General Hospital Transcript
Transcript provided by Suzanne
THIS STILL NEEDS EXTENSIVE EDITING!
[ Siren wails in distance ]
[ Car alarm chirps ] Laura: All my life, this place has been a sanctuary. A place where I felt safe and welcome — almost a second home. And today will be no different, no matter what trouble I’m facing. Is the answer “a,” macroglobulin, “b,” microglulin, “c,” haptoglobin, or “d,” hemoglobin? Duh. “D.” “C.” The answer is “c,” yes.
[ Laughs ] That’s a gold star for miss epiphany. Did I just get one up on my big, bad boss? Okay, this stuff is like algebra. You’ll never use it in real medicine. Okay. Mcats are coming up soon, right, epiphany? Yep, and I’m ready. And I’m rooting for you. Oh, thank you, mayor collins. That means a lot to me. Have a good day.
[ Taps desk ] Oh, mayor collins, are we going to see you at the softball field later today? It’s a port charles tradition. I wouldn’t miss it. That is amazing. What is? Laura — how calm she seems. You’d never know that was a dead woman walking.
[ Breathes deeply ] Do you need some ice for that?
[ Breathes sharply ] No, I’m fine. What happened to you? I just overdid it in boxing. What about you, you run into some poison ivy? Poison oak. Violet. Oh, poison oak. Sweetheart, sweetheart, I — I know it itches, but what did I tell you about scratching? Not to, but I saw uncle chase do it. Yes, and what would happen to us if we lived our lives like uncle chase? Both: We would only have half a jar of pickles in the fridge. Right, exactly. You got to listen to your dad. You know why? ‘Cause he’s a smart guy. And what did I tell you about boxing? Yeah, not — not to overdo it, but uncle chase overdid it.
[ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ] What’s going on with the walking wounded here? Oh, hey, violet — violet, now, if the mayor told you you couldn’t do something, you’d have to listen, right? How can I help? Well, we sort of ran into some poison oak. Aha. It itches. Ah, yes, and I bet your dad told you not to scratch it. And he is absolutely right. You can’t scratch it ’cause it might leave scars. So the next time that you want to scratch it, do you think you can remember not to? Yes, mayor.
[ Chuckles ] Good girl. -Oh. -Mm-hmm. Uh… I saw that piece in the invader. I’m fine. Like water off a duck’s back. Hey, listen, I, uh… I know you got a lot on your plate right now. Why don’t I drive the boys out to see elizabeth? I-I won’t go inside. I’ll just wait in the car. It’s okay. I’ve got it, really. Okay. And thank you. Oh, but I need you to work your magic on this one because he is batting cleanup today.
[ Chuckles ] Thanks. Laura doesn’t look like she’s feeling any pressure. She’s got this, right? She usually does, but it doesn’t hurt to have a backup plan.
[ Door opens ] Hey. Hi. I was just coming to get you. Yeah. How you doing? I’m so nervous, I feel sick.
[ Chuckles ] Come with me. Okay. Listen to me. You don’t need a tidal wave of votes to know that you’re loved. You’re surrounded by people who love you. One of them is looking you in the eye right now. Mm.
[ Chuckles ] Don’t make me cry.
[ Chuckles ] It’s a bad look for the mayor. There’s no such thing. You ready? Yes, I’m ready.
[ Chuckles ] You got this. Okay. Good morning, everyone. Scott: Oh, good morning, laura. Welcome to the first meeting of the committee to save your hide.
So why don’t we get down to business? Yes. Well, the first thing we must do is say goodbye to mac. What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere. Not while our mayor is under attack. I’m flattered, but the people of port charles pay your salary, and this is not a criminal matter — it’s a political one. I can’t afford to have any sense of impropriety, even the appearance thereof. So thank you and goodbye. Look, wait a second. I’m — I want to stay right here. Really, mac, that’s why curtis and I are here. Yeah. We’ll pick up the slack.
[ Sighs ] I’m pulling for you. I know. Alright. So…
[ Clears throat ] I call this meeting to order. Robert: Okay. I think we need to ascertain how this circus got started. Alexis… what’s going on with that rag of yours? I had to run the story. Like it or not, it was legitimate news. That’s not news. That’s a crock. Yeah. There’s no way that these anti-laura yahoos have collected enough signatures to, uh, put a recall on the ballot. It would appear otherwise. News, yeah, I get that. But this letter is so clearly biased, and it’s in the op-ed section. Come on, that’s insult to injury. Yeah. And, you know, I read — this jerk blames laura for a “scourge of crime, a lackluster police department, strife at our port. Past time for everyday citizens to respond and take our city back. Today, we announced we have collected the signatures necessary to trigger a recall election for the mayor. Join our movement. Laura collins must go. Signed, friends of port charles.”
[ Scoffs ] They don’t sound very friendly to me. Look, I wish there was another way, but they had the required amount of signatures. So what could I do? It’s okay, alexis. The writer had a legitimate point of view and the right to express it. This is freedom of speech, and no one has the right to silence it. Yeah, but it’s not the only voice. As a fairly new local business owner, the mayor’s office has been a huge help for me. Yeah, and the writer of that op-ed clearly wants laura out of a job, and I think we can all agree we don’t want that outcome. Yeah, I — laura is an excellent mayor, exactly the kind of mayor we need. Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way. Kevin: Which is why we need to strategize. Now, how do we respond? Well, now, I got a four-point plan. First of all, alexis, save room on your paper for laura’s rebuttal. Consider it done. Number two, robert and i will devise a legal strategy before this even gets on the ballot. I’m not comfortable with that. And I don’t think our D.A. Should be risking his political capital on my behalf. Laura, I’m in. What’s the point of political capital if you can’t use it during an emergency? Yes, we need to police the moral and financial support for our mayor. Now, I would do this, but we’ve got to win the hearts and minds of the townsfolk over, and it takes a bit of a delicate touch. That’s not exactly my strong suit. I think you mean we need someone with tact. Humility. Grace. Alright.
[ Chuckles ] Made your point. Alright, I know I’m not known for a soft touch, but, you know, I can do it on special occasions. I can help with that. And we need to find out who the friends of port charles are. Sam and I are all over it. We’ll divide up our leads. Alright, well, we all have our assignments, so, um… disassemble. -Alright. -Right. -Okay. -Alright. Laura: Wow. It’s time we start the family meeting. We need to strategize. Yeah. Look, we, uh — we take our summer softball seriously. And today, we restore our family honor. What honor? Quartermaines never had any to begin with. Carly and sam, what are you doing here? We’re on a mission. Which is? Calling out the snake in the grass. That’s right, ned. It’s time to confess. As the former mayor of port charles, we all know that you’re the man behind the so-called friends of port charles, aren’t you? Scotty, you really pulled out all the stops. Thank you so much. Well, you’re the mayor. You’re my friend. Actually, you’re a lot of things to me. I vow to love you, and in being your partner for life, I will be fulfilled. Our love… and our marriage were meant to be. This is the happiest day
of my life. I am touched by your loyalty to me. I just hope that doesn’t get you in any hot water with liesl. Don’t worry. I have liesl right where I want her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten this. And what is this? Excuse me, is that the petition to unseat mayor collins? Yes, it is. Ah. Where do I sign? The state of the city is pathetic. Just now, I saw someone feeding pigeons outside. They’re nothing more than rats with wings. So unsanitary. There ought to be a law. Come look, I’ll show you.
[ Cellphone camera clicking ] I don’t want to know how you and liesl got your hands on those signature papers. Yeah, I know. Protect your deniability. However, look at the signature I circled. Oh, my god. I thought you would feel that way. So now it’s not…
what we’re up against. It’s who we’re up against.
[ Sighs ] So… just how long have you been waiting to even the score?
Of course I want payback. Really? For what? Last year, lucy allegedly struck me out with her wonky spitball. So today, I mean to slam a line drive way out into left field. Softball — you’re talking about softball? Yeah. What are you talking about?
[ Scoffs ] Okay. Is that your signature right there on this petition? Is that from the “save the whales” petition? No, this is a petition to remove me from the mayor’s office. I read about that in today’s invader. What’s that group called? Friends of port charles. They want me recalled. Well, I signed a petition to save the whales. So do you think they would do a bait-and-switch with me? I would never sign a petition to recall you. I mean, is that what you thought? After everything we’ve been through?
[ Sighs ] I didn’t want to think it. Well, I can see how you might have thought the worst of me 40-plus years ago.
[ Chuckles ] Oh, my gosh. Is that how long it’s been since we fought over scotty?
[ Doorbell rings ] Scotty, bryan made me realize a lot of things tonight, and I want to talk. Bobbie: Hi. [ Chuckles ] I, uh — I hope bryan also made you realize that you couldn’t go on treating scotty like dirt forever unless you wanted him to turn to someone else for comfort. I would invite you in, honey, but considering what scotty and I have in mind for tonight, three is definitely a crowd. We were so young. And we both thought the world revolved around scotty baldwin.
[ Both laugh ] We were all just kids. Look at you now, serving as mayor. Not if the friends of port charles have anything to say about it. Oh, laura, they’re a minority. I mean, granted, they’re a loud, obnoxious minority, but the average citizen doesn’t believe that. Oh. [ Chuckles ] I-I’m not so sure about that. You know something? I put my whole heart and soul into this job. Maybe my love for my town isn’t enough. Maybe the job requires something more. I mean, there’s a lot of unhappy people here, and they got enough signatures to put a recall on the ballot. Yeah, yeah, but how many of those signatures really want you out? How many of those people thought they were signing a petition to save the whales like I did? That op-ed was such a personal attack, wasn’t it? You know, we’ve both dealt with a lot of dirty dogs in our day. Mm. And this is politics. I just want to know who would do this to me. Your real friends are on your side, and I am one. Mm. So we have your back. I appreciate that so much. I feel terrible now that I was suspicious of seeing your name on — on that ballot. I-I’M… I feel ashamed. Well, don’T. I mean, come on, there are a few cranky people out there who aren’t on your side. I say to hell with them ’cause I am with you. Thank you, bobbie. Thank you so much. Aww.
[ Knock on door ]
[ Sighs ] I got your message to meet. What precipitated this command performance? We need information. Ms. Wu, were you aware that your nephew was aiding and abetting the friends of port charles’ efforts to overthrow laura collins as mayor? Of course. I volunteered him for the job. Victor: To the cassadines! May we own the plate and dominate the pitch. No, actually, softball, it’s a — a field, not a pitch. Oh, come on. Even I knew that. So the cassadines are going to dominate the softball game, are they? Like you tried to dominate the world once? Not while I draw breath.
A good friend. She got enough problems, so get your people to back off. Next time you need a favor, I’ll remember this. Very well. Ms. Wu, I’ve seen the friends of port charles’ public filings. I would have noticed a donation from you or any of your fronts. I prefer a more direct approach to make sure my money is used in a way I want. I’m gonna need the name of your contact. If we get that, we can figure out who’s pulling the strings. Okay. Two favors. I have no desire to remove laura from office. I have moved on from politics, and my interest lies solely in my family. And the family company. Yeah, I can confirm that ned hasn’t talked about politics in a very long time. It’s understandable that you’d suspect ned, though. Come on, michael. Be fair. It’s not an insult to ned. It’s just, the quartermaines aren’t always exactly known for being true blue. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Are the quartermaines maybe a little bit backstabby? Maybe occasionally a little bit money-grubbing or once in a blue moon, even a little bit bloodthirsty? Okay, nobody ever said that this family did not have its… foibles. Faults. Fatal flaws. I was going to say “moments.” But you show me a family that doesn’t, ’cause what this family does have — and it has it in droves — is heart. And when one of our family members stumbles and falls, sure, the first thing we all do is crack a joke, but after that, we all go and we help that family member get back up on their feet. And get right back to sniping at each other. That’s the quartermaine way. And our way is better than most. Well, I have no idea what’s curdled her cream this time. Laura always suspects me of something. Did you write that anonymous op-ed friends of port charles piece? Is that what you think? You’re the mother of my nephew and spencer’s grandmother. That means we’re family. You didn’t answer the question. I could see you wielding a poison pen. Oh, most of the time, he just uses plain poison.
[ Chuckles ] If I ever felt moved to launch some screed attacking laura’s leadership, trust me, I wouldn’t do it anonymously. I think we all know by now that I’d be happy to put my name to it. Nikolas: Uncle victor knows better than to make a threat against my mother because he knows it would unify the family against him. There it is.
[ Cellphone ringing ] Cassadines united for the first time, and it’s all in service to you.
[ Ringing continues, stops ] Hi, curtis. Curtis: Hey, laura. I got some good news and bad news. Give me the good news first. Okay, uh, sonny and I, we picked up on the money trail. And it led to the mastermind of the friends of port charles. What’s the bad news? The bad news is… you’re not gonna like where it led us. Sister. So, you read my letter.
Here you go.
[ Gasps ] Oh, my goodness. I love it. Thank you. Yeah. But I thought I was supposed to meet you at the ball field. Yeah, something came up, and, um, I wanted to tell you about it in person. Cyrus renault was transferred from flatland federal prison, and he was sent back to pentonville. Now, jordan has promised me that she’s working closely with the — the warden at pentonville to make sure that he stays locked down tight. Curtis. Yeah. It is a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining.
[ Chuckles ] We’re gonna kick north side’s butt. There’s no way I’m gonna let the mention of that evil man ruin our beautiful day. So it was you. You’re the one who wrote the anonymous op-ed for the invader. Yeah, peop tend to take your opinion less seriously if they know you’re behind bars. That’s why I didn’t sign it. Plus, it’s a great opportunity for self-examination, to revisit all the enemies you made over the years. So then you’re the mastermind of the friends of port charles? I can hardly run a grassroots campaign for justice from prison. I’m merely an advisor. Then who’s in charge? Friends of port charles is a group of ordinary, like-minded citizens who long to make their city a better place. By recalling me. By electing someone more suited to the task. Is it really that hard for your ego to accept that people are disillusioned by your performance? Crime is on the rise. Sonny corinthos and selina wu run roughshod over a police department of your cronies. You have major corporations like elq and cassadine industries fleecing taxpayers while everyday people pay more in taxes to prop up aging city institutions like general hospital. Immorality is rampant. The families of port charles yearn for a north star to show them the way. Tell me, laura. When was the last time you went to church? Yeah, uh, my religious preferences are not a problem for the people of port charles.
[ Laughs ] I’m sorry, then what is? Your failed leadership? Since you were elected, you’ve presided over far more conflict and bloodshed than prosperity. I-I think it’s quite a bit less since you’ve been in here. Tell me, if these friends of, uh, port charles members are of such high moral standard, why have they chosen a convicted felon for advice? Do you even hear yourself, laura? It is god’s place to judge, not yours. You take far too much pleasure condemning me here while you continue to sin freely out there. Turn back to the path of righteousness, sister. You know something? I hear you talking a lot about god, but I have a question for you. When you wrote that scathing and embarrassing op-ed, an attack of me, where was god in that? I have spent my life hating. I can’t change my nature on a dime. At least I’m trying. But you — cyrus… I forgive you. Thank you for watching out for port charles.
[ Sighs ] Oh. Thanks for coming through for me. I never would have given friends of port charles my support if I had known cyrus renault was behind it. I’m glad to hear you say that. Mayor collins is the best thing to happen to port charles in a long time. Robert: You go to this group’s website, they don’t even mention cyrus. And without that official connection, I-I-I — my hands are tied. Well, that’s ’cause you’re the D.A. Hey, back in the day, luke and i would ride in cowboy-style, take out a couple of cassadines, and not even think about the rulebook. Okay, mr. District attorney, I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t even hear that. Well, you know, I’m with robert. I-I say we break out the zip ties. I think laura is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I don’t think we need to go to defcon 1 just yet. And for your ex, to boot. Yeah, I was kind of wondering what liesl would have to say about that. First of all, no girl tells me what to do. And liesl, you know, I can still have her as my girlfriend and help laura. Both: Can you? What are you two driving at?
[ Laughs ] I’m just not sure about this, you know? Hmm? Shouldn’t we do it after the softball game? Ooh, I-I don’t know. Hi. I knew this was a bad idea. Oh, no, you don’T. You’re stronger than that, liesl. Come on in. Bobbie. Lucy. Hi. Looks like we all had the same idea. Pre-game pedis. Which I don’t think is a good idea. You know, we’re going to be chasing down fly balls. No one’s going to be chasing down fly balls. When I come in from the bullpen and pitch, it’ll be strikeout city. Only if you bring the pine tar.
[ Inhales deeply ] I do not cheat. Maybe not in softball. Oh, you know, I think you’re still just a little bit mad that I struck you out two times last year. Yeah, well, I think it helped you that scott was calling the balls and the strikes. Scott’s always been soft on you, lucy. Oh, you’re just mad, ’cause I stay very, very, very close to all my exes. Liesl, if I were you, I wouldn’t turn my back on lucy. You never know when she’s going to try and steal another man.
[ Sighs ] I’m not worried about lucy. Or even laura, for that matter. I am a proud, capable, ravishing woman. Any man would be lucky to get me. If scott can’t see that, then he can lech mich am… oh. [ Chuckles ] I’m sorry, girls, that I’m interrupting your beautifications, but I need you to witness something. Witness what?
[ Sighs ] Me laying my heart at your feet.
Scott: Listen, I-it was wrongof me to come to laura’s aid without, you know, keeping you on the same page. You’re everything to me.
[ Sighs ] I’ve been running wild. I don’t know which way the wind was even blowing. And then I met you. And when I wake up with you, my heart skips a beat. You are just everything to me. You put the pep in my step. You put the leder in my hosen.
[ Chuckles ] So what do you say?
[ Sighs ] Make me the happiest guy on the planet. Is it just me, or is that the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard? I think it’s pretty good for scotty baldwin, yeah. So come on, come on, come on. What do you say? With all my heart… I say… no. N-no? Don’t you see, mein liebe? I’m already yours. Oh, wow.
[ Groans ] Ooh, oh, oh. Thank you, lucy. So let’s just make it official. Come on, marry me. We can’t get tied down now. Leave marriage to these other fools. We have each other. What more do we need? Yeah, you’re right about that. Yeah. Chase: What’s the diagnosis? The doctor gave me medicine. I’m not so itchy anymore. What about you? Mine’s clearing up on its own. Have you been practicing your swings like I told you to? ‘Cause I want two home runs in this game. How did someone as cynical as me end up with a daughter that’s just pure joy? Uncle chase, what’s a cynical? Well, your dad is a great example.
[ Laughs ] Yeah. Alright, finn, help her get on my back. Yeah. Here we go. Up. You ready?
[ Grunts ] We’re out of here. You’d better bring your a-game to softball, because terry and I agreed — slackers will end up on bedpan duty.
[ Laughs ] I always bring my a-game, and I am serious about my softball, especially when the proceeds fund stone cates’ aids wing. On a day-to-day basis, it’s easy to get caught up in the red tape, but at the end of the day, here at general hospital, we do a lot of great work for the community. Don’t I know it. You know what?
[ Chuckles ] I’m not even sure why I’m here. It’s not like elizabeth and I are close. Well, you said on the way over that you wanted to come because lulu couldn’t be here. Right. I did say that. And I do want to. It’s just… does elizabeth even really want to see me? Just let her know you care. Start with all these beautiful products you brought her. Okay. I like that. -Laura, hi. -Hi. Thank you for coming. Oh, of course. Good to see you. Hello, maxie. Elizabeth, hi. You’re probably wondering why I’m here. Um…all of us at deception wanted to wish you a speedy recovery, so we sent all these products to keep you beautiful while you’re recovering.
[ Chuckles ] Not that you aren’t already gorgeous, but, you know, institutional lighting and everything. Thank you. I really hope my boys aren’t running rings around you. Oh, well, let’s see. They have been swimming at the metro court pool an awful lot. Carly gave them an open tab at the snack bar. Oh. So that’s keeping them very busy. But they do miss you. I miss them, too. They made me promise to deliver a message from them. They want you to know that they’re okay. They don’t want you to worry about them. They want you to concentrate on getting better. Thank you. And tell them I think about them only all the time. Do your doctors ever wonder if you’ll recover quicker around your kids? I mean, I-I only ask that because I know I feel better around mine. You know, I-I do worry about them not having me around.
[ Breathes deeply ] But then I remind myself that they’re surrounded by friends and family. Starting with you and kevin. Oh, not just us. There’s — well, of course, there’s violet and finn. Oh, scotty checks in on them on a regular basis, as do nikolas and spencer and everyone at general hospital. You know, you are so loved. Everybody wanted to step up. That’s really, really nice to hear. It’s kind of hard to remember on the dark days, but, um, yeah, I’ll try to focus on that. And you will get better soon. You’re right, because this place is full of people who care. And, yeah, right now my family needs a hand, and one day, it’ll be another family. And then it’ll be your turn to step up. That’s what makes this town so special.
[ Indistinct conversations ] You stole home.
[ Laughs ] I tried. Hey. It’s good to see you. I love you. Hello, spencer. That’s okay.
[ Laughs ] Hang in there, tiger. Oh, I will. I know you will. I’m fine.
[ Chuckles ] Thank you.
[ Indistinct conversations ] Hey, you were late — you were late to the all-star game. Oh, well, I had an errand to run. Is this about the friends of port charles thing? No, something much more important than that — tending to a loved one. Well, it must have worked out, ’cause you seem real happy.
[ Laughs ] Well, how could I not be? Look. Look at all these smiling faces. I mean, these people are my community. They’re my people. I am so sorry about the op-ed. I know it got your day off to a bad start. Alexis, really, I-it’s just fine. And I think it actually might end up being one of my very best days. I’m ready to publish my rebuttal. Awesome. Laura: The friends of port charles are not entirely wrong. Our town is not perfect. We have our problems and we always will. But we have always faced them together. In their haste to point out what’s wrong with port charles, they left out everything that’s right. It’s our police who not only keep us safe, but they make us feel welcome with a tip of their hats. It’s the doctors and nurses at our fine medical institutions like general hospital and mercy. It’s our small businesses in our charming and historic downtown, mom-and-pop establishments like charlie’s and kelly’s, where I hung out after school as a kid, and decades later, my kids did, and now my grandchildren do. We are a strong community. Our soup kitchen has never run out of supplies, including firewood, so no one gets too cold in the winter. I am proud to be a citizen of port charles, as are many of you. We’re not just a town — we’re a family. We take care of each other. I’d like to propose a toast — to my wife. A beacon of light if there ever was one. -Hear, hear. -Hear, hear. Laura, the best damned mayor this town’s ever seen.
[ Cheers and applause ] And a great friend. The greatest mother. A terrific grandmother and an even better role model. And you will always be my sister-in-law. Always. Thank you, bobbie. And to mayor collins.
[ Laughter, cheering ]
If I lose this recall, so be it. And if the person who replaces me is another son or daughter of port charles, a lifer like me, I know we will continue to grow — in new ways, perhaps, but hopefully always to our betterment.
On the next “General Hospital” —
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