the first word that comes to mind isn’t “love.”
Phyllis: That’s true, diane. I have a couple choice words that I could associate with you.
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
Jack: I got to take this. Um, you want to go back to the hotel?
Phyllis: No. It’s such a great day. I’ll wait for you.
Jack: Play nice.
Phyllis: [ Laughs ]
Diane: He knows you so well. It’s so cute.
Phyllis: I want to get something straight with you right now. When it comes to pain medicine,
Adam: You say victoria didn’t abandon the company, but yet where is she?
Ashland: Look, adam, I see what you’re trying to do here, okay? It’s so pedestrian, it’s laughable. It’s pathetic, actually. You’re trying to convince me that victoria is no longer a reason for me to stay here in genoa city. If she’s not here, why would i stick around, right?
Adam: [ Laughs ] You…caught me.
Ashland: Yeah, but she’s gonna come back soon, I would imagine. She’s not gonna stay away forever. She’s probably just working remotely right now. And newman, by the way, has thrived under her leadership.
Adam: Well, of course. She is a business genius.
Ashland: She is. This company has a strong foundation. It’s in a good position to move forward in the future, except, of course — I’m sorry — for the media division.
Adam: Newman media?
Adam: Oh, wait a second. That’s my division. Why am I not surprised that you would think that’s the weak link?
Ashland: Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed you knew that chancellor and hamilton-winters are merging, and they’re all set to just wipe newman media off the face of the earth, I mean, especially ’cause you’re making these terrible decisions, like appointing your girlfriend coo. Oh, you got your hands full with that one, by the way.
Adam: You do her a disservice by calling her my girlfriend. She’s much more than that.
Adam: She’s a force of nature, and the world will soon discover that.
Ashland: [ Laughs ] Well, you know what else is a force of nature? An erupting volcano. I wouldn’t appoint one coo.
Adam: That is a good one. I’ve always found you entertaining, locke.
Adam: Like when you pretended to cough up a lung to get my sister to like you. That was quite a spectacle. You know, in the beginning, i was really rooting for you and victoria. I thought it made sense. You both are workaholics. And, you know, given her intense daddy issues, it made sense why she would be drawn to a megalomaniac older man with a checkered past.
Ashland: Mm, says the man who spent his entire adult life alternating between trying to lash out at his father and trying to win his father’s approval.
Adam: Well, of course i didn’t realize that your relationship with my sister was based on a lie. And I will grudgingly give you credit to committing to the bit. Your performance was quite impressive. You know, maybe now, since your business career has hit the skids, you could head out to hollywood and you could try to make it as an actor.
Ashland: Oh, god, no. No, I don’t think so. Look, it’s obvious you’re just trying everything you can to get me to leave town. Give up, okay? I’m not going anywhere.
Adam: I’m just trying to spare you the humiliation of having victoria reject you again.
Ashland: No, you see, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re trying to get me to leave genoa city before victoria gets back because you’re afraid the opposite might happen, that she might actually take me back.
Adam: No. No. I think you had a chance to work things out a few weeks ago, but, uh, now she’s fled the country. You should take that as a hint. You are never going to get her to forgive you.
Ashland: Watch me.
Kyle: I don’t want to rush into this. I worry about how the restraining order will affect harrison.
Summer: Of course. We’ll be sensitive to his feelings, just like we discussed.
Kyle: But completely removing ashland from his life — I don’t know how he’ll react. He still has an attachment to ashland. He’s been asking about him. And the little boy — he’s had so much upheaval in his young life. Look, I don’t want to rush into this. It will cause him great distress ripping away another member of his family.
Victor: Kyle, I understand, okay? This is a tough balancing act. But you must remember that ashland locke brought this all onto himself. He’s desperate. He’s lashing out. I don’t want him to use harrison as a pawn.
Kyle: You think that’s a real possibility?
Victor: Yeah, I do.
Summer: I agree. We know what ashland is capable of now, such hideous and hurtful lies.
Victor: We can come up with some story explaining why ashland locke had to leave town suddenly.
Summer: I think it’s for the best, kyle. Remember how harrison was when we first moved to milan? He missed his mom and his father, but we comforted him. He knew that he was loved, and he came out of it.
Kyle: I see the logic. It’s just going to be hard.
Summer: Ashland has already discussed bringing in lawyers. We should probably beat him to the punch.
Victor: We should indeed.
Kyle: We handle this with great care to minimize harrison’s upset. There’s no point in putting it off so we can spare his pain in the future. There’s no reason to put off the inevitable, so let’s just tell michael to move forward with the restraining order.
Victor: Good. I agree with you. Now… once your mother finds out that the two of you are not moving back to milan, she’s gonna cause problems. I can have michael baldwin drop some papers, you know, issue the same restraining order against her.
Diane: You seem a little worked up, phyllis. Are you okay?
Phyllis: No. No, I am not okay. You seem to think that you and jack and kyle and harrison are a package deal. I think you’ve forgotten something.
Diane: What’s that?
Phyllis: Jack hates you.
Diane: Oh, I think you’re overstating it.
Phyllis: No. Jack hates you. With the great white heat of a thousand suns, he hates you. He puts up a front when kyle is around, but when kyle’s gone, wow. It’s shocking to me how much jack hates you.
Diane: Well, I think it’s flattering how intense jack’s feelings are for me. You know what that means. We have such history, some bad, but most of it good.
Jack: Everything okay here?
Phyllis: It’s great. Yeah, it’s really good. Hey, I have an idea.
Jack: Oh? What’s that?
Phyllis: Yeah. Well, I mean, we had such a great celebration outside with our picnic. Um, let’s bring our celebration indoors. How about that?
Phyllis: [ Chuckles ]
[ Door closes ] Motrin works fast to stop pain where it starts.
[ Cellphone pings ]
Diane: [ Sighs ] Damn it, phyllis.
Jack: Um, this is what you had in mind?
Phyllis: Yes, this is what i had in mind. I’ve been thinking about this all day.
Phyllis: Mm-hmm. Oh, I’m so positive. I fe so positive.
Jack: Yeah, so am I.
Phyllis: Mmm. Good.
[ Sighs ] And you know what? I trace back my positivity to when we made love. That’s why I feel like this. We took it slow. We took it slow, but now… this is where we are. And we deserve this, jack.
Jack: Wait, wait, no. Tell me what that —
Phyllis: We deserve this.
Jack: Tell me what that means.
Phyllis: Happiness. We deserve happiness.
Jack: We —
Phyllis: Ahh. ‘Cause we are inevitable.
Jack: Okay, I have to —
Phyllis: The two of us are inevitable.
Jack: I have to ask if this sudden brazenness has to do with diane.
Phyllis: Wait. Diane? What?
Jack: She showed up at crimson lights, and all of a sudden you can’t keep your hands off of me.
Phyllis: Because you’re irresistible.
Jack: Wait, honey. Level with me. She get under your skin?
Phyllis: [ Sighs ] No. I mean, maybe diane coming into town pushed me towards you, made me see what was really there. You know what I mean? But that’s it. Made me realize… that I want you. You are the endgame. We are the endgame.
Kyle: I don’t need a restraining order against my mother. She is family to me. We had a strong bond when I was a kid, a foundation to build on, but my relationship with ashland is rocky at best. My mother has respected my decisions and followed my lead when it comes to harrison, but we don’t know what ashland will do.
Victor: That’s fair.
Kyle: And ashland’s lies were aggressive. He was trying to get his hands on your company.
Kyle: When my mother faked her death, I came to realize it was defensive. There were forces out there she was trying to protect herself from.
Victor: Mm-hmm. So, you are staying in town because of your mother?
Kyle: You seem bothered by that.
Summer: There are other reasons for considering making a permanent return to genoa city.
Kyle: But I haven’t given up on my mother, if that’s what you’re hoping for, victor.
Victor: Kyle, with all due respect, I would rethink that if I were you.
Kyle: It’s not going to happen.
Summer: Okay, but we are all in agreement about the restraining order for ashland.
Summer: So, what’s the next step?
Victor: Michael baldwin will file the restraining order, you know? That’s it. Now I need to get going. Alright? Kyle, I got to tell you, ever since you discovered that harrison was your son, I have noticed that you have a very strong paternal instinct, very protective, very loving, very supportive of harrison. You’ll be a much better father than ashland locke will ever be.
[ Cellphone pings ]
Adam: Good news?
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“The young and the restless”
[ Footsteps approaching ]
Adam: This is a surprise. I thought you were busy with meetings.
Victor: I rescheduled, son.
Victor: What do you mean, why? I have work to do.
Adam: You’re sure that’s all it is?
Victor: Why do you ask?
Adam: [ Chuckles ] Well, at the risk of sounding paranoid, a regime change?
Victor: Son, if I did that without informing you, that would be rather cold-blooded, wouldn’t it?
Adam: Some people would say that you are more than capable of making a move like that.
Victor: Who are some people?
Adam: The hosts of that new podcast, “the grinning soul,” say that the so-called business elites are all corrupted by power. Makes it sound like it’s a personality defect.
Victor: He’s a blithering idiot.
Adam: Well, that idiot is gaining an audience. Billy abbott may be onto something when he hand-picked that guy to be on his platform and also start his own podcast.
Victor: If you don’t like what that man says, why the hell do you listen to him?
Adam: Billy’s musings are a bit of a joke, but I think he’s onto something with the podcast focusing on a particular audience. I had the same idea for newman.
Victor: And I told you to run with it.
Adam: You did. And that was the right call. But then all hell broke loose with victoria and locke, and i got kicked out of the co-ceo and replaced with nikki. Opportunity lost.
Victor: Please stop whining about that, alright? You’ve told me several times that you missed out on opportunities at newman.
Michael: Here is a copy of the restraining order. Look it over and let me know if you’d like me to change anything.
[ Cellphone vibrates ] Oh. Hmm. Oh, excuse me. I got take this. Yes?
Kyle: [ Sighs ]
Summer: [ Sighs ] Is everything okay?
Kyle: I think so.
Summer: I know that you still have a few doubts, but this is the right thing to do.
Kyle: I hope so.
Summer: Do you remember that nightmare that harrison had, ashland in the graveyard? He woke up crying for “father.” That was all because of ashland’s lies. Don’t feel sorry for him. He is despicable. He used harrison as a part of his scam. No one could possibly think that he was lying after he told his own son that he was sick and dying.
Kyle: Yeah. I have no sympathy for him. I am focusing on my son. I’m worried about how this will affect him.
Summer: I get it. I’m concerned, too.
[ Breathes deeply ] I know that I’m not harrison’s biological mother. But I am going to protect that boy with all that I have. Right now, ashland has a right to see harrison. You signed a document agreeing to that. We have to get rid of that document. If ashland goes to court demanding to see him, we can’t have that happen. This is the first step in stopping that. We can’t let ashland put any more lies or poison in his head.
Kyle: You’re right. I can’t let that happen.
Ashland: Hey! It’s good to see you, big guy! How you doing, huh?
Linda: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Ashland: Oh, oh, I’m sorry. I’m, uh — I’m ashland locke. I’m harrison’s, well, other father.
Linda: I know who you are.
Ashland: Oh. Excellent. Well, it’s nice to meet you, and thank you for taking such good care of him. It’s a really great coincidence that we’ve run into each other here because if you want to take a break, I would love to have some alone time with him.
Diane: I received a courtesy text message that some mail was mistakenly left here for me. I had requested to have it sent to me at my new room at the athletic club, but someone chose not to do that.
Clerk: Would you like me to look into it?
Diane: Oh, no, no, it’s alright. I’m certain I know who’s responsible. Don’t worry. I know it wasn’t you. It must be an absolute terror working for phyllis. Exhausting at the very least. Am I right?
Clerk: Let me see what I can find, ms. Jenkins.
Diane: [ Scoffs ] Phyllis, you are a piece of work.
Phyllis: Uh, I’m a piece of work? I kicked you out of my hotel. Leave. Goodbye.
Diane: I will gladly leave once I get the mail that you were supposed to forward to me.
Phyllis: The mail’s right there. Get it and get out.
Diane: I need to go through it, make sure I’m not missing anything.
Jack: Come here. Come here. What is going on?
Phyllis: What are you talking about?
Jack: We just had a wonderful time upstairs, and suddenly you have to get dressed and have to come down here.
Phyllis: It’s a busy afternoon. We’re short-staffed.
Jack: I think the timing’s kind of interesting.
Phyllis: Are you saying i planned this? Want more from your vitamins?
Phyllis: Do you really think that I would plan us getting off of the elevator when diane arrived at the hotel? I mean, how could I even do that?
Jack: You’re saying it’s beyond your capabilities?
Phyllis: I mean, well, it’s definitely not beyond my capabilities. We both know that. But I would never do th– listen. I’m not gonna ruin an amazing afternoon with us, you know, by an appearance of diane. You know that, right?
Jack: I just don’t get it. Were you trying to impress her? Are you marking your territory?
Phyllis: No, I’m not doing any of that. I mean, you believe me, right?
Jack: Your blouse is still unbuttoned.
Phyllis: Thank you.
Jack: Listen, I got a meeting to get to, and it’s gonna take the valet a while to get my car, so…we’ll talk later.
Phyllis: Right. You were amazing, by the way! You were wonderful! Did you hear that?
Diane: Uh, don’t mind me. I’m just gathering my correspondence.
Phyllis: Mm, well, you’re gonna take 30 minutes looking through those letters. By the way… stop what you’re doing. Stop filling jack’s head with suspicions.
Diane: Is he questioning your motives? Oh, no. But I don’t think he’s getting those ideas from me. Jack’s not stupid. He can see what you’re up to.
Phyllis: I’m not up to anything, diane.
Diane: Oh, my gosh. I don’t know if you’re delusional and really believe that or you’ve become a terrible liar. It’s okay, phyllis. I get it. The relationship isn’t solid. So you’re lashing out at me because you feel insecure.
Phyllis: I’m not insecure. There’s nothing insecure about me. I’m not insecure about my relationship with jack, by the way. And you should know that you will never, ever, ever, ever have a romantic relationship with jack abbott ever again. When he came down here, he couldn’t stand the sight of you. That’s why he ran out of here so quickly.
Diane: I-I don’t think it was me that he was trying to get away from.
Diane: Look at you two! Like a couple of teenagers. Or was all that sloppy kissing for my benefit?
Jack: And keep in mind there is a lot of contentious history between the two of them.
Diane: Well, I’m just pointing out that I show up in town and everyone starts falling in love, like you two. The timing is…
Diane: Well, I’m just pointing out that I show up in town and everyone starts falling in love.
Kyle: Why would there be a connection between my mother coming back and you and phyllis getting together?
Jack: I’m just struck by…
Jack: [ Sighs ]
Victor: Son, you’re gonna have to get over your grievances, alright? This “I should have been running newman enterprises” refrain is getting tiresome and won’t get you anywhere. And I won’t have you continue to tarnish victoria’s work.
Adam: I wasn’t tarnishing anything. I was just reminding you that we had the podcast idea first.
Victor: Then do it! Do your own podcast. Create your own streaming platform out of here, out of this office. This is your domain.
Adam: Sure. Sure. I can initiate a project like that. Then victoria’s gonna come home and she’s gonna shut it down because it’s my idea.
Victor: Make it so damn profitable that she can’T.
Adam: I will do my best.
Victor: Good. I know this is very frustrating for you. I understand that. But you have got to know that ashland locke is now out of victoria’s life. He’ll soon be out of town. And victoria will move on. And things will get back to normal.
Adam: Well, maybe I would be more motivated about all of this if you shared your plan with me.
Ashland: [ Imitating explosions ]
[ Laughs ] Oh, you know, everybody needs a break, so if you want to step away for a minute, stretch your legs…
Linda: My legs are fine.
Ashland: Uh, okay. Well, um, would it be okay if i just take him down to the duck pond and we can feed the ducks, huh? Just the two of us. What do you think?
Kyle: No ducks today, buddy, but how about some ice cream?
Kyle: Yeah? Linda, do you mind to make sure harrison gets extra sprinkles on his cone?
Linda: Do you want chocolate or strawberry today?
Ashland: [ Chuckles ]
Harrison: Can father come?
Ashland: Y-you know what? I can’t right now, so you enjoy your ice cream, and I’ll see you soon, and then we’ll feed the ducks together. How’s that? Yeah? Okay. Okay. You know, I didn’t, uh — I didn’t realize I needed to bring a lawyer with me to visit with harrison at the park, but if that’s the way you want to play it, then next time I’ll bring an army of lawyers.
Michael: May I?
Kyle: I’ll handle it. We filed a restraining order against you. You will be served later today.
Ashland: You can’t be serious.
Kyle: Mm. Legally, you can no longer spend time with harrison. You must avoid all contact with him. And now please welcome ana montoya.
Victor: My plan to make sure that ashland locke leaves town is already in motion.
Adam: While victoria is out of town?
Victor: Yeah. With her out of town, there’s no reason for him to stay here, except one.
Adam: [ Sighs ] That, um, boy, harrison.
Victor: And I told kyle and summer to make sure that he doesn’t get near the boy.
Adam: Can they do that legally? I thought ashland’s name was on the birth certificate. I assume that gives him some rights.
Victor: I told them to get a restraining order.
Adam: Locke has a lot of expensive lawyers at his disposal. He could fight it.
Victor: Oh, yeah? Think about it for a moment. Do you think he wants his cancer scam to become public knowledge and public record?
Adam: You are definitely playing hard ball. But you’ve always had a soft spot for kids. I mean, this is coming at harrison’s expense.
Victor: That kid will be much better off without locke filling his head with lies.
Adam: I suppose.
Victor: Without that little boy, there’s not a damn reason for ashland locke to stay in town, okay?
Ashland: This is a joke. Michael, you are a joke.
Michael: I’ve been called worse.
Ashland: My lawyers will chew you up and spit you out. This restraining order you are talking about — it will end up in the trash.
Michael: Oh, well, we look forward to hearing your counterarguments in court. I personally am going to enjoy hearing you explain to the judge that you lied to an innocent young child about your illness and your impending death and your entirely stolen identity.
Ashland: Kyle, this is unfair, not just to me, but to harrison. You are punishing harrison for the deeply regretted mistakes of his father.
Kyle: We are protecting harrison.
Ashland: From me?
Kyle: That’s right.
Ashland: I have done nothing but look out for that boy. I could have made a scene just now. I could have demanded time with him, which I am entitled to, but I didn’t do that because i didn’t want him to get upset.
Kyle: No, you told him you were dying. That was upsetting to him.
Ashland: Which I deeply regret and I’ve apologized for.
Kyle: Okay, you know, enough! I don’t want you anywhere near my son ever, and if you really love him, want to protect him from heartache, you will leave.
Ashland: I just want to spend some time with him.
Kyle: No, I have made up my mind! It’s best if harrison doesn’t think you’re in town ignoring him. We’ll tell him a story or something.
Ashland: [ Scoffs ]
Kyle: But either way, you will be gone.
Ashland: This is monstrous.
Kyle: No, ashland. You are.
Diane: Maybe I’m not jack’s favorite person right now, but i remember times he couldn’t tolerate you. Apparently, he got over that.
Phyllis: Well, he just did a lot of tolerating of me upstairs just now.
Diane: Ugh! What do you want? A trophy? A standing ovation? “Best sex in the afternoon”?
Phyllis: Yeah, yeah, I want a medal right here. Right here is where I want my medal.
Diane: Oh, well, then congratulations on your tacky display. You practically jumped on the desk and waved your bra in the air — “we did it! Jack and I had sex upstairs!” Well done.
[ Scoffs ] But is that really such an accomplishment for you? Frankly, when I heard you bought a hotel, I thought you’d name it something closer to home than the “grand phoenix,” something like “quickie inn” or “bedpost notches.”
Phyllis: Okay, you know jack is more than a bedpost notch for me.
Diane: Do I?
[ Chuckles ] All kidding aside, we both know why you’re making such a show of this, taking a victory lap. It’s because this moment is probably the closest you’ll ever get to happiness. Deep down, you know that you and jack won’t last. This time won’t be any different than all the others, phyllis. You can get them into bed, but you can’t keep them.
Phyllis: Let me tell you — yeah, yeah, I accelerated my relationship with jack to throw it in your face. Who cares? Who cares? It proved my point because jack and I have a deep, connected relationship, something, diane, you will never, ever have! So, yeah, I was marking my territory, and you know what? It feels good!
Diane: [ Chuckles ]