Days of Our Lives Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
Good morning.
Well… you seem to be in a good mood.
Yes, well, that might be– drum roll, please– because Marlena fell down the elevator shaft. On camera, of course… [chuckles] Which means, with or without Hattie Adams’ histrionics and all, Charlemagne will finally get that… rich, dramatic death scene she so richly deserves. [both chuckle]
I am glad to hear it. And you’re right. A pivotal scene like that should never be played off-camera.
No, never. Are you kidding me? A moment like that, the death of a beloved character– that’s the kind of scene an audience tunes in for. [dramatic music]
What are you talking about? My God, Johnny, why would you think that Alex and I are having sex?
Because you liked it so much the first time.
Johnny, I have no idea what you’re–
I saw you, Chanel, okay? I saw the two of you the other day in here going at it.
Okay, Johnny, this is crazy, okay? Alex and I would never–
I said I saw you, Chanel! And you’ve been lying to me ever since.
Johnny, Johnny, you– please, please, listen to me.
Why–why should I? It’s just going to be more lies. Just like the day after I saw you with him, you told me you were going to the bakery. Well, I went there and you were nowhere to be found.
I was running an errand.
Oh, at Alex’s apartment?
What?
Yeah, no, I heard you guys talking about how I was– I was never going to find out, how clueless I am. I bet you guys had a nice big laugh about– about how stupid I am.
Oh, my God.
What a fool your husband is.
Johnny, Johnny, this is not at all what you think.
No, it’s exactly what I think, okay? And don’t even bother trying to deny it. I-I refuse to believe another word that comes out of your mouth, because you’re a cheating slut. Even now… you’re lying right to my face. I can’t believe it. I can’t even look at you.
[door closes]
Mom, did you forget? This is my room.
Well, the maids were cleaning mine.
Oh. Well, the audition went great. Thank you for asking.
Mm.
Now I just have to wait and hear back.
Well, you know what I’m waiting to hear? Whose wedding ring this is.
[scoffs softly]
Well?
Well, what?
Well, you said that you met a man at a bar last night, so I can only assume that this belongs to him. What you neglected to tell me was that he was a married man.
Why’s this taking so long? Oh. all: Surprise!
W-what is this? Is this–is–
Happy birthday, Johnny boy. Are you surprised or what? I mean, you better be, because Chanel worked really hard on all this. All for you, buddy.
Surprise.
all: * Happy birthday to you *
I bet you’re feeling pretty stupid right now, because you should be. all: * Happy birthday, dear Johnny * * Happy birthday to you *
[soft orchestration] announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the “Days of Our Lives.”
As much as I’m elated that Charlemagne has finally shuffled off the mortal coil thanks to Marlena… it’s still concerning to me that we’re left with a huge, star-shaped hole in the center of our canvas. I mean, who’s going to go toe to toe with Kassandra? I mean, it’s not like we can go online and, you know, find someone–find a capricious, fiery actress, a soap-opera diva.
I might have a solution… if we bring back Lorna…
[groans]
And if you agree to play her.
Okay, so I know exactly where you’re going, and I am more of a back-of-the-house kind of gal. I’d rather solve problems behind the camera, okay? Not make them in front of the camera.
That’s fair enough.
So, speaking of troublemakers, though, how are the auditions going for the Faith and Arrow spoiler? The–the Regan character?
Well, we are off to a promising start. I just directed a very good audition with an intriguing young actress.
Really?
Hmm.
Well, who was it?
Nancy Wesley’s daughter, Joy. [dramatic music]
Really, Mother? Must you be so…provincial?
“Provincial”? Joy, what are we, in a Jane Austen novel?
If only.
[scoffs] Just be honest with me. Is this or is this not a man’s wedding ring?
Let’s say it is. So what?
“So what”? [scoffs] May I remind you once again how my own marriage ended?
Not necessary, but go ahead.
Fine. It was because your father, a married man, was cheating on me over and over and over again.
In fact… it happened right here in this very hotel… [sighs] With that loathsome Leo Stark. All the while, your mother was sitting at home playing the dutiful wife… all the while being unaware that she was being betrayed.
The difference is, I haven’t betrayed anyone, Mother. For one thing, I’m not married.
Oh, so you’re not your father in this scenario. You’re that loathsome Leo Stark. Oh, Joy, how I pity that poor man’s wife sitting at home, not– not aware that she’s being betrayed.
all: * Happy birthday, dear Johnny * * Happy birthday to you * [applause]
* And many more * [laughter and applause] [dramatic music]
What are you waiting for, man? You gonna come blow these suckers out or what?
Make a wish first.
[laughs]
Go ahead. Make a wish.
[exhales sharply]
Yay!
Yeah. [applause] I got to say, your wife really outdid herself with this cake, man, huh? She must kind of love you or something.
Anyway, birthday boy gets to cut the first piece.
Careful with that, Alex. I-I don’t know if I’d trust him with that knife.
[laughs] Why–why is that?
Because he may or may not stab you with it.
He’s going to stab me with it? Why would he– why would he want to s– why would he want to stab me with it?
Well, apparently… you and I are sleeping together. [people gasp]
O-okay, now, everybody listen to me and listen– listen hard. Now, I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but I do know one thing. My baby girl is no cheater.
Johnny, what the– Where is this even coming from, bro? Why would you think that Chanel and I are sleeping together?
Why? Why? Because I saw you guys, that’s why.
What are you talking about?
This is crazy. You couldn’t have seen us because it never happened.
Oh, really? I wasn’t the only one. Seth saw it, too.
Well–
What? When?
When? The other day. Remember, I ran into you in the hallway. You said, don’t go in that room because Arrow and Faith are having sex in there. [dramatic music]
Well, I don’t recall saying it that bluntly, but, yeah, I remember.
You see?
But that’s not Faith. That’s Faith.
I didn’t know that Nancy’s daughter was auditioning.
Bonnie insisted that we give her a chance.
Oh. So it went well.
Yeah, it went, uh, really well. You know, Chanel– Chanel and–and Joy had this– this antagonistic energy.
Well–ha– that’s exactly what we need. Huh. Do you think we found our home-wrecker? Do we have our Regan?
Well, I do think that Joy Wesley could be a contender.
Well, what do you have to say to that, dear?
[chuckles] What I have to say is, you have no idea what you’re talking about, Mom. This guy’s situation is nothing like yours and Daddy’s. For one thing, his wife is cheating on him.
Oh, so you think that makes it better? Joy, have you not heard the expression, two wrongs do not make a–
Right. Yes, yes, of course I have. But it’s not like this woman is some Stepford wife waiting for her husband to return home to give him his slippers or whatever. It’s not so black and white.
[chuckles] I am well aware of the gray areas.
What does that even mean?
It means that… no matter what his wife has done, it doesn’t give the man a right to sleep around.
And you just assume that he did sleep with someone?
Uh, well, am I wrong, or am I right? Are you telling me that you didn’t just find that in a Happy Meal?
[sighs]
Come on, Joy, just be honest with me. Did you or did you not sleep with this man?
[sighs]
But she– No, wait. I-I thought you meant–
Oh, I can see that our birthday boy has been rendered speechless, so I’ll take the lead here. As it so happens… Stephanie isn’t Faith. In fact, she isn’t even an actress. She’s our publicist. [clicking tongue]
But wait. I saw you two. Weren’t you… rehearsing?
Yes, Stephanie and I were rehearsing.
Only because Chanel was running late.
And got a little carried away. Got a little caught up in the moment. That’s all.
O-okay, so wait, wait. Let me get this straight. When you told me that you saw Arrow and Faith going at it and I walked in, I opened the door, I-I actually walked in on… Alex and Stephanie?
Chanel, I-I-I don’t know what to say.
Yeah, it’s probably best that you don’t say anything… because as my mama taught me…
Best to not speak with your mouth full.
[cake thuds]
Are you not quite ready to hand the role of Regan to Joy?
[chuckles] As I said, she’s a contender.
Ah.
But I would like to see some other actors. Oh, Paulina. I-I-I didn’t know you were getting here so– so early for our lunch date. [dramatic music]
Well, Abraham, it’s been, you know, a day of, I guess you’d say… unexpected events.
I’m–I’m sorry, this is, uh, Chanel’s– Chanel is throwing this big bash for Johnny for his birthday on set. And I’m–I’m–I’m sorry I didn’t make it. So how was it? Was he surprised?
Oh, he was. Matter of fact, we all were.
Mm. This is so flipping delicious. Ah.
Leo, what are you doing?
What? We cannot let this delicious cake go to waste.
[scoffs] Jeez.
Mmm. You think this is gluten-free?
What, do you have a gluten allergy?
No. Here, you got to try this.
No, I–
Try it.
What the hell?
Oh. Mmm.
Oh. Oh, my God.
Right? Right? This is so much better than the cake my dad made for me when I turned seven.
Mm, what was wrong with the cake he made you?
Well, besides the fact that he baked it at, like, , degrees, it was so dry you could barely choke it down, he scribbles “Happy Ninth, Junior” in the frosting.
Honey, he didn’t know how old you were?
And often got my name wrong. But look at me now, hmm? Eating this delicious cake, head-writing a TV show. Although my childhood trauma is like a diamond mine, Bonnie, I’m like a little miner boy– overalls on, shovel in hand, schmutz all over my face.
Poor little Leo. [chuckles] Mmm, mmm. You know what? We shouldn’t be doing this. We should not be gorging ourselves like this.
Why not?
Because the baker just got accused of infidelity.
Could’ve been worse.
How?
She actually could have been cheating on him.
All right, you’re right. Cheers. Mm. Oh. Oh!
[sighs]
Well… what do you have to say? Joy, clearly, you brought this man, whoever he was, back to your room.
Whoa, okay. Not having this conversation with my mother.
Honey, I just don’t want you to get h–
What? Get hurt?
Yes, get hurt. From your youthful vantage point, this may not seem like a big deal, but… [both sigh] You’re my daughter, and I love you.
Oh, please. You don’t care about me. You didn’t even want me in the first place.
So Chanel goes and stuffs the cake right into his face and, you know, then storms out of there with Johnny right on her heels.
Hmm. Whoa, that does not sound like a fun party.
No.
No, it was a disaster. Oh, and, you know, I just so wanted to just go to my baby girl and, you know, just give her a hug, tell her how wonderful she is. And then, you know, I thought, you know, it might be best to give them some alone time.
Well, that’s all because Johnny thought he saw Alex… sleeping with Chanel.
When he was actually with Stephanie.
Yes, that is why it happened.
[sighs] Okay, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go do some damage control before “Body & Soul” turns into the set of “Caligula.”
Mm.
[exhales deeply]
Get out of my way.
No, Chanel.
Get out.
Just wait. Just wait for a second. All right, listen… listen, I just want to tell you–
What? That you’re sorry for calling me a cheating slut? Imagine calling someone you love something like that and right before you walk into the surprise party that they threw for you. Oh, wait, no, you don’t have to imagine.
Look, please, Chanel, just try to understand where I’m coming from, all right?
Seth told me that he saw Arrow and Faith– Arrow and Faith–having sex in a hospital room. And I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. But I looked in, and I saw Alex in bed on top of someone, and I just–I-I-I got so upset that I-I just took off.
Yeah, and you decided to assume the worst, instead of just– I don’t know–asking me.
You’re right, Chanel. You’re absolutely right. I should have asked you. I should have just asked you, but I–
But what, Johnny?
Because I saw you later, all right? And your–and your back had, you know, gone out, so I thought–
So you thought– [laughing] You thought it was from a sex injury? I told you I was tying my shoe.
But the timing of it all and–and the coincidence… And–and–and then you were just acting like nothing even happened, so I–
Because it hadn’t happened. But whether or not anything did, it didn’t matter to you, did it? No, because you already assumed that it had. And you know why? It’s because you don’t trust me, Johnny, do you?
Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?
Yeah.
I cannot believe that Johnny saw us in bed together.
I know. And the fact that he thought it was Chanel and me?
That’s what makes this whole thing even crazier.
Yeah, but, Steph, it’s not like we expected anybody to see us. We’re consenting adults. We were behind closed doors in a hospital room. Good for us. Plus, Johnny would have never came in if he didn’t think it was, you know, Faith and Arrow.
You know this is all your fault, right?
Wait, what?
Why did you tell Johnny that Faith and Arrow were having sex? I mean, have you–have you seen the real Faith? How could you think that I was her?
I told you, I saw you two running lines. Plus, you look like an actress…
[sighs]
So I just assumed you were.
Yeah, well, I am not an actress. I’m a publicist. And I have sat in on meetings with producers and you, and we were on a Zoom meeting one-on-one.
Yeah, I remember, but Kate and Abe explicitly said that they had to cut overhead. So how was I supposed to know that this wasn’t another belt-tightening measure?
Well, it occurs to me that you think your job is to know things.
Oh, I know things. And one of them being, is I know that the show’s publicist had a romp in the hay with one of its stars on the set! Now, do you think that the producers would like to know that, too? [dramatic music]
Oh, Abe, I feel so bad for you.
Me?
Yes, you. I mean, your–your show hasn’t even started airing yet, and your lead actress and director are fighting because he thought he walked in on her sleeping with her costar?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, tell you who I feel bad for. Johnny and Chanel.
Oh, me too, but… [scoffs] I mean–and I don’t want to lay the blame on anyone here. Obviously, it was a terrible misunderstanding, but, oh, how I wish you hadn’t have had that oh-so-brilliant idea to pair Alex and Chanel in the first place.
Are you laying the blame on me?
O-only in part. I mean, let’s face it. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t gone on and on and on about… what good chemistry those two had and just insisted how damn perfect they’d look together as costars. I mean, come on, now, Johnny’s only flesh and blood. The man got jealous. Who wouldn’t, in his shoes?
You know, being jealous is one thing, but how was I to know that the man had issues and was paranoid and…
Well, well, why not? I mean, as the saying goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Are you– are you referring to–
Mm-hmm, yes, I am referring to that British daddy of his. Yes.
Well, I always thought that Johnny was more evolved than his father.
Chanel, you’re right, okay? Of course I should have trusted you, but–but can you just– Will you try to see this from my perspective?
What perspective is that, Johnny– the one where you thought that you caught me having sex with Alex? Oh, wait, no, sorry, it wasn’t me. It was someone else entirely.
I know, but I also saw you at Alex’s apartment.
Yes, planning your surprise party that he offered to help me with.
Yeah, well, I know that now, don’t I? But on that day, when I saw you in his hallway and I overheard you saying how clueless I was and that you had to keep it a secret from everyone, do you see how I would connect those dots together?
Yes, only because you were connecting the dots to try to make them equal up to me cheating on you, okay? Don’t you understand that all of this so-called evidence only leaned that way because you believed that I would actually cheat on you, my husband, the man that I love more than anyone in this world?
Wait, where’s your… Wedding ring?
Joy, honey, of course I care about you.
Right, you care about me when you need something… like, for instance, bone marrow to save the life of your real daughter, Chloe.
Sweetheart, we’ve gone over this so many times. Of course you’re as real a daughter to us as Chloe is. [scoffs] And though your father and I will be eternally grateful that you were a bone marrow match for Chloe when she was sick… Honey, bone marrow is the least of the reasons we care about you. [sighs] Your being our daughter was the gift of a lifetime.
Joy, sweetheart… please tell me that I am finally getting through to you. I love you.
Joy, please tell me that you believe me.
Fine, you love me. But that doesn’t mean that all of our issues are settled and everything is, you know, magically better between us.
No, I wouldn’t expect that. But as long as you know that I love and care about you…
Fine, I know. And I’m sorry for sending you on a guilt trip.
Oh. It’s okay. I’m used to it.
And now you’re sending me on one.
I’m sorry. I didn’t–
You know, you still haven’t asked me how my audition went.
I was just about to. So how was it?
It was, um–it was good.
Just good?
Actually, it was– went really well, I think. I read with one of the characters on the show. Well, it’s Chanel Dupree, but she plays Faith on the show. Apparently my character is supposed to be after her man. [both chuckle]
Well, that sounds normal for “Body & Soul.” So what did they say?
That they’ll let me know.
That sounds like a successful audition. [gasps] Oh, this calls for a celebratory lunch. Um, and then maybe you can, uh, fill me in on whose wedding ring that is.
Actually, you know, I’ll pass.
Joy, I–
As I told you, I am not discussing this with my mother. [dramatic music]
Where are you going?
For a walk. [door opens, closes]
Well… where’s your wedding ring, Johnny?
Look, I-I took it off.
When? When what? When you decided that the marriage was over because you thought that you caught me in bed with Alex?
No, okay? It wasn’t like that.
Oh, no? Then what was it like, hmm? I told you from day one that I am not into Alex, period, end of story. But what did you think? That he would just get me so turned on that I would just, oh, my God, cheat on my husband who I love so much because some guy took his shirt off?
Look, I-I-I know, okay? I’m sorry. I am sorry, Chanel. I-I don’t know what I was thinking. I-I feel like a fool. Please–
Don’t touch me.
Chanel.
I said don’t– Oh, my God. I cannot believe that I went out of my way to throw this big surprise party for my husband, only for him to look at me in the face and call me a cheating slut.
Chanel.
Get out.
I said get out!
Okay.
[door closes]
You know… maybe–
Maybe–maybe what?
Well… maybe as things calm down, Johnny and Chanel will learn that this was just a misunderstanding.
[sighs] I wish I had your optimism, Abraham, but you were not there to see that look on my daughter’s face. Johnny hurt her badly. And when my daughter’s hurting, you better watch out.
I’ve been thinking of switching astrology signs.
What? You can’t do that. It’s when you were born, silly.
So? I’m tired of being a Pisces. I was thinking about trying on… Gemini maybe or Virgo.
Mm.
They’re very organized, those Virgos. I could use some of that.
I know what you mean. [chuckles] Mmm.
It’s a shame to waste all of this cake. I’ll see if I can find an intern to bring it to the break room.
Does this mean…
We have to eat this cake in the break room?
No, that we have to share. I don’t think so. I have a better idea.
Kate, I can explain.
Okay, that won’t be necessary. Paulina already gave me the details.
Kate, I-I can’t even explain to you how sorry I am. What happened was completely unprofessional, and I assure you that it won’t happen again.
Yes, I am sure you regret what happened, and I accept your apology. Unfortunately, it did happen. We are about to launch a show. And I can’t have it get out there that our publicist, who is responsible for promoting the image of the show, is sleeping with an actor… [sighs] On a set, no less.
Right.
[sighs]
So… I assume this means I’m fired.
Kate, please, you cannot fire Stephanie. Come on, this was not her fault. It was completely mine. I asked her to run lines with me, and we just– we got a little carried away.
You certainly did. And by rights, I should fire you both for being shamelessly indiscreet, for embarrassing the whole company and negatively affecting a fellow cast member and director whom you both know.
For which we are both very sorry.
So am I. [sighs] But you can keep your jobs. I’m not going to fire you.
Oh.
You’re not?
No. But consider this your first and final warning. For now, you two… stay the hell away from each other. [dramatic music]
[mouth full] You know, this might be all Hattie Adams’ fault.
Um, I didn’t quite catch that.
Mm. [normal voice] I said this might be all Hattie Adam’s fault.
You mean Johnny finding out– or thinking, at least– that Chanel was cheating on him?
That’s what I mean. After all, the woman did put a curse on the show when she got fired.
So I heard.
Happened to me once, years ago. I went to grab the last container of garlic hummus at Whole Foods, and this petite woman walking an affenpinscher with beady little eyes stared right through my soul.
What kind of curse did she put on you?
I’d rather not say, but this curse, this Hattie Adams curse, I think it’s real. And who knows? Maybe something truly terrible is going to befall you at any moment. [gasps] Or me.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the little home-wrecker.
Exhibit A.
Johnny. Hi.
Uh… [clears throat] Joy.
I’m, uh–I’m glad that I ran into you. You, um… you left this in my room last night.
[breathing heavily]
Where’s Johnny?
Gone.
Chanel, honey. Oh, honey, are you okay?
[breathing heavily] No. No, Mom, I’m not.
Oh, baby.
[crying]
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