Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
So after Faith falls into the shark tank, I’m gonna have to figure out a way for Arrow to rescue her.
Going somewhere?
Well, yeah. I’m just headed to work.
Oh, you’re going to work, because you have a job, unlike yours truly.
Listen, Hattie–
Hey, save it, Judas. Thanks to you, I am out on my adorable ass.
Wow, would you look at that?
“To the executive producers of ‘Body & Soul.'”
Wow, We have fans already. [chuckles] Who’s that from?
Not signed.
It’s from me, you adorable people. It’s a thank-you for saving my life.
Whoa.
Whoa. ,::,
[giggles] [soft jazzy music]
Ah.
Good morning, Dr. Johnson.
Good morning, Seth. Can I do something for you?
You’ve already done it. As you know, I had, uh– initially had doubts about shooting “Body & Soul” here. And as it turns out, wow. It’s been a fun experience so far. Exciting, uplifting.
Right. Well, um, I did think it’d be a good thing for the hospital.
Oh, I wasn’t talking about the hospital. I was talking about me. I think I’ve been bitten by the acting bug.
Now, this is how I like to start my day.
Mm. Yeah, me too. You know, Chanel, I’m sorry we fought. You know, I–I– I know there’s no reason for me to be jealous of Alex.
You sure about that? [tense music]
Alex? What are you doing here?
What do you think I’m doing here, Johnny? I’m here to make mad, passionate love to your wife.
No, no, no. Stop! Stop it! I said stop it! [gasps]
Honey, what’s wrong?
Oh, Jada, I’m so happy to hear that Rafe is home. [chuckles] Well, I am not surprised that he is not the most cooperative patient, although I have no doubt that you can keep him in line. With me and Alex? Oh, nothing to report on that front. I didn’t even see him on set yesterday. [knocking on door] Well, it’s probably for the best. Like I told you, Alex just wants to be friends, and I am totally fine with that. [soft dramatic music]
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
Jada, I have to go. There is someone at my door. Right, right. Yeah, talk soon.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.
No, it’s okay. Come on in.
Thank you. [sighs]
Uh, Jada was just giving me an update on Rafe. He is home from the hospital.
Really? That’s great news.
I know, right? [chuckles] So what brings you by?
I just thought maybe you’d like a latte. I grabbed one for myself, and I figured to maybe bring one by for my buddy next door– pumpkin spice.
Oh, my favorite.
Yeah.
How nice to live across the hall from a man who can anticipate my needs.
Well, I just know how much we both appreciate our morning caffeine fix, so– sorry, I’m a little sweaty. I, uh, hit the gym this morning. I was trying to, you know, get the endorphins going, trying to work off some of these nerves.
Oh. Why? Are you shooting today?
Yes, I am. Big love scene with Chanel.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Mm-hmm. So you were yelling “stop it” in your sleep. Bad dream, I assume?
Yeah, yeah.
Wanna tell me about it?
Not really.
Oh, come on. [tense music]
Fine. Uh… it was about you and Alex.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah. He got into bed with us, said it was time to tape your sex scene. He started making out with you while I watched.
Oh, ugh. Johnny, I’m so sorry you had that dream. But I guess it kind of makes sense since you’re going to be directing our love scene today.
Right. And look, Chanel, I know that–that you’ve been a little upset with me for my jealousy issues. And I also know that I can’t let my own irrational feelings get in the way of me doing my job. Hey, it’s just that when I see you guys together like I did at the photo shoot, it– it brings back these images to me of you and him actually together. Like, for real.
Okay, Johnny, I keep telling you this, but this time, could you please just try and believe me, okay?
Yes.
Okay. I’m gonna tell you this one more time. And I hope that this is the last time that I have to tell you. Alex and I– there are no feelings, okay? I have no feelings for Alex. That time that he and I and Allie were together– that is in the past. And unlike you, I never think about that anymore, okay? He and I are just co-workers now and friends.
Friends?
I thought we were friends, Leo. At least we were– we were “Drag Race” buddies.
We still are. In fact, I just loaded up on pork rinds for our next “Drag Race” binge.
You know what? You can forget about any of those. I’m–I’m–swearing off pork rinds. I think they’re leaving me bloated.
They are. What about jelly beans or plant-based jerky?
Ugh, yuck!
Okay, look, Hattie, I know that you’re upset.
Upset? Upset? My so-called friend writes me off the show I was starring in? That show was gonna get me a Daytime Emmy.
But I didn’t write you off. It wasn’t me.
Oh, because I thought you were the head writer.
Look, I’m just a hired gun.
Oh, that shot me in the back.
No, no, it wasn’t my call. The producers are the ones who make those decisions. Look, I would have loved for Charlemagne Delacroix to remain on the show. She is an amazing character to write. In fact, I am in full-blown mourning over her impending death.
Yeah, well, tell your problems to somebody else. I’m the one who’s kicking the bucket without any notice at all.
Okay, that was not my call, either. I wanted to tell you, Hattie. I did.
Why didn’t you?
Because–
Why didn’t you?
Because… Abe and Kate were worried that if you knew about being fired, you would leave the set without finishing your scenes, and then we’d all be screwed and out of work.
Oh. Out of work, just like me. I kind of like the sound of that. [bright acoustic music]
Okay. [chuckles] Okay, maybe I went a little overboard saying you saved my life because it was actually Kassandra’s life you saved. It’s just that I feel like she’s such a part of me now, you know? And when I heard that Kassandra was buying the farm, well, Bonnie Kiriakis– she was putting down the down payment. And I know it sounds a little wackadoodle, but I swear to God, it’s the truth. It’s like Kassandra and me– we were definitely separated at birth, you know?
Yeah, right.
I read the script, and I saw that I was gonna be a goner– especially the way too. It was so creepy. It was flesh-eating disease. Ugh! But now none of that matters because my hunky son brought me that miracle cure. Thank God. [chuckles] And now Hattie’s gonna get the ax instead. Speaking of which, um– [clears throat] Now that Charlemagne is dead, I mean, um, like, all her stuff’s gonna be up for grabs, right? [light jazzy music]
Her stuff?
Well, yeah, like her clothes. Oh, and, um, her mansion. Oh, you know what? I know. Kassandra could buy Charlemagne’s mansion from her grief-stricken husband. Oh, no, better yet, I could get the grief-stricken husband. Yeah, see, he could be all sad and lonely. And then Kassandra could come along and make him realize that she was his type more so than Charlemagne ever was, or something like that. And then she would make him forget about his nasty, dead wife. And they would live happily ever after, right? It’s good, right? I know it’s good. I should pitch this to Leo, right? Right? Am I right? I’m right, right? Oh, come on, right?
Better yet, forget about Charlemagne’s sloppy seconds. I could marry Thrust. And then I would be heir to the Manning fortune, and I could run Manning Enterprises!
Okay. Just hold on, madam CEO, because you are not going to be controlling anything anytime soon. You are not going to be marrying Thrust. You are not going to be getting Charlemagne’s mansion or her gowns, which you would just turn into matching outfits for you and your Schnauzer.
But Muffy is a Shi Tzu.
Muffy is Kassandra’s off-camera dog. No one’s ever seen Muffy. No one cares what breed she is. So you, my dear, need to listen up. “Body & Soul” is an ensemble production. When Hattie didn’t respect that, we had no choice but to buy her a one-way ticket to soap opera heaven.
Well, don’t you think Charlemagne actually went to someplace a little hotter?
Either way, I’m sure she would love to have Kassandra join her there. [tense jazzy music]
Got it. [chuckles] No, really, I’m just a– I got–I mean, uh, “Body & Soul” is not a one-star vehicle. And I just, ah, went a little overboard. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.
It’s okay, Bonnie.
[clears throat]
Just remember, now and into the future, that “Body & Soul” has no stars. We all–we all work together in harmony.
With a modicum of humility.
Oh, of course. No, I got it. I got it. I would never want to be like Hattie. I mean, she doesn’t even know the meaning of the word humility– or modicum. [chuckles] [clears throat] Actually, I don’t know the meaning of modicum either, but I’m guessing it means a little.
It does. Kind of. But I think we should aim for more than a little.
I promise. I will. [chuckles] Again, I–[stammers] Although I was thinking, you know, now that Hattie is uh, gone, I’m sure you have a little extra cash, and I thought maybe I could have a little raise. Oh, or maybe not. [chuckles] I know. It’ll be fine. So I know you guys got a lot of work to do, so I’m gonna leave you at it. And, uh, enjoy the fruit. It’s fabulous. You’re fabulous. I’m just gonna head on out. Sayonara. See you later. Love you all. Toodles! [door shuts]
So they wrote you in another scene for today.
Yeah, the producers were apparently impressed with my performance yesterday. I mean, who knew I was a gifted thespian, right?
Well, you are obviously a man of many talents.
Well, I won’t give up my day job just yet, but since we’re talking about my budding acting career, Kayla, if you have any influence with the BS producers, maybe you can let them know I wouldn’t be adverse to a romantic interest, maybe a love scene or two. Yeah.
So you’re shooting your love scene with Chanel today?
Mm-hmm.
I thought you were talking to Kate about putting it off.
Yeah. And we did talk to her, but apparently there’s been too many actors asking for so many script changes that now Kate is afraid to ask Leo to do any more rewrites. So unfortunately, the scene cannot be postponed. And it’s a go.
Hmm. You must be disappointed.
I am disappointed. I mean, like I said, it’s just happening too soon. Faith and Arrow’s character shouldn’t be sleeping together this fast. It’s like rushing the whole story, you know?
Yeah. No, I get why you think that.
Yeah.
Well, how do you feel playing opposite Chanel in general? I mean, since you two don’t seem to get along, right?
Uh, actually, it’s not that much of an issue anymore. Chanel and I–we just decided to call a truce. And we thought that it would be best if now that we’re working together, we, you know, just try and start fresh.
Well, that’s very mature of you.
I know. Thank you.
Yeah. [laughs]
Thank you. And now that this whole huge love scene is happening today, I’m just praying that we can get through it without any problems.
Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine, since, obviously, you and Chanel have worked things out.
Yeah.
But how does Johnny feel about all this? [tense music]
I–I thought you and Alex couldn’t stand each other. Now all of a sudden, you’re friends?
Okay, what’s so shocking about that? I mean, we obviously have to work together, so we decided that it would make things a little less awkward if we just got along.
Okay. Okay. Yeah, you know what? You’re right. You’re right. The less backstage drama, the better.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, there’s gonna be enough drama on screen.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
You know what? Speaking of which, we should probably get a move on. I don’t want to be late for rehearsals.
Yeah, yeah. I got to run, too, because Alex and I are gonna run those hospital scenes before we get started.
Hospital scenes? I thought–I thought all the hospital scenes were between, uh, Alex– I mean, uh, Arrow and his mom.
Yeah, it starts with the mom in the bed. And then Faith and Arrow end up–
Oh, no, right. Yep, yep, got it. How could I forget? Um, well, that’s great. I–I need to get to set anyway because we’re shooting Charlemagne’s death scenes first, which I have a feeling is going to be a little tricky.
[chuckles]
The way I see it, Leo, is that you are an accomplice after the fact of getting my character killed off.
What? How’s that?
How’s that? You know exactly how that is. Look, I’m just feeling kind of tricked and duped, you know, because I thought–you know, when I read the script, I thought that Bonnie was the one being killed off.
That’s because I thought it would be more of a shock to the audience. And we both know that shocking the audience equals a rise in ratings if they thought that Kassandra was not long for the world, only to have Charlemagne give up the ghost instead.
Well, that’s very clever of you and very hurtful, Leo. I mean, you killed me off before I even had a chance to have a week under contract. And, I mean, I was– I was kind of thinking that maybe I would– I would get a Daytime Emmy nomination, at least have a fan club started. You– Do you know how that makes me feel? [sobs]
I’m really sorry, Hattie. I am. I hate that things turned out this way. But, um– look on the bright side.
The bright side? You mean that I don’t have a job, and I’m a loser?
Oh, come on. Don’t talk like that. You are a winner, Hattie. You’re a total babe. You are charming and spirited. And even when you are bloated on pork rinds, you manage to be a whole lot of fun.
Well, right–right now, what I am is– I’m a whole lot of miffed.
I get that. Believe me, I do. But to quote the sagacious Roman Brady, “It is called show business, not show friendship.” So even though we’re not gonna be working together anymore, I really hope we can still hang out.
Let me think. No. No. I don’t want to watch the drag show with you anymore. And I don’t want to eat pork rinds with you anymore. I just–I just– I want–if you see me coming down the street, I want you to go the other way. Because if you don’t, Leo, I. Will. End. You. [scoffs] [bright acoustic music]
Hey, I’m hoping Johnny will be cool with, you know, directing my love scene with Chanel. And I even suggested to the guy that if he feels uncomfortable, maybe we could hire another director to shoot just those scenes.
And he didn’t go for that idea?
No, no. He wants to prove that he’s Mr. Professional.
Right. Well, good for him. And I hope it all works out.
Yeah, fingers crossed. Anyway, I should probably go get cleaned up. I really don’t wanna make Chanel work too hard at trying to act like she’s attracted to me.
We certainly wouldn’t want that. [chuckles]
Right. I’ll see you.
Hey, do you want a ride to set?
No, you don’t have to do that.
Oh, consider it a thank-you for the latte.
All right, then. Fair enough. I’ll be back in a little bit. I really do need a shower.
Yeah. [chuckles] I could use a cold shower myself. Hmm.
Hey, Leo. I’m glad you’re here. I was just reading over your long story. And unfortunately, we don’t have the budget for a shark tank. We’re gonna have to scale down. How do you feel about goldfish bowl?
That’s fine. [tense music]
I was expecting a fight. Something wrong?
I’m just hating on myself, feeling like a bad friend and a rotten, insubstantial person in general, confirming everything my mother thinks about me, even though she’s all of those things, which is probably why I’m this way since she passed down half of her putrid DNA to me.
Okay, do you think you could just possibly tell me what you’re upset about?
I ran into Hattie. She blames me for killing her off, even though I said it was your and Abe’s idea.
Oh. Well, thanks for that.
And I get the feeling that Hattie has a PhD in grudge holding. And she can be spiteful and vindictive. Well, it’s more than a feeling. Her last words to me were, “You better watch out because I will get you.”
Whoa. [chuckles] Well, I’m sure at some point she’ll calm down.
Yeah, maybe when we’re all killed off in real life, like at the turn of the nd century.
Oh, come on. Really? It’ll be sooner than that. I’ll tell you what. They are about to tape the death scene as we speak. Do you wanna watch it on the monitor?
[sighs] No, I’m too verklempt to even think about it.
Okay, everyone, we are shooting item today. Abe, I wasn’t expecting to see you on set today.
Yeah, well, you know, I thought it would be best to have one of the producers here on set for Hattie’s death scene.
Hmm.
Just in case.
Right. Yeah, good call.
Mm.
Okay. Can I please get background set, and I need a Dr. Lamoray.
Blake Lamoray, M.D., at your service.
Fantastic. You’re gonna be over there. And, Kassandra, you are also gonna be over there. Now, we just need a Charlemagne. [ominous music] Charlemagne? Charlemagne?
Charlemagne. Charlemagne. Where are you?
[winces]
Chanel. Chanel, are you all right?
Uh, no, not really. I think I threw my back out.
Oh, well, here, let me check it out. Oh, dear.
[winces]
What happened?
Uh, I was, um– I came over to go to the hospital with Johnny. And when we got there, I was supposed to rehearse with Alex, but I had a little bit of time, so I decided to stop by Sweet Bits and check in.
Well, did you lift anything heavy?
No, I wish. Then I’d feel a little less stupid. I was cutting through the park on my way back to the hospital. And I bent down to tie my shoe. And then I just– I felt this nasty twinge in my back.
I don’t think it’s anything serious. I think you might have pulled a muscle.
Ah. That’s good because I have to get to set. I have a big scene with Alex. [groans]
You know what? I think what you need to do is rest a little bit, okay? Last I checked, you have some time before the scene, okay? [suspenseful jazz music]
Thanks for giving me a ride. Now I can get in that extra rehearsal time with Chanel.
Not a problem. And I will go check and see what they’re shooting now.
All right. I’ll see you. Oh, damn. [sighs]
What is it?
Chanel’s running late. Damn it. Oh, my God, I just wanted to run through our scenes a few times. That way, I was off book before blocking, you know? I don’t suppose you’d wanna run some lines with me?
Uh, sure. I mean, production probably doesn’t need me right this minute, so yeah. I, um–I don’t have a script, though.
That’s all right. Take mine. I’m supposed to have these all memorized by now, anyway.
Um, okay, so start–
You’re gonna start right here where Faith says–
“Oh, Arrow, I just heard the news about your mother.”
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
All right, let’s do this.
Hey, have either of you seen Hattie Adams?
No.
Mm-mm.
Could Hattie have just left?
No idea.
Talk about unprofessional.
Okay, Hattie’s not in her dressing room, and no one in the green room has seen her either.
Well, that’s just what I was afraid of. So how are we going to shoot Hattie’s death without Hattie?
Did I hear my name? Geez, this place is like a maze. Anybody ever thought that maybe they could– they could paint each floor a different color?
Yeah, we’ll take that under advisement.
Okay, great. Everyone, we have our Charlemagne. So let’s–let’s–let’s go. [soft tense music]
Would you stop looking at me like that? For Pete sakes, it’s not like I asked them to kill you off. Not that you weren’t thrilled that they were willing to kill off Kassandra in a miserable death so you could be the star of the show.
Can we can just get this show going, please?
You know, these scenes that they’re shooting today were really, really well written, Leo.
[sighs] Yeah. Well, as horrible as Hattie feels about being written off and as rotten as I feel that she now hates me with a vengeance, at least she’s going out with a bang.
Yeah, pretty dramatic exit.
It sure is. And I would love to take credit for the idea, but I can’t. See, I knew that I had to come up with a fitting ending for one of Pineview’s leading ladies, but we’re so pressed for time that I remembered how they got rid of a very memorable character on “L.A. Law.” [intriguing music]
And…action.
Kassandra.
Charlemagne.
I must say, then, in all the years of wishing each other dead… I do–I do celebrate your survival.
You and me both. And I must say that I do admire your generosity of spirit, Charlemagne, but even more so the medical prowess of Dr. Lamoray here, who administered the miracle serum that saved my life.
Today, we’ve all witnessed a miracle.
Yes, of course, we all agree with that. I was wondering–since you’ve been fortunate enough to have a second chance, I was wondering if perhaps you and I could have a second chance.
What are you saying, Charlemagne?
Well, I’m wondering, Kassandra, if you and I could wipe the slate clean.
Well, I think that’s a brilliant idea. Truce? Truce?
Truce.
Uh, okay, Hattie. Go ahead and press the button to the elevator now.
So there was this character in “L.A. Law.” Her name was Rosalind Shays. And she’s just, you know, standing there and talking to Leland, turns to get on the elevator, and splat.
Whoa.
Yeah, that was the end of that. [ominous music] [elevator dings]
Okay, Hattie, now you–you turn. You wave to Kassandra and step in. Hattie, go on. Step into the elevator.
Any better?
Not really. But I don’t wanna hold up production, so I need to get to the hospital.
I agree. But not to the set. I am taking you to the ER.
What about my scenes with Alex?
They can wait. Come on, doctor’s orders. Let’s go. Nice and easy. Nice and easy.
[sighs]
Okay. Okay. [soft dramatic music]
All right, Steph, that’s your cue.
Arrow, I just heard the news about your mother. Oh, no. Am I too late? Is Kassandra…dead?
No. My mother is right down the hall right now getting a life-saving serum made from a begonia that I found in the jungles of Iguaza.
What?
Against all odds, I brought back a flower that can cure my mother’s disease and save her life.
Oh, Arrow, how heroic, how brave.
It’s a miracle. I thought I was gonna lose my precious mother, but she’s gonna live, Faith.
Oh, thank God.
And all this has just made me realize… life is short. [sultry music] Our time here on Earth is precious.
What are you saying, Arrow?
I’m saying that if you’ve found the person that you love, you mustn’t squander… a single second of that precious time.
Wow. [panting] This is gonna be some love scene, huh?
Yeah, it is.
[moans]
Hattie, you need to get onto the elevator.
I can’t.
Why not?
Well, there’s–there’s no– there’s no elevator there to get onto.
Yeah, that’s the point. You’re supposed to fall down the shaft.
Well, that’s easy for you to say. I’m the one taking the great leap into the beyond.
Hattie, it’s perfectly safe. It’s only three feet deep. And you have an air mattress to fall on. Two, two. [soft dramatic music]
That’s not it.
What is it?
I’d–it’s just– it’s just that I don’t– I don’t wanna die.
An elevator shaft. I thought I remembered that.
Yeah, I’m not the first person to pay homage to that scene. In the ‘s, there was a sitcom. I can’t remember the name of it. Anyway, there was an actor on that show, and he didn’t want to get on the elevator because he knew he was being killed off, just like Hattie.
But come on, Hattie, you can do this, okay? You’re a professional actor.
Yes. Yes, I am. I–I am a professional actor.
Okay, then. So let’s just, uh–we’ll take it back from the handshake and maybe try it this time a little less gripping, okay?
[clears throat] Okay. And action.
Kassandra, why don’t you come with me?
What?
Come with me. I–I’d like to buy you a drink, or two, or three to celebrate our truce.
I’m on an IV. [elevator dings]
Doctor, maybe you should get that elevator because I–I think I heard them paging you to go down one floor.
Um, I’m not gonna do that. I’m gonna stay here and monitor Ms. Lovegood’s vitals. That elevator is just for you.
Okay, Hattie, get on now. Hattie, that’s your cue.
No. No. I–I won’t do it.
Cut. Let’s go again.
No, we’re not going again. I’m not doing that again. Look, you can kill off my character if that’s what you wanna do. I can’t stop you from doing that. But my God, I will not help you do it.
[bright acoustic music]
Bonnie, how’d it go on set today? Did Hattie take the plunge?
No, she refused to do the stunt.
Oh, no. Well, if she didn’t go down the elevator shaft, how did they end the scene?
They didn’t. They had to end early. See, that moody diva just stormed off the set in a huff. Mm-hmm.
So Hattie just stormed off the set, huh?
Afraid so.
So what are we gonna do?
There they are, my two favorite backstabbers.
Okay, if you’re here for your paycheck, people who break their contract do not get paid.
Why don’t you keep your money? I don’t want anything from you two traitors. In fact, I think I’m gonna blow this one-horse town.
Oh, Hattie.
Really? Really? You’re gonna regret the day you crossed me. [scoffs] I’m gonna make sure you pay for it. I’m gonna make sure that you are–that you are cursed.
Oh, come off it.
And everything that comes along with this production, from the–from the offices to the cast, and the staff, and the crew. Yeah. In fact, I think I’ll even make sure that Pineview goes up in flames. [soft dramatic music]
[groaning] First day of shooting, and it’s like we’re cursed. I think I’m doing better now, though. Could–could you please help me over to the hospital room set?
No one would expect you to do your scenes in this condition. I’m gonna call Abe and Kate and let them know that you’re gonna call in sick.
What? No.
Yes, I’m gonna give you an anti-inflammatory. You’ll be much better by tomorrow.
But my scene with Alex.
Well, it’s gonna have to wait. I’m sorry. There’s gonna be no love scene today.
Uh, I don’t think you wanna go in there.
Why not?
Well, Arrow and Faith– they got a little carried away.
What do you mean?
I poked my head in there a little while ago. And at first, I thought, oh, they’re rehearsing. But then I realized they were… [tense music] In a steamy love scene for real.
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