Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Thane
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
[pensive music]
Ah, Seth. I was just coming to see you.
Then I saved you a trip. I just looked over this proposal from your sister-in-law to shoot a soap opera here at the hospital.
Well, I mean, it’s just– it’s just some scenes.
Right. So I wanted to take some time to give it the careful consideration it deserves.
And?
My answer is… absolutely not.
Hey, did you guys talk to Kate already?
We did.
Yes, we did. And we explained that, um, we didn’t wanna do the love scenes. We believe that it’s happening too soon for our characters.
All right. That’s great. So it’s off, then, yeah?
No, uh, she said our arguing only reminded her of the way that sparks fly whenever we’re together. So it’s still on.
I-I don’t understand.
Yeah, me neither. I thought that we made a compelling case to Kate.
But apparently, it’s not compelling enough because the scenes are a go.
A go.
So you spoke to Leo?
I did.
How did that go?
Well, he was surprised, but there was no pushback on making any of the changes that we requested.
Okay, so it’s done.
Bonnie has her pink pages in hand as we speak.
Hmm.
I just hope there’s no bloodshed.
Well, if there is, maybe if we capture it with a camera, you know–
[laughs] Just kidding. But actually, I’m beginning to understand what people say about all of the drama behind the scenes on a soap opera. It could be a whole nother show of its own.
You’re killing me off? You’re killing me off?
Bonnie, it’s nothing personal, I swear. We–we think you are a wonderful actress. You have incredible presence. You are charming and charismatic. You’re sexy and beautiful.
Then why are you firing me?
Ooh. That’s such an ugly word. We don’t like to use that one. We are allowing you to pursue other career opportunities. It has nothing to do with you, not at all. See, it’s–it’s storyline dictated, as we say in the biz.
Storyline dictated?
Yeah. Tat means that–
No, I know what it means. And the hell it was storyline dictated! This is Hattie dictated.
[tense music]
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
I knew things were gonna be crazy. But before we’ve even shot our first scene?
[laughs]
Oh, no. I hope you’re not having second thoughts.
Oh, no, no. I love– I love what we’re doing, despite, uh, a few headaches.
Yeah, me too. I do. I just wish we had been a little bit more discerning in the casting process.
As do I. As do I. But it’s over now. And once Hattie gave that ultimatum, the decision had to be made.
Yep. Let’s just hope it’s the right one.
[sighs] I don’t get it, Seth. Last time we spoke, you were excited about the prospect of this.
And I was until I ran the numbers. Kayla, the legal and insurance liabilities of shooting a TV show here– prohibitively expensive.
But it isn’t. Did–did you even read the whole proposal?
Most of it, but–
No, I don’t think you did. Because right here– look, right here it says that the show has their own liability insurance and that we are covered anytime they shoot here. I mean, it’s not even an expense that we need to consider.
Okay, point taken. But I haven’t even gotten started about what a disruption it would be to our operation.
No, no, no, it wouldn’t– okay, okay. I know I saw it here. Let me see. It’s, um–here it is, the third page. Um, “The show will be shot on the fifth-floor wing “where there is just completely vacant, and the patient consensus shows that.” So that means there will be virtually no crossover between fiction and reality. Our patients won’t even know what’s going on up there. And if somebody happens to find out, they’ll probably get a big kick out of it.
Yes, but–
No, no, no. And do I need to remind you about the city giving us subsidy credits? So, you know, all in all, it is gonna pay for itself and then some.
On paper, maybe.
No, no. Come on. You said that we need to come up with some innovative budget solutions. And like all the hospitals in the country, we have been running at a deficit. So this might be our answer. “Body & Soul” might just save us.
[mysterious music]
Admit it. This is because of Hattie, isn’t it?
Well, it’s a little more complicated.
Oh, don’t bother denying it. That stuck-up diva already told me about the ultimatum that she gave the producers. I just can’t believe they caved to your outrageous demands!
Nothing outrageous about them, Miss Sore Loser. Charlemagne is the star of the show.
Oh, says you.
Says me. And I guess everybody seemed to agree that it was more important to keep me happy than it is to keep you happy. No-brainer, Leo?
Not exactly.
“Not exactly”? You mean it wasn’t a no-brainer to–to fire Bonnie?
Well, I mean, we did actually use our brains in–in– in giving the matter careful consideration.
Careful consideration, my foot. You got bullied by Hattie Adams, and you didn’t have the guts to stand up to her. Well, I’ll tell you something. My husband is my agent now, and he’s not gonna let you get away with this!
[mumbles furiously] Goodness gracious. Just–look–yes. You won’t believe what just happened.
[door slams shut]
I’d say she’s mad as a wet hen.
Oh. Do you blame her?
Well, n-no. I gue–I guess I don’t blame her. But you know what I do blame her for? Being impossible to work with. I also think that she goes around telling people she’s a great actress, which I won’t comment on because my mother told me that if you can’t say something nice about somebody–
Post it on Nextdoor.
[laughs] That’s what I like about you. You’re so quick. You are so funny. Oh, you put a smile on my face.
Oh, I don’t put a smile on everybody’s face, though.
Yeah, well, uh-uh-uh, sorry about that. But you know what?
[sighs] I can’t complain right now. I’m so happy ’cause everything is just going my way.
And since we’re on the subject of problematic talent, Alex and Chanel came to me this morning and gave me an ultimatum of their own.
Ugh. What now?
Okay. Well, I mean, it wasn’t exactly phrased as an ultimatum, but they’re balking at doing their sex scenes. In their opinion, the characters wouldn’t be doing that so soon. I mean–and I could see there’s some merit to that argument, but there’s no way I’m gonna ask Leo to do more rewrites. He has too much on his plate already. So do we all.
I-I-I agree. I agree. You know, speaking of that, what’s the situation at the hospital?
Well, I just got a text from Kayla, and she’s following up with Seth Burns as we speak.
My first thought when you came to me with this was how much free publicity we’d get for the hospital. But then I watched the show, and it occurred to me that “Body & Soul” won’t exactly portray us in the best light a lot of the time.
But University Hospital will never even be mentioned. As far as the viewers are concerned, this will be Pineview Hospital.
I see.
And there will be no bad publicity at all.
Right.
What other objections could you have?
None. I suppose…
So yeah?
So… I changed my mind. They can shoot their soap opera here.
Great.
On one condition.
[sighs]
[siren wails]
[knocking on door]
Knock, knock.
Oh, hey, Steph.
Hey. Oh. So you’re in here now, huh?
Yep. Well, Rafe will be coming back to his office soon, so I just figured that I’d start clearing my stuff out.
Any regrets about leaving the acting commissioner job?
I mean, I didn’t mind being in charge, but I hated the reason for it.
Yeah, of course.
So everything okay?
Yes, yes. I-I actually just wanted to come see you and thank you for calling earlier, letting me know the truth about Everett. So relieved that it turns out that he was innocent. But I feel terrible for ever believing the things that he said he did in that suicide note.
I mean, we all believed those things, Steph. I’m a cop. I mean, if anyone should’ve figured it out…
Well, you–you had a feeling that there was something off about his note.
I did. I did. It just seemed impossible for me that someone could have forged that.
Work of Connie Viniski.
Yeah, some criminal genius, as it turns out. But she is in Bayview now, where she belongs. Thank God. And, Steph, I’m sorry that I didn’t come tell you this in person. You know, it–it–it didn’t occur to me until later that I should have tracked you down so that you weren’t alone when you heard.
Actually, I wasn’t alone. Alex was there.
So because Leo had to rewrite all those scenes with Bonnie and Hattie, Kate said that there’s no time for him to rewrite anything else.
Even though you and Alex and I objected to it?
Wait, wait. You objected too?
Yeah, he even pleaded our case to Leo, who also said no.
[sighs] Damn. I mean, uh…
[clears throat] It’s just, I would’ve thought that if we all three had an issue with it, they would have at least considered a rewrite.
Yeah, no. You would definitely think so. And, bro, I get it. I mean, it’s gotta be an even bigger problem for you than it is for Chanel and me, right?
[chuckles] Why wouldn’t it be? You don’t want these hands all over your wife.
Did I say that? What I said was, I agree that it’s too soon for the Faith-Arrow sex scene, or love scene. All right, whatever you wanna call it. It’s just not good for the show. That’s it.
Yeah, I think it’s a little bit more than that, Johnny. Right? It’s gotta make you uncomfortable. It’s got to. I mean, I-I can relate. The last thing I’d want is for the woman I love to even fake be making out with another guy.
Okay, well, I’m not gonna talk about this with you anymore, Alex.
Wait. I just– I just wanna help. That’s all I’m trying to do right now. Now, I-I-I think I have an idea that might possibly solve the problem. Uh, and promise me that you will not get upset about this, Johnny–
Just-just–
Don’t take it the wrong way.
Okay, just tell us your idea, okay?
Well, I think maybe the, uh– the sex scenes between– the love scenes between Faith and Arrow, maybe we should just get another director.
[tense music]
[laughs]
So Alex Kiriakis was with you when I called?
Mm-hmm.
Hmm. You didn’t mention that you two were spending time together again.
Well, it’s kinda hard not to, since we’re neighbors.
Neighbors?
Yeah. He moved back to my building a few weeks ago. Did I not tell you that?
Um, no, you didn’t.
Well, he did. He did, and he’s right– right down the hall. And since I’m doing PR work for “Body & Soul,” and since he’s on the show, we’ve run into each other a lot lately.
Is that weird at all? I mean, given your history?
You’d think it would be somewhat awkward, but it isn’t. Our relationship is completely behind us. We’re just friends now, and that’s the way we wanna keep it.
Sure about that?
Why are you looking at me like I just grew two heads then, Johnny? Because it seems like a pretty basic thing to me. If you’re not comfortable being on set while Chanel and I are shooting a sex scene, or a love scene, whatever it may be, maybe we just get another director to fill in.
Another direct– are you suggesting that I quit?
Uh, absolutely not. Of course not. I’m suggesting that maybe for those particular scenes, we have somebody else do them, and then you come back to do the rest of them.
Well, thank you, Alex. That’s a brilliant idea. But I’m not gonna go to Kate and Abe and tell them that I’m not capable of directing a love scene with my wife.
Yes, because you are capable, and you’ll do it, and everything will be fine. Right, Gio?
Right, right.
[phone ringing]
[sighs, clears throat] Abe, I was just about to head down to the pub. What’s up?
Well, schedule change. We’re not shooting at the pub this morning, so I need you to get over to the hospital ASAP.
All right. Guerrilla filmmaking. Gotta love it.
And Leo just did a slew of rewrites. You’ll have ’em emailed to you by the time you get to the set. So I will see you later, Johnny. Uh, uh, Leo, did you get those new pages sent over to Bonnie and Hattie?
I did.
And how were they received?
Tears, legal threats, enough theatrics to put anything I write to shame. In other words, what we’d expect. But at least bloodshed was avoided, though just barely.
Well, unfortunately, one of them had to go. Now we just have to get through those scenes.
Oh, Justin, look.
[sighs] No, I’m not upset with you. I know you would have made it happen if you possibly could. No, I do.
[sniffles] I love you too. I’ll see you later.
[sighs]
Uh…
[clears throat] Sorry.
[groans]
Couldn’t help but overhear. No–no lawsuit, huh?
Not that it’s any of your business, but no. As per my contract, the producers can let me go at any time. They just have to pay what’s left of my guarantee. Okay?
Well, look at the bright side of that. That means you– you get paid for weeks, and you don’t even have to go to work.
No, that means I don’t have to hang around with you anymore. And you know what, Hattie? I was really looking forward to working with you. I thought it was gonna be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. You and me starring on a soap opera? I pictured us having a whole lot of laughs, just like we did back in the old days, you know?
[laughs sadly] You and me, we were gonna be a team, just like when we replaced Marlena and Adrienne, except this time, no one was gonna get hurt.
Bon Bon–
But it was exactly the opposite of what I pictured. No fun, no laughs, and no teamwork. And this time, someone did get hurt. Bad. Real bad.
[somber music]
Yep, yep, yep. Ah, Kate, I-I was just texting you.
Oh, good. Good news, I hope. Are you–are we gonna be able to tape the show here?
Yes, um, Seth approved it.
Oh, that’s fabulous. Thank you so much for making that happen.
Yeah, I was happy to do it. But I just–
But, uh, what?
Um, he did have a condition that I was forced to accept.
Wha–
Hello, Kate.
Hello.
I presume Kayla gave you the good news.
Yes, she did. And I want to thank you so much for green-lighting our proposal, Seth.
Oh, I’m not Seth. I’m the new chief of staff of Pineview Hospital. Meet Dr. Blake Lamoray.
[whimsical music]
So you, um, promised Seth a role on the show, did you?
Well, that was his condition. That’s the only way I could get him to agree.
Now, I have to admit, I don’t have much acting experience, except in a couple of high-school productions. Played, um, George Gibbs in “Our Town.”
Mm-hmm. I bet your parents thought you were brilliant.
They were very proud.
Yeah. I’m sure they were. Well, congratulations, Seth. You’ve booked it. Now I’m gonna go find the actor who was originally hired to play the role and let him know that he’s been replaced as Dr. Lamoray.
And I’d better go learn my lines, all five of them.
Yeah.
[pensive music]
[scoffs]
Justin, uh–Justin, I-I-I know you’re upset and–and, uh, justifiably so. But you have to give me a chance to explain, all right? I…
[sighs]
[gentle ambient music]
I have made an awful lot of enemies today.
You and me both. Also, I just got an email from our line producer. Marie Fallon is pregnant.
What? But she plays a nun.
Maternity habits–they’ll be the next big fashion craze. Oh, and production would like to change the swarm of killer bees to an invisible miasma of carbon monoxide.
Well, we can handle those problems on another day. Have you–have you finished up those final pages for Kassandra?
Just now.
Well, we need to get those over to the hospital right now. I’ll be right behind you.
Copy that.
Oh, hey, Hattie.
Oh, Abe.
What is it?
Listen, Abe. I appreciate all your support. You know I do, but I’m just a little bit surprised. I-I always knew that, um, I would be the one to come out on top of all this, but I– I didn’t expect Bonnie’s exit to be quite so final.
Well, you’re the one who said that Pineview wasn’t big enough for the two of you, and, well, ultimately, Kate and I agreed.
Yeah, yeah, but I-I-I just read the new scenes and– oof. Ooh, yikes. What a way to go!
Oh. Oh.
[sighs]
Bonnie, hey. You look, uh–
What? Like I have a flesh-eating disease, festering sores?
Just a-a little pale, actually. Um, why are–why are you made up like that?
What, you haven’t heard what’s happening to Kassandra?
No, no, I haven’t, uh– I haven’t had a chance to read the new pages yet, so.
I’m being killed off, on my first day, no less.
Oh, no, Bonnie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I thought they liked my acting. Johnny, I was so excited. I mean, I worked for hours on my script, and I was so proud to be a part of “Body & Soul.”
[sobbing] Why are they doing this to me? Why? How could this happen, Johnny? Johnny, why? Why?
[somber music]
So Johnny’s got a big problem with these sex scenes, huh?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, We had a big fight about it last night.
Damn, really? I’m sorry, Chanel. But I’m sure you can convince him that he has absolutely nothing to worry about, right? Considering you’re not really a huge fan of mine for a whole lot of reasons. In fact, you can’t stand me, right?
Actually, that’s not completely true.
Don’t you have to read me my rights before making accusations like that?
Nothing you say will be held against you.
Well, that’s a relief. And I repeat, Alex and I are just friends. But…
But?
[sighs] When I got Everett’s ashes, I was pretty upset.
Understandably.
And so I, stupidly, impulsively, kissed him.
Oh. I see. So is there any more to this tale?
No. Alex put the brakes on it right away.
Oh. That sounds unlike him.
I know, right? Trying not to take it personally. But, uh, seriously, Alex is still getting over Theresa. I’m still getting over Everett. And he doesn’t want to do anything that could ruin our friendship again.
Right. And how do you feel about that?
[pensive music]
And honestly, I don’t wanna ruin my friendship with Alex either. It’s just, I’ve been having some… thoughts.
Thoughts or “Thoughts”?
Well, it doesn’t matter, because Alex is obviously not in the same place, which is probably– definitely for the best. I mean, I just–what I need to do is take a break from relationships in general. I mean, I told myself that after Chad and I broke up, and then I started spending time with Everett and– oh, God. I’m–I’m going on and on, keeping you from running the police department.
Oh, no, it’s fine. Listen, I’m on break right now, okay? And I am here for you, Steph, whenever you need to talk.
Well, I am here for you too, Jada. I hope you know that.
I do. And as for you and Alex, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Yeah. Anyway, I promised that I would make it to set today, so I’d better get going.
Oh, okay.
[sighs]
I’ll see you.
See you.
[laughs]
And take care, okay, Steph? All right.
Sooo you can stand me?
Yeah, I can. Because sometimes you’re not so bad.
Ah. Well, thank you. You know, I actually like you a small percentage of the time myself.
[chuckles] Okay, well, look at us, bonding like champs.
Hey, hey. We used to be good friends back in the day, so maybe if we could get back to that, at least for work’s sake, it wouldn’t make it a complete nightmare. And I would like to get back to that and at least maybe peacefully coexist.
Look, Alex, I admit that I have been a bit hostile and belligerent even, making you feel bad for what happened with Allie, which really wasn’t your fault. Okay, she and I, we weren’t meant to be, obviously. And, uh, look, what I’m trying to say is that I can use one less stressor in my life. So I say, why don’t we just, uh, try and see the best in each other and get along?
I am all for that. Trust me. Let’s just hope that our on-screen chemistry doesn’t fizzle out now that we’re not snipping at each other in real life.
[laughs] Right.
[phone beeps]
Just got a text from Leo. He’s adding another scene for me.
Mm, but not for me?
Mm. I guess not.
Hmm.
Gotta head over to the hospital right now.
Okay.
See you on set.
[mysterious music]
[elevator dings]
Ah, Abe. Thank goodness you’re here. You know, every time we put out a fire, another one crops up.
Oh, my God. What? What now?
Okay, it’s nothing major. I handled it. It just feels good to know I have backup. That’s all.
Always. But I am sure things will get better once we get into the groove.
I don’t know about that. I think this whirlwind may never end.
Hey. You need a minute?
No. No sense dragging it out. Let’s just, uh–
Yeah.
Let’s do it. Let’s do it.
Okay.
You got it.
Okay.
[clears throat] Everyone, places. We are ready to roll. Ready to roll. Places, everybody. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay. And action.
Ms. Lovegood, you have a visitor.
Oh? And who might that be? Ugh, Charlemagne.
Hello, Kassandra. I heard you’re not long for this world.
Word gets around, doesn’t it?
It does. So tell me, what happened?
Well, it seems I contracted a disfiguring and… Fatal disease after I moved to Tangier. It’s also incurable, unfortunately.
Yes, well, that’s very tragic.
[somber music] I know we haven’t always been very close.
Bit of an understatement, don’t you think? We’ve been at each other’s throats since I first stepped foot in this burg.
Yes, I– I suppose that’s true. I-I will admit that I have… wished for your death more than a few times, as I assume you have wished for mine.
Damn right I have.
But now that you’re– now that you’re at the end, this awful, ruthless period, I-I-I should tell you that– I should tell you… I’m gonna miss you.
[sniffles]
Okay, cut.
[clears throat] Cut.
[tense music]
Where is everyone?
No harm in seeing what is coming up in the next few days. “Faith groans, arching her back in pleasure as Arrow, “lying on top of her, gazes at her longingly, lustfully, as we know they are about to make mad, passionate love.” Oh, Lo-Lordy, Lordy. Wait until Johnny sees this.
Wow. Hey, congratulations, ladies, on–on the genuine emotion in that scene.
[phone beeps] Uh. Oh, okay, good. Um, all right. We just got the last few pages from Leo. Uh, so, Seth, Bonnie, before we go ahead, do you guys wanna do a brief rehearsal?
Oh.
Hey.
Yeah?
What about me?
Uh, yeah, Leo said you’re done, so.
All right. Uh, okay. Well, I hope they give you a-a fabulous send-off party. And, uh–and I hope they get you a great big cake with–with your face on it. And I’ll–I’ll, uh– I’ll be there.
I’m sure you will.
I wish you well, even if you do hate my guts at the moment.
You got that right.
Okay, um, are we ready to go? Yeah? Yeah. Let’s go. All right. And… action.
Okay, Doc, be honest with me. This is the end, isn’t it?
Try to relax, dear. We’ll give you something to make you comfortable. It says here that I administer morphine. That would really be a nurse, though.
No, it’s you. Uh, look. A nurse would cost production hundreds of dollars, so.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
Got it. So here goes.
Here we go.
[sighs] You didn’t answer my question. I’m dying, aren’t I?
It says here that I nod gravely. How does one nod gravely? Can’t I just get a line instead?
Look…
[clears throat] You’re an under-five, okay? That means that we have to keep you under five lines. Otherwise, it’s gonna cost production–
Hundreds of dollars.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
Okay, here I am, nodding gravely.
Okay, good. Uh, now enter Arrow.
Mom.
Arrow, oh, my handsome son! I’m so grateful you came. I was so afraid I wouldn’t see you before I passed on, breathe my last.
But that’s just it, Mother. You’re not going to do either.
What? What are you saying? What do you mean?
I’m saying that you’re not going to die, Mother. Thank God. Thank God.
Oh!
[gentle music]
Yep, yep, yep. Ah.
Hey.
How’s it going on set?
Very smoothly.
Oh.
But happy, very happy to say. Uh, but there’s still– there’s still a possibility of us writing a cameo for you, you know.
Oh, very kind of you to offer, but no, I will not change my mind.
Well, thank you for changing Seth’s mind.
Well, he does love to be the center of attention. So now that he’s a working actor, I at least will get rid of him for a few hours a week.
Well, so it’s a win-win-win for you.
Yeah, I suppose so. I do feel bad about Bonnie, though.
Well, stay tuned. Not everything is as it appears.
What does that mean?
Well, they have a saying in soap operas– there’s always a twist.
So I’m not going die?
No, Mother, you’re not going to die. Because I found this. I just got back from the jungles of Iguazu, where I discovered this rare begonia, the juice of which will save your life.
Hold on. Wait. Save my life? Wait, what? Does this mean I’m not getting killed off after all?
Leo, I appreciate your speed and, uh, thank you for getting those pages done so quickly. And I also– I also appreciate your discretion.
Well, I understand why you didn’t want anyone to see those final pages until after Hattie and Bonnie had shot their last scene together. Not like anyone could have, since they weren’t written yet.
Hey, fellas.
Hattie, how did that scene go with Bonnie?
Oh, it went okay. You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I feel kinda sad that she’s gettin’ fired.
Well, actually, I’m glad to hear that.
You are?
Yes, because Bonnie, aka Kassandra, she’s not the one being killed off.
Really? She’s not?
No. You are.
[stirring music]
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