Y&R Transcript Friday, September 24, 2021

Young & The Restless Transcript

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Nick: Are you sure you can do this?

Phyllis: Are you doubting my expertise?

Nick: No, no, this is just next-level search-and-discovery mission, that’s all.

Phyllis: Well, good thing you have me. No one better to find out ashland locke’s true identity.

Nick: [ Sighs ] Well, you’re not the first expert to go digging into ashland’s background.

Phyllis: Yeah, well, I’m the first one who’s gonna succeed.

Nick: Well, we need to confirm ashland’s origin story

before he marries my sister.

Phyllis: Well, good thing you have me because this is my wheelhouse. Sleuthing and scheming. Spying.

[ Laughs ] Also, I happen to be very, very, very madly in love with you, and I want to see you happy.

Nick: Well, that’s a two-way street.

Phyllis: Okay, here we go. What did rey say about somebody who wants to change their name legally?

Nick: He said it takes a lot of documentation, you know, a lot of legal channels that you have to go through.

Phyllis: Alright, well, I am checking out these databases that are connected to the — you know, the legal authorization and legal channels for a young man who wanted to change his name to ashland locke, what, 30, 40 years ago.

Nick: Yeah, I mean, there’s just got to be something.

Phyllis: There’s nothing. Nick, there’s nothing here. I mean, I’m still so dumbfounded that this guy has successfully buried his true identity. And there’s no documentation anywhere. I mean, that just means that —

Nick: It means something very strange is going on.

Billy: We need to have a serious conversation about ashland locke.

Gaines: I’m busy.

Billy: We can go somewhere private. I promise you, it’ll be worth your while.

Gaines: [ Sighs ]

Billy: 10 minutes. You won’t regret it.

Gaines: Alright. Let’s go.

Ashland: $500,000. Yes, I’m aware. It — look, you just make the money happen, and I’ll take care of the rest. Please just have it ready. Thank you.

Abby: Ashland, hi.

Ashland: Abby, it is lovely to see you.

Abby: Yeah. Given how often you’ve been in here, it’s odd that we haven’t done more than exchange pleasantries. And now you’re about to be my brother-in-law.

Ashland: I’m looking forward to being a part of your wonderful family, especially getting to know you better.

Abby: I feel the same. You know, I think it’s time that we get to know each other. Mind if I join you?

Ashland: I would be delighted.

Victor: Well, I hope you’re not too busy with something very important.

Victoria: Daddy, you know i always make time for you.

Victor: Whoa! Look at that. My goodness, is that a merrill londeree?

Victoria: It is.

Victor: Sweetheart, that is so damn good. Look at the poise and the grace and the presence. My god, I love it. Don’t you?

Victoria: Oh, well, you know, it’s taking some getting used to, looking at my face all day, but it just reminds me to keep focused on getting the job done.

Victor: I think it’s beautiful.

Victoria: Mom was worried that you wouldn’t be that enthusiastic about it.

Victor: Why would she worry about that? This is a fitting symbol of your new position, sweetheart. You’re running this company. It’s in your capable hands now. And you’re bringing it into the future — a bright, prosperous future, right? I mean, this is symbolic of your new position of power, really.

Victoria: It was a gift from ashland.

Victor: Oh, it is. Oh. Well, now, I have a gift for you, as well. Age-related macular degeneration may lead to severe vision loss,

Additional sponsorship

provided by…

Abby: I couldn’t stand the thought that our first real conversation would be after the “I dos.”

Ashland: [ Chuckles ] Well, to say that you have been busy is an understatement. Not only are you the owner of my favorite restaurant in town, but I have also heard that there’s a new member of the family.

Abby: Yeah, dominic.

Ashland: That’s a strong name.

Abby: Dominic phillip newman abbott chancellor.

Ashland: Oh, my. That moniker is longer than he is.

Abby: Oh, he’ll grow into it eventually.

Ashland: He seems to have been born into the role of an ambassador.

Abby: A role that I know very well. I’ve played it most of my life. My father is a newman and my mother is an abbott.

Ashland: Wow. I would imagine that would make for interesting times, given the unique histories of your families.

Abby: Oh, the stories I could tell.

[ Chuckles ] I am — I’m very proud of both sides of my family tree. I see the best in them, but I am also not too shy to call them out on the worst.

Ashland: They’re lucky to have you. And now, dominic.

Abby: Yeah, he really is such a miracle. I know I may be biased, but he is the perfect little angel. Oh, his little face. I mean, I’m now that parent that takes pictures and videos of him all day long and shows them to everybody.

Ashland: Well, that all changes so quickly. It’s really critical you capture it all at once. Do you have any pictures of him, by any chance?

Abby: Oh, I thought you would never ask.

[ Chuckles ] I do, yes. Settle in.

Ashland: [ Chuckles ]

Abby: I have so many pictures and videos that I’m gonna need my own data storage facility soon. And while I am bragging about my son, please tell me about you and victoria. When business turned into romancE. When you knew you were in love. All of it because there is nothing better than a good love story.

Billy: I did some digging into you after we met, mr. Gaines.

Gaines: Well, don’t believe everything you read.

Billy: I found out that you took over your father’s law practice after he passed away. Two years later, your license was revoked for malfeasance. Yet, one of the biggest businessman in the world claims that you are one of his east coast lawyers. Now, if he’s lying about that, what else is he lying about?

Gaines: Why are you so interested?

Billy: Well, it’s my job. I shine a light into the dark corners. I flip over rocks, exposing what’s really there, not what the rich and famous would like to be there. But you knew who I was when we met. You know that I run chanccomm with my partner, the woman who i was with, lily winters.

Gaines: You already wrote an exposé on locke. You hardly were the first.

Billy: Yeah, but there’s so much more information that locke has been hiding for decades.

Gaines: Hmm, that sounds personal. What’s your beef with him?

Billy: I’m gonna assume you also know that he’s about to marry the mother of my children. A man like that, spending that much time with my kids, I need to know that he can be trusted. And so far, I’ve found no evidence of that to be true. The fact is, I think he’s hiding something monumental, and my intuition tells me that you know something about that.

Victoria: What is this?

Victor: Well, open it and read it.

Victoria: Dad.

Victor: What?

Victoria: You can’T.

Victor: Oh, really? You’re gonna stop me or what?

Victoria: This is the — this is —

Victor: It’s the deed to my villa in tuscany, the palazzo. It is yours, as of the day of your wedding with ashland.

Victoria: I can’t believe it.

Victor: This is your tuscan home away from home, you know.

Victoria: [ Chuckles ] Daddy.

Victor: I want you to spend many, many happy years with ashland there, okay?

Victoria: I really don’t know how to thank you. Not just for the gift, but for what this represents.

Victor: There’s no need.

Victoria: No, daddy, I know you feel like you were doing your fatherly duty digging into ashland’s past, but this just shows me that you support us and you support our marriage.

Victor: I love you. You’re my daughter. I want you to enjoy that house and that villa on that estate for many, many years. I’ve never seen you this happy. I want you to continue to be happy, okay?

Victoria: Thank you.

[ Chuckles ] I’m susan and I’m 52

Abby: I can’t believe that victoria ever spoke to you again after that first negotiation. I mean, you chose victor and adam over her.

Ashland: Well, as I told you, I think she was a little more than exasperated. I think she still might be.

Abby: [ Chuckles ]

Ashland: But I admired her even then.

Abby: She is very impressive.

Ashland: It was more than that. You know, even from the beginning, there was a spark, this connection, recognition, you know? Something that the poets have eternally tried to put into words. The first we kissed, I — I just knew that everything was different. And for the first time in my life, I had found a person on this planet who could make me happy to be alive.

Abby: Yeah.

Ashland: I’m sorry, did I say something that —

Abby: No, I’m — I’m sorry. No, it’s — it’s okay. I was just — I was thinking about my wedding and how much i miss my husband.

Ashland: Yeah, I would imagine that must be really tough, not having him around, especially with dominic in the picture.

Abby: Yeah.

Ashland: But you also must be very proud of him.

Abby: I am. You know what? I am — I am so happy for you and victoria. And I hope and pray that your love lasts forever.

Ashland: Oh. Well, prayers are welcome. I really enjoyed this time with you and getting to know you, and I would imagine you’ve got just tons of work to do, so I’ll be on my way.

Abby: Actually, before you go, there is something I wanted you to know.

Ashland: Tell me anything you want.

Abby: I have to admit, I had my reservations about you and victoria. I mean, everything just happened so fast, but now I can see why she fell in love with you and why she’s willing to take this next step with you, after everything she’s been through.

Ashland: You mean with billy?

Abby: Look, don’t get me wrong, I love my uncle. He’s a terrific father and his heart is normally in the right place. But when they were together, victoria spent an inordinate amount of time putting out fires.

Ashland: I have heard the stories.

Abby: Yeah, the gambling, the drinking, the affairs, shady business dealings.

Ashland: Sounds difficult.

Abby: And look, I know every relationship has their ups and downs, but look at you. I mean, your health, but that’s not something that you could help. I mean, that was thrown at you, and you and victoria, you’re dealing with it together.

Ashland: Hmm.

Abby: And the way that you’re merging your company with newman, it just shows how much you admire victoria’s business acumen.

Ashland: She’s a powerhouse. One of the myriad reasons why i love and adore your sister. You know, she was the one that convinced me to go forward with this treatment, and I was dead set against it and she was quietly and subtly relentless.

Abby: Well, when she’s right, she can be ferocious.

Ashland: Yeah, well, I had told myself that I wanted nothing to do with being tired and sick all the time from the chemotherapy, but I went ahead with it because I had wanted more time with her. And I will cherish every minute.

Abby: I can see it in your eyes, how much you love her.

Ashland: It’s true, I do.

Abby: But I also know your reputation. And it’s not that unlike my father’S. You have a certain world view, certain way of handling things. And I want you to take this with the spirit that it is intended because I promise you, I really only want the best for you and victoria.

Ashland: Feel free to speak your mind.

Abby: Please never lie to victoria. Billy did that far too often. I think he thought that he was protecting her, but he was really only protecting himself.

Ashland: I will take that to heart. Thank you.

Abby: Yeah. Okay, well, I am going to get home to dominic.

Ashland: Of course. I so appreciate this time, and thank you. It’s been great getting to know you.

Abby: I feel the same. Well, I’m sure you have a lot to get done before the wedding.

Ashland: As a matter of fact, I have some business that I need to attend to.

Billy: I know whatever brought you to genoa city has to do with ashland locke because he is desperately trying to keep something hidden.

Gaines: I’ve already told you —

Billy: Don’t tell me that you’re his lawyer because you don’t have a license to practice anymore.

Gaines: I’m a consultant on retainer.

Billy: Then why misrepresent yourself like that?

Gaines: Eh, old habits die hard.

Billy: That’s one option. The other option would be you and ashland have an agreement because you know something that he’s willing to pay to keep quiet. I’m gonna take your silence as a “yes.” It’s only a matter of digging before I come up with the rest of the details.

Gaines: Well, there is nothing to uncover.

Billy: Or I can have my team over at chanccomm take over. They’re highly motivated, very well funded. Of course, we could come up with a financial agreement between the two of us. What do you say, jesse? Do you mind if I call you jesse? A very lucrative financial agreement, right here, right now.

Gaines: [ Sighs ]

Nick: I mean, how does a young guy even know how to begin to form a new identity?

Phyllis: I know, especially when anything legal leaves a trail.

Nick: Shady friends and associates? What are you looking at now?

Phyllis: I’m looking at a national database right here. I am looking for death records or a deceased actual ashland locke who died, right? And then this guy that we know — he assumed his identity, what, like 30, 40 years ago.

[ Keys clacking ]

[ Sighs ] There’s nothing. I mean, you and I both know it’s easy to pay somebody off, to get someone to look the other way, do a favor for you, if you have enough money.

[ Keys clacking ]

Nick: I mean, he’s got money now, but this identity switch happened, what, decades ago, before he got this job at the station with camilla rhodes in new jersey, before he became successful. According to locke, you know, he had a rough childhood, an abusive father, and no resources. He needed a fresh start.

Phyllis: Do we really believe that story? Really?

Nick: I mean, my dad does, probably because it hits close to home, so that part of the story does ring true. But everything we’ve discovered today, nothing leads us to the fact that ashland locke might be a fabricated name, and there’s no paper trail pointing us to a legal name change. So let’s just assume for a moment that ashland locke was a real person and his identity was legally established.

Phyllis: Yeah. An actual ashland locke that this guy that we know took his identity, just stepped into his life. He paid for it.

Nick: Maybe he took the name from someone who was really sick.

Phyllis: Or someone who wanted to just disappear.

Nick: But paid him off with what? I…

Phyllis: [ Sighs ]

Nick: I don’t know. You know, maybe it wasn’t a deal at all. Maybe ashland locke’s dead, you know? That’s why the name’s not popping up in any of the databases.

Phyllis: Possibly.

Nick: Where do we even begin?

Phyllis: I have an idea.

[ Keys clacking ]


Victor: You know, the fact that ashland changed his name obviously raised some questions.

Victoria: Obviously.

Victor: But not with me. I want you to know that, okay? I, um, was very moved by what he said. A lot of it resonated with me.

Victoria: Yes, daddy, because of your own past, of course.

Victor: You know, I’ve always prided myself on my ability to read people. Based on that, I made a lot of important decisions in my life and in business. And I could see in his face as he was talking about his childhood how painful that was. And yet he was able to extricate himself from that abusive childhood and become a very successful business tycoon and become the man that he is now.

Victoria: You know it meant a lot that ashland opened up to us. He’s never shared that part of his life with anyone.

Victor: You know, it was billy boy who made him re-live all that. Billy abbott is a liability, always has been, always will be. He’s the one you have to watch.

Victoria: I’ve spoken to billy about this. I’ve begged him to stop digging around in ashland’s life.

Victor: But he hasn’t, and he can’t, because he’s insanely jealous of your relationship with ashland, alright?

Victoria: Well, he says that he’s worried about the children.

Victor: That’s hogwash. Please, sweetheart. It was a giant mistake to invite him to your wedding. He can’t stand the fact that you’re happy with ashland, that you’re with someone who is 10 times the man that billy boy ever was, ever will be.

Victoria: Well, even if that’s true, daddy, he’s hardly a threat.

Victor: Sweetheart, do me a favor. Be careful. The only reason billy boy wants to come to the wedding is to spoil things for you, to make you unhappy.

Billy: I’ll keep your name out of it. You’ll be an anonymous source.

Gaines: What would I have to do?

Billy: Fill in the blanks. Tell me how ashland locke was able to finance the two news stations that he acquired from camilla rhodes’ estate that launched his career. ‘Cause I have a feeling there’s more to the story than a young upstart with the midas touch striking it rich.

Gaines: Just for the sake of argument…

Billy: Mm?

Gaines: …How much would something like that be worth to you?

Billy: How does $100,000 sound?

[ Knock on door ]

Ashland: Gaines!

Phyllis: Ugh. Is there any other information you can give me on this guy? Different names, addresses, anything?

Billy: My dad’s P.I. Turned up some information about him working at that station in new jersey with that woman camilla, and that is what began has meteoric rise in the industry.

Phyllis: Okay, great, because that’s public record. That is easy to find.

Nick: See, I thought that was a non-issue, but it is a good place to start.

Phyllis: Yeah. Alright, looks like the station is in a place called toms river, new jersey.

[ Keys clacking ]

Nick: Can you find out when he started working there?

Phyllis: Yeah. Looks like he was 20 when he started working there.

Nick: So, I guess the big question is, how long before he took that job at the station did he assume his new identity? What are you looking at now?

Phyllis: I’m pulling up a list of deceased males around ashland’s age. I’m going to get a list together, and we will eliminate those who do not fit.

Nick: And that’s how we find out whose identity locke took.

[ Keys clacking ]

Ashland: [ Sighs ]

Victor: Ashland.

Ashland: Victor. Must be the day for me to run into my future in-laws. Good to see you.

Victor: You look like a man with a lot on his mind.


“The young and the restless”

will continue.

Ashland: Oh, everything is fine. I was just meeting with one of my attorneys.

Victor: Ah. Nothing urgent, I hope?

Ashland: No, just tying up some loose ends. You know how it is. The only thing I want on my mind the day of my wedding is your daughter.

Victor: Talking about my daughter, I just came back from her office and saw that magnificent portrait on the wall.

Ashland: Captures her essence, huh?

Victor: You actually managed to get merrill londeree to do that painting?

Ashland: I can’t believe you recognized her work.

Victor: Oh, yeah.

Ashland: Well, I’m glad to hear that you have that reaction because I was hoping I didn’t have to dig out the boxing gloves.

Victor: [ Chuckles ] Well, who knows?

Victor: Your skill in the ring is part of the legend of victor newman. I hope someday you can teach me the ropes.

Victor: And one day perhaps we shall do that.

Ashland: We haven’t spoken since I called the family together and revealed the events that led to my changing my name, starting my life over with a clean slate. I hope it didn’t change your opinion of me.

Victor: Well, it has, you know? But not in the negative way that one might assume. What you have lived through could have taken your life in a totally different direction. You could have followed in the footsteps of your father and led a life of abuse and pain and addiction. I understand what you went through. And I respect that you pulled yourself out of that mire and became the man that you are today and became as successful a businessman as you have become. And I also appreciate the fact that you opened up to everyone. Must have been painful. So, I will tell you that I am impressed with your background and your life. And I welcome you into our family.

Ashland: [ Chuckles ] Thank you, sir. I just want you to know it means the world to me.

Victor: Now, you understand, of course, why I had to vet your background.

Ashland: As I told you, I’d have done the same thing if i were in your shoes.

Victor: I also want you to know that I will always, always look out for my daughter.

Ashland: She’s your daughter. I would expect nothing less. And I want you to know this. I will protect her just as fiercely. She’s everything to me.

Victor: Good to know.

Phyllis: Alright.

[ Keys clacking ] We narrowed the field down to three guys, three men around ashland’s age, cause of death, down to every single detail. Psch.

[ Sighs ]

Nick: You know what? That one right there looks very promising.

Phyllis: Yeah. Ashland number two.

Nick: He fits the profile. He best supports our theory.

Phyllis: Yeah. Okay. Are you sure you want to do this?

Nick: I have to.

Phyllis: I know you have to. But I really, really want you to think about it. This could change everything. And I mean your relationship with your father, your relationship with your sister, with ashland himself, the merger, everything.

Nick: I can’t walk away.

Phyllis: I just want you to think about it for a minute.

Nick: Phyllis, we talked about this.

Phyllis: I know we just talked about it. It was conjecture. But, I mean, things are about to get real.

Nick: Well, you said you knew I was doing this for the right reasons.

Phyllis: And you are. I truly believe that. You’re doing it because you love your sister. And — and that’s beautiful. But it just seems like, all the conversations you told me that you’ve had with victoria… she knows something shady is going on and she doesn’t want to admit it.

Nick: Well, if we come up with some dark secret about ashland, I just have to hope she knows it’s coming from the right place because I love her so much and respect her.

[ Sighs ] It’s just… I can’t quit. I got to see this through.

Phyllis: Yeah. Okay. Then we’re gonna do this. One of these three men might have been the real ashland locke.

Nick: And if that’s true, then who is this man that my sister is planning to marry?

Ashland: Well, you have nothing to worry about as far as I’m concerned or my past.

Victor: Well, then, ashland, I suggest we look forward to the future.

Ashland: Nothing would make me happier. This calls for a drink.

Billy: Well, if it isn’t two captains of industry soon to be joined by law. Fil and sil.

Ashland: I beg your pardon?

Billy: Father-in-law, son-in-law. The big day’s fast approaching. Very exciting. A lot of moving parts. It’s funny how forgetting one small little detail can bring the whole thing crashing to the ground. That would be a shame. Good day.

Victor: Billy boy. You cause one second of heartache for my daughter during this happy time… I will crush you.

Billy: Good to know. (Lucky) uh-oh the magic’s disappearing!

[ Knock on door ]

Victoria: Come in.

Phyllis: Hey!

Victoria: Phyllis.

Phyllis: Yeah.

Victoria: What brings you by?

Phyllis: Well, um… oh, my goodness. Wow. That’s a statement.

Victoria: Yes. Well, you’re not the first to react the way. That was the idea. I mean, it was ashland’s idea. He had it commissioned.

Phyllis: Really? Oh. Th-that’s sweet. I bet that didn’t score points with your dad.

Victoria: Oh, actually, he was here earlier, and he loves it.

Phyllis: He does? Wow. Okay. Well, do you have his portrait? Because nick needs a dart board for our rec room.

Victoria: [ Laughs ] That’s funny. Thank you so much for the laugh. I appreciate that. So, what — what are you doing here?

Phyllis: Um, you forgot your bracelet, um, when you were getting your facial at the spa, so…

Victoria: Oh. You delivered it personally? Did my brother put you up to that?

Phyllis: No. Why would he?

Victoria: I was just looking for a logical reason.

Phyllis: Well, I do nice things for people someti–

Victoria: But not for me, no.

Phyllis: Well, I mean, I-i was in the neighborhood. I had errands, and I thought i would just bring it by. Don’t make a big deal about it.

Victoria: I’m trying not to, but that’s two days in a row now that you’ve been kind.

Phyllis: Civil.

Victoria: Almost downright friendly.

Phyllis: Okay, don’t get carried away. “Friendly.” I mean, I have a reputation to uphold.

Victoria: Noted, noted. But I’m definitely sharing this with my brother. I think he’ll be just as surprised as I am.

Phyllis: Why do you say that?

Victoria: Or maybe there’s something else going on here?

Phyllis: Listen, you’re about to get married and you’re nick’s sister and I just want us all to be happy.

[ Cellphone ringing ] Is that your groom?

Victoria: It’s abby.

Phyllis: Oh, okay. I’ll let you take that.

Victoria: Phyllis. Thank you, um, you know, for taking the trouble for this.

Phyllis: My pleasure. See you.

Victoria: Abby. I’m so glad you called.

Billy: Lily, I’m telling you, this gaines guy — he knows exactly what ashland is trying to hide. Well, you saw the look on his face when he saw that I was talking to gaines. And he tries to pawn it off like it’s his east coast attorney. Give me a break. So, here’s the thing. Gaines said that he will give us an exclusive if the price is right. And if he delivers, I promise you it’ll be worth every penny. I’m gonna meet up with him in a little bit to discuss. I’ll call you after? I will. Okay. I love you, too. Bye.

[ Cellphone clatters ]

[ Exhales heavily ]

[ Sighs ] So much for the big italian wedding.

Victoria: You did what?!

Abby: I couldn’t let you get married to a guy without having a heart-to-heart with him first.

Victoria: And? What did you think?

Abby: I can see why you fell in love with him. Ah, his face every time he mentioned your name — he just lit up. And all of those stories about him being a monster — they’re total garbage, okay? He is a sweetheart, and I will defend him to anyone who says different.

Victoria: Have I told you lately that you are the best sister in the entire world? I’m so glad that you got to spend some time with him.

Abby: I am so happy for you, victoria. He’s smart and funny and powerful. You have finally met your equal. You deserve this.

Victoria: [ Chuckles ] Your carpets are filled with memories.

Nick: Alright, thanks so much. I appreciate it. I will see you shortly. Bye.

[ Door opens ]

Phyllis: Hey, look at you. You’re already packed.

Nick: Jet’s gassed up and ready to go. I’m gonna fly to new jersey and then go down to toms river and follow up on those three deceased young men that we tracked down, one of whom could be the real ashland locke.

Phyllis: Wow, this is all coming together really fast.

Nick: Thanks to you. I never could have done this without you.

Phyllis: Yeah…

Nick: Everything alright?

Phyllis: Yeah. I just keep on thinking about the position that victoria is in. That’s all.

Nick: Look, she’s gonna be better off if she knows the truth, whatever it is.

Phyllis: Yeah. But I don’t know…

Nick: Phyllis —

Phyllis: You’re doing the right thing. I believe you are doing the right thing. You’re a very good brother.

Nick: Thanks. Hopefully I come back with some answers.

Victoria: Thank you so much for calling, abby. Yes, of course we’re gonna get together soon. And give my love to dominic. Okay. Love you. Bye. There you are! I was actually starting to worry until I got a call from abby.

Ashland: Well, what’s the verdict? Did I pass the brother-in-law test?

Victoria: Yes, it seems like you’ve made quite the impression.

Ashland: Ah, well, it was good to get to know your sister better, even though I had to postpone some of my own personal business.

Victoria: Does that personal business include the surprise that you were alluding to earlier? You know, the one that you were arranging some large amount of cash for.

[ Glass thuds]

Gaines: [ Sighs ]

[ Knock on door ] Finally.

Victor: Mr. Gaines, i presume? By the expression on your face, I guess you recognize who I am. Let’s talk about you. What are you up to?

Next week on

“the young and the restless”…

Moses: Sharon’s not making you work, is she? Why are you really backing out of our date?

Victoria: I just heard that nick took the jet to new jersey. I want to know why.

Nikki: Back the hell off, billy, now. And do us all a massive favor. Don’t show your face at the wedding. You’re no longer welcome.

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