Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
Jack: There. You know, I’m thinking we should–I’m gonna get you to the er. You were in that freezer for a good half hour, and you’re still shivering.
Julie: I’m not going anywhere until we find doug.
Jack: We will find him. I promise you.
Julie: Well, how? How? He’s not answering my voicemails. He’s not answering my texts. Oh, my god. I think I know what’s happened!
Kayla: I don’t understand why bonnie is there with calista getting ready. She was supposed to be here.
Steve: Well, she said something about getting hung up at the manicurist, and it would be faster for her to get ready here. That’s why I’m calling. Bonnie needs her makeup bag.
Kayla: I guess we’re on our way then.
[Cell phone beeps]
Justin: What was that about? What’s going on with bonnie?
Kayla: I have no idea.
Gwen: Bonnie lockhart? What was she doing here?
Xander: She and justin are getting married today. She invited me to the wedding.
Xander: Well, she said she wanted me to represent the kiriakis family, because victor and all the others refused to attend.
Gwen: It’s a bit odd, don’t you think?
Xander: Yeah, I thought so too. It actually reminded me that she did volunteer at the last second to be sarah’s maid of honor.
Gwen: But still, do you think that that was all just a pretense so she could just come in here and steal the $1 million from your briefcase?
Xander: Well, yeah, I would, except for the fact that I saw her leave without it.
Bonnie: Give me the gun, girl.
Bonnie: All right. You did the first part. Now hand it over.
Calista: I’m sorry, bonnie, but you’re not getting the gun. You are getting the bullet.
Bonnie: Hold on. What are you talking about? I gave you the $1 million you think I stole from your husband.
Calista: Oh, you did steal from harrison. You stole his buddy bucks, and then you stole his life. And now you’re gonna pay with yours!
Bonnie: No. You can’t do this. I’m marrying the man of my dreams. No. It’s my wedding day.
Calista: Well, then I got your “something new” right here. A bullet through the heart.
Bonnie: No. Please. Please, calista!
Calista: Forget about becoming bonnie kiriakis. Today, you die.
Male announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “days of our lives.”
Gwen: Right, so you’re saying that bonnie didn’t take the money.
Xander: But she must’ve. She was the only person that was here before ej showed up.
Gwen: Maybe the cash has been gone longer than you think.
Xander: That’s impossible. I’ve looked inside that briefcase at least once an hour since I got it back from the cops.
Gwen: Once an hour?
Xander: $1 million is a very lovely thing to look at, especially when you’re about to part ways with it.
Gwen: Right, so the money was here before bonnie came, but she didn’t leave with the money, so what happened, xander?
Bonnie: Hi. Morning, sunshine.
Xander: What are you doing here?
Bonnie: Oh, I came to invite you to our wedding.
Bonnie: Just on my way over to kayla’s and thought I’d pop by here first.
Xander: Did you run this by justin?
Bonnie: Oh, I know he’d want you to be there. You’re his cousin. So why don’t you just hop in the shower, put on your monkey suit, and be at the house at 2:00 P.M.?
Bonnie: Nope. I’m not taking “no” for an answer.
Xander: Honestly, I feel kind of awkward.
Bonnie: Oh, honey, you? You’ll be the life of the party, and I always say, the more the merrier, right?
Xander: Fine. I’ll be there.
Bonnie: Yay! Yippee! Okay, I’ll see you–oh, I’ll see you soon.
Xander: She was trying to get rid of me.
Gwen: Well, did you hop in the shower or anything when she was here?
Xander: No, but that isn’t where I left it.
Gwen: What? Are you sure?
Xander: Bonnie must have swiped it on her way out of the room, and then when I went into the bathroom, she let herself back in, opened the briefcase, and ran off with my money.
Gwen: Oh, my god. That cheeky bitch.
Xander: Well, she’s not gonna get away with it. Bonnie lockhart will rue the day she crossed me.
Bonnie: No. No. You can’T. You can’t shoot me! You don’t know the whole story.
Calista: Hey, it was your finger on the trigger that killed my husband. That’s all I need to know.
Bonnie: But I’m not a cold-blooded killer, and your husband wasn’t the–
Calista: Hey! Nothing more about harrison.
Bonnie: But he tried–
Calista: Every syllable out of your little mouth makes my finger twitch, so if I were you, I would shut it.
Bonnie: No! I did everything. I did everything you asked. You wanted $1 million. I got you $1 million right there, and on my wedding day. I stole a million clams from a guy who’s practically family when I should have been sipping mimosas and getting ready for my groom. Please, please, please, calista. I gave you your money. You got your money. What more do you want?
Calista: A little thing called “an eye for an eye.” Now, can we get this little show started?
Bonnie: No, no, no, no. What about turning the other cheek?
Calista: Well, I’m more of an old testament kind of girl. Let’s go.
Bonnie: No, wait! Seriously, wait. Wait, wait, wait. You haven’t thought this through.
Calista: Oh, honey, I’m already sipping an umbrella drink on my private island.
Bonnie: No, no. What about when xander comes after you, huh? He’s not just a pretty face, you know; he’ll figure it out.
Calista: No, he won’T. He’s gonna pin you for stealing the money.
Bonnie: And I’ll tell him the truth.
Calista: Well, yeah, I guess you could, except for the “you’ll be dead” part.
Bonnie: Okay, okay. What about ej dimera? Do you know about the dimeras? Honey, they’re mob, so if I were you, I’d just take my money and run. Time’s a-wasting.
Calista: Oh, don’t worry, honey, I’m halfway out the door. This won’t take but a minute.
Julie: And that would explain everything.
Jack: What, exactly?
Julie: Julie’s place is always closed between lunch, dinner. Doug and I are here alone, so obviously, he locked me in the freezer to protect me.
Jack: Come again?
Julie: Morgan’s on the waterfront. It was robbed last week. Robbed in broad daylight.
Jack: Yes, yes, but–
Julie: So what if those same guys struck again? And what if they came in here, doug saw them, went to the back, and locked me in to protect me, to hide me, so they couldn’t get at me? And then they kidnapped him.
Jack: Well, why would anyone kidnap doug?
Julie: Oh, for god’s sakes, jack. He’s one of the most prominent men in salem. He’s the ex-mayor. He’s a man of means. For ransom. God, he could be bound and gagged in the trunk of a car somewhere. Oh, god. My poor doug.
Roman: All right. There you go. Double burger with swiss. Extra rare. Side of fries. Just the way you like.
Doug: Thank you, good sir. And it smells delicious. Mmm. Your mission:
Xander: Bonnie wants me at her wedding, I’ll wring the bride’s neck.
Gwen: Okay, xander. Will you just slow down? Slow down, right, and think this through. Why would bonnie want to steal $1 million when she’s just about to marry a multimillionaire?
Xander: Well, you know what they say. You can never be too rich.
Gwen: Right, but how did she even know you had all that cash in that briefcase?
Xander: I don’t know. I’m gonna show up at her wedding and find out.
Gwen: Xander, wait.
Gwen: This is my fault.
Xander: This is not the time to make it all about you, gwen.
Gwen: I know, but it is though. You confessed to a crime that I committed, and now you’re all tangled up with this bloody ej person. You owe him $1 million, which is now gone, along with the promise of a job. You did all this because you were trying to protect me.
Xander: It was my choice, gwen, remember. But there is one thing you can do for me in return.
Gwen: Yes, of course. What?
Xander: Don’t tell your father that you had your miscarriage before abigail pushed you down those stairs. If you do that, everything I’ve done will be for naught.
Steve: Right this way, mr. Riggins.
Riggins: Am I in the right place?
Steve: Yeah. Bride’s upstairs, the groom is out, and there’s a guest list of one outside the bridal party.
Riggins: Remarriages tend to be quieter affairs.
Steve: This is no remarriage. This is justin and bonnie’s first trip to the altar.
Riggins: Then what’s that, halloween?
Steve: That’s not bonnie. That’s my late sister adrienne. She and justin raised four sons together. After she passed–
Riggins: Mr. Kiriakis fell in love with her twin?
Steve: In a manner of speaking.
Riggins: And you’re the one person who made the guest list.
Steve: No. I’m the best man. Guess you’re wondering what you got yourself into, huh?
Riggins: Life can be complicated.
Steve: It sure can. So here’s hoping that all the drama is behind us now that their wedding day is finally here.
Calista: Now what?
Bonnie: You can’t kill me.
Calista: You already said that.
Bonnie: No, no, no. Do you know who justin’s uncle really is? He is like the greek version of michael corleone, except he’s even nastier, meaner, scarier, more ruthless than ej dimera. You lay one hand on me, and he will–
Calista: Thank me? Come on, the old goat won’t even come to your wedding. I’m gonna bet that guy do not care a rat’s behind about you.
Bonnie: No, wait. Wait. Okay. Forget about the mob. What about the law? Steve is right downstairs, and honey, he hears that gunshot and he comes running up those stairs, and he catches you red-handed. You lose the money, you go to statesville, and you don’t even have me around to give you tips on how to get ciggies from the guards in cell block H.
Calista: Oh, I’m not going to statesville.
Calista: I know how to get away with murder. I watched you, didn’t I? So I’m gonna use this little old-fashioned silencer. Easy-peasy. Now no one will know what happened, and no one will care.
Julie: Jack, we gotta call the police.
Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Julie, as concerned as I am, I’m thinking maybe you’re getting a little carried away.
Julie: How can you say that when doug could be in danger?
Jack: Well, there could be another explanation.
Julie: Such as what?
Jack: Such as is it possible–possible–that maybe you and doug had a fight?
Julie: Of course not. Although, well, he did get a little miffed when I changed out his espresso for chamomile tea this morning. His digestion’s a little more fragile. All right. All right. We had a small contretemps. Yes, he can show his temper when his blood sugar gets a little low.
Jack: Okay, so maybe he decided that the two of you needed to cool off a bit.
Julie: “Cool off.” Is that your fabled sense of humor rising to the occasion? I am not amused, jack.
Jack: All right, all right, all right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just to, you know– my apology on choice of words. Is it possible that maybe doug just needed to take a moment?
Julie: I don’t know. I guess it’s possible. Where would he go? He’s 96 years old. He can’t get very far on foot. Oh, lord, what am I doing standing here babbling? I’m going to go find him!
Roman: So where is your better half?
Roman: Well, I’ve never seen you or julie in here alone. Either one of you. She busy at the restaurant?
Doug: Actually, julie is busy–very busy– watching my cholesterol. Last night, she even tried to give me some quinoa. I hated it. Ugh. I prefer good, red meat and fries to go with it.
Doug: I’m sure you won’t tell her about this.
Roman: Oh, god, no. I got your back, all right? And I tell you what, I won’t tell her about this either.
Doug: [Laughs] Ooh. Well, that’s awfully nice of you, john. Thanks.
Roman: Yeah, you’re welcome, but name’s roman.
Doug: Of course it is.
Roman: Well, you called me john.
Doug: I did?
Roman: Yeah. You know what? It’s not the first time it happened. I mean, after all, john went by my name for, what, better part of a decade?
Doug: Yeah, those were wild days, weren’t they? When everybody thought you were dead and that john got back together with vivian.
Roman: You mean marlena?
Doug: Who else? What did I say?
Doug: [Chuckles] How in the world could I ever mix up marlena with vivian?
[Laughs] I must be losing it, john.
Gwen: Look, I already told my father that you were lying to protect me. That I was the one running drugs for snyder. He was blackmailing me. I can’t exactly go back on that, can I? And jack, he’s gonna be looking for answers.
Xander: And you’ll be ready with a lie. You’re a highly-skilled liar, gwen. One of the best, really. What? It’s a compliment!
Gwen: Thanks. Back at you.
Xander: So we’re good? You’ll do it?
Gwen: Lie to my father?
Xander: Think about it, gwen. If you told jack that you falsely blamed his precious abigail for your miscarriage, which caused her to flee town and quite possibly destroyed her marriage, there’s a chance his capacity for forgiveness might wear a tad thin.
Gwen: I’m his daughter too.
Xander: And I’m his best mate. You saw the hatchet job he did on me in the “spectator.”
Gwen: Yeah, that’s because he blames you for hurting me. He’s very protective over his daughters.
Xander: And if he blames you for hurting his other daughter, how do you think that will turn out? You’ve spent your whole life wanting a relationship with your father, and you finally got it. Do you really want to throw all that away for the sake of my reputation, which has always hovered between less-than-stellar and abysmal and will remain there regardless of what you do?
Gwen: You don’t deserve this.
Xander: I’ll be fine. Trust me. What?
Gwen: Nobody’s ever done this for me before. Sacrificed so much.
Xander: What can I say? You’re worth it.
[Cell phone beeps]
Jack: I got nothing. You have any luck?
Julie: I ran into linda, the line cook. She saw doug walking out the front door. She waved. She smiled. He just kept right on walking–
[Cell phone rings] Roman, I can’t talk now. Doug is missing.
Roman: No, he’s not. He’s right here, at the pub.
Julie: He is? Doug is at the brady pub.
Julie: Oh, oh. Thank god.
Julie: Well, tell him I’ve been worried sick, and he is to come back to the restaurant immediately. Roman? Aren’t you gonna tell him that?
Roman: Julie, you know what? I think it would be a better idea if you came here.
Riggins: Calista lockhart and harrison lord? Why do those names sound so familiar?
Steve: It’ll come to you.
Riggins: Well, a wedding at the kiriakis manse. Not to be gauche, but I didn’t eat lunch assuming the kiriakises would be putting on a spread, and this celebration seems a bit…anemic. I’d hate for my stomach to be growling during the ceremony.
Steve: Okay. Kitchen’s that way. The caterer has laid out a real nice brunch. You tell the cook I told him to hook you up.
Riggins: Thank you.
Steve: Okay. Ah, there you are.
Justin: Thanks for holding down the fort.
Steve: There’s not much to do. I haven’t seen the bride since she hightailed it upstairs with her sister-in-law.
Kayla: Well, I’ll go up and see bonnie and calista. See what’s going on.
Steve: All right.
Calista: You ready to go to hell, bonnie?
Bonnie: Let’s just see who gets there first!
To be a thriver
Doug: Julie. Jack. What are you guys doing here?
Julie: Oh, thank god. Thank god you’re all right. You are all right, aren’t you?
Doug: Of course I am.
Doug: Well, you actually caught me in the act.
Julie: A burger? What do you mean?
Doug: I needed something meaty, something I could sink my teeth into.
Julie: Oh, darling. I don’t care about the burger.
Doug: You don’t?
Doug: Well, terrific. Join me. Brews all around, on me.
Julie: Honey, I didn’t come here to drink, although it might do me some good. My blood is still needing to be thawed out after you locked me in the freezer.
Doug: What are you talking about?
Julie: And then you walked away and left me with my rear end frozen off.
Doug: Well, I would never do that.
Julie: But you did. You walked right up to the window, looked at me, walked away. I had to call poor jack to rescue me.
Doug: Well, I’m glad you’re safe and sound, honey. But darling, I think you have confused me with somebody else. Are you sure you’re okay?
Jack: You know, I think it’s been a really long afternoon, and I think it’d be a great idea if you and I got julie home.
Doug: Well, I haven’t finished my burger, and I had my eye on a piece of that devil’s food cake over there.
Roman: You know what? I’ll wrap all that up. How about that?
Doug: That’d be splendid. Thank you. And I need one more of these.
Roman: [Chuckles] Okay.
Steve: I can pour you a shot of whiskey for that.
Justin: For what?
Steve: Nerves, although kayla would probably recommend yoga.
Justin: I’m not nervous. I’m worried about bonnie. She has been real jittery ever since calista showed up. I mean, this morning we were planning to have breakfast, and she just took off on some errand without a word to me. And she was supposed to go over to your place, and she was a no-show.
Steve: Yeah, bonnie was definitely jittery when she got here this morning.
Justin: And last night, kayla mentioned that bonnie seemed really upset about calista. Apparently, she didn’t want to talk about it though.
Steve: Kayla told me the same thing. She said bonnie was near tears, but she wouldn’t say why. Whatever it is, I can attest to the fact that calista is quite the character.
Justin: Why do you say that?
Steve: Well, for one thing, she made a pass at me.
Justin: Obviously, she didn’t know you were married.
Steve: Well, when I told her, it didn’t stop her. She jumped me.
Justin: Steve, sorry about that.
Steve: And when I asked her some questions about herself, she was very cagey. Do you know much about her?
Justin: No, no, bonnie never mentioned her before she just showed up out of the blue. And I’m just hoping that she will just disappear to where she came from once this wedding is over.
Bonnie: Oh, my god. She’s dead.
[Knock at door]
Bonnie: This can’t be happening.
[Knock at door]
Kayla: Bonnie, are you in there?
Bonnie: Yeah, but I’m just– I’m not decent.
Kayla: I just wanted to see if you needed some help getting ready.
Bonnie: No, I’m good. I’m good.
Kayla: Well, I don’t think you are quite.
Bonnie: What do you mean?
Kayla: I have your makeup bag here.
Bonnie: You can just leave it there. That’s fine.
Kayla: Oh, come on. I’m the matron of honor. It’s my job to help the bride get ready. I mean, not that you need much. I mean, you’re gonna be a beautiful bride. Did you know faded, dingy, and rough fabrics
Julie: Well, I finally got him settled. You know, he did not sleep a wink last night, really. That’s why he was a little off, and then, of course, the beer and that rich, rich meal, that didn’t help matters very much either, so–
Jack: Julie? When you were getting doug in the car, roman told me that doug called him john.
Julie: Oh, well, who doesn’t? I mean, it’s been confusing for years.
Jack: He also confused marlena with vivian, which you gotta admit, that’s a little harder to explain away. I know. I mean, nobody wants to think about this, but I really think that doug should see a doctor.
Julie: Don’t even say that. He’s just tired. He needs some rest, and when he’s rested, he’s fine. I know it.
Xander: So what are you gonna tell jack?
Gwen: I don’t know.
Xander: Well, that’s the wrong answer.
Gwen: Yeah, well, it’s the best one I’ve got at the moment. One positive from this, though. Jack won’t think you’re a drug runner anymore, so that means that he won’t get in the way of us potentially seeing one another.
Xander: Is that what you want?
Gwen: I don’t know, maybe. But you need to go get that money now, and I need to think about what I’m gonna say to my father.
Gwen: What? Oh.
[Laughs] What was that for?
Justin: A part of me can’t believe I’m actually going through with this. Steve, I know you thought I was crazy. That you thought I was only attracted to bonnie because she reminded me so much of adrienne. And I know, at first, you were right. Although they really couldn’t be any more different from one another.
Justin: But right now, I’m not looking for another adrienne. I just want to be able to live and laugh again.
Steve: Of course you do.
Justin: And, I mean, if i wasn’t confident that bonnie had turned her life around, there’s no way I could ever get past what she did with adrienne.
Steve: I know that.
Justin: I mean, I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of.
Steve: Same here, so who am I to judge?
Justin: I just want you to know that I know it took a lot for you to agree to be my best man, and I appreciate your support.
Steve: All I ask in return is that you be happy.
Justin: That’s the plan.
Kayla: Oh, my gosh. Bonnie, what happened?
Bonnie: Uh…oh, you mean the feathers? Oh, gosh, they just don’t make pillows the way they used to. I was just trying to fluff one up, and it just exploded on me.
Kayla: And calista?
Bonnie: Oh, it’s the darndest thing. She said she wasn’t feeling well, and she just keeled right over.
Kayla: Why didn’t you say something? I’ll examine her.
Bonnie: No! You can’T.
[ “The addams family” theme playing ]
Kayla: Why don’t you want me to examine her?
Bonnie: Because I already know what’s wrong with her. She had, like, 16 mimosas at breakfast, and then she started puking before lunch, and I’ve been cleaning up after her ever since.
Kayla: On your wedding day? That’s awful.
Bonnie: Yeah, tell me about it. Anyway, she finally fell asleep, so I just–I don’t wanna– you know, don’t wanna take the chance waking her.
Kayla: Yeah. I can relate. I felt a bit rough this morning myself.
Bonnie: I guess I shouldn’t have suggested kamikazes last night, huh?
Kayla: Or maybe I just shouldn’t have tried to keep up with you. But it looks like your sister-in-law might just sleep right through the wedding, which is really a shame, because I know that she came all this way for the occasion.
Bonnie: Yeah. Definitely a shame.
Kayla: Are you all right?
Bonnie: Huh? Oh, I’m great. I mean, I’m marrying the man of my dreams! Top of the world, ma!
Kayla: So why were you just shaking, and what happened to your nail?
Steve: All right. To the light that’s back in your eyes and the woman who put it there.
Riggins: Okay. The mini quiches are delicious, and the croissants are–mmm.
Steve: I told him he could help himself.
Riggins: I’m happy to see we’re up to two people. It’s getting late, and I do have another gig, so are we getting this show on the road anytime soon?
Justin: I sure hope so.
Bonnie: Uh…um… must have lost it when calista timbered and I tried to catch her on the way down.
Kayla: After all that time at the manicurist.
Bonnie: Nothing is going the right way. Nothing’s going the way I planned it. I mean, it’s the most important day of my life, and I’m making a mess of it.
Kayla: Bonnie, bonnie, bonnie, it’s all right. It’s just a nail, huh?
Bonnie: Yeah, it’s just a nail. Just a nail. Just–yeah.
Kayla: Are you sure you’re all right?
Bonnie: Justin is the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want to marry him before something else goes wrong, okay?
Kayla: And you will. But you know wt?Ha we need to take care of some rituals first.
Bonnie: Okay. Kamikazes at midnight, check.
Kayla: No, no. Yeah, no. But something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Bonnie: Well, calista kind of took care of that part. It’s borrowed, blue, some old tears, and some new stains. Ew. On second thought, I’m just gonna leave it here.
Kayla: Okay, then. Why don’t we get you into your dress and get you married?
Jack: You and doug have been married more than half your lives, and so of course you don’t want to think about that. You know, I don’t either, but it could be something that’s completely treatable.
Julie: Or it could be nothing at all.
Jack: Exactly. It could be nothing at all. In which case, why don’t we get it checked out? And then you’ll have peace of mind. Look at you. You’re still shivering. I think it’d be a good idea for you to get checked out too.
Julie: I’m not going anywhere. And neither is my husband.
Steve: I know brides can take their sweet time getting ready, but if we don’t get this party started soon, I’m afraid the jp’s gonna move on to his next gig. I’m gonna go check with the ladies and see if I can get an eta.
Justin: Good, good, good.
Steve: There they are.
Justin: Bonnie, you look absolutely stunning.
Bonnie: You look pretty stunning yourself.
Steve: Where’s calista?
Steve: Too bad.
Justin: So are you ready to do this?
Bonnie: More ready than I’ve been in my entire life. I order my groceries online now.
Jack: There you are.
Gwen: Hi. Hi. Didn’t expect to see you back so soon. Julie, hope you’re doing okay.
Julie: [Chuckles] Please, gwen. I’m sure you were probably praying I’d turn into a popsicle. Excuse me, darling. I’m gonna go check on doug.
Gwen: Doug? What’s wrong with doug?
Jack: We’re not exactly sure.
Riggins: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Matrimony should be entered into solemnly. With reverence and honor. Therefore, if any person here objects to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Calista: I have an objection. The bride just tried to kill me!
Gwen: Oh, dear. Do you think it’s dementia?
Jack: I don’t know. I don’t know, but I’m afraid julie’s in denial that anything is wrong.
Gwen: I’m so sorry. Really, I am. Look, I know that julie and i aren’t really pals, but doug–well, he and I shared a few midnight pints together. He’s good people.
Jack: He is. But on the subject of not-so-good people, what were you gonna tell me before julie called, about snyder holding something over you to make you run drugs for him?
Gwen: You know what? Actually, can we just talk about this another time?
Jack: Now would be good.
Gwen: Well, I just see how very worried you are about doug, and I just remembered I have an errand that I have to run.
Jack: But you just got home.
Gwen: Yeah. I won’t be long. Sorry. Yeah. Thanks.
Justin: Bonnie, is something wrong?
Bonnie: [Chuckles] What could be wrong? Marrying a dreamboat like you.
[Chuckles] I’m sorry. Where were we?
Riggins: Matrimony should be entered into solemnly and with reverence and honor. Therefore, if any person here objects to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Xander: I have an objection.
Justin: What the hell are you doing here?
Xander: Your blushing bride stole $1 million from me, and I want it back.
Justin: Xander. Leave. Now.
Xander: You’re gonna wanna hear this, cuz. I guarantee it. You might even thank me.
Kayla: What’s this about?
Xander: Glad you asked. Quite simple, really. I had a briefcase full of cash in my room which has gone missing, and the only person that could have taken it is bonnie.
Justin: Why would bonnie be in your room?
Xander: Oh, I can think of one million reasons. But why don’t you ask her?
Justin: Bonnie, did you go to xander’s room?
Bonnie: Yes, I did, but to invite this lunkhead to our wedding.
Justin: Why would you do that?
Bonnie: Because he’s family. Victor refused to come, and none of your sons could make it on such short notice, so I thought inviting your cousin would be a nice surprise.
Xander: The only surprise was you running off with all my cash. Although, knowing your history, that’s not really that much of a surprise, is it?
Justin: All right, xander. You’re gonna stop right now.
Steve: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Riggins: This is obviously a private matter. I will give you some time.
Kayla: Xander seems to have a newfound habit of crashing private parties and making scandalous claims.
Xander: Ah, but in the case of nicole and eric’s anniversary party, which is what I assume you’re alluding to, I merely stated fact. And that party is strangely relevant, because that’s how I earned the million dollars in question. And in that case, my scandalous claim was true, just as it is in this case. Isn’t that right, bonnie?