Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
[dramatic music]
[groans] Oh, Chanel, hey.
Oh, I’ve done it again.
Done what again?
I’m interrupting, aren’t I? You and Stephanie–
You’re not interrupting anything. Stephanie’s not here.
And for the fundraiser, we’re going to need you to stick to these talking points. We’ve uploaded your speech to the prompter, but I know sometimes you like to–
Go off book?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I like to feel out the crowd. And if I’m bombing, I– I’m diverting to my, you know, natural–
Which–which is why I’ve also included a list of no-nos. I think it’s best if we just avoid these issues.
Oh, good morning, ladies.
Excuse me, Leo. We’re having a business meeting here.
And I’m sure it’s very important, but this is an emergency. We are having a major, major PR snafu at “Body & Soul” that I need you on top of, like, pronto. It’s a sex scandal. [jazzy music]
Hey, boss.
Oh, Bonnie. Bonnie, look, I only have a minute. We’re–we’re casting a new character, and–
Oh, yes, I know. Regan Holloway, yes. You can just cancel those auditions, actually. See, I’ve been reading ahead, and I know all about the interloper who’s supposed to come between Arrow and Faith. Great stuff, by the way.
Bonnie, I–
And I have found the perfect girl to play the part. She totally embodies that whole wild-child vibe, if you know what I mean. And to top it off, she is drop-dead gorgeous.
OK, OK. Who is she?
Chloe Lane’s little sister, Joy Wesley. [knocking]
Joy, wake up! [knocking] [footsteps pattering] [sighs]
Jeez! Are you trying to wake up the whole hotel?
I thought I was trying to wake up the dead.
I was asleep, Mother.
Oh. Well, it’s no wonder. [chuckles] I knocked on your door at : a.m., too, and you weren’t here. You obviously found time to find out about all the nightlife here in Salem. So where were you last night?
[sighs] [dramatic music]
Hey.
Hey.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, Grandma.
I spoke to Allie. She sends her love.
Oh, that’s– [clears throat] That’s nice.
Anyway… oh, I–I got you a birthday cupcake, deliciously made by your loving wife.
What is wrong?
Oh, nothing, nothing at all.
Well, somehow I don’t believe that.
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
Joy Wesley. No, not on my list.
Oh, no, I know. See, Abe, she came all the way from New York City just for the chance. And really, it would be a shame not to give her the opportunity to show you what she’s got because, Abe, this girl is talented, very talented.
Does she have any experience?
Oh, yes, I’m sure her résumé is very impressive. In fact, Nancy said she was a born performer.
Look, Bonnie–
No, listen, Abe, look at it this way. See, you gave me a chance, right? And I had zero experience. But you, sir, you saw my raw talent. And it worked out pretty good, all right?
[chuckles] Yes, Bonnie, we are– we’re very lucky to have you.
Thank you, Abe. See, you, sir, have a great eye for talent. And I know that you are gonna see right away whether she has it or not. And, Abe, between you and me, the girl could really use a confidence boost. You know, she needs a little direction in her life.
Bonnie, you know that this is a business. And we just can’t afford to have any more difficult personalities on our staff.
Oh, oh, Abe. No, no, no, no, no, I didn’t mean that. No, Joy is an angel, an angel. Very low-maintenance, extremely low. In fact, I don’t want to diss my friend or anything, but I think Nancy might be the difficult personality in that relationship. Anyway, Abe, seriously, if you could just give Joy a shot. And if she bombs, mm, so be it. I will never mention it again. [jazzy music]
When am I supposed to see her?
Well, looks like you have a little time before you start. How about right now?
[sighs]
You know, Mother, the whole point of having two rooms is to not have you all up in my business every second of every day.
[chuckles] And just who’s paying for those two rooms, Miss Joy Wesley?
[sighs]
Where were you last night?
I went to a bar, OK? No big deal.
Big deal– you may have an audition today.
Chill. Mom, I didn’t get trashed or anything. I’ll be fine. I was just…hanging out.
Hanging out? With who?
[sighs] You were just– you don’t know anybody. You were just a baby when we moved away.
It’s a bar, Mom. I met somebody.
Who? Are you even listening to me?
No, not really. And–and no offense, but you are aware that other people have problems as well, right?
Wow. I thought Midwesterners were supposed to be friendly. Sorry for trying to have a conversation.
Wait.
[sighs] I’m Johnny. What’s your name?
Joy.
Hey, Joy. Welcome to Salem.
Just some guy. [dramatic music]
I’m fine, really. I just–I’m a bit distracted, I guess. I was up all night blocking the scenes for today.
Oh, sure. Well, I–I hope you find some time to enjoy your special day.
Thanks, Grandma. Or should I say Charlemagne?
Oof. You heard.
I did. In fact, I’m gonna be the one who’s directing you today, which I’m very excited about.
Well, that makes one of us. Actually, I’m only doing it because Leo talked me into it because I guess Hattie refused to– to die and then just stormed off the set. Oh, that must have been a very exciting day for you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, especially when she cursed the show on her way out the door.
Uh, I don’t think you want to go in there.
Why not?
Well, Arrow and Faith… they got a little carried away.
What do you mean?
I poked my head in there a little while ago, and at first, I thought, oh, they’re rehearsing. But then I realized they were…
In a steamy love scene for real.
Actually, I think her curse might already be working.
Why do you say that?
Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have brought up you and Stephanie.
Ah, you’re fine. It’s not like it’s a sore subject or anything. We didn’t really get a chance to talk after–
After I clumsily walked in on you two?
Well, luckily, you walked in on our goodbyes, and we had already finished the–you know. Anyway, Stephanie left so quickly, I don’t know where the hell we stand.
Only where you lie down.
Ha, ha, ha, ha. I see we’ve reached the teasing level of our friendship. OK.
Sorry, sorry.
Mm.
OK, so you were saying.
I was saying…
Mm-hmm.
Stephanie and I just want to be friends.
Uh-huh.
We just keep on– Go ahead. I know you want to interject.
No, no, I’m being respectful.
OK. It’s very unlike you.
[laughs] Look, Alex, just– I think it’s really simple. Do you want to be friends with benefits with her or not? Or maybe you want something more? Yes? No? Maybe?
I don’t know what she wants.
OK, well, here’s a bright idea. Ask her.
All right. Maybe I should talk to her.
Mm-hmm.
A sex scandal? And the show hasn’t even hit the airwaves yet.
Oh, we don’t say airwaves. It’s a streamer. We say interwebs. It hasn’t hit the interwebs.
Well, it sounds like it’s hitting the fan. Oh, this is the last thing Abraham needs right now.
Believe me, I know, hence my rude interruption. Steph, we have to nip this in the bud, like, now.
OK, Leo, before we go to DEFCON , what is this supposed scandal?
Well, I may not be Lady Whistleblower anymore, but this little sniffer can catch the first whiff of something newsworthy, especially when said newsworthiness is of the naughty and titillating variety. And I have it on good authority that Alex Kiriakis is having sex with one of his costars. [gasps]
Just some guy, Mother. I’m sure you don’t know him. Did you talk to your friend who works on “Body & Soul”?
Oh! Yes, I did. I talked to Bonnie, and she’s going to try to arrange it with Abe Carver. He’s the producer.
Great. So I have the job.
No, you don’t have the job, Miss Entitled. You have to audition. But Bonnie said that she’s gonna try and arrange it. Oh! I just haven’t heard from them yet. [phone beeps] Oh, wait, wait. [gasps] He said yes!
Really?
Really. Oh, and you’re up first.
What? First? What time am I supposed to be there?
Oh, as soon as possible.
Oh, my God. I’m still in my pajamas.
You need to go get dressed and– and knock them dead.
Can I get you something?
No, actually, I came by to– [phone beeps] Oh. Oh, great. Abe needs me to stop by the production offices. I already have so much to do with Johnny’s birthday party, and now this.
Well, what can I do to help? What do you need?
Actually, that’s why I came by.
OK.
I wanted to see if maybe you could stop by Sweet Bits on your way to set and pick up the cake and bring it with you to work. Because I would have done it myself, but then I’m just so swamped with everything. And then Felicity, she didn’t have the cake ready yet. She needed a little more time. And now Abe, he needs me to stop–
I know. I know. You had me at cake, OK? I’m happy to help.
OK. You’re a lifesaver.
I know. I try.
And don’t let on to Johnny, OK?
I also know how surprise parties work, Chanel.
Mm, do you?
Are you sure he hasn’t figured out anything yet?
Yes, I’m sure.
OK, OK.
Although I haven’t seen much of him since production started. I mean, he’s always working super late. And last night, he worked super late. And then this morning, he was gone before I got up. So I haven’t even got a chance to tell him happy birthday yet.
Aww. [dramatic music]
What do you mean, Hattie’s curse is working? Has something happened?
[sighs]
Dr. Evans, my fellow thespian. Well, will you look at us? Isn’t it something?
It is…something, all right.
Well, don’t have too much fun today. We wouldn’t want to lose University Hospital’s top psychiatrist to showbiz.
Or our hospital administrator.
[chuckles] Fear not. I’m just an under-five. That’s industry lingo for five lines of fewer per episode. I’m easing into it.
Well, I don’t have any lines. I just have to take a nosedive down an elevator shaft.
Oh, I know. Word to the wise. Make sure there’s plenty of mattresses down there before you jump.
Hmm.
Oh, Bonnie. Good, you’re here. Would you please show my grandmother to makeup?
Oh, absolutely. Come on, Marlena. I’ll show you the ropes. It’s gonna be so fun.
Yeah. We will catch up a little later?
Sure.
It’s this way.
I didn’t mean to scare Marlena. But unprofessionalism seems to be running rampant around here. Ms. Adams walks off the set. Leo Stark rejects all my alt lines. And I still can’t get over finding Faith and Arrow going at it on the set.
Yeah, yeah, me neither.
Alex is sleeping with somebody at the show?
Did you not hear me? Not just somebody– one of his costars.
I hope you’re not suggesting that it’s my daughter, who is a happily married woman and who is planning her husband’s surprise birthday party as we speak.
Madam Mayor, Your Highness, I am not suggesting Chanel or Bonnie or Hattie, for that matter. There are plenty of other actresses who could have fallen victim to… the hotness of Alex Kiriakis. I mean, that rocking body, those bedroom eyes.
All right, all right, Leo, how do you even know that this is true? It could just be some crew rumor.
Oh, no, no, no. It is no rumor. My sources are never wrong. And I mean, given Alex’s reputation–
Yeah, well, I don’t think you should be talking smack about anybody’s reputation, Leo Stark. Besides, what’s so scandalous? Costars, they–they date, fall in love all the time. Who knows? These two could wind up being married for years.
I suppose, but the problem is that this hookup happened on set. This poor stagehand had the very unenviable task of, well… cleanup on aisle five, if you catch my drift.
Oh.
Anyway, point is, Steph, we have got to make this disappear because a scandal like this, frankly, could take down the whole show.
[sighs]
Ugh, how could I be so stupid? This is exactly– exactly why I didn’t want to get involved with– [dramatic music] Damn it.
Steph.
Alex.
Hey.
Hey. Hey, shouldn’t you be on set?
I’m headed there soon, but first, I’m on a secret mission. I’ve been deputized as the official birthday cake delivery boy. Chanel asked me to pick it up on the way. You want to come with?
No, I–I can’t. I–I have a lot on my plate right now. So I’ll just–I’ll just see you over there.
OK, no problem.
[sighs]
Is everything OK?
Not exactly.
Not exactly?
We can talk about it later.
I think maybe we should talk about it right now.
Fine. I don’t think we should sleep together anymore. Like, ever.
Hey.
Oh, Chanel. Oh, thank you so much.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks for making the time.
Yeah.
I know this was really short notice.
Sure. What’s going on? Is there a problem?
Oh, no, no, no. I would like you to read with an actress we’re auditioning– it’s very short notice…
Mm-hmm.
For Faith’s rival, Regan Holloway.
Hmm, oh, well, OK.
[chuckles] It’s a favor to Bonnie, actually.
Mm, well, I am happy to help.
Well, good. Hey, do you think that you could ask Johnny if he could direct?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Remember, today is the day that I’m throwing his surprise party. So I do not want to tip him off in any way.
Yeah. I’m sorry. I–I forgot. So I’ll direct the audition.
All right.
OK.
So you said that Bonnie knows this actress. What’s her name?
I’m Joy.
Oh.
And you are?
I’m Chanel. Nice to meet you.
And cut. [bell rings] All right.
Oh, man. Thank you. [sighs] [indistinct chatter] Please tell me I don’t have to do that again.
You are a one-take wonder, Grandma.
Dr. Evans, thank you so much. Truly, we could not have done that without you.
Well, thanks. But the happy coincidence is that it’s my grandson’s birthday, and I was glad to spend the extra time with him.
Marlena Evans, you should get a Daytime Emmy for Best Scream Ever.
Oh, thanks. You’re very kind. But I’m just glad I didn’t have a lot of dialogue to learn.
It would have been brilliant no matter what.
I think you might be the slightest bit biased.
Ah, just very tasteful.
So I’m late for my day job. So unless you need anything else from me, Mr. Director?
No, no, you are wrapped. So please feel free to get back to your– your normal life, to your very important day job, one that– that actually matters. Johnny, your– your job matters too. A lot of people are really counting on you here.
Thank you, Grandma. And I know that. I’m just–I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m just exhausted.
I know you are. Happy birthday, anyway.
Thank you.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Oh, my love. Hmm. Thanks, everybody.
Bye. And that’s a wrap for me, too, right, Johnny?
Actually, if you and Seth can stay for one more item– it was a last-minute add.
Ugh, not more purple pages.
It’s a pink page, Bonnie, pink. And you don’t even need one. You don’t have any lines.
[laughs] Leo! I don’t know what to say. I mean, wow! I actually have a lot to say here. Have I been upgraded from an under-five to a… whatever you call it?
You call it a day player. And yes, indeed, you have. Congratulations, Seth. [laughter]
Leo, I didn’t hear anything about this.
Oh, don’t worry, Johnny. All of it’s been approved.
Huh.
So, Chanel, I assume you play Faith?
Yeah, I do. And this is Abraham Carver, our executive producer.
Oh, well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Carver.
Same here, Joy.
Oh, and just FYI, my character hates your character’s guts. So please, just don’t be offended by any of the insults I am about to hurl your way.
OK, well, I’m sure I’ve heard worse.
All right.
Well, here are the scenes for you two to go over. And please, make it quick. I’m afraid we have a bit of a time crunch.
Right. Oh, hey, thank you for fitting me in. I promise I won’t disappoint. [chuckles]
I like the confidence, Joy.
Well, then I must be a good actor, because I’m really pretty nervous.
Oh, well, don’t be. I’m pretty new at this myself. So let’s just have fun with it, OK?
Fun?
Yeah.
Yep. All right. You know what? I’m just gonna brave it.
Well, are you– are you sure you don’t want to just, like, read over it?
No, no, I’ll be OK. I’ll just–I’ll get into it as we go along.
Well, we can run the scenes really quick.
No, no, Mr. Carver said we’re on a time crunch, so let’s–let’s just jump in. OK, I’m–I’m ready.
Mm. All right, great. Then let’s go ahead. And action.
[clears throat] OK. “Just tell me where you were last night, Regan.”
“I stopped by the Cheatin’ Heart for a drink. Is that all right with you?”
“All depends. Did you run into any interesting people there?”
“Well, if you’re referring to Arrow, yeah, he was there.”
“Right. “Yeah, he told me all about your little encounter. Said you play a mean game of pool.”
“Well, I am flattered by the compliment. “But the truth is, Arrow did beat the pants off me “with his smooth, steady stroke, “swinging through the cue ball like it’s not even there. And he sure does look fine bending over that table.”
“You listen to me, Regan. “You can throw your little schoolyard innuendos “in my face all you want, but you will never shake “my faith in Arrow, because we have been through “a long and tortured road, and we are finally together in every way.”
“Mm, why, I don’t know what you mean by ‘schoolyard innuendo,’ Faith.”
“Well, then let me elaborate, OK? “You see, the only cheatin’ heart “at the Cheatin’ Heart last night was you, “you home-wrecking bitch. So stay away from my man.”
“Hmm. The real question is, can he stay away from me?” [dramatic music]
Oh, and it says that I’m supposed to slap her right here. OK.
[gasps]
Oh, and cut. [laughter]
Nice. Good work.
OK, Seth, I’m gonna have you right here.
If we could just– there, perfect.
Hey, wait a second. You’re not killing me off for real this time, are you?
No, no. Your job is golden. We just killed off Charlemagne. Kassandra’s not going anywhere. This will be the easiest money you ever make. Just…lie back and relax.
Oh.
OK, rehearsal, everybody. Are we ready? And action.
Yes, I know. It’s terrible that Charlemagne plummeted to her death in an elevator shaft. But there’s more of that begonia serum there, isn’t there? Oh, yes, that’s right. Pineview hasn’t seen the last of Charlemagne de la Croix.
Cut.
Perfecto. Magnifique. Wunderbar.
Leo?
Hmm?
What the hell? My grandmother explicitly said this was a one-and-done. And I don’t think Hattie’s gonna be coming back.
Johnny, where is your sense of drama? Charlemagne has been back from the dead at least six times, seven if you count that alien abduction during the writers’ strike. Marlena may say that she is done, but this is Pineview. You never know. So now we have ourselves a little insurance policy, just in case.
OK, yeah. Steph, I’ll respect whatever you want. Where is this coming from?
Look, we agreed. We agreed that we weren’t going to sleep together again. And then we did. And then we did again.
[sighs]
Obviously, we both have conflicting feelings about it. And on top of that, we work together. And, Alex, it’s just– it’s too complicated. And what happened on that set, it was a mistake, a big mistake.
I admit it wasn’t the best idea. But I mean, Steph–
It doesn’t matter anymore anyway because it’s over, OK? Let’s just keep things professional.
OK, yeah, I–I get it. If that’s what you really want.
Yes, that is what I really want.
[sighs] [dramatic music]
So…[chuckles] Did I get the part?
[chuckles] I–I can’t tell you, because I have other people to see today. But we will reach out to you if we’re interested.
Oh. [chuckles] OK.
You may go.
Hey, DeMille, Chanel needs to see you in the hospital room set. She has a question about a scene.
Oh, but we’re not even shooting in there today.
She’s your wife. I don’t know.
OK.
Bed–bed head.
Oh, you mean morgue slab head. [sighs] And since my contract specifically states that I’m extremely claustrophobic, you might have warned me that I would be in that highly confined space for what seemed like an eternity for that last scene.
Oh, I don’t look at actors’ contracts.
Obviously not.
Ixnay on the urneygay.
What?
[clears throat]
Oh! Marlena. Great performance. Have I told you that?
You have.
Oh, yeah. Anyway, how’s Johnny doing? I hear it’s his birthday today?
Yes, it is. Paulina, how nice to see you.
Mayor Price, if you’re here for a doctor’s appointment, you have accidentally wandered into an imaginary land called Pineview.
I am here because Chanel was so busy rushing around this morning, she forgot to take this. And since I made the trip, I thought, you know, I’d give my best to my son-in-law and maybe have a piece of birthday cake.
Hmm. – Dr. Marlena Evans to Trauma . Dr. Marlena Evans to Trauma .
That is my alternate reality. So enjoy the party. And tell Johnny, if you would, that I’ll catch him later on.
We will.
So any progress with that PR snafu?
I’m not sure.
Hey, Faith. I was thinking we could run lines together, if that’s all right with you. Blake and Faith have a scene together tomorrow.
I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Oh, man, that cake? Chanel, it looks amazing.
Mm-hmm. Red velvet, Johnny’s favorite.
Good work.
Thank you.
Oh, my God. Anyway, Leo is gonna be bringing Johnny in any minute. So you distract him while I go out there with everybody else. We’re gonna set up the party, all right?
All right, I will keep him in here, and I’ll keep him distracted. [door clicks open] And–
OK, good.
Johnny.
Hey. I’ll see you guys on set.
Happy birthday, my love.
What were– what were you and Alex doing in here–alone?
Oh, we–we were just running lines.
Would you stop lying to me already?
What would I be lying to you about?
Spare me the innocent denial, OK? I know you two were having sex in here!
Mom, this is my room. Did you forget?
The maid was cleaning mine.
Oh. Well, the audition went great. Thank you for asking.
Mm-hmm.
I just have to wait and hear back.
Oh. And you know what I’m waiting to hear? Whose wedding ring is this? [dramatic music]
[sighs]
I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I’m not an actress. I’m actually–
All right, everybody, quiet down. Chanel is gonna be bringing the birthday boy any minute.
OK, everybody, time to get festive. Oh, here, you guys. Here’s two for you.
Thank you.
All righty. Now, Madam Mayor, I have one for you.
Oh, no, thanks.
Well, come on, Paulina. It’s a party. Let’s go, please.
Oh.
Grabbed one for you.
What are you talking about? My God, Johnny, why would you think that Alex and I are having sex?
‘Cause you liked it so much the first time.
Johnny, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I saw you, Chanel, OK? I saw the two of you the other day in here, going at it.
OK, Johnny, this is crazy, OK? Alex and I would never–
I said I saw you, Chanel! And you’ve been lying to me ever since.
Johnny, Johnny, please, please listen to me, OK?
Why–why should I? It’s just gonna be more lies. Just like the day after I saw you with him, you told me you were going to the bakery. Well, I went there, and you were nowhere to be found.
I was running an errand.
Oh, at Alex’s apartment?
What?
Yeah, no, I heard you guys talking about how I was– I was never gonna find out, how clueless I am. I bet you guys had a nice big laugh about–about how– how stupid I am…
Oh, my God.
What a fool your husband is.
Johnny, this is not at all what you think.
No, it’s exactly what I think! OK? And don’t even bother trying to deny it. I–I refuse to believe another word that comes out of your mouth because you’re a cheating slut. Even now, you’re lying right to my face. I can’t believe it. I can’t even look at you.
What’s taking so long? all: Surprise!
Whoo-hoo! [laughs]
What–what is– what is this?
Happy birthday, Johnny boy. Are you surprised or what? You better be, buddy, because Chanel, your wife, did all of this for you, pal. [laughs]
Surprise.
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