General Hospital Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
It’s your other boss, and I need help asap. Look, every time I try to use this computer, I just get this message, “error 331.” What does that even mean? I —
[ Knock on door ] Finally. Never mind. They just got here. Thank you so much. Come in. Drew. This is unexpected. Do I need to call security? Nina, you and I both know there’s no such thing as security, don’t we? Okay. Okay, sasha. Alright, so big energy from you, alright, but not so accessible. Alright? We want a little bit of distance. You’re hot, you’re strong. Nobody can touch you. Got it. Alright.
[ Camera shutter clicking ] Look, I have some notes for the model. Okay. Uh, sorry, everybody. Uh, we just need to make a little adjustment, okay? Uh, let’s take five. Hey. Something wrong? Uh, no. No, no, no, no. I-it’s great. It’s going great. We just need the photographs to be a teeny, weeny bit different. So, um, hey, why don’t you pretend that you don’t really want to be here, you know, that you’re kind of doing us a favor? Get it? Try that. Lovely ladies of deception, follow along as we go through these new — maxie. Ooh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I thought I could swing by anytime. No, it’s totally fine. We’re just about to go over our new security protocols. You should stay because you do work for deception. -I do. -Yes, pull up a chair. Why should we be the only ones to suffer? I thought you would be at sasha’s photo shoot. Why? It’s a solo photo shoot. I don’t need to be sasha’s keeper. That’s true. Sasha does have lucy there to smooth over any problems.
[ Laughs ] Don’t you mean
create problems? Do you know lucy coe? Tj: I’ll be observing dr. Enoch during your surgery, and while prepping, I noticed there are some gaps in your chart, so I’ll need more information from you before the surgery. Oh, well, fire away, doc. Do you have any allergies? Only to other people. Great. No allergies. Uh, any past adverse reactions to anesthesia? Does being forced to wake up from it count?
[ Cellphone chimes ] I’ll take that as a no.
[ Monitor beeping ] I’ll be back. I’ll be here. Wait. A-aren’t you going to shave my head? I’m sorry? Shave my head. You know, for the surgery. No, that won’t be necessary. The surgery is on your hip. Well, yeah, but I thought you shaved your head for every surgery. Oh. If not, finally, things are looking up. If you need anything, use your call button. Okay. Thank you. I’m still gonna look such a fright with my hair all in knots like this. Oh, well. I used to have such pretty hair, didn’t I, laura? Yeah. I mean, it was so long and thick. Remember? I used to set it all the time. It was beautiful. Long time ago. Another life. I’m sure you know that heather webber’s surgery is this morning? Yeah, that metallosis diagnosis is kind of crazy, but I have to admit, I don’t know a whole lot about that condition. Cobalt poisoning from the breakdown of an artificial hip can be extremely painful, and it can disrupt proper organ function in the body. Excuse me. Mm. Elizabeth. Yeah? There’s a discrepancy in the med storage area. Which is? Simply put, the inventory doesn’t match. It’s short.
This is the first I’m hearing about a discrepancy. Oh, yeah, I see what you’re talking about. Is this something we need to worry about? Um, not yet. It could be a mistake. Sometimes the pharmacy inventory doesn’t update in real time, so that could be the issue. Okay, well, that’s good to know. And if people are selling drugs, it’s the painkillers they’re taking, not the antibiotics and the meds that slow bleeding.
[ Chuckles ] I-I got heather’s iv started. Would it be okay if I take my break a little early? Yeah, yeah, you can go. It’s actually pretty quiet around here right now. Okay, great. Thanks. I’ll be back soon. Okay.
[ Camera shutter clicking ] Straight ahead. Defiant. You can’t be bothered.
[ Camera shutter clicking ] A little more edge, sasha. More — more danger. Okay?
[ Camera shutter clicking ] Okay, this isn’t working. She — she — there’s no risk, no aloofness. She’s — she’s too accessible, too sweet. Try to give it some motion. Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, let’s try this, right? Uh, turn your body a little bit to the left, and look at me over your shoulder, alright? That’s it. That’s not really very good. No.
[ Sighs ] Look, can we just stop for a minute, please? You clearly aren’t happy with what you’re seeing, so just tell me exactly what you want, and I can do it. It’s not that. You’re doing a great job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The — the best, she is. Unfortunately, I just don’t think the shoot is going to work for reasons that are beyond our control. Oh, wow. O-okay. That’s too bad. Alright, well, I guess we have a free morning. Great. The improvements I’ve made to deception’s cybersecurity have made it virtually impenetrable. So maxie will now not only be the queen of deception, but also queen of the passcodes. So to access any company file, each of you will need a new code from maxie every day, while maxie herself will be getting a new code every morning. Wow. Sounds super secure. Sounds super annoying. Well, this much security does require extra steps, but it should prevent intrusion to the company’s patented and proprietary holdings, such as the one that threatened the rights to the deceptor not long ago. Oh, do you mean the one that was created via intellectual property theft? Grandmother. What? It’s what we’re all thinking.
[ Cellphone ringing ] Oh, it’s the rep for belle peau. I have to take this. Excuse me. Well, as I was saying… hi. How’s the photo shoot going? It’s canceled? What do you mean? That’s ridiculous. As you can see, I’m extremely busy. I see you staring at a computer screen, but I don’t see you actually doing anything. ‘Cause I can’t log on, and it is taking forever to get here. Allow me. Why? Because I want you to finish whatever it is that you’re doing so you can focus. And how do you think you’re going to log me on, drew? Telepathically? You don’t work here. You know nothing about
the invader’s system. Yeah, well, you’re sitting at alexis’ desk. I would suggest using her password. No, we’re not… we are not contacting alexis, okay? We don’t e xactly see eye to eye on this new writer that I hired, and I’m trying to post his column before she gets here to derail it. Yeah, well, lucky for you, her password’s on a little sticky note right there, so you might want to try that. Well, I’m eventually going to have to talk to her about that potential security risk after I use it this one time.
[ Monitor beeps ] Yes. Okay. Now, what I need to do is I need to drag this file underneath the header. And there we go. And then just hit “post it” and done.
[ Laughs ] Alright, I will be leaving, and I’m going to lock the office, so you’re going to have to wait for alexis outside. I’m not actually here to see alexis. I’m here to see you. And why is that? I’m just wondering how you’re enjoying running the invader. You want to know how I like the job that I took after you fired me? Just humor me. Okay. Well, it’s not exactly the job that I was born to do. Alexis seems to hate me and all my ideas for making the newspaper more successful. But then again, I’m getting used to being port charles’ favorite punching bag. So why do you ask? Well, I’m just wondering. Do you miss crimson?
There. Thank you. You’re welcome. Does it look any better? Well, I tell you what. Why don’t you just have a look for yourself? What do you think? Oh. Seeing myself in a mirror is not something I do much these days. Oh. Do I usually look better or worse than this? I think you look really good for somebody who is about to go into surgery. Besides, hospital lighting, heather, that doesn’t do anybody any favors. Yeah, I-it’s just so strange having this older lady staring back at me. I’m not used to it. I used to be pretty, didn’t I, laura? Yes, I thought so. Heather, we all age. And it’s not such a bad thing, considering the alternative. Oh, that’s true. Yeah. Yeah, even if we’re not girls anymore. Hey, now we’re co-grandparents. Bet you didn’t see that coming.
[ Chuckles ] No, I can’t say that I did. How is ace, anyway? Did the antibiotics work on that ear infection of his? Yes, worked like a charm. He’s right back to his normal, happy self. Oh, good. You know, um, one of the disclaimers on the forms that I filled out said I could die during this operation. Oh, heather, don’t worry about that. No, no, no. Don’T. It’s standard procedure for anybody who’s having surgery in the hospital. Besides, your doctor is a very skilled surgeon, one of the best in new york. You’re going to be fine. Maybe I will, maybe I won’T. It was so nice of you to come this morning. I mean, hey, you’re the mayor. You have a city to run. You don’t have to stay. Nobody should be alone before surgery. And besides, there aren’t many of us webbers left, right? Maybe we should stick together. It’s nice to think that you remember me the way I was. Glad somebody can. What happened? I don’t have long. I’m on my break. The meds I took to treat jason have been flagged in the system as missing. Thank god I didn’t take painkillers, or the police would have already been called. But elizabeth will have to look into it. Is there anything that’ll lead back to you? No, but elizabeth is in charge, so she’s going to have to answer for the discrepancy. Is there any chance they’ll think that maybe it’s a computer glitch or a paperwork error? No, no. Everything that goes out of that pharmacy is scanned electronically. This was not. They know it’s missing. Okay. Alright. Hey, uh, we’ll figure this out, alright? Don’t panic. Promise we’ll figure it out. How? I-I don’t — I don’t know yet.
[ Sighs ] Did you see jason this morning? Yeah, yeah, I, uh — I brought him food. He’s — he’s doing okay. He’s moving around better. And I’m glad that jason is getting better, but I can’t see a way out of this situation for us or for him. Yeah, it’s hard to come up with a plan when we’re still in the dark on so much. Has he told you what happened at the warehouse that night or where he’s been and why he came back now? Just what — what he told me, I already told you. He — he said that he was a mercenary working for someone who has leverage over him. That’s all he’d say. Sorry for the interruption. Everything’s fine. Everything is not fine. What do you mean? Cody just texted sasha to let her know how dante is doing, and she told him that the photo shoot got canceled. What’s going on? I’m sorry.
Belle peau is one of the biggest fashion magazines in the world. Sasha being on the cover would have meant huge exposure for deception. What do you want to bet lucy messed this up somehow? Okay, you know what? It’s not a big deal. You know how fashion people can be. They run hot, they run cold. They probably just wanted to regroup and find a new direction for the photo shoot. So, spinelli, what other systems are we upgrading? Yeah, I’m very glad you asked. I installed the strongest antivirus software available. Wow. The gang is all here. Lucy, what did you do to get the photo shoot canceled? I beg your pardon? Well, we know it was called off, and we also know that you were there, so it must be your fault. It was not lucy’s fault. I don’t know what happened, actually. The shoot just felt off from the start. The belle peau creative director clearly wasn’t happy, but he couldn’t articulate to me why. And the photographer just seemed annoyed that he wasn’t getting the shot. I mean, I feel like I did everything I was asked to do, and still it wasn’t working. I don’t get it. What happened, lucy? Simple problem. Easily fixed. Sasha is just too wholesome.
Just tell me, lucy, what is “too wholesome”? Okay, don’t — don’t take this the wrong way, okay? Okay. Okay, um, it’s just, your photographs are — are too a-approachable, too radiant. They’re just too darn nice. Lucy, what — what are you doing? Sasha, don’t listen to her. You are beautiful. Any woman would kill to look like you. It’s okay, guys. Let — let lucy talk. It’s an intangible, you know?It’s — it’s aloofness. It’s — it’s edgy. It’s like the model is just a little out of reach. Kind of like kate moss. You know, there was a reason she was on all those covers ’cause she had that look. So you want sasha to model heroin chic?
[ Sighs ] What, you think I didn’t do my research before I took over a cosmetics company? This is insane, okay? Sasha’s gorgeous, and if a photographer can’t capture that, then they’re clearly incompetent. Obviously, she’s gorgeous. No one is saying otherwise. And I don’t mean to be rude. I mean, this isn’t very nice or polite to say, but we need exposure. We need sasha on those covers of those magazines, and we need that kind of exposure now more than ever, okay? So think about it. You are the face of deception. Beautiful, yes, but we need mystery, unknowability. We need edginess. Do you think you can do that for us? Oh, so relatively small amount. Expensive drugs. No street value. Only known to medical professionals. Okay, I’m going to pull the records of everybody who logged in and out of the pharmacy storage over the past few days, and I will get back to you. Okay, thanks. Were you able to clear up the discrepancy? Well, I’m still looking into it. It’s not really enough to affect our standing supply, so it still could be just a reporting error. What if the meds are really gone? That would mean our system isn’t secure, and that would be a much bigger issue. Could someone lose their job over this? The person in charge. That would be me. What happens if that
fbi agent who tried to question danny questions us? Do we lie? Is that perjury or obstruction of justice? And even if that doesn’t happen, what do we do about the drugs? I can’t let elizabeth take the fall for the meds I stole. I-I don’t know. I don’t know. Okay? I’m — I’m trying to figure this out, just like you. Look, willow, what I do know, though, is that I was sent to prison when I was 17 years old, okay? I was just a kid, and I was — and I was beaten so badly, and I — you know what happened to me. I couldn’t protect myself. I couldn’t stop the hell that I was in, so jason sent himself to prison to protect me. He saved my life. I mean, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him, willow. So — so whatever he needs from me now, however I can help him, I’m going to do it. And, willow, please, I’m — I’m asking you to stand with me and help him, too. I thought you could use some caffeine and sugar. Should I have you taste them first? 10 people saw me buy these, so if I was going to poison you, I’d be a lot more discreet. Yeah. So you’ve had some time to think about my question. I have, and I could lie to save my pride, but what’s the point? Do I miss crimson? Ah. She’s my baby, so, yes, I miss her. And I have to say, being editor in chief of crimson did not prepare me for the newspaper business.
The invader is like a jigsaw puzzle with the pieces constantly moving. It’s the peter principle playing out in action. You’ve advanced to your level of incompetence. Oh, please. Can you just spare me your psychoanalysis of my abilities? It’s very simple. You were successful enough at crimson, and you’re flailing at this job because subverting the truth about beauty and fashion, that’s practically why magazines like crimson exist, but when you lie in a newspaper, that’s not good. You’re going to get caught. I see what’s happening here. You’re framing this as if it’s me who’s not able to do her job, but I think it’s the opposite. What, is carly failing at running crimson? I pushed carly into taking that job. She was never the right fit. And you expect me to believe that, at some point during your pillow talk, that carly suggested giving crimson back to me? You know, I know I have a youthful glow, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Carly and crimson have parted ways. I, uh… I fired her.
[ Gasps ] That can’t have gone over well. I mean, she was so happy to watch me get fired. I mean, she was almost giddy when she was able to tell me that she was my replacement. Yeah, after everything that you did to carly, can you blame her, really, for being so happy about that? I mean, carly never wanted that job at crimson, anyway, nina. Okay, so here you are. You guys are both so united in trying to humiliate me, but you’re alone, asking me if I miss crimson.
[ Chuckles ] Oh, my god. Carly dumped you.
Lucy, you owe sasha an apology. It’s fine. Lucy’s right. The beauty industry is very different from the real world.
[ Cellphone chimes ] Oh. I’m sorry. As much as I would love to stay, I’ve just gotten an alert that there’s something at the hospital the board members need to be aware of, so I have to go. Lucy, congratulations on another fabulous meeting. Thanks. Lucy, might I remind you that sasha is your hand-picked face of deception? You cannot hire her for her look and then ask her to change into someone she’s not. Thank you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sasha. She radiates warmth. Her smile could light up a city block. Yes, okay, that is true, but we need — desperately, we need that exposure. And — and magazines do not want wholesome. They want mystery. They want edge. So — so we need another face, a second face.
[ Cellphone ringing ] I’m sorry. I have to take this. Michael? Hey, spinelli. Thanks for picking up. Look, have you ever hacked into the G.H. Pharmacy control system?
Well, I’m not sure. Perhaps in my wild, misspent youth. Why? You almost done? No. Not quite. Not even close. I mean, you had your moment of victory. Now I’m really going to enjoy mine. Mm. There really is nothing uglier than expressing joy at somebody else’s misfortune. I completely agree. I’ve had extensive experience with that, usually as the target, so this is a nice change. Okay, let me guess. Carly ditched you 30 seconds after jason reappeared. No, it wasn’t like that. After you went to prison for her and everything. Carly is not the one that sent me to pentonville. You were. Okay, what do you want, drew? Obviously, you’re still angry with me. I mean, are you really going to give me crimson back? Maybe. Haven’t decided whether I’m going to let it die or whether I’ll give it another chance for success. Magazine is costing me a lot of money right now, which you and I both know I can afford, but I really don’t like my name being associated with failure. Well, if you want to attach carly’s name to that failure instead, I’m good with that. Doesn’t matter how good a doctor is. With surgery, there are always risks. And I’ve — I’ve just been wondering what would happen if I didn’t wake up. Do you ever think about death, laura? Oh, yeah, of course I do. And? Well, after the last few years that I’ve had where I lost luke and I lost bobbie and then spencer, those are people that I never thought I’d have to live without. I know how that feels. I mean, I know that you probably hated esme, but I miss my baby girl, too. I know. I know. And I didn’t hate esme. She was ace’s mother. I treated her like part of the family. Thank you. I hated some of the things she did. I really hate the last thing she did. I get it. I get it. You know, I never — I never used to care about dying. I just thought, well, hey, you know, the world was fine before I was born, so why wouldn’t a world without me just be fine, too? But I can’t stop wondering now if I just made better choices, maybe I-I could have a better life. Laura, you knew me back in the day. Was I always this… wild? You always took a lot of risks, okay? You were never happy with the status quo. And, boy, you always went after whatever you wanted, whether it was men or money or… I don’t think I would have gone about things quite the same way you did. But, laura, was I…this…crazy? No. Hello. Hello.
Yeah, I’ve just been so busy hating heather and — and being afraid of heather that I lost sight of how really sick she is. Or — or maybe was. I mean, what if she wakes up after the surgery, and she’s different? Change is possible, but, in the case of mental illness, even with cobalt poisoning, it’s unrealistic to think it might reverse itself overnight. No, but I mean, in time, she could heal, right, and get back to — well, get close to the person that she used to be. Think of it like this. The cobalt has been poisoning her physically and mentally for a long time, so heather’s skewed way of thinking is now imprinted on her brain. It’s like a bad habit, and we both know that any habit is hard to break even in the best circumstances. Which these are not. No. Then again, I’m not a neurologist, and I’ve never studied the effect of toxic metals on the brain, so anything’s possible. I just can’t help but have some empathy for her, you know? I mean, I’ve had my own issues with mental health, but, you know, I had people around me who loved me and who made sure that I got the help I needed and that I was okay. What if heather had had the same thing? Would they have noticed the cobalt poisoning earlier? And how much did that influence the crazy things that she did? I mean, what if heather is not really responsible — I mean, not in — in the most humane definition of that word for these crimes that she committed? There she is. That’s the nina that we all know and love. When presented with the option to get something that you actually want, or punishing somebody that you hate, I mean, you choose revenge every time. But you’re the one who brought it up. There’s no scenario here where I make carly the fall guy, okay, if crimson goes under. So you can just kind of stop fantasizing about that, nina. Fine, fine. You have your pride. I mean, what would it look like if people knew that you not only lost your heart, but you lost your magazine because you were so blinded by love, you couldn’t see the truth about carly spencer? There’s two things that I feel for you that I could never feel for carly, and those are rage and contempt. Yes, I’ve become familiar with you directing both of those things in my direction lately. But… ooh, there’s a “but” here. …I got to admit, there’s a couple things that you’re pretty good at, too. One of them is crimes of the heart and the other is running crimson. Now, seems to me that you being reinstated as the editor in chief of crimson again, that could be your ticket to people admiring you and giving you respect. Don’t you want that back?
[ Laptop beeps ] Almost there. You want to replace me as the face of deception? No. No, no, no, no. Not replaced, not ever. Just include a-another face. Think of it as addition, not subtraction. This is ridiculous, okay? If you’re suggesting, uh, changing sasha’s position at deception because she’s somehow too approachable and wholesome, this isn’t the kind of company that I want to be involved with, okay? So you might as well change my face, too. What? No, cody. No. Yes. Okay, let’s just all take some deep breaths here, okay? Cody, you do not mean that. I don’t? Lucy, you should have run this by maxie and I first before you just blurted it out. Okay, so maybe I blurted it out, but I know a smart business decision when I make one. Now, look, I’m sorry. I-I don’t really want to listen to a stableboy, you know, that posed for a few pictures.
[ Gasps ] You’re not going to tell me that I am wrong. And if you want to quit, you go ahead. You know what? You’re really not a very good model. And we just kind of agreed to keep you around to keep sasha happy. -Okay, okay, that is not true. -Stop it right now. What are you doing? No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. Everyone, everyone. Thank you. Thank — and thank you. Lucy, for — for finally being honest with me. Because you know what? I’ve never hated a job more than I hate this one. Standing around with a fake smile on my face, petting an alpaca, pretending to stare adoringly at any woman, even one that I actually do adore, isn’t for me. So I’d rather spend the rest of my life picking up after horses than spend another second working for you. You don’t have to fire me, I quit. Okay, hey, you know what? That was so beautiful. That was really a great speech, but you can’t quit. You see, unfortunately, you do have a contract. So sue me.
[ Door slams ]
Uh, let’s just give him some time to cool off, and then we will have a rational conversation and smooth this over. No, no, I-I know cody pretty well at this point, and I can tell that he’s made up his mind. Oh, god. He won’t come back. Okay. Okay, then, you know, if he wants to quit a great, easy job, then that’s his problem. I am just being honest, okay? This — this whole beauty business is tough. It’s brutal, and we all know that. Come on. Sasha, I hope — I hope you’re not as upset because your perfect gorgeousness has never been in question. No, no, lucy, I’m not offended. This is not my first rodeo. I’ve heard worse. A lot worse. Well, I’m glad
you are not mad. I’m not. I promise. But hearing cody talk about modeling and how he perceives it has really made me think. I mean, he obviously finds it tiresome and pointless, and hearing his words made me realize that I feel the same way. Maybe it’s time that I quit, too.
[ Exhales sharply ] What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sasha, please. Don’t make any rash decisions, okay? Look at what you’ve done. Yes, terry, I can see that all the meds have been accounted for, so can you please call off the bloodhounds? Thank you. I understand there was some discrepancy that the hospital board was supposed to be made aware of? Everything is fine. Um, that message should have never gotten to you until we knew there was an actual problem. But I do have to tell you, our — our reliance on it security has its drawbacks. The computers are so slow to update. It created an alert that suggested there was a theft in the pharmacy storage. If you want to see, everything has been accounted for now. I apologize you got brought down here for nothing. It’s — well, the timing was perfect. You actually rescued me from something that was even more tedious and more pointless. Thanks. Given the number and gravity of her crimes, I can’t see her convictions being overturned. Yeah, I know. You’re probably right. But still, to have a prosthetic implant that’s poisoning you, that’s got to carry some weight in court. It seems reasonable to me, but we have to remember that reason and the law don’t always see eye to eye. Yeah. Why is this weighing on you so much? I thought you’d be happy that heather’s finally paying for what she did. I thought so, too, but I — I’ve known her most of my life, and she just wasn’t this crazy before, kevin. She wasn’T. And I think I’ve also realized that I — I really haven’t been very sympathetic towards her and all the things that she has been through in her life. Life really hasn’t treated her well. Well, it hasn’t exactly been easy for you, either, but you didn’t turn to a life of crime.
[ Exhales sharply ] “There but for the grace of god go I.” Mm. Yeah. I don’t know, maybe it’s the pain of losing spencer is so fresh, and then watching her go through the pain of losing esme. And then I think about little ace and how wonderful it would be for him to grow up without his other grandma being in prison for a string of murders she committed. You really have a heart of gold.
[ Chuckles ] It’s a lot more gold than mine.
[ Both chuckle ] Even with everything that heather has done, you still manage to find compassion for her. I love you for that. I love you, too. Alright, first thing in the morning, I’ll do a search for any psych diagnoses that resulted in a conviction being overturned. Thank you. I’ll let you know what I find. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, anything for you, mrs. Collins. Why would I want to sign up for a daily helping of your rage and contempt? That’s not exactly appealing. My supervision of your workat crimson in the past was very minimal. I will agree to continue that, because I don’t have time to dedicate to a monthly scratch and sniff anyway. Has carly even started to put together the new scratch-and-sniff issue, or did she just look at a couple pictures, raid the beauty closet, and call it a job well done? Oh, that’s very cute. No, I know she was talking to advertisers, and she started making assignments. So, you and carly, you can work together on this issue. Oh. Oh, no, that — that is not happening. Crimson is my baby, my vision. It is a success because of me. I am not going to put my name on something full of carly’s trashy biker-chick style, not even for one month. Fine. Decision is made. Hell, crimson’s sell-by date has probably expired by now anyway. Easier just to let it die. Uh…uh… w-wait.
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